Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
EZRA
It’s been four agonizing days since Jade walked out, and all I can do is spend time at the gym, punching the hell out of a bag and plotting a way out of this life.
Tyson stands in front of me. “What the hell is going on with you?”
I throw another punch, the cuts on my knuckles splitting open again, blood soaking through the wrapping. “I have a lot going on. You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“You’re walking around here all pissy and beating the hell out of whoever you think you can. And then we all have to deal with your horrible attitude because you don’t want to deal with whatever the hell is bothering you.”
“Why the fuck does everyone around me want to talk, all of a sudden?” I stride away from the bag, going over to the vending machine as I unwrap my hands.
I get a snack from the machine, tearing into it and dropping down onto the bench outside the locker room.
Tyson follows me over. “Does this have to do with Jade?”
“Fuck off.” I tilt the chip bag upside down over my mouth, devouring the last of the crumbs.
“Okay, so it has to do with her. And knowing you and what you’re like, you probably did something to push her away because that’s the only thing you know how to do. And then you spend so much time pushing people away that you become this sullen bastard of a human again.”
“Great. You’ve figured out what’s wrong with me, and now you can go on with your life, leaving me the fuck alone.”
Tyson leans against the wall beside me. “Are we going to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“You know, you’re ruining what’s probably the best thing to ever happen to you. Sure, things might not be normal between the two of you, but you’ve been in a better mood since she came around. You should be at home with her right now instead of here.”
“What you’re saying is going to get you killed.”
Tyson shows off the bruises still covering his body and the crutches off to the side, his walking boot hard as a rock as he kicks me.
“They came close once, but I’m still standing, so I think I’ve earned a little bit of room to say what I want when it’s just me and you.
Unless you’re going to run to Noah and tell him. ”
I shake my head, crumpling the bag and tossing it into the garbage can to my left. “Not going to tell him shit.”
“Well, what about going home to Jade?”
“That’s not going to happen either. She doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I can’t say I blame her.”
Tyson snorts. “She’s obsessed with you. She wouldn’t stay with your crazy ass unless she was.”
“You can think that if you want, but she’s back at her old apartment, and I doubt I’m going to see her again.”
At least, not in person. The cameras I installed in that apartment after I moved her in with me are a different story.
I’ve been watching them every night.
There’s something nostalgic about watching her when she doesn’t know I am watching.
It’s in the way she spends time working on her cooking, practicing recipe after recipe like she’s trying to lose herself in cooking.
I wouldn’t blame her if she did after everything that happened. I’ve been trying to lose myself too.
Tyson kicks me again. “I’m tired of the moping. What the hell got between the two of you?”
“She doesn’t want me to go to that fight next weekend. She’s pretty sure I’m going to end up dead if I go, and I know she’s going to be killed if I don’t.”
Tyson gets his own snack out of the machine. “You know the family she has backing her. You could go with her and leave this end of the shit behind. You know Noah is unstable at best, and it’s only gotten worse over the last couple of months.”
“You should watch what you say.”
Tyson gestures to the otherwise empty gym. “There’s nobody here to listen, and I know you do a sweep for any bugs when you get here. You’re paranoid, and you’re going to go as batshit insane as Noah if you keep it up.”
“I didn’t come here for a lecture.”
“Sure, but you came here for something, and it doesn’t seem like you’re getting it. So, maybe you should go see Jade and tell her that you’re ready to be done with this shit and want her family to help you. They just might be willing to do it if you ask nice enough.”
“I’m not going to go running to the Lyndes to solve my problem. Do you know how weak that makes us look?”
“Us?” Tyson gestures to the gym as if there’s an army of Rinaldos standing in front of us.
“There is no us. There’s only Noah and his group of expendables.
And you know he’s going to kill you the moment you stop being useful to him.
On top of that, he’s now got something to keep you under his control more than he already did. ”
“No. If I do this for him, then Jade is going to be safe. She can stay out of this, and I don’t have to worry about her at all.”
“You can’t believe that.”
“I don’t.”
There’s no way that this ends with this one fight. Noah is going to dangle Jade’s life over my head until I die. He’s going to make sure I know he has someone to control me with. He knows my loyalty is waning.
“Fine. I’ll go speak with Jade, but I doubt it’s going to go over well.”
“Don’t make it sound like you’re doing this for me. You want to go see her, but you’re too scared of someone caring for you that you feel like you need permission to go see her.” Tyson finishes his chocolate bar and grabs his crutches.
I flip him off before grabbing my things and heading out of the gym.
He might be right, but that doesn’t mean things are going to change between me and Jade.
She’s still mad at me, and I still don’t know if I can give her what she wants.
Jade looks at me as I open the door. It’s like she’s seeing a ghost. Or perhaps she wishes she was.
It’s not the look of excitement I hoped for, but more one of quiet resignation, like she knows I’m not going to leave until I say what I have to.
Though, what I have to say, I still don’t know.
She brushes by me into our apartment. “Look, I only came here to get the rest of my things, and then I’m going to leave. And I don’t want you to try and stop me, not that I think you will because that means you’d have to want this to work out between the two of us.”
I swallow hard, fighting past the words I know I should say, but they’re not the ones she wants to hear. And if they’re not the ones she wants to hear, then I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
Jade looks over her shoulder for just a moment before continuing down the hall. She doesn’t say another word.
If I want her, and I do, so much, I know I’m going to have to fight for her. Fight for myself. For the future and all the things I’ve been thinking about with her.
But how am I supposed to fight when no matter what I do, someone is going to die?
I follow her into the bedroom, pushing open the door wider and leaning against the wall. “Can we talk? I was going to come see you, but I wanted to get cleaned up first.”
She looks at my damp hair before stepping into the closet and pulling out some clothes. “Talk, then.”
I didn’t think she was going to let me get this far. I didn’t know what I was going to say to her first, or where I should start in trying to figure this out.
Jade whips around with an armful of clothing. “If you really don’t have anything to say, then do you mind leaving me alone so I can pack?”
I stare at her, trying to figure out what she’s thinking. “You’re moving back into your apartment? There’s not going to be anyone there to keep you safe.”
“I have my security team. I’m going to be just fine.” She tosses the clothes onto the bed before hauling down a suitcase from the top shelf of the closet.
“Jade—”
“Unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘I’m not going to that fight,’ I don’t think I want to hear it.
” She looks at me with glassy eyes. “I don’t think I can bear to hear it right now, Ezra.
I care about you and you’re going to get yourself killed, and the last thing I want to do is fight with you. ”
“I’m not going to die, but you will if I don’t go to the fight.” I cross the room, pulling her to me. “Please, just understand where I’m coming from. I don’t want to fight with you either, but this is the only thing I know how to do to make sure you stay alive.”
She melts into me for just a moment. It’s long enough to make me think that maybe we’re going to be okay, but then she’s out of my arms again and going for a round of jeans to stuff into her suitcase.
Jade stiffens when I clear my throat. She turns to look at me. “I can’t do this with you. I meant what I said. I’m not going to stand to the side and watch you get yourself killed when you know there are other options.”
“There aren’t other options.” I want to make her see that, but I don’t know how. “You don’t know what Noah is capable of. You don’t know the kinds of things he’s planning on doing to you if I don’t do the fight.”
“You know, I spoke to Royce about the other men in that damn fight. Turns out I only knew half of the story. Sure, you guys are going to gain territory, but did you know they also work for Noah?”
“No, they don’t.”
She stuffs her shoes and makeup bag in with the rest of her belongings. “They do. He’s setting you up like I said he was, but you don’t want to see it because you’d rather pretend that he’s going to keep us all safe. Well, he’s going to fuck us all.”
I sigh and sit down on the edge of the bed, running my hands down my face. “I can’t risk losing you.”
“Well, you already did.” She folds the suitcase up and zips it shut.
“At least you’re alive, and I don’t have to worry about you as long as I go to this fight.”
She hoists the suitcase onto the ground. “No. Instead I get to know you’re walking into a fight where they’re going to kill you, and then I have to worry about them coming after me while I’m grieving. Tell me, in what world does that make sense to you?”
“It doesn’t have to make sense, but he’s not going to kill me.”
She pauses at the door, turning to look back at me. “You said yourself, I don’t know what he’s capable of, but then again, you know exactly what he could do, and you’re still choosing to turn a blind eye.”
“Well, then, I guess we have nothing left to say to each other.”
Jade’s bottom lip quivers before she nods. “Yeah, I guess we’re done.”
She leaves me sitting in that room, wondering where the hell I went wrong with all of this.
She was supposed to be mine. I took her, and she was never supposed to leave. We were supposed to be together.
The only person I’ve ever loved is walking away from me.
I’m going to have to watch her carry on with her life, knowing that she wants nothing to do with me.
I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know how to deal with any of this.
I want to be with her, but for now I’m going to have to settle for watching her.
After what should be enough time for her to get home, I pull out my phone and connect to the cameras in her apartment.
She is just walking in.
Hello, my love. I’m sorry it has to be this way for now, but the two of us are going to be just fine.
She drops the suitcase by the door and heads down the hall, stopping at the fridge to grab a bottle of wine before sinking down on the couch and opening it up.
Her shoulders shake with sobs.
I’m doing this for you, my love. I have to do this for you.
Everything I’ve done and all I’ll do going forward is going to be for her, and one way or another, she’s going to see it.
I might have let her leave, but this isn’t over between the two of us.
It’s never going to be over, even if I have to kidnap her and whisk her far away again.
My love is never escaping me.