38. Lucy
CHAPTER 38
Lucy
My body was sore, but in a good way. Almost like I’d had a really intense workout and then afterwards I’d had a nice hot bath and a massage.
I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelashes were stuck together with something gummy, almost like I’d fallen asleep crying again.
What the hell was going on?
Peeling the gunk off my eyelashes fucking hurt, but I was desperately trying not to panic because I had a feeling I’d done something I shouldn’t have – something bad.
When I could finally open my eyes, it took a few blinks to clear the clouds from my vision and the first thing I realized was that it wasn’t a mattress under me, but a massive, hulking alpha.
Cassius .
I looked up and bright blue eyes stared back at me through the strands of inky black hair that covered half his face. He had one arm pillowed behind his head and the other around my shoulders. He didn’t once blink as he watched me, and then I felt something inside me flex .
What the fuck ?
My cheeks felt like they were on fire despite the haze of pheromones still drenching everything and I gingerly laid my head down on his chest just so I wouldn’t have to look at him.
Jesus, I’d really fucked Liam and then Cassius like one of those insatiable omegas, desperate for any dick as long as it was an alpha’s, hadn’t I?
It was pathetic.
But…
Even just the memory of what we’d done had my pussy pulsing again and I needed to get out of here before I did something else I’d probably regret. Unfortunately, Cassius still had me knotted so I couldn’t run away without getting torn apart.
I had no fucking idea where Liam was either.
Fuck me , I really needed to get my shit together and try to regain some of my dignity, but how the fuck was I supposed to get out of this?
Why would I do something so stupid?
There had to be a logical explanation, but all I could think about was how warm Cassius felt underneath me and how comfortable I was despite still being knotted for who the fuck knew how long after begging him to fuck me over and over again.
My stomach flip-flopped when I remembered the way he’d looked at me.
Liam didn’t surprise me as much as Cassius had. I honestly hadn’t thought he liked me at all, and yet here he was with his fat cock still inside me like it was no big deal.
It would be fine. We could just pretend like nothing happened. This kind of thing happens all the time between alphas and omegas. It didn’t have to mean anything.
“You’re finally awake,” Cassius murmured, his lips brushing against my hair and tickling me. “And already trying to find a way to escape, aren’t you?”
It was unnerving how well they both could read me. I didn’t think I was ever going to get used to that .
Cassius didn’t give me a chance to answer him. He just rolled us both to the side so I was near the edge of the bed, his dick sliding out of me far easier than I’d anticipated as the knot deflated.
The emptiness that threatened to consume me once he was gone was almost enough to destroy me.
I wanted to cry all over again.
If I held on to him, begging him to fill me up once more, would he forgive me?
Good fucking lord. What was wrong with me? Clearly, the hormones from my heat were still scrambling my fucking brain because I couldn’t let go of him even when he’d given me the freedom I’d desperately needed just a second ago.
Forcing myself to roll away from him, I swung my legs to the side and set my bare feet on the floor. Slowly and carefully, I stood – one eye on the bathroom door. I needed to get cleaned up and wash their scents from my body…I had no idea what I would do if their pheromones kept seeping into my skin like this.
My legs were so shaky I wasn’t sure I’d make it to the bathroom, but I put one foot in front of the other until slick heat started to dribble down my thighs.
I closed my eyes, praying it wasn’t what I thought it was, but I wasn’t that stupid. I was an omega in heat and they’d done their best to manage their own instincts, but we’d all lost our fucking minds. Even now, I wanted Cas to breed me, and it made the shaking in my legs even worse.
What the fuck was I thinking? Clearly, I wasn’t, and I couldn’t trust myself around these two. Not when it felt like twenty years of pent-up omega instincts had me ready to move in and get pregnant as if I wouldn’t hate myself for giving up on my career.
It was disgusting.
I really, really couldn’t afford to get pregnant right now either. How was I supposed to solve this case if I was throwing up all the time?
It would be fine. I’d just take the morning-after pill and wash their scents from my body until there was nothing left. Like it had never happened.
Maybe then I’d finally regain some of my sanity.
Whatever was left of it.
Every step toward the bathroom was excruciating, but I managed a few steps before my legs finally gave out and I bit my lip to keep from making any noise. The last thing I wanted was for Liam or Cassius to know how badly I was struggling.
If they tried to help me, I wouldn’t be able to pretend what we’d done meant nothing.
But I couldn’t get up on my own and I felt so fucking weak it was revolting. All I wanted to do was give in to the overwhelming urge to cry, but I’d cried enough for a lifetime over the years and I was done.
The world wouldn’t get any more of my despair.
All I had left was rage.
Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to crawl toward the bathroom. I didn’t need help. I’d managed to survive this long without an alpha to help me through my heat. I didn’t need to get used to it now when all this was just temporary.
These two assholes…
They’d turned my life upside down and made me feel like I was nothing more than an omega for the first time in my life.
As I crawled to the bathroom, there was a moment when I felt like I could see with crystal clear clarity why my father had done what he had.
He must have been a victim of his own hormones and pheromones, just like me.
Not that I could ever understand what a normal omega had to go through when I’d only had five heats over the last fifteen years, but this one had me acting like a completely different person and I didn’t know how to come to terms with that. Not when I’d been on my own for so long, living in my own world to make sure I didn’t make the same mistakes my father did.
I managed to crawl a few more steps before my arms and legs started shaking so badly I couldn’t crawl at all anymore, and I stayed there in that pathetic position on the floor, silently screaming at myself to just keep going. One more inch. Then another. All we had to do was get there and wash it all away until there was nothing left. Then we could pretend it never happened.
But I couldn’t. I was too weak, and every second I didn’t have Cassius touching me made the pain I’d felt earlier creep back in until I wanted to scream.
Strong arms wrapped around my waist and lifted me up. Cassius shifted my weight effortlessly until I was cradled against his chest as he carried me to the bathroom. “Would it really kill you to ask for my help?”
“Maybe.” At the very least it would make me feel even more pathetic than I already did. “Please put me down. I can do it myself.”
“Eventually, you probably could. I just don’t see why you have to.” Cassius tightened his hold on me enough that the pain of that never-ending emptiness started to ease again, and I buried my face in his chest, wishing I hadn’t heard him.
My eyes burned . I was dangerously close to crying again, but the sound of the water turning on helped keep the tears at bay for a little while longer.
I didn’t have the guts to ask Cassius why he was here when Liam wasn’t, or how he and Liam could do this at all – why Liam had called him like he’d known I would need more and had planned for it.
How could he have possibly known?
Then the memory of Cas’s cock in my mouth hit me like a fucking truck and I swallowed down the groan that nearly escaped me. We were both naked and covered in our pheromones, my slick, and their semen. The last thing I needed to do was provoke him into fucking me again when I was all over the place emotionally.
I wasn’t even sure they’d wanted to do what they already had for me. They were alphas and I was an omega. This was probably nothing more than a duty for them. I was work, and they just happened to be the only ones who could do it.
What I’d seen on their faces and in their eyes…I’d been so fucking out of my mind I couldn’t be sure I hadn’t imagined what I’d seen, and what they’d said? It was easy for them to say anything under the influence of my pheromones.
They might not have chosen to be with me if it hadn’t been for the pheromones of an omega in heat.
Cassius gently placed me in the bathtub and I wrapped my arms around my legs, resting my head on my knees. The water was nice and warm, but not too hot. It was comforting, but lonely.
Never in a million years would I have thought Cassius would climb into the bathtub with me, but it was exactly what I needed even if I didn’t deserve it.
He settled me in front of him with his legs on either side of me and then one of his massive hands held my neck just like the night before, sliding up until he was gripping my jaw and shoving my chin up. The way he forced me to look at him was intoxicating and I couldn’t keep myself from gasping like the omega I was.
The omega I never thought I could be.
I stared into those psychotic blue eyes and found nothing. There wasn’t a single drop of concern or empathy. Not even desire. His soul was empty, but he was still here, taking care of me.
I couldn’t help but ask, “Is this also part of your job description?”
Even that didn’t get a rise out of him and all I wanted to do was make him angry. I had no idea why, but I wanted someone to feel the same way I did. I wanted him to feel guilt and regret, just like me.
Why would I want that though when he’d done nothing wrong?
“Do you feel like we forced you?” His question shocked me enough that all those self-destructive feelings evaporated.
Did Cassius really think he’d forced me to do any of that?
“No, I don’t,” I managed, swallowing hard when his intense gaze pierced right through me.
Closing my eyes was the only way to hide from him. Somehow, Cassius could see everything. He was always watching and waiting.
If he kept staring into my eyes like that, he’d see that my soul was just as empty as his. There was nothing left of me – nothing left that made any sense. Everything I’d done for the last fifteen years, everything I’d endured…
“Why are you acting like this then?”
I would never admit I liked how deep and rough Cassius’s voice was, or how much it thrilled me to hear him ask questions like this – like maybe he was angry, but hiding it better than I ever could.
What would he do if I said I did feel like they’d forced me?
No .
I couldn’t let myself go down that road again. If I did, I might really lose everything.
“I don’t think it’s that unexpected for me to act like this.” I shoved his hand off my jaw and scooped up water to splash my face, cleaning off some of the dried blood. “Neither of you used a condom, did you?”
Silence.
It took more effort than it usually did to keep my mind blank as I scrubbed at my skin with one of those special soaps that erased any trace of pheromones. It must be something Liam used a lot .
How many people had scrubbed his pheromones from their skin just like I was?
Instantly, I dropped the bar of soap and watched as it floated on the surface, bobbing around from the force of the water still pouring from the faucet. If someone didn’t turn it off soon, the bathtub would overflow.
Even still, all I could do was watch as the water line creeped up and up, not making a single move to turn off the faucet.
Did I really think I was special because he was the first alpha to find my pheromones pleasing? Who the fuck was I in the grand scheme of things? I was no one.
I really needed to get out of this fucking house before they convinced me that maybe…maybe I was someone.