20. Sleep Deprivation & Vulnerability
TWENTY
SLEEP DEPRIVATION I would drop everything and then some for my daughter, but that doesn’t mean Lylah didn’t deserve some sort of explanation.
Sitting in the hospital holding Josie through the IV placement, waiting for answers while her fever slowly dipped was excruciating. I never would've pictured myself wanting or needing anyone else by my side through it, but my chest ached for Lylah to be there with us.
How does someone go from a stranger to a source of comfort in just a few short days? It’s wrong of me to wish that type of pressure on her so soon, and I just hope what I’m feeling isn’t one-sided.
The motion lights spark to life as I stop the car in the driveway.
My forehead rests against the wheel for a few moments while I catch my breath, and my thoughts.
Josie is asleep once more, and as badly as I want to be inside, taking a nice hot shower while she sleeps the rest of her sickness off, I can’t bring myself to disturb her.
A few more tears fall, but I chalk them up to stress .
When I lift my head to wipe my cheeks, Lylah stands in front of the car, hands held together in front of her, just staring at me through the windshield. Her features drip with worry the entire time I roll Josie’s window down before stepping out of the car.
“Is she okay?” Lylah asks, true concern in her eyes.
“She’s much better now. It must have been a fluke, thankfully, or a quick virus.” I take a breath and peek at her through the window, still snoozing away. “Wait, how did you know?”
“Well, when I waited hours with no sign of you, I tried to call, but heard your phone ringing in your bedroom. After running myself through every scenario of you being kidnapped and murdered while on a run, I got frantic and checked the security feed on your computer. By the grace of the devil, I was able to find the moment you answered a call, and I just hoped that it was the reason you were so flustered that you’d leave your phone at home and go missing for hours. ”
“Thank fuck, you’re good at snooping.”
We awkwardly laugh at the sentiment before both of our expressions become more serious. I separate her hands and bring one to my cheek, holding her gaze as I speak.
“I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you without a warning. I would never do that to you purposefully.”
Her eyes are soft, no hint of resentment at all when she looks up at me with the most stunning green gaze I can ever remember seeing.
“I know, I don’t blame you, Josie’s health and safety come first.” She smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Yours matters too. You matter so much, more than I can explain after only a few days. I couldn't stop thinking about you and hoping you knew how sorry I was. I wanted you there with us. I know that’s fast, and I’m being really direct?—”
“Stop. I get it.” Lylah’s lips crash against mine while our fingers interlock. The kiss is everything that we both need at this moment. It’s reassurance and exploration all wrapped up in one.
Right on cue, Josie coos, letting us know she’s awake. “Let’s get that sweet girl inside, shall we?”
“Yes, she must be beyond ready to be out of that car seat, and she either needs to eat, or I need to pump.” Lylah’s in the car, unclasping straps and pulling out the car seat like a pro, refusing to let me carry Josie inside myself.
I walk a few steps behind them, and I can’t help but imagine how wonderful it would be to spend forever watching these two together.
My beautiful little girl being carried by someone I can finally trust with my mind, my body, my soul, and my family.