30. Willow
Willow
It’s been a blissful few days, just the three of us.
We’ve done a little Christmas shopping even though I brought back a lot of gifts from Italy. We’ve watched Christmas movies, and Jade and I baked some cookies.
To round everything off, we’ve spent a lot of time just lounging around. Jade and I hung out for a bit while Beck went to the stables. And every night after Jade goes to bed, Beck and I spend hours talking until we fall into bed together.
But now it’s time to get back to reality. Gemma is picking Jade up today, and I really need to make my way over to Sawyer’s house to talk to him. Pretty soon people in town are going to start gossiping, and he’ll be even more pissed if he knew I was here and didn’t come see him.
“I don’t want to leave,” Jade says, hugging my waist.
I run my fingers through her hair. “Hey, I’ll see you next week. I’ve got a few more weeks of break, so you’ll get more time with me.”
“Ok,” she says and reluctantly lets go of me when there’s a knock on the door.
Beck opens it, and Gemma walks in. “Hey, princess, you ready?”
“I guess.” Jade grabs her backpack. “Mama, guess what? Daddy has a girlfriend.”
“What?” Gemma and Beck say at the same time.
“Yeah. Willow’s back!”
Gemma looks up from her daughter, and her eyes land on me for the first time since she walked in. “What?” she asks again.
“Jade, I specifically told you that she’s not my girlfriend yet,” Beck says.
“Yeah, but you guys kissed. A lot.”
Well, she does have a point. Gemma looks to Beck for an explanation.
“Willow still has a semester left of school. We’re not moving into a relationship until she’s graduated.”
“His rule, not mine,” I add.
Gemma looks from Beck to me and back to Beck. “And Sawyer is ok with whatever this is?”
I wince, and Beck answers. “Not exactly.”
“Oh, Beck.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Gemma sighs and shakes her head. “I hope you guys get it figured out. For the record, I think this is weird, but if you’re both happy, then I guess I am too.”
“Thanks, Gem.”
After they leave, Beck walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist, putting his head in the crook of my neck. “I wish I could stay with you all day today.”
“Me too. But you’ve gotta work, and I need to get my ass over to Sawyer’s.”
“You still think dinner is a good idea?” he asks. I figured I’d see if Sawyer would be willing to have dinner with us tonight or any night, really. Just to give him an opportunity to see us together and hopefully realize that it’s not as bad as he’s making it out to be. Hopefully…
“I mean, I can’t think of any other way to talk to him, can you?”
He sighs into my neck. “No, not really.” He straightens up and gives me a kiss. “You’ll be here when I get home?”
“I will.”
He nods and grabs his lunchbox before heading to the stables for the day.
I take my time getting ready and throw on a load of laundry because I’m still working through all my clothes from Italy.
And then I summon all my courage and head to Sawyer’s house.
Beck left me his truck, opting to ride a UTV across the ranch to the stables today since my car is still parked in the apartment complex Macy and I technically live at.
It’s a Sunday, so I had a feeling Sawyer would be home, but I’m not sure if I’m relieved or not to see his truck in the driveway. I love my brother so much, but I’m really hoping he’s going to be a little more open-minded now that he’s had a few months to get used to Beck and me.
I have a key to the house, but I decide to knock instead of walking right in.
When he opens the door, I plaster on the biggest smile I can possibly muster. “Surprise!”
My brother looks shocked, but he quickly smiles and pulls me in for a hug. “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming back for a few more days.”
“That was the plan, but some things finished up early, so I moved my flight up.”
“Oh. Nice. Where are your bags? You need help getting them in?” he asks. He might be mad at me, but he’s always going to be my big brother. I’m so freaking grateful for him.
“Um, no. My things are actually at Beck’s,” I admit.
His smile falls instantly as he looks over my shoulder and realizes I drove here in Beck’s truck. “You went to Beck’s first?”
I was worried this would happen. “Yeah, because I needed to talk to him about what we are and what we’re going to do before I came here.”
“And?”
“And… I love him, Sawyer. Nothing has changed.”
He huffs a laugh and drags his hands down his face. “This is insane, you know that, right? My best friend for my entire life and my much younger sister getting together? I don’t even know how you expect me to be ok with this.”
“I know it’s going to take some getting used to, but can you at least try? For me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come to dinner tonight at Beck’s house.”
“I don’t think I can sit in the same room with him knowing he’s disrespecting my sister.”
“Beck has been nothing but respectful to me.”
“I’m not an idiot, Wills. You’re staying at his house. I know what that implies.”
I roll my eyes even though I’m trying to be understanding here. “Ok, well, besides that. He’s your best friend. You know he’s a good man. Please just give this a chance. It would mean a lot to me.”
He stares at me for so long I’m afraid that he’s going to slam the door in my face. But finally he says, “What time should I be there?”
I jump up and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you, Sawyer. You’re the best big brother ever!”
“Yeah, yeah.” He plays it off like it’s not a big deal, but when I take a step back, I can see him trying to hide his smile. Sawyer might be mad, but his duty as my big brother comes first.
“Does six-thirty work for you?” I ask.
“I’ll be there,” he agrees. “But tell him he better keep his hands off you when I’m around.”
“No PDA. Got it. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Alright.”
I start to walk back to the truck when I stop and turn back. “Sawyer?”
“Hm?”
“Love you. You really are the best brother.”
“Love you, too, Wills.”
“Remember, don’t touch me while he’s here,” I remind Beck.
I gave him a rundown of mine and Sawyer’s conversation this afternoon.
Beck seems hopeful that Sawyer will come around, but I can tell he’s trying to not be too hopeful.
It’s a good sign that Sawyer agreed to come.
I don’t think he would’ve done that if he was looking for a fight.
“Yeah, I know. I don’t have a death wish,” Beck says as he flips one of the steaks on the grill. I figured we should have one of Sawyers favorite meals—steak and baked potatoes—in an attempt to make this dinner somewhat enjoyable for him.
I glance at the clock. Six-twenty-eight.
“He said he’ll be here, so he’ll be here,” Beck tells me.
He’s been trying to keep me calm since he got home from work, and I was panic-cleaning his house.
As if Sawyer is going to judge our relationship based on the cleanliness of Beck’s house.
Which honestly was pretty clean to begin with, but I scrubbed and scrubbed again.
“I know. I’m just nervous.”
“Everything will be fine.” He pulls me in and kisses me right as the doorbell rings. I quickly push Beck off of me as if Sawyer can see us through the door. Beck just laughs at me as I run off to let Sawyer in.
My brother stands on the other side of the door with a look of indifference on his face, which I guess is better than the scowl I was expecting.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” I say and open the door wide for him to walk through.
He mumbles something under his breath, but I don’t catch what he says. Knowing him, it was probably something about how he didn’t want to be here.
“I made baked potatoes with all the toppings, and Beck is grilling steaks.”
“Alright.”
My shoulders slump a little bit. I was hoping he’d be a little more open tonight, but that’s clearly not the case. He’s come with an attitude.
Beck walks inside from the back holding the platter of steaks. He and Sawyer stare at each other for one awkward moment before Beck gives in first. “Hey, man. Medium rare, right?”
Sawyer nods and says, “Yeah, thanks.”
This is so awkward, and it’s killing me a little inside, but I know we just need to get through this initial part and then things will calm down. I hope.
“Ok, let’s eat!” I start first, grabbing my steak off the plate and then getting a baked potato and going through the toppings bar I set up in the kitchen. It’s a lot for only three people, but I wanted to make sure I had every option either of them wanted.
I sit down at the table. Beck follows and sits in the chair next to me. Sawyer takes his time making his plate before finally coming to the table and sitting across from me.
We eat in silence, and I rack my brain trying to come up with a safe topic for us to discuss.
“What job are you working on now, Sawyer?” I ask.
“A house.” Cool, really working with me here.
“What kind of house?”
He sighs. “A custom-built house for a family a little outside of town. A ranch style.”
“That sounds cool.”
“Yeah, should be done around the end of January.”
More silence.
“Well, I submitted my placement request for student teaching next semester. I’m really hoping to get second grade.”
Beck looks at me and smiles. “You’re going to be a great second grade teacher.”
“Thank you.” I smile back, and for the first time this evening, I can feel Sawyer watching us.
His fork drops and clinks against his plate. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”
“What?”
“Y’all wanna talk, so let’s talk. The two of you are together, and you want me to be ok with it. So tell me why you think I should.”
Beck’s hand slips to my thigh and gives me a gentle squeeze.
“We know this is asking a lot of you, Sawyer. And we understand it’s not going to be easy.
It’s not been easy for us either. Your friendship means the world to me.
I know you don’t believe that right now, but it does.
I wasn’t planning on this. But I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
I love Willow. Like I’m truly in love with her. I can’t picture my future without her.”
Sawyer shakes his head. “I can’t believe this is happening. I trusted you with her.”
“And you can still trust me with her. I swear I only want the best for her, and if it turns out to not be me, then that will be heartbreaking for me, but I would of course respect her decision.”
“Of all the women in Blue Haven, hell the state of Georgia, you had to pick my little sister?”
“I know. But I won’t apologize for loving her, Sawyer.”
Sawyer sighs and looks back and forth between the two of us.
“Look, as you’ve both reminded me multiple times, you’re adults…
although one of you is just barely an adult.
I will respect your decision to be together, but I’m not going to be happy about it.
Willow is my sister, so my relationship with her will always be there.
But I can’t pretend that our friendship might look different for a little while. ”
Beck nods, but I can tell by the way his shoulders sag a little that he didn’t want to hear that. “I understand.”
Sawyer picks his cutlery back up and starts cutting into his steak. “Steak’s good by the way.”
“Thanks,” Beck answers.
“What about my potatoes? Chopped liver?’ I ask.
“Potatoes are kinda hard to mess up, Wills,” Sawyer says. He’s teasing me which I’ll take as a good sign.
The rest of dinner is still a little awkward, but we try to bring up some safe topics in between the awkward silences.
Sawyer doesn’t linger when he’s done eating.
He quickly says his goodbyes and is on his way.
The dinner went better than I thought it would to be honest. It obviously could’ve gone better, but I’ll take what I can get.
“Well?” Beck asks when we’re all cleaned up. “You think it went ok?”
“I think it went ok.”
For someone who is adamant about not wanting to put a label on what we are, he seems really happy that we aren’t keeping us a secret anymore.
I know he’s not making me his girlfriend for my own sake.
He wants to give me an out if I need one.
But I know I’m not going to need one. I love this man, and he loves me.
I believe we can get through anything. And while I don’t know where I’ll be after graduation, I’m going to try like hell to get a job close to Blue Haven.
He kisses me hard before lifting me up and carrying me back to his room. This is what I want. Nights with Beck and us loving each other. Creating a life together. Nothing sounds better.