21. Willow
Willow
It’s my last week in Blue Haven. Only five more days until I head back to school for two weeks and then fly off to Italy for the semester.
Macy has been sending me video after video of things she wants to do while we’re there. I’m starting to worry that she’s forgetting we actually have to do schoolwork while we’re there.
I’m getting really excited, too, but there’s also a pit in the bottom of my stomach.
Not only because I still have to tell Sawyer I’m going to Italy, but because I’m sad to leave Beck and Jade.
I know it was always the plan to leave, but it doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier.
Especially since I don’t know when I’m going to see them again.
Beck gave me a freaking cupcake with a heart on it last week.
He presented it to me on a cute little plate the second I got to his house.
It was adorable. He looked so proud of it.
I took a picture and saved it as the wallpaper on my phone.
It actually looked pretty decent, too. Better than the sprinkle-covered monstrosities Jade made, which Beck and I had a good laugh about when Jade wasn’t paying attention.
I push those thoughts out of my head because I’m tackling the first issue this morning. I’ve got to tell Sawyer that I’m going to Italy.
I have a later start to work for Beck today, but I’m still up early. I want to talk to Sawyer before he leaves for work, which is why I’m already in the kitchen getting the coffee pot ready when he walks in.
“What are you doing up?” he asks, rummaging through the cabinets for a Pop-Tart. Breakfast of champions.
“Can a girl not get up to tell her brother to have a good day?” I ask.
He huffs a laugh. “Sure, but not you. I know you’d rather be sleeping.”
He’s got me there. On days I don’t have to be at Beck’s early in the morning, I stay in bed as long as I can.
“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you about something if you have a minute.” It’s stupid how nervous I am about this. I know he’s going to be happy for me.
“Sure, what’s up?” He grabs a mug from the cabinet and pours himself a cup of coffee.
“I wanted to talk to you about next semester.”
His shoulders sag. “Please don’t tell me you’re dropping out.”
“What? No!”
“Thank god. I would be so pissed with you being as close as you are.”
“No, no. It’s not that. I’m actually thinking about studying abroad next semester. Well, not thinking about it. I am studying abroad next semester. I’m going to Italy.”
His eyes go wide, and he sets his cup down on the counter. “What? That’s amazing, Wills! That’s such a great opportunity for you.” He hugs me tight as he congratulates me. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Well, I wanted to make sure I had the money to do it before I told you.”
“Oh, it’s more than the usual semester fees?” he asks.
“Yeah. That’s actually why I wanted to work this summer. So I could save up the rest.”
“Ah. I see. And you didn’t want to ask me for help?” he asks as the realization hits him. “Wills, you know I woulda—”
“I know. But you’ve done so much for me. I didn’t want to take any more of your money, and I wanted to do this on my own. I knew if I told you, you’d try to help,” I explain.
“Of course I would. That’s what Mom and Dad would’ve done.”
“But you’re not my mom or dad, Sawyer. You took care of me, and while I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I’m an adult now. It’s not fair that you have to keep sacrificing for me. You lost your parents too, ya know.”
He lets out a deep breath. “I know. But I like doing things for you, Willow. I want to make sure you have everything you need. I want to make them proud.”
“I know they are proud. Of both of us.”
“I hope so. Come here.” He gives me another hug, and, honestly, nothing hits quite like a big brother bear hug. At least for me, anyway. When he pulls back, he says, “But no more secrets, ok? If you want to do things on your own, I’ll only be a little offended.”
I roll my eyes. “Sawyer.”
He laughs. “I’m kidding. I’ll respect your decision. I know you’re an adult now, but you’ll always be my little sister. I think in a way, having you to focus on helped me with my own grief.”
As close as Sawyer and I are, we’ve never really discussed our feelings around our parents’ accident.
I think my feelings were pretty obvious since I was a kid, but Sawyer was an adult.
He had to put on a brave face for me. “And I’ll always appreciate everything you’ve done for me.
But I want you to focus on yourself for once. ”
He blows out a breath. “Alright, if you insist.” He grabs his lunchbox from the fridge. It’s funny seeing him being all responsible and packing his lunch the night before work. “I gotta head out. You working late at Beck’s?”
“Yep. So you can go to your girlfriend’s house.”
He rolls his eyes. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Ok, the woman you’ve been sleeping with then? Is that what you want me to call her?”
“No, I don’t want you to call her anything because she doesn’t exist.”
“Yes, she does!” I insist. “Why won’t you just tell me about her?”
“Stop being so nosy.” He walks past me and rubs the top of my head, making my hair even messier.
“Come on. I’m your sister.”
“And you’re nosy!” Then he leaves, giving me zero information about his girlfriend.
In the silence, I think about our conversation and immediately feel relieved. I could tell Sawyer was a little hurt, but I think he understands why I did it. Or at the very least, he won’t hold it against me. I’m glad I was able to cross one thing off my list today.
I take my time getting ready for the day. I eat breakfast while I start on a pile of laundry. I can’t believe I have to start packing soon. I feel like I just got here. This summer has gone by way too fast, and it feels like so much has happened and yet nothing at all.
Even after everything Beck and I did on the night of the storm, he still insists on being just friends.
I get an occasional forehead kiss or an intentional brush of his fingers against mine, but other than that…
nothing. We didn’t even talk about what happened.
It almost has me questioning if anything did happen. Like, did I make it up all in my head?
When I get to Beck’s house, I don’t bother knocking. He’s started leaving the door unlocked, so I let myself in. Jade runs up to me and wraps her arms around my waist in a hug.
“Hey girlie, what do you wanna do today?” I ask.
“Daddy’s gonna take us riding!”
I look at her curiously. “I thought Daddy was working today?” I look up from Jade and find Beck leaning against the wall, watching us.
“Hey,” he says casually.
“Hey.” Every time we lock eyes, it’s like we’re the only two people around. I’ve never had that with anyone before, and it’s only slightly terrifying. I know these feelings are going to rip me apart when I walk out of this house for the last time.
“I thought you two could come to the stables so I could take you for a trail ride. I’ve got a lot of staff today. They should be fine if I sneak off for awhile.”
“You are the boss,” I say.
He nods. “I am the boss. I’m your boss as well, so I say you’re going riding today.”
I laugh. “Alright. Well, let me go grab my jeans and boots from the car.”
Jade releases me, and I run back outside to grab my extra clothes.
I change in their bathroom before we head to the stables.
I enjoy riding and definitely haven’t gotten to do it as much as I would’ve liked this summer.
Mainly because I didn’t want to bother Beck at work, but also because I needed the break from him during the day to keep my sanity.
He occupies my thoughts enough during the day. Seeing him only makes it worse.
Beck checks in with his guys when we get to the stables before he starts getting our horses tacked up.
I spot a familiar face and give a small wave.
I haven’t seen or heard from Ace since that night at Roadside.
I know Beck told him not to talk to me, but I’m a little surprised he listened.
I’m grateful he did, though. I hate having to reject people, and I know I wouldn’t be able to go on a date with Ace when my mind is consumed by Beck.
It’s bad enough that I led him on the night at the bar.
“Hey, Willow,” Ace says, coming over to talk to me.
I glance over his shoulder at Beck, but he’s busy getting the saddle ready on Jade’s horse.
“Hey, Ace. How are you?”
“Doing good. How’s your summer been?”
“Great, keeping busy with this little one.” I rub Jade’s head and look down to see her glaring at Ace.
“Sounds fun. So, when do you head back to school?” he asks.
“This weekend.”
He nods. “Well, if you want to do something before you leave, I can be available.”
“She’s busy,” Jade interjects. I nearly choke on a laugh.
I attempt to recover. “What she means to say is I’m working every day until I leave. I appreciate the offer, though.”
“Yeah. No problem. If you come back next summer, you know where to find me.” He winks before he walks off, and I look down at Jade, who is watching him with her little nose scrunched up.
“What was with the attitude, ma’am?” I ask.
“He’s trying to steal you from my daddy.”
I try not to laugh, but she’s so serious and so angry about it that it’s hard not to. “Jade, no one is going to steal me from you, ok? As far as your dad, I’m not actually his, so technically—”
“But he has a crush on you!”
“Did he tell you that?” I ask.
“Yeah. He gave you the heart cupcake and everything.” I’m surprised he said anything to Jade about us, but I can’t ignore the little flip my belly does finding out that he might have admitted to his daughter that he likes me. That feels like a big step.
“I know he gave me a heart cupcake. It was delicious. But…”
“But what?”
“Well, Jade, I’m leaving in five days. I’ve gotta go back to school. And I’m going to Italy, remember?”
“Yeah, but you’ll come back, won’t you?” she asks.