Chapter 5
BODHI
I lifted the beer to my lips and took a sip, before setting the bottle down and studying the label.
Teagan and Callum had put a lot of effort into the artwork for the most recent beer at my brother’s brewery, and the amber didn’t taste too bad.
Honestly, it tasted like the best beer I’d ever had in my life, but I wasn’t about to tell Callum that.
I had to give him shit for something. And as always, giving Teagan shit because she was the eldest daughter and that was what little brothers did.
I was the perpetual middle child, though if you looked at the lines in my skin, sometimes I felt like the oldest. Only the twins were younger than me.
Well, the other twins. It was odd that I wasn’t sure that I felt like I was a twin anymore.
When you lost your other half, did that leave you as a twin?
Or a shell of a person who’d once shared a womb, a motion in time, and a semblance of life.
I took another sip of my beer and pushed that thought from my mind. Nothing good could come from allowing my mind to go down that path or wondering about the great secrets of the universe when it came to a dead brother.
“It’s good to see you out tonight,” Callum said as he took the seat next to me.
I grunted and sat back in the soft leather seat.
The corner booth at the Summit Grill was my favorite place to sit.
I could lean back without having to worry about anybody behind me.
It was also covered in shadows enough that nobody could truly see me unless they were focusing on the place.
Of course, with the number of people surrounding us, it was a little harder to hide than usual.
I didn’t come out with the guys often—especially at the Summit Bar & Grill.
If ever. I went to the brewery for certain events because I loved my brother, and he had been there for me during the worst of it.
And whenever Teagan needed help with inventory and shit at the store, I did what I could for her.
After all, she kept my ass organized. I went to hockey games in Denver whenever Atlas came near, and that was a bit easier.
Nobody knew me in the giant sea of fans.
Sure, I got a few looks—they couldn’t help it when they looked at my scars—but it wasn’t the same.
But I hadn’t been to Sterling’s restaurant, The Range, yet. Nor had I been to the grand opening of the latest bakery since Fiona had moved out of town and sold the place to Bronwyn.
“Hey, what’s the new bakery called?” I asked.
Callum stared at me. “I have no idea where your mind just went, and since you didn’t answer the question that I just asked, I assume you weren’t listening.”
“No. I wasn’t listening.”
Callum rolled his eyes. The fact that he was still smiling told me that maybe getting with Felicity and making a commitment was good for him.
He seemed more relaxed, less growly. Though compared to me, he’d always been less growly.
One only had to ask my sisters to verify the truth in that comparison.
“The new bakery is called Sweet & Tart. Bronwyn’s doing a good job of it.”
“Better than the name Ashy Buns,” I grumbled.
I had no idea why Fiona had named it that awful name, but people had always rolled their eyes at it and wondered why the hell that would be enticing.
Sure, the food was good, but Fiona had been annoying as hell.
Rude and ostentatious in a way that didn’t make sense.
She had moved away, hopefully to a happier place, and now our family friend was taking over.
I didn’t know Bronwyn well, but Teagan did.
“Did someone say Ashy Buns?” Rune asked as he made his way to the table, beers in hand.
He set them down and rolled his shoulders back.
I studied his face: the chiseled jaw, the eyes that seemed to see into your soul like any good bartender did, and I couldn’t help but focus on his septum ring.
I’d nearly gotten one but had opted for the hoop instead.
Now I wondered if I should have gone with the other.
Rune was our, mine and Callum’s, best friend, as well as Felicity’s older brother. He also owned the bar and grill.
But it was a septum ring—so like Kiera’s—that I couldn’t help but latch on. There was seriously something wrong with me. I took another sip of my beer.
“My brother was just ignoring me and asking random questions. Don’t worry, Fiona’s not coming,” Callum answered, taking a beer.
Rune just sighed and turned the chair around so he could straddle it backwards. “Bronwyn’s doing a good job. Nothing ashy about those buns.” He paused, shook his head. “I didn’t mean that to be sexual. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“You need to get laid?” a familiar voice asked as Kellan moved forward, his shoulders tight.
I tilted my head at the man. I hadn’t seen him since he had come up to the cabin, no questions asked, and helped Kiera.
She did indeed have a slight concussion, which had been well on its way to being healed in the past days.
And considering nobody else had mentioned Kellan’s visit, he had taken his Hippocratic Oath and all that doctor mumbo jumbo seriously.
“I’m surprised to see you out here, old man.”
As Rune was a year older than Kellan, the town doctor just rolled his eyes.
“Beau and Adam are hanging out at Thatcher’s place, since Lucas got a new game that has explosions and blood in it.
Of course, that means Olivia is going to kick all of their asses,” Kellan explained.
He was a single father to three sons, with the eldest being fifteen, his youngest being seven, and I couldn’t quite get that bitter taste out of my mouth because my babies would’ve been near that age. My eldest would’ve been six now.
I mentally shook those thoughts away and took another sip of my beer. Kellan didn’t deserve my pitying and painful thoughts. Everyone had their own version of hell. Mine merely happened to be burning.
“What about the two youngest?” Callum asked, giving me a weird yet worrying look.
I shook my head, trying to make sure that he knew that I was okay.
Our friends kept having kids, and my family was well on their way to continue doing so.
I needed to get over this aversion to hearing about children.
Just because mine were gone didn’t mean that I had to punch anyone who dared procreate. I’d deal with the gut punch.
“They’re with Tess, doing some Boy Scout thing, though I don’t really know what it is.
” Kellan let out a sigh and gratefully took the beer from Rune.
“Thanks, man. I should know what it is, since I had been the one to offer to actually do the group project. Wesley and Quinn like to do things together as if they were blood brothers, as they call it. I’m just letting Tess take over.
” Wesley was Thatcher’s youngest and the same age as Kellan’s Quinn.
“I’m glad she’s working out for you,” I said, trying to be part of the conversation.
The guys just smiled at me, and I hated that.
Was it so surprising that I would speak out, that they would react like that?
Well, yes. I wasn’t a good person all the time.
Or ever, it felt like. Though I needed to be smart.
And to focus on my friends, and not my own pain, all the time.
After all, I had made Kiera flinch when I had walked out, and I hated myself for it.
She didn’t deserve that. After all, it wasn’t her fault that Courtney had sung when she had cooked in our kitchen.
A kitchen that didn’t exist anymore. She had wiggled her hips and laughed and forced me to play along as if I liked cooking, but then I’d hold one of our babies as I watched my wife sing and dance in the kitchen, and everything had been right in the world.
That time and memory had vanished, and I needed to find a way to keep living.
Because becoming the town recluse in a town where half of them hated me wasn’t helping anymore.
If anything, it had begun to make it harder on my siblings, which was the one thing I couldn’t allow.
We’d gone through the circles of hell as children, and my pain shouldn’t be their next layer of discontent.
“Wait. Thatcher is dealing with four teenagers?” Rune asked before he whistled through his teeth. “Good on him.”
Kellan winced. “It’s my turn to have a night out, and that means I’m having this one beer before going home and dealing with my checklist of doom.
” Another sip of beer. “And yes, Bodhi. Tess is working out. Thankfully, Thatcher and I only live two houses apart, so that means it’s easy for her to take turns depending on which house she’s at.
Her being there to help us drive the kids around to their constant games, events, and committees that we can’t handle alone.
There are six of them, plus her daughter, Wren, and I still don’t know how she does it. ”
“She must like spreadsheets and calendars,” Rune said with a shrug.
“Damn straight. And as I love a good calendar, I’m grateful for her,” Kellan said with an exhausted groan.
He had to be drained. I knew Thatcher was.
They both worked in demanding jobs that tended toward long shifts that could drain anyone—let alone single dads.
Neither of them was in a situation where they could lean on another parent.
They had us, as well as a few helpful family members, but having Tess around was a game-changer.
I didn’t interact with the kids—I couldn’t—but I was the one to help if they needed something done around the house.