Chapter 7
CHAPTER 7
Day sat in the chair offered to her, her whole body weary. Had it really only been twenty-four hours since Michael Malone had shoved her on a private plane? He’d been waiting at the security entrance to the palace to take her from Rai’s custody. She and Kash had been taken to the private airfield in separate vehicles, and the plane had taken off before she could quite realize what was happening.
Now she was here in Dallas, Texas, and she felt numb. She’d slept little and spoken not one word to her husband.
Her husband, who’d looked at her like she was some kind of a freak. Her husband, who had made it plain he wanted nothing to do with her.
How easily they’d broken. As if what they had together had been nothing but spun sugar to dissolve in the slightest hint of rain.
“I know you’re both tired, but I wanted to give you an update on what’s happening in Loa Mali.” A man with short brown hair sat behind a rather plain but sturdy desk. He was a large man, his shoulders broad and his jaw square, an all-American type. The name on the office said Wade Rycroft, but the man had introduced himself as Alex McKay. “Ian sends his sincere apologies, Kash. We’ve got a problem he needs to handle. It’s a family situation.”
Apparently the bodyguards had decided to ship them to home base.
“I don’t care about Taggart’s family issues. I would like to know exactly what’s going on. I’ve heard nothing. We were given no choices, McKay. I will not be treated like some prisoner.” Kash stood up. It was obvious none of his anger had fled over the course of the day.
“You’re being treated like a man who was damn near assassinated,” McKay replied, his voice even, but the narrowing of his eyes made his irritation clear to Day. “This is what you pay me for. You pay me to ensure your safety and the safety of your wife. More than that, you pay me to keep your monarchy safe. My employees did exactly what they should have done. They got you out of a dangerous situation. They shipped you somewhere no one will think to look, with the absolute best security you will find in the world. Two of my most experienced men are working to figure out who wants to kill you and also to keep the assassination attempt out of the press. If you find anything wrong with my plan, there’s the door. You’re free to go.”
Kash turned and walked toward the door. He hadn’t read the same body language she had or he simply didn’t care.
Day stayed in her seat. One of them had to be reasonable. “I thank you for your quick service, Mr. McKay. My husband is going to act like an ass now. Let him. I would appreciate any update you could give me. Did they find out what kind of poison was used? Has Jamil’s daughter been informed? She needs to know she’ll be given his full pension.”
“Jamil had a daughter?” Kash stopped at the door.
Naturally, the man had been sharing a Scotch before bed with Jamil for years, but he didn’t know about his servant’s family. In the few weeks she’d been living at the palace, she’d made it a point to learn about the family’s closest servants. They were men and women who had devoted themselves to the palace for years. They deserved some respect. She kept staring straight ahead. “Yes. He took care of his daughter and her two children. His son-in-law died two years ago and he’s the sole source of income while she’s taking classes at university. I would like to offer to pay her tuition and to keep up Jamil’s paychecks while she’s in school.”
Kash worked his way back to his seat and slumped down. “Jamil is really dead.”
McKay’s voice was the tiniest touch more sympathetic this time. “Yes, Kash. We wouldn’t have hauled you out of your country for anything but true worry for your life. And as far as your servant’s daughter knows, her father passed away of natural causes and the palace will take care of her. It’s best we keep this under wraps for now. The press would swarm the island if they knew.”
Kash looked infinitely tired as he sat back in the chair that seemed almost too small for his enormous frame. “The press was all over my island already. How do you expect them not to notice that the king and queen have been taken away?”
“I’ve set that plan in motion. Your yacht was seen launching last night after midnight for the Arabian Sea. Right now it’s being captained by a friend of mine, and every now and then two of my employees who look a bit similar to you will be seen cuddling on the deck or taking in the sunset. Believe me, they know how to sell this. As far as the press knows, you and your queen are on a private honeymoon cruise and you do not wish to be disturbed. Rumor has it you’ve packed enough food and drinks for a full two weeks at sea.”
Kash’s hand tightened on the armrest. “Two weeks? You expect me to hide out here for two weeks?”
“Hopefully by then Simon and Jesse will have figured out exactly what’s happening,” McKay continued. “They’ve already identified the man who delivered the Scotch. He’s being questioned right now, but he claims to know nothing.”
“It will likely have been a young man named Gilad. I can’t imagine he’s an antimonarchist,” Kash muttered. “His father was once the head of security. He grew up around the palace.”
“We’re gathering data,” McKay replied. “We’re going to figure out when the Scotch was poisoned and every single person who touched that bottle. When we know anything at all, we’ll let you know. Until then I want to offer you the safety of Sanctum. Kash, you’ve been here before. You know all the rules. I’ve closed the club down to everyone but actual McKay-Taggart employees and their partners. We’ve converted the privacy rooms into suites for your time here. You may use the club, or if you prefer, stay in your rooms. I want you to have some company, if you would like. There’s a full bar and a kitchen that will also be staffed while you’re here. I thought I would have someone go over how the club runs with your new bride.”
“Oh, I’m sure she knows,” Kash said bitterly. “My bride is very familiar with all things BDSM. Does she not have a membership here? I’m surprised since she belongs to clubs all over Europe. Was the US too far to travel for your trips, my dear?”
McKay looked between them as though just figuring out there was serious tension there. “No, she’s not a member, though she is welcome through your membership. Are you a member at another club, Your Majesty?”
Well, the cat was out of the bag and had been beaten half to death, so she might as well not hold back. She sat up straight, unwilling to allow Kash’s sarcasm to bring her low. “I hold a membership at The Velvet Collar in Paris and a club in Berlin called The Tower.”
McKay grinned. “Holy shit. Mistress Day.” He stood up and held out a hand with what seemed like genuine happiness. “I knew you looked familiar. We haven’t met, but I did attend one of your classes a few years back. My wife and I joined Ian and Charlotte Taggart on vacation and we spent a few days at The Velvet Collar. It was fascinating. You taught a brilliant class on suspension play. We use your techniques all the time. I’m so honored to host you.”
She shook the man’s hand, grateful at least one person in the world didn’t think she was some kind of criminal for her desires. “And I am honored to be here. Rene at The Collar speaks highly of your club.”
“I’ll be thrilled to introduce you around,” McKay said, warmth in his voice. He let go of her hand and then turned to Kash. “And if I didn’t say it before, congratulations on the wedding. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it, but we’ve traveled so much lately. Ian and Charlotte were sorry to send their regrets as well, but the wedding happened so fast.”
“You didn’t miss anything at all,” Kash replied.
“I’m sure it was lovely.” McKay frowned but moved toward the door of the office anyway. “I’m going to make sure the rooms are ready. I can imagine you’re tired. I’ll be back in a moment.”
The door closed and silence hung in the small office.
“Would you like to explain why you’re so angry with me?” She had to ask. She didn’t understand what had really happened.
He stared straight ahead. “You lied to me.”
“I never lied to you. I never told you I was a virgin or that I didn’t have a past.”
“You also didn’t mention that past included being a dominatrix. You didn’t think that would be a problem? You didn’t think that would open us all up to ridicule? The queen of Loa Mali wears leather and likes to spank naughty men. Some press statement that will make. It’s a nightmare and you’ve brought this down on our heads because you were selfish and manipulative.”
“They were private clubs, Kashmir. You’ve been to them too. It’s all right for you to frequent clubs, but not me, is that correct? I would like for you to state your hypocrisy so I can understand its depths.” Weariness was starting to be brushed aside in favor of a righteous anger. “Would the playboy of the Western world like to condemn me as a whore?”
He waved her off. “No one cares what I do. They will care about you, and that’s merely me being realistic. It’s already bitten us in the ass. We’ve already had our first blackmail attempt. How many more? How many times will I have to threaten or bribe some man you used to punish so he won’t out you? My mother is sick. This could push her over the edge.”
At least she could answer that particular fear of his. “Your mother knows. I brought it up to her in the beginning. I should have brought it up to you, but honestly, I didn’t want to hear about your past. I was letting it go and moving into the future. I thought you would give me the same courtesy.”
He finally turned. “My mother knows?”
“Yes, I told her, but she explained that she already knew.”
He ran a hand over his hair, messing it up further. “And yet you didn’t think to explain to me that you preferred feminine men? You merely decided to change me into one?”
Change him? Was that what he was worried about? “I’m not trying to change you in any way. I like the way you are. There’s nothing at all wrong with it. You can be strong and still need to submit. It doesn’t make you less of a man.”
His jaw tensed, anger making his whole body rigid. “I do not submit. Not to you. Not to anyone. I’m the king.”
“I never said you weren’t the king. What we do in the privacy of our bedroom, it doesn’t change who you are outside of it. And there’s no weakness in submitting sexually to a partner who understands your needs and supports you. This is about finding one place in the world where you can give up control, where you know you’re safe because your Mistress would never harm you.”
He threw back his head and laughed, a terribly bitter sound. “Safe? You don’t make me safe, Mistress Day. You want to make me weak and you’ve already placed my whole kingdom at risk.”
Perhaps it was how tired she was or the fact that she’d heard it before exactly how wrong she was for being comfortable with herself and her needs, but she was ready to give him what he wanted. She stood and faced him. Blissful numbness had overtaken her and she couldn’t work up the will to cry. She wasn’t strong enough at that moment. It would come later, but for now she stared at the man she’d loved since she was nineteen years old. She wasn’t strong enough to lie to herself anymore. It had always been Kash, from the moment he’d grinned at her in class and winked her way. Back then, he’d been the one who’d made it all right to be who she was, glasses and impulses and all. The funny thing was she would never have walked into a club, never have studied up on dominance and submission, had it not been for Kash. He’d given her the strength to accept herself and now he hated her for it.
“I’ll contact a lawyer after I’ve had some sleep.” There wasn’t anything else she could do. She wasn’t going to stay when it was so clear she was unwelcome.
“A lawyer? I’ve already taken care of it,” Kash insisted. “This time. But there will be a next. I’m sure of it. My god, even Ian Taggart knows who you are.”
She sighed as she walked to the door. “I didn’t mean to take care of your ex-girlfriend. I meant to file for a divorce. Or annulment perhaps. We haven’t actually consummated the marriage, so it might be possible.”
“Divorce?” He said the word like he’d never heard it before.
What exactly did he want from her if he didn’t want to end the marriage? “Yes, Kash. Divorce. You’re so horrified by the fact that I like to take control during sex. You’re horrified that my whorish past might come up, and despite the fact that you’ve slept with every woman on the planet, somehow this will make you less of a man. You’re horrified by me personally. So the simple way to fix the problem is for the two of us to get a divorce. Since I handle everything anyway, I might as well be the one who files. Oh, you can tell everyone it was you, but we both know you’ll be far too lazy to call a lawyer yourself.”
Before she could open the door, he put a hand on it, holding it closed. “Lazy, am I?”
She shouldn’t have said that, but her defenses were down. She shook her head. “We shouldn’t talk anymore until we’ve had some sleep. If Mr. McKay has set us up with only one bed, I’ll take the couch.”
“Shouldn’t the Mistress have the bed? Shouldn’t I sleep on the floor like the good lap dog I am?” He seemed determined to see the worst in everything.
“I never asked you to do that, Kash.”
“But you would have at some point. You were preparing me to be your boy. I believe the term is grooming. You were grooming me to accept being your slave.”
Naturally he would see it that way. “I was trying to bring you comfort.”
“I cannot be what you want me to be.”
“Hence the divorce. Then you can go back to your delicate flowers and leave your manly wife behind. Perhaps they’ll make you feel more like a man with their simpering neediness.”
“Or I can go back to them anyway, keep my marriage and my crown, and turn you into what I need you to be,” he shot back. “Have you thought of that? I can bend you to my will and then you’ll know who the Master is.”
There was no way she was taking that. “Or I could save us both an enormous amount of trouble and cut your balls off while you’re sleeping and stuff them down your throat so you never threaten me like that again. If you lay a single hand on me, you’ll find out how strong I can be.”
That seemed to throw him. He stepped back, his hands up. “I wasn’t going to hit you, Day. I would never hit you. I…god, I didn’t mean it that way.”
At least he wasn’t about to become an abusive prick. He was simply feeling the stresses of the past few days, the same way she was. “I’m going to find a place to sleep. I can’t talk about this anymore today.”
He reached out, this time his hold on her arm gentle. “Dayita, I would never hit you. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. But you should have told me before we married that you need something I can’t give you.”
“You don’t know what I need at all. I need to play in the bedroom. I never would have asked you to defer to me outside of there. I thought you needed someplace where you didn’t have to be the king, where you could relax and let someone you trust take over. That was all I ever wanted. I wanted for us to explore and find what works for us. I wasn’t ashamed of my past. If it gets out, I don’t care. I didn’t think you would either. I thought you loved me more than you loved your own image. A silly thing to think since this was an arranged marriage.”
“We’re not divorcing, Day,” he said, but his tone was low and weary. “Royals don’t divorce.”
“Tell that to Charles and Diana,” she replied. “Somehow the British monarchy is still around.”
She walked out, closing the door behind her, and stepped out into the hallway. Naturally she had no idea where to go.
“Sometimes it’s hard to accept the things we need.” Alex McKay stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to what she suspected was the dungeon portion of the club. “Especially those things that run counter to what we’ve been taught we should need.”
“Why do you think I was gently working him toward a light form of submission?” She asked the question with the weary tone of a woman who knew she was about to be judged and found lacking.
“So you were being sneaky about it? You know he’s been in this club a few times. He always tries to play the Dom, but it was obvious to me his heart wasn’t in it. I actually suggested he scene with one of our Dommes. I suggested that he should do it because every Dom should know what it feels like to be the one on bottom. Most of my tops eagerly embrace the experience because they know it will make them a better Master or Mistress. Not Kash. He utterly refused, and when I insisted I couldn’t give him Master rights without it, he left and hasn’t come back until today. Oh, he’s friendly enough, but I knew then I’d hit a tender nerve. But you did get him to submit, didn’t you?”
Had she been wrong to lead him the way she had? She’d never demanded that he do anything. She’d simply gone on instinct. Should she have turned it all into a long lesson about what she wanted from him that would have ended in a contract signed by the two of them? “I don’t know that I would say that. I don’t need his pure submission. I was only trying to give him what I thought he needed. He’s not capable of telling me. You’re right about that. It’s why I did what I did.”
“He has to be able to look himself in the mirror.” McKay leaned against the railing of the stairs.
“He did nothing that he should be ashamed of.” How could Kash even think that?
“I know that. You know that. I don’t think he understands that at all. Sometimes the best play a top can make is to be patient and show some kindness to his or her submissive. Even when they don’t really deserve it.” McKay gestured to the stairs above. “Your rooms are on the third floor. I opened the connecting doors between rooms two and three to make a suite. My wife, Eve, stocked the rooms with toiletries and clothes. You made her day because that woman loves to buy clothes. There are two beds if you need them, but I would advise you not to make decisions today. I know he’s a douchebag, but sleep on it before you dump him. I think he needs time. Two weeks isn’t a lot of time to adjust to getting married and to changing his view of himself.”
“I don’t know that patience will win this war, but I will definitely sleep before I do anything,” she replied.
“You’d be surprised how patience can be rewarded. I should know. I wouldn’t be married to the most beautiful woman in the world without it. And her kindness. Goodnight, Your Majesty.” He nodded her way before he walked back toward the office.
Day started up the stairs, McKay’s words playing through her head.
Kash sank into the chair despite the fact that his every instinct told him to go after his wife and beg her forgiveness. He wasn’t going to do that. He didn’t need to apologize. She’d taken what he’d said in the wrong context. He would never hurt her physically.
So what exactly had he meant? Fuck. He had no bloody idea. He didn’t even recognize himself anymore.
Here he was married for less than forty-eight hours and his wife was already talking about divorce.
How had he gotten here? Not two weeks before he’d been perfectly happy. He’d been carefree. He’d had everything he could possibly want.
He’d hated his life.
The door opened and Kash forced himself to sit up straight. He wasn’t about to lose it in front of Alex McKay. He’d known the man for a few years, but only in a friendly acquaintance fashion.
This man had known more about his wife than he had.
Anger burned through him at her betrayal.
“So everything is set up,” McKay explained as he sank back into the chair. “The only people who will be in and out of the club for the next forty-eight hours will be the Dom-in-residence, myself, and your bodyguards. I’ll have Michael and Boomer on the daytime shift, and then Remy Guidry will take over the nighttime shift. I’ve left you dossiers on Wade Rycroft and Remy, so hopefully you’ll feel comfortable. While Wade serves as the caretaker for Sanctum, he’s also a former Green Beret. He’ll back up Remy at night. Then we’ll have the club open for select members the day after that. Unless your majesty would prefer to be alone, and then we’ll close Sanctum for the full two weeks.”
Kash shook his head. He would go crazy if he were stuck here with only his wife. He’d woken up the morning of his wedding certain that two weeks alone and naked with his wife was exactly what he needed. Two weeks where he didn’t have to worry about anything but pleasing his queen.
Two weeks where he would have fallen further and further under her spell.
“No, I don’t want that. Please tell Mr. Taggart that he should go on as though everything is perfectly normal. I’ll be crawling the walls in a few days.” Or he would be signing divorce papers.
It was the rational thing to do. He could spend a few days pouring over constitutional law and laying out the best plan to remove his inconvenient wife so he could get back to his real life. He’d fulfilled his obligations by marrying her in the first place. There was likely nothing that said he couldn’t divorce her.
Why did the thought of divorcing Dayita make him almost as angry as what she’d done to him?
“Kash, do you want me to bring in someone for you to talk to? You’ve had a rough couple of weeks. Lots of pressure on you.”
He’d found out his mother was dying, been forced to marry, fallen in love, been betrayed.
Was he in love with her? Was that why he was so angry? Had any other woman caused him problems, he would have gently ended the relationship. He would have moved on and not thought about her twice. He had the feeling Day would haunt him for the rest of his life.
“We have a man named Kai Ferguson who works in the building next door. You’ve met him before.”
Kash frowned. “Yes, I’ve met him. I’m not going to sit in some room and discuss my feelings with his man bun. If he wishes to speak with me and have me take him seriously, he can get a haircut.”
McKay groaned. “You’re as bad as Ian.”
He certainly was not, but he also wasn’t going to get caught in some ridiculous discussion of what should be private feelings. All feelings should private. All of them.
Smile and wave and never let them see you’re anything but happy, son. You cannot allow the press or any of your people to see you as anything less than a king. Kings do not have feelings. Kings have responsibilities, and we do them without complaint. I know your brother acts the fool much of the time, but he’s not going to be the king. He can be the clown.
He’d been twelve and Shray almost fifteen. Kash had hidden in his father’s study because he wanted, just once, to know what these weekly meetings between his father and brother were like. He was never invited. It was not information for the spare. In the early days, his mother would distract him by playing games with him or suggesting they watch a movie. At the time, it had felt like precious moments he got with his mother. It was only later that he understood she was trying to spare his feelings.
His father had cared for him, but Kash had always known his place was to be the spare, and once Shray had married and had children, he would be worthless. He would have been nothing but the clown-like uncle, only relevant because of his childhood.
It was why he’d studied, why he’d gone out into the world. He’d wanted to make something of himself. Yes, he would have been the spare—a footnote in royal history—but he would have been a man of learning, someone his father could have been proud of.
How had he still ended up the clown?
“Don’t close the club. I would rather have something to do at night.”
McKay nodded. “All right. I’ll let Ian know. He’ll be happy about that. He needs a night at his club, but you should know he was willing to give it up to protect you. He considers you a friend.”
“I consider him a friend as well.” His stomach was in knots. He stood up. He needed sleep but he wasn’t sure he would be able to sleep with her in the room. There must be a bench somewhere. “I know you said you’d put together a room for us, but I suspect you didn’t understand the nature of my marriage to Day.”
McKay’s face was a polite blank. “I’ve been given a full report on the state of your marriage.”
“It’s an arranged marriage. It was never for love or feelings. It was strictly to secure the crown.” If he started explaining things that way, perhaps he could keep some much-needed distance. He simply had to view his marriage the way it was intended—as a pure exchange of need. He needed a wife. She needed all of his money and power.
Except she hadn’t really gone out and spent much. He’d overheard her arguing with his mother that she didn’t need a new wardrobe. His mother had been the one to insist that Dayita have what she called a “trousseau.” Day had put her dainty foot down when Mother had suggested that she redecorate the queen’s traditional apartments. Day had claimed it was lovely and all she would need was her desk from home to make the rooms livable.
“That’s funny,” McKay said quietly. “That’s not what my men observed. I was told you were quite fond of the queen. They said you changed when you met her. You weren’t fighting actively against the marriage once you realized who you were marrying.”
Somehow things had fallen into place when Day had walked into the room again. His world had seemed brutally cold after realizing his mother was sick. He’d felt alone. And then Day had walked out as though the universe couldn’t possibly take away someone so precious without handing him someone else. Day was the one who encouraged him to talk about his mother. He wouldn’t talk about it, but there had been comfort in knowing she was there if he needed her.
Why was she there? Why had she done the things she’d done? Taken him down the dark path like some temptress leading him to sin.
Not sin exactly, but certainly something that could lead to his ruin.
“I calmed down and accepted the marriage after I realized my mother was dying.” It wasn’t a lie. It also wasn’t one hundred percent truth.
“Ah, well, Kai could talk to you about that, too. I know you have to be concerned.”
Numb was a better word. He still wasn’t sure he’d accepted that she was terminally ill. She’d seemed so invigorated by the wedding.
According to Day, his mother had known about Day’s past. Did his mother think so little of him that she believed he needed some kind of keeper? That he needed a top to show him the way? How his father would have laughed. Poor Kash, always the clown.
“I’ll handle this on my own. I thank you for doing your job.” He needed to put a good spin on this. He’d made a mistake by showing his irritation with his new bride. They had to present a united front even when he was so angry he couldn’t look at her. He had to think of the crown. Not himself. He had to be the kind of king his father would have wanted. Strong. Dominant in all things. Never wavering. “Now that I’ve had a few hours to think about it, coming here is actually the best thing that could happen to us. We don’t have to pretend we’re in love. Day and I can relax and play without fear that someone will go to the press. You need to understand that if anyone goes to the press…”
“What you would do is nothing compared to what Ian would do. Trust me. You’re safe here.” McKay closed the folder in front of him. “I’ll let you know if we hear anything from Simon and Jesse. Chelsea and Phoebe have come onto the team as well. Chelsea is searching around the web to see if she can find a hint of anyone talking about harming the king while Phoebe is sitting in on the interviews. She was Agency for years and she’s got excellent instincts. You’re in good hands.”
He was sure they would find whoever had poisoned his Scotch. He stood up. “Again, my thanks. I’m going to get some sleep.”
“Of course. The guards are already here. You’re safe.” McKay let him get to the door before speaking again. “You know Day had poured herself a glass of that Scotch before she found the body. It’s why Simon was running so hard down that hallway. He’d seen Jamil fall and your wife enter the room. Your servant was out of her line of sight when she walked in. I’ve seen the video. She was seconds away from taking a drink. Luckily she was pacing and found Jamil. If she’d taken even a sip, you would be a widower today.”
His stomach dropped at the thought. Day had almost taken a drink? A vision of Day laid out on the floor, her warm eyes cold and unseeing, nearly made him stumble and fall. He’d been the one to send her to that room. He’d been the one to upset her. He’d been the reason she’d reached for the Scotch. She tended to prefer tea before bed. She hadn’t been getting ready for bed. She’d been getting ready for a fight.
He managed to nod McKay’s way. He’d always hated the fact that palace security required CCTV cameras in the living portions of his suite. His bedroom and the bathrooms were the only parts of the palace where he had some privacy. This was one time he had to be grateful. “Thank you for telling me. She didn’t mention it. I’m certainly grateful to Mr. Weston for getting to her as quickly as he did.”
He walked out the door. He knew the way to the privacy rooms that would serve as his suite while he was here. He took the stairs two at a time but stopped when he reached the third floor landing.
What the hell was he going to say to her? He wasn’t about to meet with a lawyer.
He’d almost lost her.
He was so fucking angry with her.
If this was what love felt like, Kash didn’t want it. This was a terrible ache in his gut, a pendulum swinging between anger and insane grief.
He stepped quietly into the room and there she was. Day hadn’t bothered to get undressed, though a gown and robe had been left out for her. She’d simply lain down and fallen fast asleep, her shoes still on.
What the hell was he going to do with her?
He shrugged out of his jacket and toed off his shoes. There was another bed in the adjoining room, but he didn’t want to use it. Suddenly, despite the fact that he was angry, he didn’t want to leave her alone.
Had what she’d done truly been so bad? He was a hypocrite of the first order and he knew it.
Her eyes fluttered open. “I’ll go to the other bed if you want this one.”
He found himself sitting at the end of the bed, pulling her feet into his lap as he unbuckled the straps at her ankles and eased the shoes off her feet. “Just stay here. Day, I’m…I was surprised by your background. I wish you had told me.”
She sighed, a sad sound. “I suppose I knew deep down you would reject me.”
Something about the lonely sound of her voice softened him. “I can’t live that way. I can’t be that way.”
For a moment she looked like she would say something, and then she rested her head down again. “And I can’t be anything less than who I am.”
“Where does that leave us?” He was so tired. He’d been running on anger and adrenaline, and now he was flat out of both. He was a bit hollow, lost as to what he should do.
“It leaves us where we were before. We can divorce and you can find a more suitable bride, or we can be friends. We can understand that we don’t work as lovers but we might be good partners. If we’re discreet, it could possibly work.”
The thought rankled but he couldn’t fight more tonight. Today. God, he wasn’t even sure what day it was. He only knew he seemed so far from the man who’d held her hand and promised to honor her forever.
“Go to sleep. We’ll figure it out.” He wasn’t sure they could figure anything at all out.
He just knew he didn’t have the strength to yell at her anymore. He lay down beside her.
“Kash?”
The bed was soft and he wished he had the right to pull her into his arms. He would be warm if she wrapped herself around him. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was giving you what you needed.”
But he couldn’t need those things. He couldn’t let himself even want them anymore. Still, as he lay there, all he could see was the girl she’d been. He’d given her up once for his crown. Could he do it again? How much would being king cost him? He reached out and brushed her hair off her face. She was so lovely. Of all the women he’d been with, why was it only this one who’d ever truly moved him, who’d ever fed his soul? “I won’t yell at you again. I’m sorry. When you wake up tomorrow, we’ll be friends again. All right?”
A tear slipped from her eye but she nodded. “Friends, then.”
He watched her until her breathing evened out and she was asleep. Despite the heavy weight of the day, Kash lay there wondering if friends could ever be enough for him again.