Chapter 5 #2
Then again, since Finnian had finished his contracting license and was now a certified electrician and master carpenter, he had taken over some of my jobs.
Only Finnian was also a dad, so he had to spend time with his little girls, and that cut into helping friends.
They all leaned on each other, and I found myself once again on the outside looking in.
I needed to apologize to Kiera.
I didn’t know why that thought popped into my mind again, but I told myself I would. I’d figure out what to say. She didn’t deserve my wrath.
Then again, one of the only people who truly did was behind bars. And the other was dead.
I listened as everybody continued to speak, none of them really pushing me to join the conversation.
The fact that I had at all had probably surprised them enough that they were afraid to break the peace and get me out of there.
I was trying. That had to count for something.
At least that’s what my therapist had told me to do.
I knew I had a problem. I knew I wasn’t okay. Therapy wasn’t going to bring my family back. But maybe it would ensure that I wouldn’t hurt the family that I had left.
“Hey,” Kellan whispered as he scooted into the booth from the other side and leaned toward me. “How’s Kiera doing?”
I shrugged. “She should be fine.”
“That doesn’t answer the question.”
I glanced around the table. “She’s moving around okay. The cuts and bruises are healing. Though she’s staying at the cabin more than I am.”
Kellan paused, a frown on his face. “I’ll be honest, I was surprised you’re here.”
I let out a snort. “Frankly, me too.”
And while the excuse of wanting to be near my friends and supporting them was one thing, I knew it mostly had to do with getting away from the aura that was a certain woman. I could still smell her on my skin, still feel her around me. Even though we hadn’t even touched.
Kellan tapped his fingers on the table, looking anxious to get home. I didn’t blame him. “I’m sure Teagan and the others will take care of her soon.”
“I think my sister is just giving her the space that she needs for now because she doesn’t want to annoy me.”
“You have a good family, Bodhi.”
I let out a grunt in answer, and Kellan moved back. Rune and Callum had paused their conversation, staring between us.
“What?” I growled.
“So it’s true? Kiera is staying with you,” Rune mumbled.
“Who blabbed?” I asked, with only a slight anger in my voice. I liked my privacy—as much as it could exist in a small town and a close family.
“Our entire family knows,” Callum said dryly. “And Kiera’s our friend. The only reason that I haven’t been there to make sure that she’s safe is because she texts in the girls’ group chat. Felicity worries.”
Rune glared at his best friend, and I held back a sigh at the softness in Callum’s tone when he mentioned Felicity.
The man was a goner, and so he should be.
Yet he had just given me another excuse to get Kiera out of my periphery and into a safer space.
No, not safer. Maybe safer for me. At the moment, my place was her haven when it came to paparazzi and Jeremiah.
Because if that man came anywhere near, I would know.
And I’d break him.
I wouldn’t kill him. The town already viewed me as a killer, but not just my family, but with the man who had tried to break us. I hadn’t been the one to kill my father, not directly. I wouldn’t kill this, Jeremiah…but I would make him regret the day he was born.
“She’s out there taking a vacation. I don’t need the space. There’s nothing to it,” I said after a moment, and noticed my beer was empty. I wasn’t going to order another one, not when I needed to drive up into the mountains, but damn, I wanted one rather than having this conversation.
Rune studied my face, clearly not believing a word I’d said. “If she needs a place to hang out, she’s safe here. You know the rules when it comes to phones and cameras,” Rune said as he pointed to three different signs that were very clear.”
No photos unless everybody consents. And we will be checking.
Rune liked his privacy and was tired of people taking photos of strangers just to get clout on the internet.
It helped that Gabriel and Briar came here often enough that he wanted them to feel safe away from prying eyes.
I didn’t think I’d even mentioned that to Kiera yet, and I would. She needed to get out of the cabin.
“I hear the bakery’s going the same way.” Kellan switched to water, nudging a glass to me as well.
“Same with Sterling’s restaurant,” Callum added. “Look at us, pulling Ashford Creek into the progressive era, actually protecting privacy. Who knew?”
“Just let Kiera know. Okay?” Rune asked, and I tilted my chin in acknowledgement before gently shoving at Kellan’s shoulder.
“I’m done with my beer. And this is enough peopling for me.”
“You lasted longer than I thought you would. Good on you,” Callum said, and I flipped him off. My brother just threw his head back and laughed, and I shook my head, barely resisting the urge to smile.
I walked past a few whispering people, and I knew what they were saying.
“Oh look, there goes the murderer. There goes the man who lost his wife and children.”
Or if they had no idea who I was: “There goes the man with the wicked burn scars. I wonder how he got them.”
I had noticed Kiera checking them out, as well as my tattoos, but she hadn’t asked. I didn’t know exactly what Briar had told her. Only I didn’t think she knew the whole story. She hadn’t looked at my scars with pity, just intrigue. I had no idea what that meant.
I got into my truck and headed home, slipping on my radio without thinking. I listened to books in the car, not music. Never music.
While my brother was a drummer, my sister was a songwriter, and I used to sing with my wife, I wasn’t talented enough to make it.
I’d never tried it as it had never been my dream or ambition.
I had loved music. It had been something I shared with Courtney.
Though not in the deepest ways possible.
It had been part of my soul, just like my brother’s.
And then Courtney was dead. Just like Malcolm.
And I stopped singing. Stopped playing guitar.
And stopped listening to the radio. It wasn’t until I had nearly pulled into my driveway that I realized I had been tapping my fingers along with the beat and listening to a Wilder song. I hadn’t even noticed.
I tapped my fingers to the beat. Kiera’s beat. Because this was a newer song. One made after Malcolm had died.
I quickly shut off the radio, my hands shaking. I let out a breath, turned off the engine, and got out of the truck, figuring I could go work. Using an axe on some wood would probably help relieve some of this tension.
I grabbed my things and headed to the back side of the property toward the barn, when I stopped in my tracks.
I noticed Kiera sitting on the tiny front porch of the cabin, her knees folded up under her chin.
She wore a large sweatshirt and what had to be short shorts.
That or just her panties. That was a train of thought I needed to ignore.
With the porch light on, she was clearly visible. I had been checking the security cameras and system throughout my time away, but I hadn’t truly liked leaving Kiera there. And now seeing her out there all alone, I hated it.
“You’re back,” she said after a moment.
“I went to Summit Grill. Rune owns it. Do you know him?”
She nodded. “I’ve been there before. It’s really nice.”
I shook my head and then explained the camera situation and rules when it came to Rune’s place.
Her eyes widened. “That’s so thoughtful. I’m going to go there. I’m going to leave this house, leave this cabin, and see the town. I will.”
“I know you will.” The silence stretched between us, and I let out a breath. “I’m sorry for being a dick earlier.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re apologizing?”
“I am.” My voice rose just slightly at the incredulousness of her tone. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
A pause as she studied my face. Her gaze glanced over the scar before meeting my eyes. “May I ask why?”
“Why I’m sorry?”
A shake of her head. “Why did you look at me like I was a ghost when I was in the kitchen singing? Why when anytime I play music and you’re near, you hunch your shoulders.” I didn’t say anything for so long, she continued. “Is it Malcolm?”
I opened my mouth to say no, then realized that maybe.
Maybe. “The only regret that I have of you taking over my brother’s place is that there was a spot empty in the first place.
You’re good at what you do, Kiera. So fucking talented.
I don’t see you as Malcolm’s true replacement.
I see you as a drummer for a band. And I wish every day that my brother were still alive to play too. Those two realities don’t mix.”
Her eyes widened even as my heart raced. “You listened to me play?”
I let out a rough chuckle, surprising both of us.
“That’s what you got out of that? Of course, you’re fucking talented, and I don’t tend to listen to music.
Not anymore.” I let out a breath and continue before she could interrupt.
I just needed to get this out. “I thought you were my wife. When I walked into the kitchen, it felt like my wife was back because she used to sing. And I used to join in. But she’s dead.
Just like Malcolm’s dead. And I know you’re not her. I know that.”
“Bodhi…”
“Sing, Kiera. Sing. Because you clearly need to. It’s part of you. I’m sorry I was an asshole. I can’t say I won’t do it again, because I will. I yell. I curse. And I never used to yell. I used to be the nice one. But I’m an asshole. And that’s just me now. I’m sorry.”
I didn’t let her answer, didn’t let her say anything.
I hadn’t meant to say all those words to begin with.
Instead, I gave her a nod and moved toward the workshop, leaving the door open so I could hear her.
I pulled out a few of my tools, and it only took a few moments before her cabin door shut and then opened again.
And when it snicked once more, I knew she was sitting on her porch.
And the first few strums of the guitar echoed through my property, and my shoulders tensed infinitesimally before relaxing again.
And then Kiera sang a lullaby, one that I knew the words to and mouthed even though I refused to sing them. And I went to work, shoulders slightly relaxed, and I breathed.