Chapter 8 #2
“Kiera. Are you going to tell me what happened with him?”
“I’m fine. And if anything had happened and I went to the police, you know he would’ve just blown it out of proportion, and I would’ve been the bad guy. That’s how it works for women in this business. You and I both know it.”
Max didn’t say anything for so long that I was afraid he was disappointed in me, but then he gave a long, drawn-out sigh. “Just be safe in Ashford Creek. I know you’re staying on Malcolm’s brother’s compound or whatever. He apparently likes security, so keep it up.”
“You’re starting to worry me, Max.”
“Jeremiah isn’t anything new. I can handle him. I just don’t want you to have to handle him. So make a record of everything that he’s done, save all his texts and phone calls and harassment. Because one day we might need to go to the authorities for this.”
“I’m already the replacement in the band, Max. I can’t be the one who brings so much trouble too.” I hadn’t meant to say those words. Hell, I wasn’t even aware that I had been thinking them. But there they were, out in the real world, and there was no taking them back.
“You’re not the replacement. You are your own person.”
“I never got to meet Malcolm. But he sounds like an amazing guy.”
“He was.” Another pause. “He was an amazing man. And we miss him every single fucking day. You don’t have to be Malcolm.
You can be Kiera fucking West. And that’s all that matters.
Do you understand me? You are a talent all your own.
You’re not in his shadow. You’re your own bright light.
And that’s why people like Jeremiah want to douse that flame.
They want to steal that light. So fuck him.
And just remember that you are a talented kick-ass drummer who can out-drum most of the men out there in these bands who think that they have something to prove.
Now, be safe and get that idea that you’re his shadowed replacement out of your mind. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Max,” I said, though it wasn’t truthful.
The sigh Max gave me told me he didn’t believe me either.
But we said our goodbyes, and I let out a deep breath.
Fine. I would be okay. At least, I thought so.
Of course, I hadn’t talked to him about anything that I had wanted to when I called him.
But the idea that Jeremiah was practically stalking Max?
No, that changed everything. What would happen when they found me here?
Would I put my friends and the people of this town in danger?
I didn’t want to think that could happen, but drugs made people unpredictable.
I had never once thought Jeremiah would hit me, and then he had, and there was no going back from that.
I let out a deep breath, slid my phone back into my pocket, and figured I would go back and maybe hit something in order to get out whatever frustration was bubbling beneath.
I felt like I was drifting, and I hated that.
I was a woman with a plan, usually, and I didn’t have one.
I rolled my shoulders back and headed outside and back toward the barn.
There was the sound of an axe hitting wood, at least that’s what I thought it was, and I veered off to the side, hearing what exactly it was.
Of course, now I sounded like I was a woman with zero brains and ability to defend myself, since I was going toward the sound of an axe, and now I just wished that perhaps I had brought that bat with me.
When I turned the corner, my breath stopped, and I took a deep breath, wondering if perhaps I’d fallen asleep in the cabin, and this was one of those dreams I didn’t want to wake up from.
Bodhi moved with such powerful determination and grace that it nearly knocked me off my feet. He had pulled off his flannel and T-shirt and hung them on the fence beside him, and that left him shirtless.
My mouth watered, and I told myself I needed to pull away.
But I couldn’t.
The tattoos that covered his side and back were masterful pieces of art, detailed and glorious. The phoenix rising out of the ashes, with names etched on his ribcage, right above the burn scars that I knew covered the other side of his chest and hips.
The nipple rings were a surprise, though they shouldn’t be.
After all, he had a nose ring, and once or twice, when I had been staring at him for a little too long, I noticed the outline of them against his chest, but I had thought I had been seeing things.
He lifted the axe and chopped away at the wood in front of him, though I didn’t know if it was an axe or if it was called something else.
All I knew was that he did it in one movement and split the log as if it were easy.
His biceps and triceps bulged, the veins on his forearms stood out, and I licked my lips, trying to breathe.
Sweat slicked down his back, and for some reason, I felt like I was in some form of lumberjack porn, asking him to spread those logs a little wider.
Okay, I needed to get a grip.
And not of Bodhi Ashford.
I must have made some moan or something, because Bodhi looked up sharply and narrowed his gaze at me.
Could he tell that I was turned on just by the sight of him being shirtless? I surely hoped not. That would be embarrassing. Not that getting turned on was embarrassing, but he was practically my landlord. This would be wrong.
Oh, so wrong.
And neither one of us was emotionally available, and I didn’t even know if he was physically available. So no, I had to be smarter than that. Stronger than that.
Was I still moaning?
“You better now?” Bodhi asked, that voice still as brisk and sexy as always.
“No, but I will be later. What are you doing?” I asked, knowing I was a dumbass.
“Chopping wood. We shouldn’t get another snowstorm, but I’d like to stay on top of things anyway. We lost more than one tree in the last mudslide, so I’m breaking them down as much as I can. A few of these pieces I’ll use for a project or two, though.”
“Oh.”
“After this, I’m going to work on staining my deck on the house. Do you want me to show you how to do that?”
The question and offer were so out of the blue that I paused, wondering if he was really talking to me.
I knew that being anywhere near a shirtless Bodhi Ashford was a danger to mostly myself, but the fact that he was offering to do something?
That had to mean something. Or I was looking too hard into it.
“Well, one day I am going to own a house, so I should probably figure out how to do things like that.”
His lips twitched, his nose ring glinting in the sunlight. “You can probably hire people for that, but it’s good to know. I’m almost done here. Just wait a second.”
I nodded, not quite sure what he was saying, since I couldn’t help but stare at him.
Bodhi made quick work of the last log and then sadly put his T-shirt and flannel back on before he led me toward the deck.
He had already pulled out his materials and started explaining to me what he was doing. He was a good teacher, I had to give him that, and I pulled out my phone to take notes. I might not ever do this, but I liked learning.
“Where did you learn how to do all of this?” I asked as we sat down on the older part of the deck, taking a break.
He handed me his bottle of water, since the sun was shining, and I gratefully took it.
It was cold down my throat; I hadn’t realized how hot it had been.
He frowned at me, pulled off the baseball cap that he had put backwards, and slid it over my head.
“I don’t know if you have on sunscreen or not.”
“I always wear sunscreen, but thank you.”
The hat smelled of him and a little bit of sweat. That I didn’t mind.
“I learned it from my friends’ dads.” He leaned against the railing, and I handed him his water back.
He played with the cap and didn’t say anything for a bit.
I shifted so I was sitting next to him, our shoulders brushing.
We faced the house, as well as part of the mountains, and I couldn’t help but feel at peace.
How odd to feel at peace in a place that wasn’t my own.
“I’m not handy at all, so at least you know how to do a few things.”
“That’s true.”
“It’s true that I’m not handy?” I teased.
He shook his head, not answering. The quirk of his lips was answer enough. “I learned how to work with my hands because I saw what my dad’s hands could do. Callum always said he was the one with dad’s hands, but I don’t think he really looked at mine.”
Their father, the one who had beaten them, those hands killed their mother. I reached out without thinking and slid my hand over his own. He froze, and I swallowed hard, noticing how tiny my hands were compared to his.
“My hands are covered in scars and aren’t dainty and soft.
They’re the hands of someone who has calluses and holds drumsticks for most of the day.
I used to rock climb, and I don’t get manicures unless it’s with my friends.
Our hands don’t make us, but we can try to make them our own. ” I pause. “If that makes sense.”
Bodhi didn’t move, and I held my breath. “It makes sense.” He turned then, and his nose knocked the hat on my head back slightly. I tilted my head up, my breath slowing.
And then he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine.
I froze, wondering what the hell was happening, and then there was nothing.
Just his lips against mine, his tongue parting to tangle, to touch, to knead.
I leaned into him slightly, pressing against him ever so harder, and he deepened the kiss, a touch, a lick, but nothing more.
And then he pulled back, his shoulders shifting as he took deep breaths.
“Bodhi?” I said after a moment of silence that felt as if knives cut between us.
Finally, he stared into my eyes and then shook his head. “I’m not sorry,” he said after a moment, and my heart swelled.
“I’m not sorry because I don’t want to be the one who hurts you. Not again. But I can’t do this.” And then he stood up, dropping my hand, and walked down the stairs of the deck and into the forest.
I knocked my head against the railing and let out a deep breath.
It was for the best. I knew it.
Yet I hated the fact that I now knew how that man kissed.