Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
The next two days were full of tissues and chocolate—lots of chocolate—but I recovered.
I still loved Grant, but I could say I was glad I had tried.
I had learned about myself and that I could be myself and be loved.
I wanted Grant to be happy and also not in trouble for me showing up at his work. I felt I might never forgive myself if he ended up losing his business because of me.
I knew the Kismet Silvers movie showing was supposed to be starting soon, so I spent the day calling and driving all over to pick up the reels that had been set aside for me.
It wasn’t a lot, but they were playable, and that seemed better than nothing.
I asked Mom if she would go to the Kismet Silvers event for me one last time, and she surprised me by saying she already had tickets for tonight.
I put my car into park in Mom’s driveway and reached over to the passenger seat, grabbing the box beside me. It wasn’t a bad collection. I added my DVD of My Favorite Wife for good measure. I couldn’t find the reel, but I thought it might make Grant smile.
Okay, I admit it. I hoped it would bring him fond memories of us. I didn’t want him to remember us from our last interaction.
It wouldn’t fix everything, but hopefully it would fix things between him and Mr. Cole.
Mom opened the door with a smile. “Come on in. I’m almost ready.” Mom was possibly looking younger than me at the moment. She seemed content. She seemed happy.
I stepped out of my car and walked into the house, setting the box on the table.
“Are you sure, Mom? You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“Oh hush.” She smiled. “Stop being so dramatic. I was already planning on going.”
I pulled out my chair and sat. “Yeah, about that…”
“Oh no, don’t you start.” She raised her brows in challenge and placed her hands on her hips.
“Start what?” I asked in a high sweet voice. “I was only going to say that maybe you didn’t hate going to them so much after all.”
Mom rolled her eyes and went to grab her jacket. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” She pulled her jacket on and came up to me, bending to give me a hug. “I’m proud of you, Em. For trying to make things right with Grant, as well as giving love an honest try.” She kissed me on top of my hair.
“I’m still not sure I’m ready to go through that again anytime soon.”I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Life likes to be hard.” Mom patted my cheeks and gave me a smile. “When it’s not the way you want, keep pushing, and good things come. More often than not, it ends up better than you could have planned in the long run.”
I thought about what I knew of Mom’s past. She was the prime example of pushing through hard things and still hoping for good .
“Are you happy with how your life turned out?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not dead yet.”
I raised my hands. “No, I know, I just meant…”
She chuckled. “Yes, I’m very happy with my life.” She booped my nose. “With each of my beautiful babies and the joy they bring me, and I’m excited for the life I have yet to live.” She winked.
There was a knock at the door and I stood to answer it. “Thanks again for doing this, Mom.”
“You bet, hon.” She followed behind me. “Now, you go enjoy your date with Leo’s and pj’s. But one day, you are going to pull yourself off that couch and put yourself back out there.”
I nodded. “I love you.”
“Love you too.”
I reached the door and opened it. A man with gray hair and a square jawline was poised to knock again.
“Oh my!” He raised his hand to his heart. “You surprised me! Is Hannah here?” He tried to peek over my shoulder.
I raised an eyebrow and looked over my shoulder. “Mom?”
Where had I seen him before?
“Of course I’m here.” A beautiful smile bloomed on Mom’s face. “Would you mind grabbing this box for me, Robert?” She pointed to the box on the table.
I stepped to the side, allowing him access to Mom’s house. I held the door as he walked up to Mom and gave her a hug. Then he lifted the box from the table.
“Thanks again for the ride, Robert.”
“It’s my pleasure.” He grinned in my mom’s direction, then walked out the front door I still held open.
A memory clicked into place and I snapped my fingers. “You’re the guy from the Kismet thing!”
He grinned. “Guilty.” He popped the trunk of his car and set the box inside.
Mom walked by me, smelling like lavender and sunshine. She raised her brows at me and bit back a smile .
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Have fun!”
“We will,” Mom called back.
Robert opened the door for her and then walked over to the driver’s side. Mom waved to me as Robert backed the car out of the driveway.
I chuckled and shook my head.
Huh. I definitely needed to spend more time with my mother. She had some major tea to spill—apparently years of it.
I walked back to my car and smiled as I drove home. I unlocked my apartment and stepped inside. Everything looked the same but somehow felt different.
Maybe no relationship ever truly leaves. They all change us. Friends, boyfriends, teachers, and co-workers. Everyone that had touched my life had left a piece of themselves with me and changed my perspective.
I dressed in my silk Elvis pj’s and called in the usual order of Leo’s Pasta. If Peter brought extra cupcakes this time, I would happily eat them all.
Cupcakes.
How long would cupcakes remind me of kissing Grant for the first time?
Not helping.
I needed a distraction, so I turned on the TV. Looking at the recently watched movies, I clicked through, alternating between black-and-white and Marvel.
Ugh! It was like Grant was still everywhere I turned. I wiped a stray tear from my cheek. I had already decided I was done crying.
I would recover, and I would be grateful that Grant taught me I can be myself and still be deserving of love.
I tossed the remote on the couch. Maybe I should ask Jane if she wanted to go for a walk?
I felt my forehead for a temperature; surely things were not that drastic.
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I would wake up when Leo’s got here, and that would help. I was always more dramatic when I was hungry.
I came out of my haze of a dream of cupcakes and geese and registered a knock at the door.
“Coming!” I hoped Peter hadn’t been there long. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, hoping they seemed sleepy and not like I had been crying for days. I crossed the room to my purse. I grabbed it off the hook under the movie poster for My Favorite Wife , remembering my old habit of wishing on the Grant picture for my own Grant.
Reaching the front door, I pulled it open. “Sorry, I think I fell aslee—” My eyes locked onto a pair of familiar dark brown eyes. Grant stood there holding my food bags from Leo’s with a sad look on his face. I gasped and threw the door closed.
“Emma?” Grant sounded nervous.
I leaned against the closed door.
What was he doing here?
“Please, Emma, let me in.” Grant’s voice carried through the door, broken and quiet.
I sighed as I held my body against the door. Was I ready to face him again? I turned and grabbed the handle, wondering if I should turn it or hold it closed.
“Emma, please. Just let me explain.”
I steeled my shoulders. Of course I wanted to see him. I slowly opened the door and peeked out.
There he stood, looking as ever like a Greek god in his slacks and button-up shirt, except his shoulders drooped and there were bags under his eyes.
“Hey, Emma.” He gave a sad smile. “Can I come in?” He held up the food. “Peter was here when I came, so I paid him and asked if I could bring it in.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I hope that’s okay.”
I bit my lip and paused. I looked at the bags of food and his broken posture. I sighed and opened the door farther. “I don’t understand… ”
Grant stepped in slowly, his eyes on mine.
I took a few steps away, watching him cautiously, my arms folded tight around myself to keep from reaching out to him. “I’m sorry if I got you in trouble, Grant. I did plan on seeing if I could help you.” I looked to the floor.
Grant walked over to the coffee table and put the food down. He turned to face me. “No, Emma.” He sighed and looked up to the ceiling. “You have nothing to apologize for. It was all my fault.” He shook his head. “I got caught up in work again. I had one crisis after another. Water lines, failed credit loans, and then Cole.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Each morning I told myself I would call you, and then each night as I left work at 3 a.m. I felt like it was too late.” His voice broke. “Then it started to feel too long, that a quick call or text couldn’t validate any of it.”
I took in his appearance. “Work!” I looked at the clock. It was in the middle of the Kismet event. “Grant! You need to go.” I pushed him toward the door. “Mr. Cole will be furious. You’ll lose everything. We definitely need to have this conversation, and this time you will call me back.” I raised my eyebrows, to let him know I was serious. “But we can do it later.”
Grant stood straight and shook his head. “No.”
I sighed. “Grant, what about Mr. Cole?”
“I don’t care about him.”
I sighed again more softly. “Maybe you think you don’t, but I know you do.”
He touched my shoulders. “If I have to become like my father or Mr. Cole for my business to succeed, it’s not worth saving.” His jaw clenched, and he shook his head. “I need to succeed while being kind, succeed while having balance for other people in my life, succeed by being my own man.”
“Are you sure?” I whispered.
“I need to be here, now. Please let me finish. Then I will go if you want.” He rubbed a tear off my cheek. “I treated you so badly that night.” He crumpled, leaning against the wall as he slid to the floor. I sat cross-legged in front of him. “I was scared. I was scared of who I was becoming. I was so angry at Cole.” His jaw clenched, and he put a fist to his forehead. “And when he turned his venom on you—” He looked at me, really looked at me. “I thought he was going to hurt you, and I saw red. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to hurt him.” His voice broke and his jaw tightened.
I saw Grant as a little boy with an angry father, a boy that wanted his father’s love and sought his approval so much that it ruled his life even now. My heart ached for him and the hurt he still carried.I reached over and rubbed the back of his hand.
He turned his palm and held my hand in his, staring at our touch.. “Then I watched you run away, saying you never wanted to see me again.” Tears ran down his face. “That moment was proof. I was just like my dad.” He shook his head. “A man I hated and vowed never to be.” He met my gaze, sad and broken. “I yelled at you and hurt you, just like he was always hurting my mom.” He wiped his tears. “At that moment, I hated everything about me. I still hate everything about me.” He crumpled further.
“Grant…”
I was starting to make peace with the decision that Grant wasn’t in my life anymore; this was not helping.
He gave me a sad smile. “I chose that day to change. I went to The Bees Knees twice, but couldn’t go in. My mom told me to order you cupcakes, but on the way to your place, I decided you were better off without me and threw them away. I felt like I didn’t deserve another chance.”
Aww, he came to see me and talked to his mom about me. I reached over and took his other hand, interlacing our fingers.
“When your mom brought me that box, I knew.” He pressed the back of my hand against his lips and leaned into the touch. “I knew I would never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try. Emma, can you forgive me? I don’t deserve another chance with you, but I can’t not try.”
My heart was racing, and I felt like I was going to cry. This beautiful man wanted me and he loved me. I could see it in his eyes, in the way he was desperately trying to pull me closer. I stared at his lips.
I smiled at him, tears now running down my face as well. For a man of not many words, tonight he’d professed quite a bit.
I didn’t want the ending that I had written for us, I wanted a different one.
He was here right now, possibly at the cost of everything he cared about. He leaned, resting his forehead against mine with his eyes closed. “Mom suggested I go to therapy. I’m sure she’s right.”
The corner of my lips turned up in a smile. “Jane suggested therapy for me too.” I shrugged and ducked my head to make eye contact with him. “Grant, make sure.” I sighed. This was not how I planned on having this conversation, but I needed him to know. I leaned back so I could gather my thoughts. “I think I’m falling in love with you, so please…” My breath caught in my throat. “Please, don’t say things unless you are sure.”
His fingertips were under my chin, lifting my gaze to his. “Emma.” He scooted closer to me and ran his thumb down my face. “Emma, I’m in love with you.” His eyes locked on to mine. “I felt like I was drowning before I met you. Drowning in anger, emptiness, and grief.” His eyes brightened and he shook his head. “Then you came. This beautiful, strong, classy woman that turned my entire world upside down.” One side of his mouth pulled up in a grin, flashing that dimple that I had been desperately missing.
I bit my bottom lip as I stared up into his bright eyes.
“I love you.” He put his hands on the back of my neck. “If you don’t want to give me a second chance, I will walk away.” His voice broke as his eyes desperately searched mine. “But if you give me a second chance, I can’t wait to prove to you how I can be different. I can be better.”
“No more rules that I can’t help you at work?” My eyebrows raised. “This is a big part of your life and I want to be a part of it, when possible. ”
“Deal.” He nodded. “I promise to never go a whole day without answering you. Communication isn’t a strong skill for me, but I will try.”
This man was flawed and broken, just like me but in different ways. Maybe together we could help fix some of the broken pieces we had hidden inside.
I held my hand out for him, and he placed his in mine. I stood and led him over to the couch. He touched my shoulder, and I turned to face him.
“Emma.” He stepped closer, his chest pressed up against mine. “I want to spend every second with you,” he whispered as he put his hand gently on the back of my neck, his thumb rubbing along my jaw. “I want to make you smile and tell you I love you over and over again.”
“Do you know if Peter added any cupcakes?” I parted my lips and winked.
He glanced at my lips. “I’m going to need an actual answer, Emma.” His smile was wicked. “I don’t want to overstep, and I’m seconds from pulling you into my arms and never letting you go. I have missed the way you fit into my arms, the way you fit into my heart.”
I went up on my tiptoes and brushed my lips over his neck. “Then, I guess maybe we won’t need the cupcakes after all,” I whispered.
He chuckled and leaned into my touch.
“I forgive you, Grant, and I think we should give us another try.”
He leaned back so his eager brown eyes could stare into mine. He rubbed his thumb along my cheek and one of his hands trailed down my back until it was on my waist. “Are you sure…”
I nodded, unable to contain my smile.
“In that case.” He quirked an eyebrow and pulled me tight against him and pressed his lips to mine.
Our first kiss was passionate and fun, but this was different. It felt almost sacred. Like I was slowly putting his whole world back together, just like he was doing to mine. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tighter.
“I have missed you,” he whispered against my neck. “I love you, Emma.”
“I love you, Grant.” I felt like I was melting and flying all at the same time.
Maybe real love isn’t about grand romantic gestures like in the movies, but about choosing each other every day, to apologize and try again, in the messy moments of everyday life.
Looked like my mother was quite wrong about one thing. Some very good things can come from staying home in my pj’s and ordering takeout.
THE END