Chapter 31
CALLUM – THIS ISN’T GOODBYE
I crumble the note in my hand and toss it across the room as anger and pain sear through me.
Fuck!
“No. She didn’t leave,” Knox says, running across the room to uncrumple the note and read it.
My eyes meet Jax’s and he just stares at me, lips pinched without saying anything. This isn’t his fault, but we didn’t get a chance to talk before we saw her last night to tell her we wanted to break the contract.
“Guys,” Knox says, tossing the note on the counter. “We’re going to go see her, right? This is bullshit. Fuck the contract and the rules.”
“Damn it!” Jax fires out, slamming his hand against the counter. “What are we going to do? We’ve been down this road before and it didn’t work out.”
“You can’t tell me you don’t feel anything. I saw it on our face last night!” Knox lashes out, lunging after Jax.
Jax grabs his wrists, spinning him around, and pushes him away. “I’m not saying that. Fuck! I did—do—feel something. Is that enough? I don’t know?”
“So let’s go see her then. Talk to her.”
“And what if her mind doesn’t change? Then what?”
“I know she feels something,” Knox defends.
“She does, which is why she left,” Emmett says just above a whisper.
“What?” Knox asks, confused.
“It’s why she left. She fears getting hurt, too.
All along, we have told her there is a contract and rules are rules.
” He holds his hands up to stop Jax from defending himself.
“I get it. Rules are rules. We were saying that we were protecting her, but really we’re protecting ourselves.
We have a certain kink that not everyone understands, and that’s fine, but we can’t keep hiding behind a piece of paper.
The rules were put in place to protect us. ”
“I don’t… understand. What are you saying?” Knox asks, running his hands through his hair.
“I don’t know what I’m saying. I know she’s different.
And I get it. It’s stupid to think, feel, or say that.
But I feel it. But what are we asking her to give up?
We’re selfish assholes, but not that selfish as to ask her to give up all of her friends and family for us. Because that is what we’re asking.”
Knox throws the dishcloth onto the floor and yells out a garbled string of words followed by a very clear, “This is bullshit!”
I watch the scene unfold, and my heart aches. Not for what could have been, but for these men. I don’t know why Everlee is different. All I know is that she is. But is that enough?
“I want to go see her,” Knox commands.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Jax responds, catching an uneasy glance from Emmett. “Fine. Whatever. Let’s go see her.”
An hour later, we’re all standing at her door. We knocked three times, but she still hasn’t answered. We heard music when we walked up, so we know she’s in there. Just as we’re about to knock for the fourth time, she opens the door.
Her eyes are red, and her face is puffy.
Damn it.
My hand moves to cup her cheek, but I stop myself, pulling it back down.
She opens the door wide and steps out of the way, saying nothing.
When we get in, she closes the door and walks over to her couch and grabs a pillow, pulling it onto her lap.
There’s a box of tissues lying on the table in front of her.
She looks at them, then us, then rolls her eyes, like she’s ashamed we caught her crying.
We all take a seat around her living room, avoiding the couch she’s on, while Knox ends up on the floor across from her.
“Hey,” she says after a minute of us all staring at one another.
“Hey,” we all respond in unison.
“I’m sorry.” She straightens her back. “I shouldn’t have—” her words catch in her throat. “I just thought. I know it’s stupid.” A single tear trickles down her face before she wipes it away.
My eyes catch on Jax’s, and I can see his jaw tick.
“I know it was stupid for me to get attached, but I did.”
The guys and I trade looks, all of us unsure what to say.
She continues, “But it’s fine. I know the rules. There was a contract. I know why it can’t work. You aren’t robots, and you have to protect yourselves too. I talked with Sophie.”
“Sophie?” I ask, a restrained irritation bubbling under the surface.
“Yes. She told me about the breakup you all had because the world had a hard time accepting you all. And I get it. It’s fun while it lasts, but anything serious isn’t smart.
I’ve been lying to Lizzy about you all. Something that has made me feel…
” she pauses, “this happy. Because of you, I feel confident and worthy. And I can’t even share it with her.
My parents, my brother, they are really important to me and I can’t avoid them for the rest of my life. ”
She buries her face in the pillow for a second, then looks up. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. I’ve been trying not to cry, and I was doing good for a while and then you all show up… looking—” She waves her hand in the air.
“We’re sorry.”
What was the sorry for? For making her cry? For letting her leave to begin with? For not telling her we want to tear up the contract?
The guy's eyes are boring holes into my body as they look at me. Waiting for me to say something, anything. But I can’t.
I can’t tell her about the contract because she’s not wrong.
We’re making her choose between her old life and a new one.
Her friends and family or us. We have no family, so it’s easy for us, but her…
we’d be taking that away from her. It’s not fair to her.
“We just wanted to come by… and check on you.”
Knox sighs, and I see Jax lean forward and put his hand on his shoulder.
“I’ll be okay. Because of you, I’m in a good space right now. Not this second, but in general. I know more about me and what I want and don’t want. I want someone who is going to look at me the way you all do. And I’m done with Dick.” She laughs. “Rich. Not cock. You didn’t turn me into a lesbian.”
We all smile, and I have to fight the urge more than ever to wrap her in my arms, lift her chin and take her in a kiss.
I could, and she would let me. If we asked, I fear she would say yes and turn her back on her family, and in months or years to come, she would resent us for it. It’s unfair to her.
“You will have a standing reservation at Bo’s every Monday at eight. No need to call. You will have a table,” Emmett says, standing up.
Her lips pinch in a flat line. “Thank you.”
Knox stands, followed by Jax, and we all meet at the door.
Jax turns around and looks at her. “This isn’t goodbye.” He walks out and stands in the hall.
“Ali.” Knox sighs, and I know he’s fighting with saying what he wants to say versus what he knows he should say. He shakes his head and lets out a long sigh, balling his hands into fists, then turns and walks past Jax down the hall.
Shit.
I can see the tears welling up in her eyes and her bottom lip quivering. It is literally taking everything I have not to say fuck it all and comfort her. Even though she’s hurting now, this is what she needs. She can’t turn her back on her family. That’s unfair. Maybe we can figure out a way.
“This isn’t goodbye… just goodbye for now. We have to figure out how to make this work.” My hand reaches across the distance, but I pull it back. “Please don’t be a stranger.” With that, I nod and leave, closing her door. Leaving her standing there alone.
Jax looks at me as I pass him, but doesn’t speak. Emmett is by the car, looking down the sidewalk at Knox, who is about a block down.
“Let’s go get him.”
I get behind the wheel while Jax takes the passenger seat and Emmett jumps into the second row. We pull up to Knox, who looks at us, rolls his eyes, then gets in.
“This is bullshit!” he snaps as soon as the door is closed. “Complete bullshit. Everyone wants to throw away the contract. Everyone! And yet we’re all fucking miserable because no one wants to say a goddamn thing.”
Jax turns in his seat. “You aren’t wrong, but it’s not fair to her.”
“Fuck the NDA too. Who cares? Lizzy couldn’t give a shit.”
“Her parents. Her family. This is the same thing we ran into with Sophie,” Emmett counters.
Knox bats the air. “What the fuck are we even doing? I mean, seriously?” He looks out of the window, then back to us, his voice calm. “I’ll give you some time to figure this shit out. Either way, I’m going back for her.”
We’ll figure it out. This is not the end of our story, just a hiccup.