16. Caught between Two Worlds
Chapter sixteen
Caught between Two Worlds
Miko woke the next morning feeling as if she hadn’t slept at all. Her conversation with Meca remained on her mind, especially the last thing Meca had said.
“Not wanting to hurt somebody doesn’t mean you won’t.”
Miko understood what she meant, but she wasn’t ready to accept that caring about two people meant she had to immediately choose between them.
Jayson represented years of history. Meca represented something new, unexpected, and emotionally honest. Miko didn’t want to lose either relationship before she understood what each one meant to her.
She told herself she could handle it.
She would take things slowly with Jayson, be honest with Meca, and avoid making promises to either of them. As long as everyone understood the situation, Miko believed no one had to get hurt.
At least that was what she wanted to believe.
When Miko arrived at work, Meca was already at her desk. Normally, Meca looked up as soon as she heard Miko enter the office. That morning, she continued typing.
“Good morning,” Miko said.
“Morning,” Meca replied without looking away from the computer.
Miko placed her purse in her desk drawer and turned on her computer. She waited for Meca to say something else, but nothing came.
Throughout the morning, their conversations remained strictly professional.
“Did you receive the report?”
“Yes.”
“Can you send me the updated copy?”
“I just emailed it.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
There were no jokes, quiet smiles, or personal messages sent from across the room. Meca wasn’t rude or unprofessional. She simply created enough distance to protect herself, and Miko felt every inch of it.
By lunchtime, Miko couldn’t take it anymore. She walked over to Meca’s desk. “Can we talk?”
Meca looked up. “About work?”
“No.”
“Then not here.”
“Can we go outside?”
Meca glanced toward the clock. “I have a meeting in twenty minutes.”
“I only need five.”
Meca studied Miko’s face before standing. “Okay.”
They walked outside and stopped near the same table where they had admitted their feelings for each other. This time, neither woman sat down.
“I don’t like this,” Miko said.
“Don’t like what?”
“The way you’re acting.”
“I’m working.”
“You know what I mean.”
Meca folded her arms. “What do you want me to do, Miko?”
“I want you to act normal.”
“This is normal.”
“No, it isn’t. You barely looked at me all morning.”
“I’m giving you space.”
“I didn’t ask for space.”
“You might need it.”
Miko shook her head. “Why are you deciding what I need?”
“Because you don’t seem to know.”
The words stung.
“That’s not fair.”
“What isn’t fair is expecting me to act like nothing changed after you told me Jayson came over.”
“I was honest with you.”
“And I appreciated that.”
“Then why are you treating me differently?”
Meca took a slow breath. “Because honesty doesn’t erase how something makes me feel.”
Miko looked away.
Meca’s voice softened. “I’m not punishing you. I’m trying to figure out where I fit.”
“You fit in my life.”
“Where?”
Miko looked back at her. “Why does everything need an answer right now?”
“It doesn’t, but I need to understand what I’m agreeing to.”
“I’m not asking you to agree to anything.”
“That’s the problem.”
Before Miko could respond, Meca glanced at the time. “I have to get ready for my meeting.”
“Meca—”
“We’ll talk later.”
Meca returned inside, leaving Miko standing alone.
The rest of the day passed slowly. Miko focused on her work and avoided looking toward Meca’s desk. She was irritated, but underneath the irritation was something else.
Fear.
She had only just admitted that her feelings for Meca were real, and now she could feel the relationship slipping away.
That evening, Jayson called as Miko was leaving the office.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
“Going home.”
“You want to get something to eat?”
Miko hesitated. She had hoped Meca would call so they could finish their conversation, but she hadn’t heard from her.
“What time?” Miko asked.
“I can pick you up around seven.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t sound too excited.”
“I had a long day.”
“I’ll make it better.”
Miko smiled despite herself. “We’ll see.”
At seven, Jayson arrived and took her to one of the restaurants they used to visit. The familiarity of the place made it easy to fall back into their old rhythm. Jayson remembered what she liked, ordered her favorite appetizer, and made her laugh until the tension from work began to fade.
“This is what I missed,” he said.
“What?”
“Us sitting together without arguing.”
“We’re not always arguing.”
“We argue enough.”
“Mostly because you get on my nerves.”
Jayson smiled. “But you still love me.”
Miko looked at him.
The word settled between them.
Jayson didn’t seem to notice the hesitation on her face. He reached across the table and took her hand. “I’m serious about us this time.”
“You’ve said that before.”
“I mean it now.”
“What changed?”
“I realized I don’t want to lose you.”
Miko looked down at their hands. She had waited a long time to hear Jayson speak with that kind of certainty. A part of her wanted to believe him and allow their history to pull them back together.
But another part of her wondered why he had become serious only after Meca entered her life.
“You’re quiet,” Jayson said.
“I’m thinking.”
“About what?”
“Whether you mean what you’re saying.”
“I do.”
Miko’s phone vibrated inside her purse. She knew without looking that it was Meca. Throughout dinner, she tried to ignore the urge to check it, but after the second vibration, she excused herself and went to the restroom.
There were two messages.
Meca: Are you home?
Meca: I wanted to finish our conversation.
Miko stared at the screen.
She could tell Meca she was having dinner with Jayson. She had already been honest about him coming over, so there was no reason to hide where she was.
Still, she didn’t want to reopen the argument.
Miko: I’m out right now. Can we talk later?
Meca responded almost immediately.
Meca: With Jayson?
Miko hesitated before typing.
Miko: Yes.
Several minutes passed.
Meca: Okay.
That one one word said everything Meca refused to say.
When Miko returned to the table, Jayson was watching her.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes.”
“Your friend?”
Miko sat down. “Yes.”
“The one who called last night?”
“Yes.”
Jayson nodded slowly. “She calls you a lot.”
“We talk.”
“How often?”
“Why does it matter?”
“I’m trying to understand your relationship.”
“She’s my friend.”
Jayson leaned back. “You keep saying that, but you don’t react to your other friends like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like every message is private.”
Miko reached for her water. “You’re reading too much into it.”
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
Jayson watched her for a moment before changing the subject, but the question remained between them.
After dinner, he drove Miko home. He walked her to the door and kissed her goodnight.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“Not tonight.”
Jayson raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”
“I’m tired.”
“You were tired yesterday too.”
“And you still came over.”
He smiled. “That’s true.”
Miko kissed him again. “Goodnight, Jayson.”
“Goodnight.”
She waited until his car disappeared before going inside and calling Meca.
Meca answered, but her voice was guarded. “Hey.”
“Hey. I’m home.”
“I figured.”
“You said you wanted to finish our conversation.”
“I did.”
“And now?”
“Now I don’t know if there’s anything left to say.”
Miko sat on the couch. “Why are you making this so difficult?”
Meca released a short laugh. “I’m making it difficult?”
“You knew about Jayson.”
“I knew he existed. I didn’t know you planned to rebuild a relationship with him while developing one with me.”
“I never said I was rebuilding anything.”
“You went to dinner with him.”
“It was dinner.”
“And he came to your house last night.”
“We talked.”
“Miko, I’m not asking for details.”
“Then what are you asking for?”
“Clarity.”
“I told you I care about both of you.”
“And you think that’s enough?”
“For right now, yes.”
Meca became quiet.
Miko continued, “I’m trying to understand everything. Jayson has been part of my life for years. I can’t shut my feelings off just because he disappeared for a while.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Then why are you upset?”
“Because you want me to remain emotionally available while you decide whether you want him.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“That’s exactly what you’re doing.”
Miko stood and began pacing. “Why can’t we just take things one day at a time?”
“Because every day you spend with him changes what happens between us.”
“It doesn’t have to.”
“Yes, it does.”
“No, it doesn’t. What I feel for you is separate from what I feel for Jayson.”
“It might feel separate to you, but it doesn’t stay separate when people’s emotions are involved.”
Miko stopped pacing. “So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying you can’t divide yourself into two people forever.”
“I’m not dividing myself.”
“You are. There’s the Miko who wants the life she understands with Jayson, and then there’s the Miko who lets herself be honest when she’s with me.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Maybe not, but it’s true.”
Miko felt herself becoming defensive. “You told me you weren’t going to pressure me.”
“I’m not pressuring you to choose a label. That doesn’t mean I have to accept being kept in the middle of your confusion.”
“I’m not confused about caring for you.”
“But you are confused about what you’re willing to do with those feelings.”
Miko didn’t answer.
Meca sighed. “I care about you, but I also care about myself.”
“I care about you too.”
“I know you do.”
“Then give me time.”
“How much?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
The call ended without a resolution.
Over the following week, Miko tried to balance both relationships. She spent evenings talking to Meca and weekends seeing Jayson. She answered Jayson’s questions without saying too much and reassured Meca without making promises.
For a while, she believed she was managing everything.
But the pressure began showing in small ways.
She missed one of Meca’s calls while she was with Jayson. She canceled plans with Jayson because Meca needed someone to talk to. She became defensive whenever either of them asked about the other.
Even at work, the tension followed her.
One afternoon, Jemika approached Miko while Meca was away from her desk.
“You look tired,” Jemika said.
“I am.”
“Too much going on?”
“Just work.”
Jemika glanced toward Meca’s empty chair. “Work ain’t the only thing wearing you out.”
Miko frowned. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means trying to live two different lives will make anybody tired.”
Miko stared at her. “You don’t know anything about my life.”
“You’re right,” Jemika said. “But I know what I see.”
“And what do you see?”
Jemika leaned closer. “I see somebody trying to keep everybody happy so she doesn’t have to make a decision.”
Miko looked away.
Jemika continued, “Just be careful. When people feel like they’re competing for a place in your life, eventually somebody stops competing.”
Before Miko could respond, Jemika walked away.
Miko sat quietly at her desk.
Across the room, Meca returned from her meeting and looked at her. Miko could see the questions in her eyes, but this time Meca didn’t ask if she was okay.
She simply sat down and returned to work.
Miko had convinced herself that she could keep Jayson and Meca in separate parts of her life. She believed she could manage the feelings, the questions, and the growing tension without losing either of them.
But for the first time, she began to understand that the situation was no longer hers alone to manage.
Jayson wanted the woman he remembered.
Meca wanted honesty and clarity.
And Miko wanted more time.
Time, however, was beginning to make the decision for her.