Chapter 19 #2
He smiled. “You’re no monster.” Then he took a deep breath, letting her scent settle into his lungs. “No one who smells so good could be evil.”
She snorted. “I need a shower. I went full hybrid to escape the community center, stink and all.”
He frowned. “Were you hurt?”
“Only my pride.” Then her expression turned confused. “Do you seriously like the smell?”
He smiled. “I do. Could that be because you injected me with the stuff?”
“Maybe. Or maybe you’re just weird.”
Maybe. He let his gaze linger on her face and he fell into the emotions that swirled inside him whenever he thought of her. “It feels like you’re my woods. When you’re around, the problems are external, not internal.”
Her eyes widened in surprise and she went statue still, but in the end, her lips softened. “You know that doesn’t make logical sense, right.”
“I know.”
“Yeah. And…” She blew out a breath. “I feel the same way about you.”
Warmth flooded his body at her words along with a healthy dose of surprise. “I need to shift,” he said. “I need to get healthy, so I can kiss you.”
She grinned. “I’m okay with that.”
Yeah, so was he. Except when he reached for the change magic, it wasn’t there. “I can’t do it.”
“Why not?”
He hadn’t the foggiest idea. “Could it be the serum?”
“It makes you stronger. Even after one dose, you should be able to shift more often, not less.”
“Even after it wears off?”
“Yeah.”
He grimaced. That eliminated a physical problem as the cause. Which meant his problem was all mental. He could have guessed that.
“Except for my night with you, I haven’t slept since Nanook attacked me.” He would have shrugged, but knew his side would punish him for the movement. “If you don’t count when I was unconscious.”
“What happens when you try to sleep?”
He tried not to remember even as he spoke. “My thigh gets shredded, two slugs hit me in the chest, and Nanook laughs.”
She shuddered. “That’s some grade-A trauma you got going there.”
His lips quirked. Trust Frankie to put it bluntly. “Guess so.”
“It’s a wonder you’re not in the corner drooling on yourself.”
He arched a brow. “I kind of am, aren’t I?”
She tilted her head as she inspected him. “No drool, so you’re okay there.”
“Good to know.”
Her face softened as she stroked his good shoulder. “I am so sorry for leaving you to face the police alone. I shouldn’t have bailed. We could have helped each other.”
“At least you know it now.”
She nodded. “But I don’t think your magic does.”
He frowned. “What?”
“Think about it. Everyone you trust has betrayed you. And then you find the one person who makes you feel like you’re centered again, and what do I do? I bail.”
“I understand why.”
“Maybe on a conscious level, but what about underneath where the magic comes from? At this point, your magic has got to think that the world is a terrible place and it’d be way better if you just stayed in bed where it’s safe.”
He couldn’t argue with that. Hell, his conscious mind thought that too.
But he had a duty to the people of Detroit, promises to the Griz, and a bone-deep need to stop the coming violence between the wolves and the bears.
Up until now, he’d always relied on that moral center—the knowledge of duty and responsibility—to guide him even when the rest of the world seemed to think lies were the norm.
Now he wondered if that was enough. All those responsibilities didn’t really feel like they gave anything back to him. And right now, he was running on empty.
She stroked a finger across his brow, gently smoothing away the frown he hadn’t even known was there. “You seem to be thinking a whole lot of stuff right now. Care to share?”
“I can’t argue with what you’re saying. I just don’t know how to fix it.”
“Your subconscious needs to feel safe again.”
He snorted. “Great. How?”
“Do I look like a therapist to you? I haven’t a clue. But I’m willing to sit here and talk it out with you if you want. Will that help?”
It couldn’t hurt. And looking into her soft green eyes, he believed it would help. A lot. “I don’t know where to begin.”
“Start anywhere. Let me listen.”
So he did. He talked backward in time, starting with Nanook, but ended by relaying how his parents had reacted when he’d told them he was a shifter.
Back in Noelle’s bedroom, he’d told Frankie it was a fun experience, that he’d loved showing his parents that magic existed and making his sister scream.
He hadn’t told her about the rest because he didn’t like to think of the negatives.
When he’d first said the words to his parents—not shown them—his father had stared at him like he was insane and his mother had shaken her head, no.
As if he’d shared a cancer diagnosis or something.
They fought the knowledge even after he shifted right in front of them.
They were good people, and he loved them, but deep down couldn’t accept what he was. It made them uncomfortable on a gut level, and he didn’t want to force them into a place they couldn’t go.
It hurt. Deep down, it really hurt, and this was the first time he’d told anyone about it.
She listened to him. And though they held hands at the beginning, eventually she stretched out in the bed beside him.
Her body pressed intimately close to his, but she kept her head braced on the palm of her hand as he talked.
Every once in a while, she would tell him a similar story from her childhood, but mostly she listened as she held him.
And when the pain seemed to pour out with every word, she wrapped her arm around his torso and pressed her lips to his cheek.
He felt the wet of her tears, but didn’t acknowledge them.
Especially since they might have been his own.
His throat gave out more than once, but he sipped water and soon fell into talking again.
She brought that out in him. Words, feelings, things he hadn’t acknowledged even in the privacy of his own thoughts.
They spilled out to her, and she absorbed them as if she couldn’t get enough.
At one point, Hank’s mantra slipped through his thoughts. The greatest mastery is a mind that lets go. He’d been trying with very little success. Until now. Now he saw that he had to let go by giving it to someone else. To share the pain and the burden so that it could finally dissipate.
He gave it to her. He told her everything until his throat shut down and his words failed. He closed his mouth and his eyes. He settled his cheek on her head, and he held her just as tightly as she held him.
And together, they slept.