31. Beck
Beck
MAY
It’s been a long five months, and it’s hard to believe we’re finally at this point. Willow’s graduation day.
While I still refuse to say we’re officially together, we’ve been doing the whole long-distance thing since Willow went back to school for her last semester in January.
I try to drive up to see her when I have a free day, and she comes to Blue Haven when she has a free weekend.
And we try to talk at least once a day, even if it’s just a few texts here and there. It’s been hard, but we made it.
Today is the day we’ve both been waiting for.
I’m so proud of her for making it here, and now she gets to decide where she wants her life to go.
I can’t pretend I’m not a little nervous.
I know she loves me and she’s made it clear that she wants to be with me, but there’s a tiny little spot in the back of my mind that’s preparing for her to leave.
Maybe she wants to be a teacher somewhere besides Blue Haven.
Maybe she wants to travel the world. I’m not sure.
All I know is being away from her has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Jade insisted on coming to the graduation ceremony with me.
I tried to talk her out of it, but Willow got her an extra ticket anyway.
Sawyer came too. We did not ride together.
We’re still not on the best terms. I’ve tried to extend a few invitations to hang out, but he always says he’s busy, so I’ve left it alone.
We’ve seen each other around town a few times, and he’ll wave or say hello, but it’s not nearly like it used to be.
I hate it, but I understand.
I’ve been spending a lot of time on the ranch, especially with Brooks, Aspen, and Harper.
Now that Brooks and Aspen have their baby boy, Noah, they’ve been busy.
And it’s fun watching Brooks be a dad again.
Surprisingly, his older son Zach has been coming around more often to see the baby. Brooks couldn’t be happier.
There’s a lot of work around the ranch that needed to be done while Brooks was tending to Aspen and Noah, so Harper and I picked up the slack. It’s been nice being extra busy to remind myself that I’m not lonely. But hopefully that all changes today.
Willow has given me no hints about where she’s going once she graduates. To be fair, I haven’t asked. I think I’m scared to know the answer. But I know she’ll let me know today. I just feel it.
Jade and I find Sawyer in the crowd of people at the university.
While Sawyer might be mad at me still, he’d never deny my daughter.
When he sees Jade, he takes her hand, and the three of us move through everyone else to find good seats.
Jade sits between us, acting like a barrier.
She’s practically vibrating with excitement.
It’s been awhile since she’s seen Willow.
On days when I have Jade, I try to focus solely on her, so I haven’t taken her on any road trips to see Willow which she certainly isn’t happy about. But it’s what I felt was best for us.
“When does Willow come out?” Jade asks.
Sawyer answers. “When they call her name.”
“But when is that?”
I thumb through the program I grabbed at the door and flip to the Bs. I find Willow’s name and point to it. “Right here. So she’ll walk after all these people.”
“That’s a lot of names,” Jade says.
“I told you this was gonna be long.”
She wiggles in her seat. “That’s ok. I can take it. I brought snacks.”
The ceremony starts a little while later, and it is long, but I can’t even explain the immense amount of pride I feel when Willow walks across the stage to accept her diploma. Sawyer feels it too. He stands and shouts the second her name is called. She’s worked so hard for this.
After the ceremony, when Jade has gone through all of her snacks and has resorted to playing games on my phone, we shuffle through the hordes of people to find Willow.
Finally we spot her. She’s standing with her friend Macy and a few other people I don’t recognize, but as soon as she sees us, she rushes over.
She hugs Sawyer first. He holds her tight and congratulates her. I haven’t seen him smile this much in a long time.
Then she gets a hug from Jade, who is super excited to finally get to see Willow.
Then Willow turns to me.
“Congratulations, baby,” I say.
She falls into me, and I wrap my arms around her, whispering in her ear, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you.”
I hug her for longer than I should, but it’s always hard letting her go.
Eventually, Jade starts asking questions, so I have to let Willow go.
Sawyer is looking everywhere except at us as if me hugging his sister is the absolute worst thing in the world.
I understand why he feels the way he does, and I’m sure I would feel the same if the situations were reversed.
But I hope one day he’ll understand. Willow means the world to me.
I would do anything for her. Just like he would.
“Should we get out of here and go celebrate?” Sawyer asks.
“Let’s go!” Willow agrees.
Willow picked a restaurant close to her school that she likes.
We’re seated quickly, and I don’t fail to notice that Sawyer sits as far away from me as possible, next to Willow and across from Jade.
I can’t pretend that it doesn’t completely suck that my best friend for my entire life doesn’t want to be near me anymore.
After everything we’ve been through. But I push the thought out of my head because tonight is not about Sawyer and me; it’s about Willow.
We order our drinks, and I look over at Willow to see her practically wiggling out of her seat.
“You good?” I ask.
“Yeah. I’m great, actually. I’ve just got something I want to tell you all.”
“Alright…” She’s certainly got our attention now.
“I’ve been keeping this a secret until it was official. Everything happened yesterday, so I was saving it until we were all together.”
“Well, spit it out, woman,” Sawyer tells her.
She laughs. “Ok, ok. I officially signed a contract to be a first-grade teacher!”
The table erupts in excitement. Sawyer immediately pulls her into a hug on their side of the table. Jade claps her hands over and over. And when Sawyer finally releases her, I take her hand and squeeze.
“Those kids are going to be so damn lucky to have you,” I tell her.
“Thank you. I was hoping for second grade, but they didn’t have any openings. I feel like first grade is going to be just as fun.”
“Yeah, and maybe in a few years you can switch to second if a spot opens up,” Sawyer says.
“That’s what I was thinking too. I’m really excited about this.”
“You should be,” I say. “This is amazing. Not many people can say they got a job straight out of college these days.”
“I haven’t told you the best part.” She smiles as she looks directly at me. “It’s at Blue Haven Elementary.”
Blue Haven.
She’s coming home.
She’s coming home to be with me.
I try to keep myself cool, calm, and collected, but I feel like I might burst with excitement. “And you’re sure that’s what you want?” I ask.
She nods. “A hundred percent sure. I’ve thought about it a lot.
When I graduated high school, I wanted to get out of Blue Haven because I felt like it held too many bad memories.
I thought I’d want to stay as far away as possible.
But being back there last summer made me realize that I actually do like it there.
I think I just needed a break from it to really recognize that.
I want to be there with you and Jade and Sawyer.
You guys are my home, and I want to be where you are. ”
“Thank god.” I stand and pull her up into a hug.
“I choose you, Beck. I’ll always choose you,” she says quietly into my ear.
“I’ll always choose you too,” I tell her back.
I release her when the server comes back with our drinks. She takes her seat, but I can’t wipe the stupid smile off my face. She’s coming home.
I don’t remember much of what happens the rest of the meal. Jade handles a lot of the talking. She hasn’t seen Sawyer in awhile so the two of them catch up. Or at least as much of a catch-up as you can have with a seven-year-old.
I spend most of dinner watching Willow. She hasn’t stopped smiling, and I feel confident that she’s truly happy with her decision. Which means it’s ok for me to be excited about it.
After dinner, we meander toward the parking lot. I get Jade strapped in and then turn to Sawyer and Willow.
I’m just about to say something when Sawyer cuts me off. “I get it now.”
“Get what?” Willow asks.
He points to me and then to her. “You two. I didn’t get it at first. Well, I still don’t really understand it. But I can see it. The way he looks at you, Wills. I can see that it’s real. If you had to end up with someone, I guess I’m glad it’s Beck. I know he’ll be good to you.”
“He is,” she says at the same time I say, “I will.”
Sawyer sighs. “I miss you guys. Now that you’re coming home, I’ll make more of an effort to not be an asshole.”
“Thank you, Sawyer. That means a lot to me,” Willow says.
He pulls her into a hug, and I hear him say, “Mom and Dad would be so proud of you.”
When she pulls away, I can see the glossy shine of tears in her eyes. “Love you, brother.”
“Love you, too.”
Sawyer then claps me on the shoulder and gives me a half-ass smile. It’s awkward, but it’s the best I can ask for right now.
Once he’s gone, I turn to Willow. I can see Jade has already fallen asleep in the car. It’s been a long day for her.
“So, Blue Haven, huh?” I ask. It’s the first time we’ve been alone today, and I have so much running through my head I don’t even know where to begin.
“Blue Haven. Are you ok with this?” she asks.
“I’m more than ok with this, baby. This is everything I ever wanted. I just want to make sure it’s what you want.”
“It is, Beck. I thought really hard about it, and this is exactly what I want.”
I lean in and kiss her, pulling her closer with my hand on the nape of her neck. Every time I get to kiss her, it feels like a gift.
I pull back just enough to see her eyelids flutter open. “Move in with me.”
Her eyes go wide. “That seems a little forward considering you haven’t even asked me to be your girlfriend yet.”
“You already know you’re my girlfriend.” It feels silly to call her my girlfriend when what we have feels like so much more. She’s my soul mate. My best friend. My everything. “Say you’ll move in with me.”
She tugs on her bottom lip as she thinks. “Are you sure? You don’t think it’ll be too much?”
“It won’t be enough. I’ve gone almost a year of not being able to see you every day. I want you there when I wake up. I want you there when I go to sleep. I want your clothes next to mine and your floral soap in the shower. I want you and everything that comes with it.”
She laughs and smiles up at me. “Alright, alright. When you put it that way.”
“I’ll put it anyway I can to convince you to be with me.”
She laughs. “You don’t have to convince me, Beck. I’m yours.”
“Then say you’ll move in with me.”
She kisses me first and then says, “I’ll move in with you.”
“Good. When can I help you get your stuff?” I ask.
“Eager much?”
“Very.”
“Anytime next week. Our lease isn’t up until the end of the month.”
“I’m off on Tuesday. Can you be ready?”
“I’ll be ready.”
I kiss her one more time before I reluctantly have to tell her goodbye. But this time I know I’ll be seeing her soon.