Chapter Five
Kelsey
This has been the longest day of my life.
The constant feeling of being on edge and the fact that the entire town now knows I have a mentally unstable stalker on my ass, hasn’t made for the most relaxing day.
I’ve spent it hiding out in the back office of The Rockport Beach Inn with Bella sleeping at my feet.
I muttered something about needing to catch up on paperwork to the two seasonal girls working the desk and neither questioned me.
Finn has been on high alert ever since the incident last night and although I appreciate all of his efforts, it doesn’t make me feel any safer.
At this point, I feel like Jason would do anything to get to me and he proved that last night.
He was bold enough to come to my house and knock on my door without caring that he was in total violation of the restraining order.
Or maybe I was the na?ve one because I opened the door.
I don’t even know how it got to this point.
I went on a few dates with Jason and things went well, but there wasn’t really any chemistry.
We dated off and on for a couple of months, but with him living in Boston and me working at the inn every weekend, it just didn’t pan out.
We mutually agreed that it wasn’t in the cards for us and split.
He seemed nice enough, but when he started coming by the inn every weekend, it began to creep me out a little bit.
Looking back I feel like there were probably red flags that I missed, but I can’t beat myself up over it.
I never led him on, I didn’t ask for this, and I definitely don’t deserve it.
I shudder at the thought of it all. Scared and pretty much alone, I fear for what may come.
All day I have felt terribly anxious, like someone is watching me, which could quite possibly be true.
I have chewed my fingers bloody and my legs are far too restless to sit still, yet I’m so terrified to leave my office.
I feel my chest constrict as I wonder if I’ll ever feel safe again; if I’ll feel safe in my home, at my work, in the town that I grew up in, a place that has always been a source of comfort and protection.
Jason has robbed me of all of this, taken my freedom and taken control of my life.
I have no idea how long I’ve been sequestered in my office when Finn pokes his head in and smiles a bit at me.
“How are you?” he says, but there’s no simplicity or casualness to his question. He wants to know if I’ve fallen apart, if I’ve allowed Jason to fuck with my head. And the answer is, “I’m a shit ass mess.”
But instead, I respond with, “I’m okay. Thanks for asking.”
His eyes are full of pity as he asks, “You ready to head home?”
Finn insisted that he follow me in to work every day and back home at the end of each night until Jason is found.
I agreed because what concerns me more than anything is that Jason has pretty much vanished since the incident.
Finn’s guys have been all over Rockport and the surrounding towns, including Boston, to try and locate him, but each time they fall short.
He seems to be a professional at evading the cops because every lead they get turns out to be a dead end.
I nod my head in response, but avoid making eye contact with him. With Bella in tow and Finn following behind, I head towards the front of the inn and out to my car.
When I reach the car I feel a hand connect with the small of my back and I flinch instantly and back away.
Chills run over my entire body and I swallow back the lump that forms in my throat.
I don’t want to cry. Just his hand on my back has turned into something that my body rejects.
It was once a huge source of comfort, something Beck did every time we entered a room.
I longed to feel Beck touch me back then, but now that simple gesture has been tarnished because of some psychopath.
“Sorry, Finn,” I say as I shake my head at my own stupidity. I knew it was Finn behind me. I shouldn’t have reacted that way, but I have no control over myself anymore.
“Kelsey, please,” he says and I walk right into his open arms, pressing my cheek against his chest and inhaling.
He smells like I remember Beck smelling and although I should find comfort in that, I don’t.
It makes me miss him; I miss him so much it hurts.
But the anger I still harbor is very much real.
Finn’s arms wrap around me and he kisses the top of my head as the tears begin to form. I can’t control them, falling fast and soaking his shirt.
“I’m sorry, Finn. You don’t have to do this,” I whimper out between hard breaths.
He chuckles a little and I feel his chest rise and fall under my cheek. “Yes I do. You know Beck would kill me if anything happened to you.”
I pull away from Finn at the mention of Beck’s name and mumble as I climb into my car, “Yeah, like he gives a shit.”
Finn walks around to the passenger side, opens the door, Bella hops in and settles herself in the seat.
Finn looks at me again with what I once mistook for pity.
I was wrong the first time, what I see in his eyes is tension.
The fact that this guy’s still on the loose seems to be wearing on him.
I hate that I’m the reason for the stress in Finn’s life.
He bore just as much of the burden and hurt when Beck left as I did. He hurt us both.
“I’ll meet you at your house?” he asks, quickly putting on a straight face.
“Yeah, but I’m just gonna drop Bella off and then run to the supermarket. I have nothing to eat.”
Finn sighs hard and I see the exhaustion of all of this come through. His job is tiring enough, but when you add in the stress of constantly having to keep tabs on me, I can’t even imagine.
“Would you mind just checking out my house before I drop Bella off? You can head home after that.”
“You sure? I really don’t mind going to the store with you,” Finn says, as I hear the fatigue in his voice.
I don’t think he’s slept since Jason wrapped his hands around my neck and these damn bruises are just a reminder of it all.
Every time Finn looks at me he sees them and his protective nature takes over.
“I’ll be fine, Finn. Just go through the house and once Bella’s in there, it’ll be all good.”
He nods his head and I smile at him trying to ease his worries and the stress he carries with him.
A few minutes later Finn has done a sweep of my cottage and Bella is resting comfortably on the couch. Nothing was out of the ordinary, so I feel a little bit less anxious about returning home for the night.
I thank Finn for all his help and tell him to go home and get some rest. He flashes me a tired smile before getting in his car and driving away.
Feeling just as exhausted, but far too hungry to forgo the trip to the supermarket, I grab a few canvas bags and hope to make this a quick run.
As I’m wandering the cereal aisle, looking for Lucky Charms even though I already have a cart full of crap, I nearly collide with Mrs. Holmes. She’s a sweet old woman, who was born and raised in Rockport and can’t help but find her way into the lives of everyone in this tiny ass town.
“Oh, Kelsey, dear, I heard what happened to you,” she says sympathetically, as she eyes my neck. My hand immediately moves to cover up the bruising, although I know there’s no hiding the marks. “How did you get involved with such an awful gentlemen?”
“I don’t know, Mrs. Holmes, but…” I try to sound casual while trying to avoid this conversation, but this old woman is quick and she cuts me off.
“It’s such a shame. You and Beck, he was such a sweet boy; you should have ended up with him. You know the whole town was certain you’d be married, especially after we all found out you two had been,” she whispers the next word like she just said ‘fuck’ in a room full of nuns, “fornicating.”
“Oh, sweet jesus,” I mumble under my breath. Shit, it’s times like this that I don’t blame Beck for bailing out of this town so fast it was like his ass was on fire. “It was nice to see you Mrs. Holmes,” I say, as I forget the Lucky Charms and ditch her before she can say anything else.
After a speedy check out and an even hastier loading of my groceries into my car, I’m on my way home, where I fully intend to put this bullshit behind me by gorging myself on chicken pot pie and Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
I know Finn and his guys are doing all they can, and I have to let that be enough for me or else this is going to consume my life.
As I drive home, I can’t help but laugh at Mrs. Holmes and her nosiness. It always drove Beck crazy, but I understood the town’s obsession with us. There was little going on in this town and Beck and I were a break from the boredom and monotony of it.
There’s nothing better than first love and Beck and I made it no secret that we were infatuated with each other.
The gossip drove him crazy, but I found it kind of sweet.
All the talk about us getting married and having babies and Beck taking over as police chief had me dreaming of a quiet life that had a ring on my finger and Beck by my side.
In the end it was all too much for him. He wanted more and I couldn’t give it to him.
I wish I could say I don’t think about it often, that I don’t think about him or what could have been our future, but that would be a lie. There isn’t a day that goes by when he doesn’t cross my mind.
I pull into my driveway and grab my bags off the seat next to me as I make my way to the front door. When I open the door, there he is sitting on the couch. The one person I never thought I’d see again.
Beck.
“How the fuck did you get in here and what did you do to my dog?” I ask through clenched teeth. I can feel my jaw tighten and my teeth begin to ache.
Beck is on the couch, his leg crossed and his foot resting on his knee. He’s wearing a navy blue suit that looks so damn good on him that I hate myself for even thinking it. Bella, my stupid guard dog, has her head resting on his lap. What. The. Fuck.
Without moving off the couch or even attempting to greet me, not that I expected it considering the way things ended ten years ago, he says, “Even after all this time, some things never change.” His tone is smug and his face impassable.
“What’s that, Beck?” I question with my eyebrows raised and a harshness to my voice.
He smiles and I nearly lose it. My grocery bags slip from my hands and hit the ground prompting Bella to look up at me, but she still returns her head to Beck’s lap.
That smile. That fucking smile. He’s so goddamn beautiful and it almost makes me forget why I’m so angry with him.
“Your alarm code,” he says casually. “And what can I say, the bitches love me.” He shrugs his shoulders as he looks down at Bella and then back at me.
My mouth twitches involuntarily into a smile and I bite down on my bottom lip to stifle it. He’s always been a cheeky fucker.
Before I can pick up my groceries, Beck is there doing it for me. He carries them into the kitchen and sets them down on the island with Bella trailing closely behind him. I storm into the kitchen after the two of them, already hot and fired up.
“Some guard dog you are, you whore,” I snarl at Bella, taking my anger out on her.
“Ah, see. That’s the girl I love,” Beck says and something inside me snaps.
“Get out of my house!” I scream, and I can feel my face heat up and the tears pool in my eyes. “Get out. Now!”
“Kels, baby, don’t be that way,” he says.
“No! You don’t get to come back here after all this time and act like nothing’s changed. You don’t get to fuck with me. You don’t get to have me, Beck.” My hands are shaking as the tears fall down my cheeks.
“Kels, please,” he practically begs and something in his voice stops me.
“Just hear me out.” His eyes lock with mine and my breath catches in my throat.
He’s far more gorgeous than I even remember.
Time has been good to him. He’s more muscular and defined than when I last saw him.
He’s filled out and the suit he’s wearing hugs his body perfectly, like it was made for him.
But I can’t get distracted by all of this.
I have to remind myself that he left me.
“Why are you here?”
“Why do you think I’m here?” he responds back and it just annoys me.
“I’m too tired for games, Beck. Stop dicking around.” I run a hand through my hair and sigh.
“I’m here because I know you’re in trouble.”
I purse my lips and shake my head, the more he speaks, the more pissed off I get.
“So what are you gonna do city boy? Swoop in here and save me? Where were you ten years ago when I needed you? You think you can waltz back into town, throw your big city police muscle around and I’m just gonna fall to my knees and thank you?
” I suddenly can’t look at him; I can’t even be in the same room with him.
I storm into the living room, ready to leave the house and take myself as far away from him as possible.
I wipe at the tears that have dried on my cheeks as Beck reaches for me, grabbing hold of my elbow. I yank away from him and when I turn around I see the hurt in his eyes and I almost cave.
“You think you’re the only one who gets to be hurt in this?” he demands, his voice loud and echoing. “Do you have any idea the fucking hell you’ve put me through for the last ten years? Not to mention this,” he says gesturing at the obvious finger imprints on my neck.
“Me?! Are you fucking kidding me?” By now I’m fuming. If I were a cartoon character smoke would be pouring from my ears. “You. Left. Me.” I say each word slow and deliberate. He can’t possibly blame this on me.
“You didn’t come with me!” he screams back.
“It’s the same goddamn argument. You weren’t kidding when you said some things never change.” I shake my head knowing neither one of us is willing to give in and admit fault. “You need to leave, Beck.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says and reaches for me again. I recoil, but that doesn’t stop him. He grabs my upper arms and pulls me towards him. I’m powerless to fight him. Exhausted and defeated, I let him.
His arms encircle my small frame and for just a second I let myself find the comfort and safety in him that I’ve missed all these years; that I’ve needed since all this started with Jason.
“I’ve missed you, Kels,” he says, and it nearly ruins me.