Chapter 8
KIERA
My phone buzzed, and for the fifth time that morning, I forced myself to turn the thing over and read the screen. Maybe it would be a different person this time. I let out a small breath, my temples throbbing as Brigid’s name appeared on the screen. Again.
Honestly, I was surprised my sister had even paid her phone bill in order to call me at all. But that was neither here nor there. She probably had her drug dealer pay it—or a friend of a friend. Then had used her wiles or something I didn’t want to think about in order for that to happen.
I loved my sister. I truly did. I just couldn’t fathom her choices.
“Are you going to answer that?” a deep voice asked from beside me, and I pressed my lips together, trying not to burst out into tears since that would do nobody any good.
“No.” A pause. “I can’t.”
Bodhi gave me a look, then went back to his notebook, writing something that seemed to take all of his attention.
We were in his barn/workshop, and while I hadn’t gone into the main part where he created art from pieces of wood, the front section of the barn was lovely. A cute little office where I knew he did his paperwork and where once there had been an old, raggedy couch, now held a drum kit.
This man.
Seriously, I did not understand him. But here I was, standing beside my drum kit, my phone buzzing once again near me, and I wanted to play. I wanted to let the music glide through my system, deep down into my bones, and just let the beat go.
Except that I wasn’t sure if it was a smart idea. Mostly because he was trying to work, so annoying him wouldn’t help anyone. And I was already taking so much of his time and space, I wasn’t sure that he had really thought through the concept of having a drum kit.
Yes, it was one of those silent ones that wasn’t really silent. One where I would put my headphones on and go through the motions, but it wasn’t a true kit.
It was still better than using pots and pans, I told myself. He had thought of it, though, and hadn’t said a damn word. I didn’t know what was going on between us, but I knew nothing could. It would be bad for everybody involved because he had more baggage than I did.
That was saying something.
My phone buzzed again, and I once more wanted to hide.
The melody that I had been playing with in my mind slid through my fingers, and once again, I didn’t want to play music.
It was like I was right back in high school, trying to catch up, trying to breathe.
And yet nothing was there. Because all focus was on Brigid. And what Brigid needed.
“Do you want to tell me what this is about?” Bodhi asked as he stood up and leaned against his desk. He folded his arms over his massive chest and frowned at me. That frown was getting far too familiar at this point.
The media loved airing out my dirty laundry. Though they tended to focus on the lives of my bandmates more, I wasn’t unscarred. Yet I didn’t feel the need to shield everything from Bodhi. What did that say about me? Or about him?
“It’s my sister. Brigid. I don’t know what she wants. But it has to be something. Money. Access to people that I know in the industry. Or just to remind me that she doesn’t like me.”
“Was she always like this? Or did it get worse after the drugs?”
I ran my hand over my stomach, ignoring the fact that my phone was now being inundated with texts, rather than calls.
I was surprised her fingers could work that well when she was high in order to even text me.
“She always wanted to be the center of attention. Hell, it wasn’t like I tried to hide behind the scenes.
I was a drummer. Yes, I played the flute because my dad made me, but I also played the drums. It was what I loved doing.
I loved being loud and in control. I always had bright hair and funky clothes.
So no, I didn’t hide behind the scenes, but I was never like her.
Which makes me sound like a bad person.”
He tilted his head, his gaze intense as always. “No, not at all.”
My chest warmed at the idea that he didn’t think I was a bad person, and perhaps I needed to get a grip. I wanted to reach out and touch the scar on the line of his jaw, to just touch him. In addition to that grip, I apparently needed to touch grass too. Come on, Kiera.
“I don’t blend in. I have fun hair and tattoos, and piercings, and now that people know my face a bit more, people recognize me in the world.
I’m not shy and demure.” Bodhi’s lips twitched, but I continued, not wanting to react.
“But Brigid needs to be at the center. Needs to be more important. And she’s always wanted whatever I have. ”
“Does she know where you are?”
I shook my head. “She shouldn’t. I don’t have location settings on my phone, and we’re not on the same plan where she can try to figure out where I am. And even though I have gone to town a few times, I don’t believe the paparazzi has found where I am. At least I hope not.”
“Ashford Creek is being careful. That’s good.”
“I’d like to think so. I’m enjoying the anonymity.”
“You can block your sister, you know. I threaten to do so often when it comes to my siblings.”
I smiled then. “I love your siblings. At least the ones that I’ve met.
As for blocking Brigid? I’m afraid that one day the authorities are going to use her phone to call me, or one of her friends will, and tell me that she’s dead.
That she overdosed just like our parents.
So no. I can’t block her. Even though it’s morbid. ”
My phone buzzed twice more, and when I looked down at the screen, ice slid into my veins. I grabbed my phone and shook my head. “I’m going to go put my phone in my cabin or something. Take a walk.”
“Kiera…” Bodhi began, but I ignored him and kept moving.
Because this time the texts weren’t from Brigid.
No, Jeremiah had joined in this time.
I ignored Bodhi’s crushing glances and kept moving, needing the fresh air.
I looked down at my phone, hands shaking. There were dozens of texts, ones that I had been ignoring, and ones that I couldn’t look away from.
Brigid
Why are you ignoring me?
Brigid
I hate you.
Brigid
I’m sorry. I just miss your face.
Brigid
Do you remember this photo?
And below that was a photo from when we had been teens, smiling when we were at a lake house, a spring break that my dad had organized in secret.
A lump filled my throat, and I tried to ignore it.
We hadn’t had the idyllic life, but we had had our own perfection for a few moments.
Where everything had felt normal. Like there was nothing wrong in the world.
And then everything had changed.
There was no normal. No perfection.
Brigid
I just need you to talk to me. Call me back. I need you.
Jeremiah
I’ll find you.
Bile coated my tongue as my hands shook because the next photo from Jeremiah made my skin crawl.
Jeremiah sat in a leather chair, Brigid straddling him, as she looked over her shoulder, topless, and wearing just her panties. Jeremiah smirked over her shoulder, both of them with glassy eyes and track marks going up their arms.
My baby sister was with my ex. The ex that had beaten me. The ex that had scared me so much, I had hidden in the mountains.
The ex that wanted to ruin me in the eyes of the public.
And every time I tried to save my baby sister, I always made things worse.
There was no way to make it better, to try to fight for her.
Because she would push me away, and then go to the random bloggers and influencers and tell them that I was a terrible person.
There was no hiding or making things better.
I just wanted it to stop.
I locked myself in my cabin, my chest aching. I was stronger than this. I had to be stronger than this. A single photo shouldn’t make me break down.
I needed to make plans for the future, not only with the band but what I was going to do for my trip. I needed to put down roots, settle down, and live my life where I didn’t have to worry about my past trying to kill me.
Or maybe if I just took one step forward, I would be able to breathe again.
I immediately scrolled through my contact list to find Max and hit the call button.
My agent answered quickly, and my shoulders immediately relaxed.
“Kiera. I know you’ve been emailing me updates saying that you’re fine, but this whole hiding in the mountains thing is kind of worrying me. Are you okay?”
Max was an older man who had seen it all when it came to rock bands and all of the issues that came with so much talent and ego in one place.
He had been the band’s agent since the beginning and had dealt with the pain and loss of losing Malcolm and so much more.
The ebbs and flows of this business weren’t for the faint of heart, and Max would handle anything.
I’d had a different kind of agent before I had joined the band, because I had been more of a studio artist. So when Max had taken me on, I had jumped in feet first, ready to go.
“I’m okay,” I lied. “The fresh air’s a great thing. No wonder Gabriel visits often.” At least they visited often now that the Ashfords’ dad was dead. But that wasn’t something I was going to mention.
“I’ve been there once, and it was nice. Though there is no takeout. So, therefore, I can’t stay.”
My lips twitched, and some of the weight that had been on my shoulders finally began to ease off. However, it hadn’t been as heavy as when I had first come here. Being with the Ashfords, being with Bodhi, had changed things. Not that I was with him.
I shook my head, pushing those odd thoughts out of my mind. “You and your takeout.”
“You’re barely a better cook than I am, Kiera.” There was a pause, and worry settled in my gut.
“Max?”
“Everything’s okay,” he began, but didn’t start up again.
I swallow hard, dread coiling in my stomach. “What’s wrong?”
“Jeremiah has been by to see me.” The steel in his tone made me stiffen, and I nearly dropped the phone.
“Are you okay?”