Chapter 30
EVERLEE - GOOD ‘OL BETTY FOR THE WIN
It’s still early in the morning. I’m not sure what time exactly, because this room has no windows, but my eyes still burn and I feel the heavy sedation of much-needed sleep still pulling on me, begging me to follow it down into the dark abyss.
Heat dances around me from the bodies in the bed.
Knox is to my left and Callum to my right, while Jax and Emmett are above me, with all our heads meeting in the middle of this oversized round bed.
Someone must have changed the sheets to a beautiful dark purple, which is probably a good thing.
It must have happened while I was in the bath with Jax and Callum.
I do a few kegels to get an idea of how sore I’m going to be and am relieved to find it isn’t as bad as expected. The meticulous aftercare that the men are so focused on surely helps.
Last night was epic. Out of this world. It was our last hoorah together, and while part of me believes they’ve changed their minds, the other part of me, the bigger part, believes that even if they all wanted to, they wouldn’t allow it.
Rules are rules, and they aren’t robots.
I laugh at myself since I’ve been notorious for breaking them, but after my conversation last night with Sophie, I understand why they have them. Someone will get hurt. It’s inevitable. Society is not ready for a relationship like ours.
My throat constricts because I know what needs to be done. I have to leave. I can slide out of the bed, leave them a note thanking them, and be gone before they wake up.
Damn it!
My eyes sting, and this time it isn’t from sleep. I try to hold back the tears, but one trickles out of the corner of my eye, down my cheek, onto the pillow.
Why did I have to let myself get attached?
This was for fun. There were never any promises that it was going to be anything other than that.
A montage plays in my head, Callum at the bar, Callum taking care of me, Bo’s restaurant, Valentine’s party, WendyDick’s face, ice skating, all the delicious sex, the bathtub, the hot tub, Callum holding me in his arms and Jax kissing my forehead for no reason.
Damn it!
I’m in love with the attention and the feelings they give me. The feeling of invincibility and companionship. The feeling of power and control and vulnerability.
I can’t say I’m in love with them because it hasn’t been very long, but there is something.
It’s like those stories you read about where a look, a scent, or a moment frozen in time enlightens the character and they know.
They know they are meant to be together.
The yin to the yang. Only we aren’t two.
We are five. Is it a right place, wrong time sort of situation?
Maybe I have these feelings because they’re my first group experience.
It’s like that first love thing. Maybe that’s what this is, my first fivesome love.
Maybe it’s the fact I had a complete dick of an ex who treated me like shit and I haven’t been with anyone else in so long.
My hormones are off the charts and making me feel things. Think things.
I need to get out of here before they wake up. They don’t need to see me break down over something that was always temporary. I don’t want to see the hurt in their eyes when I leave because that would give me hope. Hope this isn’t over.
Trying not to shake the bed too much, I press my heels into the mattress and inch my way down. Someone shifts, but I’m too scared to look. Or breathe. After a minute, I continue. When I get to the edge of the bed, I ooze onto the floor like a pile of mush, then stand up.
Knowing I shouldn’t, but unable to stop myself, I turn and look at the tangled web of beautifully tattooed arms and legs. I want to remember them.
This.
Us.
My men.
Wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand, I hurry towards the door and down the hall. I rush down the stairs and into the office, where I find a piece of paper and a pen and scribble a quick note.
What do you say? Thanks, it’s been real? Thanks for the fivesome? Honoring the contract? I settle with
Thanks for the memories. You all have given me life! Goodbye.
-E
A tear falls on the bottom right corner and I try to wipe it away, but it’s too late. The paper wrinkles up, but I don’t have time to rewrite it. I don’t want them to notice I’m gone and come looking for me.
Grabbing my dress and phone, I slip on my shoes, thankful they’d been moved to the kitchen at some point. I pray to God their alarm isn’t set, because that would make my sneaky getaway super awkward.
The cool morning air makes the tears on my face feel like ice. I don’t know how I keep forgetting we’re in the dead of winter and here I am, standing outside a mini-mansion in a t-shirt and dress shoes.
Hello walk of shame.
Needing to put space between the house and me, I walk down the sidewalk and duck into a small alleyway, out of sight of anyone who would be up at this freaking hour. I pull my phone out and look at it.
4:53. I’d only been asleep for maybe three hours.
I thought about calling Lizzy, but she’d have a hundred questions I can’t answer right now, or maybe ever. Instead, I land on Betty.
Us non-hookers have to stick together.
Fifteen minutes later, she’s pulling up at the curb wearing a shirt with ducks on it and has bright pink hair. She tilts her head down and gives me a look that I can’t even begin to describe. It’s a cross between excited and surprised to see me in my attire.
She waves me into the car. “Get in! What are you waiting for? You’re going to catch a cold out there dressed like that.”
“Hey Betty,” I mumble, sliding into her back seat.
She throws her arm over the back of the passenger-side headrest and turns around. “Everlee.” She smacks her lips. “What have you gotten yourself into? You look well fucked and sad.”
I let out a snicker. “Well, Betty, your observation is spot on.”
She nods, not speaking for a minute, then pulls onto the road.
“What’s got you so gloom and sneaking out of that mansion back there?”
“Mansion?”
“Oh child. This isn’t my first rodeo.”
With a sigh, I press my head to the window. “I just needed to get away. I’m scared of getting my heart broken.”
“Oh, I see. Tricky thing, the heart. You break your own heart to avoid them maybe breaking it.”
She doesn’t understand, and it’s okay. No one can.
My phone dings as if I’d been sent a message from Cupid himself.
Sophie: Had a great time last night! Headed to the airport, so I’m sure you won’t get this until later, but if you ever need to talk, I’m only a phone call away!
I look out of the window for a second, gathering my thoughts, then start typing.
Everlee: Had a blast as well. I’d love to chat.
Sophie: Oh! Good morning! I didn’t wake you, did I?
Everlee: No.
I type a long explanation, then delete it all.
Everlee: I was already awake. I just left them.
Sophie: They don’t know?
Everlee: No. I thought it’d be better this way.
Sophie: Better for who?
Everlee: I don’t know. I guess me.
Everlee: Last night, per the contract, was my last night with them. Rules and all.
Sophie: I see. You’re attached?
Everlee: I don’t know how or why I let it happen. I know it’s stupid. I knew this was temporary. And the conversation with you last night made it so clear why it has to be this way.
Sophie: Oh. I’m sorry.
Everlee: No. It was a good talk. I needed to hear it because I was trying to talk myself into how this could work, but you’re right.
We don’t live in that kind of world yet.
Family dinners, friends, dates, events. So many things I have to think about.
I’ve been lying to my best friend in the world because I can’t tell her what’s going on with me, and that’s been killing me.
I couldn’t do that forever. She thinks I’m with Callum, but she’s noticed the way the others are around me.
The way Jax looks at me, the way we hold a hug for longer than normal.
The lingering gazes and the brush of hands.
Sophie: This is for the best. I didn’t think so when I left, but it gets better.
Everlee: You decided? You didn’t have a contract?
Three dots appear, then stop.
“Everything okay back there?”
“What? Huh? Yeah. Just talking to a friend.”
“At this hour? You young kids.”
“She’s catching a flight.”
“You should give her my number when she gets back. Trying to build my portfolio.”
I laugh. “I will, but she lives in France.”
“Oh,” she sighs.
My phone buzzes and I have to read her message twice.
Sophie: I think I’m the reason they have a contract.
We thought we could all be happy together, and we were for months, but then things started getting more serious.
Christmas was coming up, and my parents wanted to meet the man who’d been occupying so much of my time.
I brought Knox home with me and the others said they were fine with it, but I knew they weren’t.
And then, like parents do, they started talking about marriage and kids, and it just put everything into perspective.
I had always wanted those things, and I wasn’t going to get it with them.
It took another month for me to realize I had to make an impossible decision.
So, I left. While I loved them, and they loved me, it just couldn’t work.
They didn’t fight very hard because they understood and they didn’t want to keep those things from me.
Betty stops outside my address. “Home sweet home, darling.”
“Home sweet home.” I look up at the apartment building. If this is home, then why does it feel like that’s what I just left?
“Fares on me this time.”
“I can’t do that. I probably woke you up to come get me.”
“Darling. I get up before the birds every morning. I was just sitting at the kitchen table working on my book of crosswords.” She taps the side of her head. “You’ve gotta keep a mind active to keep it young.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“You get on up there and get you some good sleep. See if it fixes your problems.”
“Thanks, Betty.” I grab the fifty out of my purse as I get out of the car, then tap on her window. When she rolls it down, I toss it in before hurrying away.
She yells at me until I get inside the building, but I don’t turn around. Instead, I trudge up the stairs, unlock my door, throw my stuff onto the floor and fall into bed.
It still smells like Jax.
Fuck!
I rip my sheets off and toss them into a heap on the floor. Grabbing my comfy reading blanket from the couch, I wrap it around me and collapse onto my mattress.
This is for the best, I repeat to myself as I drift off into the dark abyss.