Chapter 14
Walker
Present Day
"Dad, where do you want this?" I called over my shoulder. I was out at the vineyard, helping my dad move boxes of wine he needed to ship out by the end of the month. My elbow was feeling stronger every day, thanks to Dr. Howard, and he’d cleared me to begin lifting weights, or in this case, boxes of wine bottles. After the ass kicking… er… talk I received from Addison, I’d cut back on my drinking and begun working out regularly again.
It was amazing what more exercise, less alcohol, and staying off social media could do for someone’s mental health.
Dr. Howard said I was still probably about a month or two away from starting to throw again, but he was happy with my progress.
"Just stack them over here in this corner. Thanks, son." I stacked the rest of the boxes where my dad had asked, then turned to face him.
"What else can I help you with?" I rubbed my hands down the front of my jeans.
"I think that's good for tonight. Let's go grab a glass of my new cabernet blend I want you to try," My dad gestured for me to follow him to the winery.
Once inside, we settled onto the stools that lined the rustic wooden bar.
He poured me a glass and slid it in front of me.
I swirled the deep plum liquid around the glass before bringing it to my nose and then taking a long pull.
I let the explosion of blackberry, chocolate, and a hint of spice linger on my tongue before swallowing.
"Damn, Dad. You did it again." I sometimes forgot how talented a winemaker he was.
My dad grinned and clinked his wine glass against mine. After taking a sip of his wine, he turned his attention back to me. "You seem better."
I nodded, twisting the wine glass between my fingers. "Yeah. I feel better. I'm sorry I've been sort of a reclusive shithead since I've been home."
That drew a deep chuckle from him. "You're allowed to be upset, son.
But I don't understand why you always feel the need to hide your emotions from us.
We don't always expect you to be happy. No one is happy all the time.
You're going through a tough injury, the whole situation sucks, it's disappointing, it's frustrating.
I expect you to feel that, Walker." He leveled me with a look.
I nodded and shrugged, dropping my eyes to my wine glass again. "Old habits die hard, I guess."
"What do you mean by that?" He cocked his head curiously at my response.
I cleared my throat, trying to decide how to phrase what I wanted to say.
"Being one of four siblings was a lot growing up.
Everyone had their place in the family. Weston was the grumpy, reliable one, Addison was the go-getter, Ava was the confident dreamer, and I was the happy, go-lucky, funny guy.
With the chaos that was our household, I never wanted to be a burden on you or Mom, especially when y'all were growing your business when we were younger.
And then when Mom was diagnosed with cancer, I felt like I needed to step it up and take care of Addison and Ava so you could focus on Mom, since Weston had left for the Navy.
What I was feeling didn't matter; I needed to be the rock for the girls, and I was okay with that.
It gave me purpose, but it also sort of created a bad habit of pushing aside how I felt and burying it. "
My dad reached over and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Walker. I never knew you felt that way, and if I’d known, I would’ve told you, you’re a goddamn idiot."
Okay, not the reaction I was expecting.
He continued, "You were never expected to take care of your sisters when your mom had cancer, but I will tell you the way you stepped up was admirable.
More proof of how incredible a brother, son, and leader you are.
Stepping up doesn't mean you can't feel though.
I want to know all of your emotions, son.
I want to know when you're pissed the fuck off, sad, happy, disappointed, excited, all of it.
Stop burying how you feel for the sake of others and their comfort.
Let us sit in it with you. We love you, every side of you. "
I glanced up, meeting his gaze, his eyes warm.
"Thanks, Dad. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.
I'll try to be better about it." I flashed him a forced smile before a loud noise coming from the direction of the tasting room caught both of our attention.
We both climbed to our feet and headed toward the noise.
Once we turned the corner into the tasting room, my eyes landed on the culprit…
Farrah.
"Sorry about that! I just knocked over a chair with my bag on my way out, didn't mean to disturb you." She lifted her large work bag over her shoulder and flashed her gorgeous smile towards my dad, refusing to look directly at me.
My dad nodded, returning her smile. "Not a problem at all, can we help you with anything?"
Farrah shook her head. "Nope, just leaving.
Have a good night, I'll see you tomorrow.
" As she began to push her way past us, the conversation with Addison echoed in my mind. I gently grabbed her elbow. Her breath hitched at the contact—something we hadn’t shared in years.
Warmth spread up my hand and through my body.
"Farrah, wait. Do you have a minute?" I rasped out.
My dad shot me a knowing smile. "All right, I'm going to head down to the house.
I'll see you two later. Walk, maybe you can pour Farrah a glass of wine.
I would love for her to try my new blend.
" He winked before exiting the room, leaving us just staring at each other, with so many unspoken words hanging in the space between us.
I released Farrah's elbow and hooked my thumb over my shoulder. "Well, what do you say? Want to sit down and have a glass of wine with me before you head out? I think we’re long overdue for a conversation."
The corner of Farrah's mouth hooked up in a small grin as she released the breath she’d been holding.
"Yeah. Let's do it. I could use a glass of wine.
" I followed closely behind her as we made our way to the bar, slowly breathing in her familiar, comforting scent.
It still felt like home to me after all these years.
Fuck, I was pathetic.
It was strange sitting here with the person who had once been my best friend and the love my life—someone I used to know everything about. Yet now she felt like a complete stranger. How could someone be both things?
I poured Farrah a glass of wine to buy me some time while I waded through the endless thoughts running through my head on how best to start this conversation. We hadn't spoken to each other directly in five years. "It's been a while, huh?"
Wow, that was fucking lame.
Farrah let out a loud laugh, throwing me off guard, but I'd have been lying if I said I didn't miss the sound.
"Yeah. It's definitely been a while." She took a small sip of wine before continuing, "How's your elbow feeling?
Archer showed me the footage of when you got hit.
It looked pretty bad. I don't think I've ever seen you go down that fast."
I sighed heavily. "Yeah, that wasn't fun; it hurt like hell.
Luckily, rehab has been going well, and I should be able to start throwing again in a month or two.
" I fiddled with the stem of my wine glass; I needed to do something with my hands.
It was hard for me to look directly at her, even after all these years; she made me nervous.
Farrah had that natural, effortless, overwhelming kind of beauty.
She was gorgeous, and often rendered me speechless.
"How's everything going with your business?
That's awesome that you did it, by the way. I'm really happy for you, Farr."
She flashed me a shy smile. Now she was fiddling with her wine glass. By the way we were acting, you would think we were two teenagers on a first date. "Thanks. Business has been great, actually. I'm really lucky."
I scoffed. "Luck has nothing to do with it. You’re talented."
Farrah just nodded and smiled, her eyes cast down at her wine again. The awkward silence hung in the air between us. Fuck it, I needed to cut the tension and just get to the point.
"Look. I'm really sorry for being an asshole towards you.
I'm sorry for ignoring and avoiding you for all these years.
It was childish of me, and I want to let the past die and for us to move forward.
Our families are close, you and Adds are still close, it just doesn't do our families or us any favors by us not being able to be around each other. "
"Thanks for the apology, but it isn't necessary. I was just as much of an asshole towards you as you were towards me. I ignored and avoided just as much. I agree, we need to move on." She glanced over at me shyly with her hand extended in front of me. "Can we start fresh and be friends?"
I took her hand in mine and smiled. "Friends." The word felt like acid on my tongue.
Friends… with her?
That was a tough pill to swallow, but one I had to take. The sooner I could accept the fact that we would be friends and nothing more, the sooner I could move on with my life. "Okay, well, now that we’ve got that out of the way. Tell me about your daughter."
Farrah's face lit up in the way it used to when she looked at me.
I missed that.
"Hadley’s amazing. She's two and so smart, funny, and kind.
She loves animals, and I just feel incredibly lucky to be her mom," she gushed.
She continued to go on and on for the next fifteen minutes on all of Hadley's likes and dislikes, and I was completely enraptured by the love and joy that poured out of her when she spoke about her daughter, a small part of me wishing she were ours.
I quickly shoved that thought aside before it took hold.