22. Beck
Beck
AUGUST
Willow leaves tomorrow.
Willow leaves tomorrow.
Willow leaves tomorrow.
It’s all I can think about as I move around the stables like a fucking robot. I’ve spent every evening for the past four days kissing her. I never let it go too far, but I still know I’m crossing a line every time my lips touch hers. I don’t know how I’m going to survive when she’s gone.
I’ve only been at work for an hour before I decide that this isn’t where I’m supposed to be right now. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to be here.
“Ace, I need to take the rest of the day off. Something came up. Can you handle it?” I ask him.
“Yeah, boss. We got it.”
I finish up what I was working on and jump in my truck, knowing there’s only one place I’m supposed to be right now.
Jade and Willow are still at the breakfast table when I walk back in. They both look surprised to see me.
“Hey, what’re you doing here? Did you forget something?” Willow asks.
“Nope. I thought the three of us could spend the day together.”
“Yes!” Jade yells. “Best day ever!”
Willow’s eyes shine as she looks at me and smiles. “That sounds perfect.”
“Good. Let me change out of these work clothes, and then I’m yours for the rest of the day.”
As I walk to my bedroom, I hear them talking about what we should do today. I take a quick shower to rinse off the horse smell because even though I was only at the stables for an hour, I’ve learned over the years that the smell can cling to you no matter how long you’re around the horses.
I get dressed in my nice jeans and a clean shirt before I meet the girls back in the kitchen. Willow is doing the dishes while Jade is sitting in her chair finishing her juice.
“So, what are we doing today?” I ask.
“Shopping!” Jade exclaims.
Willow laughs and clarifies, “School supply shopping. Since Jade starts school next week, we need to go grab the things that she’ll need. Then we were going to go to Blue’s to get the extra-large banana split that I promised Jade we would share before I leave.”
“Well, alright, let’s get going.”
Jade quickly changes out of her pajamas, and Willow does her hair, pulling it back into a perfect French braid, something I have yet to master, no matter how many videos I watch.
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing these two get along so well together.
Jade looks at Willow like she hung the moon, and Willow looks at Jade like she loves her like she’s her own.
It makes my heart swell and my brain think of what could be if Willow does come back.
Willow picks the music in the truck as we make the drive to the next town over to the Walmart.
The girls go crazy picking out school supplies, starting with a brand new backpack and ending with a bunch of sparkly folders covered in characters I’ve never seen.
But Jade is happy with everything they pick out, so of course I’ll be paying for it.
“I think Jade needs a few back-to-school outfits,” Willow says once they’re done with the supplies.
“I think so too!” Jade agrees.
I chuckle and push the cart in the direction of the little girls’ section.
I’m sure Gemma will be buying Jade a ton of new outfits when she gets back, but I’m not going to deny my girls anything.
The two of them go through every rack until they’ve picked out three outfits.
Jade loves each one of them, and Willow makes me promise to send her pictures of Jade wearing each outfit once she’s back to school.
It’s another painful reminder that I won’t get to see Willow’s smiling face every day.
After our successful shopping trip, we head back to Blue Haven and grab a booth at Blue’s Diner. Jade insists Willow sits next to her, so I sit by myself on the other side. It’s perfect because I get to see them both.
“What can I get y’all today?” the server asks when she stops at the table.
“I’m going to be getting the Blue’s burger, but I think the ladies are foregoing actual food and moving straight to dessert today.”
Willow smiles. “We’d like the extra-large banana split, please. Two spoons.”
The server laughs but writes it on her small pad of paper.
“You two are gonna have a stomachache this afternoon,” I tell them.
“Nah, we got this,” Willow says, nudging Jade’s shoulder with her own.
The excitement on Jade’s face doubles when the server sets the giant ice cream sundae down in front of them. I make sure to snap a picture before they start eating. I have a feeling we’re all going to want to remember this day.
They dig in. I have no idea how many scoops of ice cream are on the thing, but to my complete surprise, they actually finish it. Jade looks a little queasy at the end, but she powers through.
“I cannot believe you two ate that whole dang thing,” I tell them.
“I can’t believe you doubted us. We’re the dream team, aren’t we, Jade?”
“We are!” Jade agrees.
“Well, Jadey, you aren’t having any more sugar for the rest of the day,” I say. “Maybe for the rest of the week.”
“Yeah, I’m ok with that.” I’m surprised it was that easy. But I guess now we know she does actually have a limit to how much sugar she wants to eat.
I pay the bill, and then we head to the library. The girls have been coming here all summer, but I can’t even remember the last time I stepped inside. Probably high school.
Jade returns the library books she currently has, and they browse the aisles to grab a few more to bring home.
“Daddy, can we go bowling?” Jade asks after she’s checked out her new books.
I look over at Willow to make sure she’s ok with it before I answer. Willow smiles and nods, so I say, “Yeah, kiddo, whatever you want.”
On our way to the bowling alley, I reach out to Willow in a silent ask to hold my hand. I don’t know what makes me do it, but I feel like I just need to be touching her. She raises her perfectly pointed eyebrow at me before she interlaces her fingers with mine.
We stay like that until I turn the truck off in front of the bowling alley.
I wish the drive took a little longer. I’m not ready to let go yet.
On our walk inside, Jade walks between us, keeping Willow and me an appropriate distance away from each other.
We certainly wouldn’t want any rumors getting started, and this town loves to gossip.
We play two rounds, where I learn that Willow is surprisingly good at bowling.
She’s better than me, at least. She even helps Jade get her first strike.
Jade was using the bumpers, of course, but she still jumped for joy when all the pins fell down.
Again, I find myself watching the two of them and wondering how we’re going to handle not having Willow around anymore.
In just two short months, she’s changed us.
She’s part of us now. And I don’t want to lose her.
After dinner is when everything takes a downward spiral. The fun day that we had seems to be null and void with Willow’s departure hanging over our heads.
She won’t be here tomorrow.
A pit forms in my stomach that gets worse when Jade starts to cry.
“I don’t want you to go,” she tells Willow as her little lip trembles.
“I wish I had more time too, Jade, but both of us have to get back to school,” Willow explains, pulling my daughter into a hug.
“But I’m gonna miss you.”
“I’m gonna miss you more.” Willow releases their hug so she can look Jade in the eye. “But hey, you can call me any time. And you know I want to see pictures of back to school.”
Jade wipes the tears from her cheeks and nods. “Ok. But will you come back?”
Willow smiles and nods. “Yes, I’ll be back. I don’t know when, but I promise you’ll see me again, ok?”
“Ok. Can you read me a bedtime story tonight?” Jade asks.
“I’d love to.”
The three of us walk to Jade’s room, and just like we’ve done so many times this summer, Willow and I sit on either side of Jade in her bed.
Willow reads one of the books we got from the library this morning.
I couldn’t tell you one thing about this story because all I can think about is how I’m supposed to say goodbye to Willow.
A few more tears are shed before Jade finally lies down, and her eyes flutter closed.
Willow and I silently tiptoe back to the living room. We stare at each other in an awkward silence, neither one of us knowing how to start this conversation.
“I guess I should get going,” she finally says.
“No.” I don’t know what to say, but I know I can’t let her leave. Not yet. “I-I don’t know how to say goodbye to you. I don’t want to.”
“I don’t want to either.”
Instead of coming up with something profound to tell her how much she means to me, I close the distance between us and kiss her like my life depends on it.
Because it feels like it does. My heart is racing from my approaching heartbreak, and I don’t know how to handle this. I’ve never felt this way before.
I kiss her and kiss her, pulling her as close to me as I can, but it’s still not close enough. I want more. I want everything.
When I move from her lips to her neck where I know she loves, she moans my name.
“Beck, since I’m leaving…”
“Yeah, baby?” I ask in between kisses.
“Since I’m leaving, can you give me tonight?”
I pull back and look at her. Her cheeks are flushed, and her lips are swollen. Her eyes scan me, trying to gauge my reaction.
“What do you want?” I ask, attempting to swallow down my emotions.
“I want everything. Just one night. As a goodbye.”
One night with Willow in my bed. I want it more than anything. We’ve been dancing around it all summer. I’ve tried my hardest to keep myself from going too far, but she’s leaving. She’s leaving, and I have no idea when or if I’m going to see her again. All I know is that I need her.
Instead of answering her, I slam my lips back on hers and lift her up. Her arms and legs wrap around me, and I carry us back to my bedroom.
I realize I’m damning my friendship with Sawyer. If he ever found out what I’m about to do with his sister, he’d kill me. But honestly, it feels like it’s worth it. This thing with Willow feels more important than my friendship with Sawyer, as shitty as that sounds.
But this is one night. One night and he never has to know because nothing can happen beyond tonight.
I kick my bedroom door shut. Then I set Willow down on the edge of my bed.
She looks up at me with those pleading green eyes, and I know I have no choice.
“One night.”