Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
JADE
My finger trembles on the trigger.
I can’t pull it and risk killing Ezra. Even though I know I should, I can’t. Not when Ezra is there and looking at me like he’s begging me not to.
Not when I could lose him.
I swallow hard, fighting the ghost of Aiden’s voice circling around in my head, telling me to kill them both for the sake of the family.
Aiden is going to be pissed if he ever finds out Noah is standing right in front of me, and I can’t do anything. He’s going to lose his shit.
Noah laughs as he looks at me. “I knew you didn’t have it in you. You’re not like your siblings. You’re too weak.”
I should kill the bastard and hope his shot goes wide.
It’s not going to, though. Not when his gun is pressed against Ezra’s temple.
I lower my gun, putting it on the counter behind me before turning back to him. “What are you going to do now?”
He chuckles and nods to a spot in front of him. “Come over here. I don’t trust you to keep standing over there and looking like you want to kill me.”
“I do want to kill you.” I stalk closer to him, still standing far enough away that he can’t grab me.
Ezra sighs. “The two of you don’t have to be at each other’s throats. I said I’d fight. It’s done now. I’ll meet you at training in twenty minutes, okay?”
Noah scoffs, ramming the gun into the side of Ezra’s head. “You’re not the one calling the shots here. I’m allowing the pair of you to live, which is nicer than I should be, considering all the two of you have done.”
I wish I had just left instead of arguing with Ezra. I don’t know what’s worth fighting for anymore.
He’s always going to do what his family wants, and it’s kind of hard to fault him for it when I was the same way before he came into my life.
I want to fight for him, though. I don’t want him to think I’ve given up on him just because of who his family is.
But I have to admit that I don’t know how to help him right now.
I don’t know the first thing about helping him out of this, and I’m going to have to go to Aiden and beg.
If begging is what it takes, I’ll do it happily, though.
Noah tilts his head to the side slightly, his eyes narrowing and that cold smile coming out to play. “You should consider yourself lucky.”
“I will when you’re dead,” I snap, venom in my voice.
Ezra sighs and shakes his head, stepping away from the gun, but Noah follows him, clicking his tongue and shaking his head.
My stomach falls to my feet, and bile rises in the back of my throat.
Nothing about this is right.
Noah looks between the two of us before his attention locks onto Ezra. “You’ve been pushing me too far, and I’ve been letting it go because we’re family. Get your shit together, or I will kill you.”
“I’m not going to betray you like the others did. I’m on your side. I always have been.” Ezra’s tone is firm as he casts a stern look at me.
Noah tucks the gun away. “You know, those words don’t sound as true as they once did. You’re going to want to make sure you’re at that fight, Ezra, otherwise I’m coming for both of you, and your little pet here is going to have a very slow, painful death. And you’re going to watch it all.”
Noah says nothing more, leaving the apartment as I bite my tongue.
The moment the door shuts behind him, Ezra hurries down the hall and locks the door. When he comes back into the kitchen, his cheeks are red and splotchy.
He slams his hands down on the counter. “What the hell was that? You nearly got us both killed, and for fucking what?”
“For fucking what?” I shake my head, hands trembling and stomach tying itself into tight knots. “You were the one who basically rolled over and showed him your stomach.”
“Because he is going to kill you if I don’t!”
“Let him try!” I stalk away from him, going down the hall to our room and slamming the door shut.
I twist the lock in place and drop down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
All I need is a few minutes for myself. That’s it. Just a few minutes, and then I can go back out there and keep fighting with him. I just need some time to get my head on straight.
I don’t get that, though. There’s a rattling on the other side of the door.
Sighing, I squeeze my eyes shut.
He’s likely to knock it down if he can’t get it open, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the bastard stashed a key somewhere.
Sure enough, the door swings open, and Ezra’s heavy footsteps stomp across the room.
I open my eyes to see him standing at the edge of the bed. “I don’t know why you want to bother arguing anymore. You’ve made your choice.”
“I want to keep arguing because you keep acting like it’s something easy for me. You keep acting like I want to be going to the fight. Like I enjoy risking my life.”
“Don’t you dare lie to me and say that you don’t when I can see in your eyes that you do.” I sit up and cross my legs, hoping something about sitting there takes my blood pressure down a notch or two.
“Fine. I like the fighting, is that what you want to hear? You like knowing that I enjoy feeling like I’m in control? That I have power for the first time in my life? That I like knowing I can fight back now because I couldn’t when I was younger and he forced me to kill my family?”
I scoff. “You could’ve fought back then too, but you didn’t. You looked at him as an idol, just like you were looking at him out there.”
Ezra lets out a deep breath, pacing from one side of the room to the other. “I am navigating a world in which I’m trying like hell to keep you alive. I don’t want to lose you the way I lost everyone else.”
“Well, you’re going to lose me.”
He stops in his tracks and spins to face me, the color draining from his face, making the dark bruises stand out even more. “What are you talking about?”
I swallow hard, forcing down the lump in my throat.
“I’m not going to watch you get yourself killed, Ezra.
I can’t do that. I care about you, and just sitting to the side while you do this shit is hell.
And then, when I try to tell you there’s another way, you’re convinced your way is the only way. ”
He scrubs a hand down his face, his shoulders slumping. “Your family is going to kill me for all I’ve done.”
“They haven’t yet.” I get to my knees on the bed in front of him, reaching out and taking his hand. “Please. You have to believe me. We can speak to Aiden, and he’ll offer you the same protection he gave Zoe and Gia.”
“And you think that’s going to fix this?” Ezra pulls his hand away from me. “Sure, let’s say he does give me somewhere to go. I work for Noah. The money I make is from doing the work for him. If I even so much as try to enter a fight again after that, he’s going to have me killed.”
“Then don’t fight. Aiden has other things you could do for him. It doesn’t have to be violence all the time.”
“You grew up in this life. You know it’s nothing but violence all the time.” Ezra looks at me like he pities me.
That’s the look that drives the knife through my chest.
He thinks I’m living in a daydream about our lives. That I think one day, we’re going to wake up, and everything is going to get better.
I know it’s not going to get better, and that this is the life are living. I know the risks he’s facing if he comes with me, but I know they’re higher if we stay.
I wipe a tear that dares to roll down my cheek. “You’re going to die here, and you don’t want to do anything about it.”
He shrugs, opening his dresser drawers and pulling out the clothing he needs for training. “I never thought I was going to live a long life to begin with.”
“And you don’t think there’s anything wrong with that?”
He tosses the clothing onto the chair in the corner. “Of course, I know there’s something wrong with that, but what do you want me to do about it?”
“Fucking fight for your life!” I get to my feet, not sure whether to get close to him or stay on the other side of the room.
It already feels like there’s a massive cavern opening between us. Not that there wasn’t one before, but I thought we were slowly closing it, and now it feels like it’s doubled in size.
Ezra sighs and runs a hand through his hair before stalking over to me. “One day, Noah is going to win the war, and it’s all going to be over. We won’t have to worry anymore. You’re going to be one of us.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, holding back more tears. “Great. We can be happy, and things will work out when my entire family is dead. Nice.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“No, but it’s what you said, and I know you. If you were willing to say it, then there has to be some amount of truth to it. Which means that you don’t think there’s a way for us to be happy if my family is involved.”
“Look, I don’t know what having a happy family is like. I don’t come from one, and to be honest, when I think about our future together, I can’t see your family in it because I have no clue how the hell they would fit.”
“And you think that makes it okay? You don’t even consider the other parts of my life. You just want me to be obsessed with you.”
“I’m obsessed with you,” he says, though he sounds exhausted, the fight leaving his voice. “Is it so hard to think that you might be with me too?”
“I care about you. I could picture a future with you, but you’re never going to be the only person in my world.
I love my family. I would do anything for them.
But I love myself too, and I have to love myself more than I could ever love you.
Being a human doesn’t work unless I love myself the most. And it’s because I love myself that I am telling you we do not have a future without my family. ”
His expression hardens, becoming someone cold and detached I don’t recognize. “Then leave.”
“Are you going to that death sentence in a couple of weeks? Or are you willing to look at other options?”
“There are no other options.”
My shoulders slump, energy draining from my body.
I roll my bottom lip into my mouth, giving a sharp nod before grabbing my phone and pulling a pair of shoes from the closet.
“Okay. Well, if that’s the case, then I’m not going to sit here and watch you think you owe your life to a man who just threatened to kill you. ”
“Nobody asked you to!”
I can cry when I’m back home where it’s safe. Where I’m surrounded by people who love me. People who want to be around for the rest of our lives and aren’t trying to get themselves killed for people who don’t value them.
Ezra steps into my path as I head for the door. “Where are you going?”
“You can do that fight if you like. You can run around behind Noah like a dog and do all his bidding, but I’m not going to stand to the side while you try to get yourself killed.”
“What are you saying?”
“Goodbye, Ezra.”
I slip past him, striding out of the apartment and to the elevator. I ram the button as hard as I can, but it does nothing to help the frustration flowing through me.
As I step outside, all I can hear is the sound of my own heart breaking.
But maybe it’s true. Maybe nobody is ever going to love me enough to stay. Maybe nobody is going to think I’m worth it.
I have to choose myself, but it still feels like I’m ripping to shreds in the process.
And the worst part is that I don’t know if I’m ever going to recover from the way Ezra changed my life.