Chapter Fourteen Kelsie
Istared at my phone, indecision tying my stomach in knots. Henry wanted to meet with me. Tonight.
I already told him that I had to attend the rehearsal dinner, so he offered to come to the resort afterward to have a drink together.
There was no reason I shouldn’t agree to this.
He was a nice, good-looking guy with a sexy English accent.
I might not have felt a serious spark with him when we met, but he seemed like good company and getting a drink together didn’t have to be a big deal.
So, why did I feel guilty at the thought?
I knew the answer to that, of course, but it frustrated the hell out of me. Having sex with Damien this afternoon didn’t change a thing about my single status or our friendship.
The back of my neck tingled, and I looked up from my phone and found Damien staring at me.
We were standing in a group with the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids, and everyone was making small talk while the resort’s staff set up the last of the chairs for tomorrow’s ceremony.
We weren’t standing by each other, and I glanced around to make sure no one else noticed the way he was watching me with an unreadable expression.
To my relief, no one seemed to be paying attention.
The men and woman in the wedding party were paired off to walk down the aisle made of wooden planks between the chairs set up on the beach.
As best man, Damien was standing with Jess, since she was the matron of honor.
When the music started playing, Ford and Angela would go first, followed by me and Jake.
Finally, Damien and Jess would walk together just before Leanne came out to join Ryan at the arch.
Aunt Cathy had gone over it with us all three times, as if she was worried that we’d forget something so simple.
I was a couple of minutes late arriving to the rehearsal, trying to work up my nerve to see Damien after what happened in my room earlier.
It worked out in my favor because Aunt Cathy was eager to get things started, meaning that I didn’t have a chance to make awkward conversation with the man I had meaningless sex with this afternoon.
Or rather, what was supposed to be meaningless sex. I didn’t think that I could ever be intimate with Damien without feeling something, but I did my best to bury any tender emotions that rose to the surface during the act and put distance between us right away afterward.
I understood that it was just sex. Damien might not have felt the same way about me as I did him, but there was no denying that our physical compatibility was off the chart.
I understood his desire to go there again, and it was easy to give in when his mouth was on mine and his hands explored my body.
But I wouldn’t be foolish enough to let my heart hope for more again.
If Damien was looking for a friends with benefits arrangement, that was fine, but I wasn’t going to make myself exclusively available to him for that.
I wanted more than sex from a man, and if that was all Damien would give me, I was going to keep my options open.
I sent a confirmation text to Henry, telling him I’d meet him in two hours at the bar of the resort.
Then, Aunt Cathy started playing music on her phone, since the musician who would be playing the acoustic guitar at the ceremony wasn’t present for the rehearsal.
Immediately, Ford and Angela made their way down the aisle between the folding chairs, headed to the arch where Ryan was waiting.
Aunt Cathy stood beside him, her sharp eyes watching the progression. When they were about halfway to the arch, she called out to us. “Kelsie and Jake, start walking now. Then, Damien and Jess, you guys come when they’re about halfway down the aisle.”
Jake held out his arm with a smirk. “Try not to fall in love with me during our walk, okay?”
I laughed at his ridiculous statement as I looped my arm through his, but there was a noise from behind us that almost sounded like a growl.
“Take it easy, Casanova,” Damien said in a hard tone. I started to look back at him, but Aunt Cathy called out to us impatiently, so I kept my eyes forward as we started walking down the aisle.
The timing worked out perfectly, and the song playing on her phone ended just as Damien and Jess reached the arch last. We were standing in two lines, the women on the left and the men on the right.
Then, Leanne came while a wedding march blared through the phone’s speaker.
She smiled and held onto Uncle Ethan’s arm as they came toward us.
She was beaming with excitement, and it wasn’t even the wedding day yet. Everyone was watching her.
Well, almost everyone.
I wasn’t sure why I even glanced in Damien’s direction. Maybe I felt his eyes on me again. Or maybe I was just thinking about him a little too much, considering that I was trying to act cool and unaffected by what happened between us this afternoon.
But when I looked at him, I was shocked to find that he was already watching me. I raised an eyebrow in a silent question, but he just slowly ran his tongue over his bottom lip before looking away.
What the hell was that?
We didn’t run through the full wedding, but Aunt Cathy gave us a quick rundown of what we could expect. The ceremony itself would be simple. Exchange vows, then wedding rings. That would be followed by the first kiss, and the announcing of the couple to everyone gathered. Easy and brief.
“Then, you’ll all follow Leanne and Ryan up the aisle with the same person as before. You’ll lead the guests into the resort’s ballroom for the reception,” Aunt Cathy said.
Jake held his arm out for me again, and I took it, refusing to look around and see if Damien was watching us. I didn’t know if he was feeling possessive because we slept together today or what, but I wasn’t going to waste time worrying about it.
Instead of going into the ballroom, we all made our way to the terrace, where family and friends were already waiting.
The small tables had been removed and replaced with a long one that was big enough to seat everyone.
I moved to an empty seat across from my mother.
Just as I sat down, Zoey started to reach for the empty chair beside me, but Damien was suddenly there.
“Would you mind if I sit here?” he asked, voice as smooth as silk. “I wanted to talk with Kelsie about something.”
She glanced around, frowning when Ford tried to gesture her to take an empty seat beside him. I recognized something achingly familiar in her eyes. Heartbreak. I didn’t know what the deal was between Zoey and Ford, but her broken spirit spoke to my own.
“Damien, let her sit beside me if she wants to,” I said.
“No, it’s fine,” Zoey said, but she didn’t go to Ford. Instead, she settled into an empty chair beside her brother Jake.
“What’s up with those two?” Damien murmured, leaning in close to me. His warm breath tickled my neck, and I wanted to put space between us, but we were all crammed in too tightly around the table. “They’ve been acting weird lately.”
“Seems like that’s going around,” I said picking up my wine glass, which was just filled by a waiter.
“About that… I need to tell you something.”
The ding of a fork against a wine glass drew everyone’s attention to where Ryan was now standing at the head of the table.
“Leanne and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for being here.” He began.
Leanne stood up beside him, and they glanced at each other.
It was just a couple of seconds, but the affection in their expressions was visible to everyone.
“Hardly anyone knows this, but Leanne and I almost didn’t have a wedding.
We were so eager to get married that we were just going to elope. ”
“I’d never let that happen,” Aunt Cathy called out, and Ryan laughed.
“Yeah, we figured that out when you threatened my life if I deprived you of a wedding for your only daughter.”
The laughter moved around the table then.
“But she had a point,” Ryan said. “This is something to be celebrated, and we’re both so proud to share it with all of you.”
We all raised our glasses in a toast, drinking wine as the waiters started passing out plates.
Dinner was a butter-basted sea bass with sautéed spinach and roasted potatoes.
It was upscale without being pretentious, and everyone seemed to enjoy it.
Conversation flowed easily, and even Damien seemed to shake off whatever was bothering him earlier.
“Kelsie, I’ve been meaning to ask you about the job offer in Minnesota,” Mom said just as we were finishing our entrees. “Did you make a decision yet?”
I could have sworn that the temperature dropped at that moment. A chill ran down my spine, and I glanced over at Damien. He’d gone completely still, as if he was carved from ice, and his eyes stared at me in disbelief. For a moment, he didn’t say a word, and that silence seemed to scream.
“What is she talking about?” he asked, and his voice sounded nothing like him. It was a low, jagged rasp. “What job offer?”
“Oh… I didn’t realize that you hadn’t told him,” Mom said uncertainly. I couldn’t even look at her. My eyes were locked on Damien, watching as shock turned to hurt, then anger.
“Kelsie. Tell me what she’s talking about,” he demanded.
I suddenly felt like I couldn’t pull in enough oxygen. No matter what had happened between us the last few days, I never wanted to hurt Damien, but I could see that keeping this secret from him had done just that.
“I was offered a job running a youth program in Minneapolis,” I said. “A headhunter contacted me out of the blue about two weeks ago. I didn’t go looking for the job. But… I did tell her I’d consider it.”
Demian pulled in a deep, shaky breath.
“Two weeks ago? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Because I’m in love with you, and I was afraid you’d break my heart by telling me to go.
Damien was supportive and thoughtful. Those were two qualities that I loved most about him, but they’d also most likely lead to him encouraging me to take the new job with a more impressive title and salary, even if it took me away from him.
At least, that was what I was afraid of.
I always dreamed that Damien would love me back, but I knew now that I was uncertain about his feelings and afraid of getting hurt.
That was why I’d never told him how I felt all this time.
I spent two years falling in love with him and hoping that he felt the same but too damn scared to put myself out there and ask.
That was why it took a drunken night to get us in bed the first time and it was why I hid the job offer from him.
I didn’t tell anyone, really. My mom only knew about it because she was there when I received the phone call. Because I wasn’t planning to take it, even when I agreed that I’d consider the offer. I didn’t want to leave Chicago. I didn’t want to leave Damien.
Now, I wasn’t so sure. Maybe I needed a fresh start. I meant what I said about trying to stay friends, but what if it was too hard? What if I could never get over my crush and find happiness while I was around him all the time?
“I didn’t want to say anything until I’d made a decision,” I said, shrugging one shoulder like it wasn’t a big deal. “I’m probably not going to take it anyway.”
“But you’re considering it.” His eyes begged me to say no, and the twisted part was that I wanted to. Despite everything, I still wanted to give this man anything he wanted, including my heart on a silver platter.
Not that he wanted that…
“I’m weighing my options,” I said carefully. “Don’t worry, I’ll let you know what I decide soon. I’m supposed to let the headhunter know my decision by the end of next week.”
Turning my attention back to my mom, I changed the subject, and the chatter between us was light and easy through the dessert course. But Damien barely spoke another word.
When the party broke up, I wasn’t even surprised that he lingered at the table, even though he’d long since finished his cheesecake. He waited until I was ready to leave before he got up as well.
“I’d like to come to your room and talk to you about this job offer,” he said. There was urgency in his voice that was almost cute. As if he was worried I’d choose to accept the job sometime in the next hour and he needed to stop me.
“I’m not going back to my room,” I said as I checked my phone to see if Henry had messaged me. Nothing yet, but we weren’t due to meet for another ten minutes. “I have plans.”
“What plans?”
There was that strange, raspy voice again. He sounded upset, but his face was hard to read, like he was keeping his emotions on lockdown. It was disconcerting, considering that I knew him so well that I could usually tell what he was thinking.
“I’m meeting a guy at the resort’s bar.”
“What?” His voice rose to nearly a shout, and the few stragglers still milling around the terrace looked our way with concern. Embarrassment heated my cheeks.
“I have a date,” I hissed, irritated.
I was done with this conversation and didn’t want to be late, so I decided to walk away. I barely made it inside before Damien was in front of me, blocking my path with a storm raging in his eyes.
“You have a date? Seriously, Kelsie? We just fucked this afternoon.”
He was lucky the hallway leading back to the resort lobby was deserted, or I would have been furious at the way he was talking in public. Still, my defenses rose.
“Are you saying that you think I should skip my date just because you gave me an orgasm?”
It was technically two orgasms, but I wasn’t going to bring that up.
“I’m saying that we need to figure out what this is between us.”
“I’ll tell you what it is,” I said, stabbing him in the chest with my pointer finger. “It’s a mistake.”
This time, when I walked away, he didn’t block my path. I took that as a sign that he got the message and would leave me alone.
I really should have known better.