Chapter 33
Addie was in agony.
This was, by far, the worst period she could ever remember having.
She guessed it was because of the stress she was under.
She didn’t have any of her usual things around her.
She had one pair of period panties from LittleLand that she’d put in her carry-on luggage for the plane, thankfully.
And someone had had the foresight to stock the bathroom here with feminine supplies.
But the heating pad and painkillers just felt like they only took the edge off.
Nausea bubbled in her stomach, and she drew herself up into a ball on the bed. She needed some stronger painkillers. That was clear.
You could ask Ralen. He already knows you’re getting your period, and he seemed very unbothered.
Right. The only problem was that wasn’t who she wanted to go to.
She wanted to go to Cash. She wanted to beg him to hold her and make everything feel better. She wanted to slip into Little headspace and have him take care of her. But she’d gone and messed everything up, hadn’t she?
She’d barely seen him all day. And every time she had, he was acting awkward and weird around her. Like he was scared to touch her or be near her.
Why had she acted like such an idiot? Why did she care that it wasn’t real? Maybe having a fake relationship was better than none at all.
She didn’t really want this tension between them. Like they were strangers, living in the same house, coexisting.
Things would be much better if she could just go home and hide.
Because hiding always solved everything, didn’t it?
She was so tired of being a wimp, of never going after anything that she wanted.
So what are you going to do about it?
Getting up off the bed, she moved out into the hallway. She didn’t know where her sisters were.
Monroe had disappeared after breakfast time, and she hadn’t seen her again. She should really go check on her. And Dotty was probably working in her bedroom.
Addie walked out into the living room to find Ralen there, eating a huge sandwich. She raised her eyebrows at him.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, around a mouthful of food. “I had oatmeal for breakfast and soup for lunch. This sort of body wasn’t made to live on liquid stuff. Liquid stuff isn’t real food, right? You’ve got to have something to munch into or your teeth rot away. I read that once.”
She hid to grin. “Sorry.”
He pointed at her with his free hand. “You’re not supposed to talk, young lady.”
Dear Lord, it seemed that Cash’s bossiness was rubbing off on him. Although maybe Ralen was just as bossy, he just hid it better.
He eyed her for a long moment. “You don’t look good, Addie. What’s going on? You’re all hunched over and pale.”
“Yeah, that’s why I was looking for someone,” she croaked out.
“Is it your throat?” he asked, setting aside his food. “Do you need something for it?”
She shook her head and rubbed her belly, hoping he’d get it.
“Oh, your period? What do you need? Write me a list. I’ll see you get everything.”
“Thanks,” she told him, grabbing a pen and paper.
“Okay, Cash is out getting a few things. Is it all right if I send this through to him to get?” he asked as he read through the list.
All right. Cool.
That was cool.
No problem.
Cash looked at the bag of stuff that he’d gotten for Addie from LittleLand.
Hopefully she didn’t see it as him trying to be her Daddy, but just being a friend.
“Here, maybe you should give her these things,” Cash said to Ralen, trying to give him the bag. It included the painkillers she’d asked for.
The other man had a mayonnaise stain on his shirt. “Nope, I’m not doing it. Man up. Do it yourself.”
“I don’t think she wants to see me,” Cash told him.
“Not sure where you get that dumb idea from,” Ralen said.
“Maybe because I fucked up this morning and tried to Daddy her when she didn’t want it? When we don’t have any sort of relationship.”
“Hmm. Sure.” Ralen turned and walked away whistling. “That’s what’s going on.”
Cash had known Ralen for years, but sometimes he still didn’t understand him very well.
But it seemed he was going to have to deliver the stuff to Addie himself. He knocked quietly on her door in case she was asleep. Then he heard movement inside, and the door opened. She stared up at him.
Fuck. She looked terrible. Her face was pale, and her lips were pinched. There were dark marks under her eyes that spoke of the last few sleepless nights.
He immediately wanted to tuck her into bed, to cuddle her, feed her up, and make sure that she got a good night’s sleep.
Pull back, man.
She’s not yours.
“Hey, Addie, I got the things you needed.” He held up a bag. “And a few extra things. I hope you don’t mind.”
She blinked at him. “Mind?”
The urge to scold her for talking was right there on the tip of his tongue.
She’s not yours.
She doesn’t want your Daddy side taking care of her.
He just had to cement that in his brain.
“Yeah, I went back to LittleLand and got you some more panties. And a few other things.”
Her eyes grew wide as she took the bag from him. “You did that for me?”
God, her voice sounded painful. He nodded. “Yeah, for you.”
She acted like no one ever did kind things for her, or she couldn’t imagine him doing something kind for her, and that made him feel a bit angry.
He remembered what she’d said to him about how she’d been bullied when she was younger.
Cash hated that. He wanted to track down every one of those bastards and make sure they paid.
Hmm, that wasn’t a bad idea.
He just had to get her to give him all those names.
“This is amazing,” she told him in a voice that was barely there. “Thank you.”
He nodded stiffly and took a step back. “Let me know if you need anything else.” Cash forced himself to walk away, even though he felt the urge to turn back to go to her.
The nightmare came again.
It was the same as the last one. People surrounding her, jeering at her, taunting her, first the men at the airport.
Then those kids from years ago.
When she woke up, she saw it was only around midnight. She’d barely had any sleep at all. Sighing, she lay back down.
Go back to sleep.
But even though she tossed and turned and tried to get back to sleep, she simply couldn’t. It didn’t help that her stomach was clenching painfully with cramps.
Getting up, she grabbed the hoodie that Cash had bought her. It was the one she’d seen at LittleLand with the squishy bits in the cuffs. That she had regretted not buying.
It was a pale, buttery yellow that she really loved. He’d also bought her some soft, yellow, fluffy socks, a couple of face masks, some vanilla-scented bubble bath and a block of chocolate.
Everything a girl might need.
Grabbing Snaggles and using her hands to play with the squishies sewn into the hoodie, she made her way back outside and onto the same chair she’d sat in in the early hours of yesterday morning.
At least Cash wouldn’t be out running at this time of night, so there was no one to catch her out here.
It was chilly out, and she soon found herself shivering, so she drew her legs up against her chest. She swallowed with a wince. The cold air probably wasn’t doing anything good for her throat.
Dinner had been another quiet affair. She’d eaten the same soup from lunch and her tummy was now kind of grumbling.
“It’s cold out here.”
She startled at the sound of someone behind her and let out a gasp that quickly turned into a cough.
“Jesus, fuck, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” Cash said as he walked around her with a blanket, which he tucked over her. “I’ll go get you a drink. Wait here.”
Okay. She hadn’t really been planning on going anywhere, although maybe she should retreat into her bedroom. Because spending time with him was painful.
Was this what unrequited love felt like? Not that she loved him, but unrequited lust, desire, need?
She didn’t know. No matter what it was, it was painful.
When he returned, he held a bottle of water and a mug.
“It’s a hot honey drink,” he told her. “I read that it was good for your throat. It’s not too hot either, so it shouldn’t burn you. I checked the temperature first.”
Wow, that was really thoughtful of him.
“Wasn’t trying to overstep or anything. Just didn’t want to burn you.”
She sighed. She didn’t like seeing him like this. In fact, she kind of hated it. She preferred bossy, commanding, in her face all the time, Cash.
The question was, how did she make this better?
“What are you doing out here, Addie? You know you’re not supposed to come out here on your own.”
She nodded. She did know that. She took a sip of the honey drink. Oh, that was nice. “Just needed some cold air.”
Addie risked a glance up at him to find he was frowning as he stared out into the night.
“Another nightmare?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Same as last night?”
“Yeah.”
She took another sip of the hot honey drink. This was so awkward. Maybe she should just go back to bed, but she could feel the walls closing in on her. Which was weird, considering she spent most of her time in her bedroom back home.
Why was she feeling so claustrophobic now?
Cash was tense and he was tapping his foot against the floorboards of the porch. She wanted to ask him what was wrong.
Feeling out of place and like a complete idiot, she bounced Snaggles up and down on her knee.
What came over her next, she had no idea.
But she placed Snaggles down with his wide mouth around Cash’s arm and his fake teeth against his skin. “Grr, grr.”
And now she wasn’t sure who was more tense or more shocked. Her or Cash.
Oh. My. God.
What had Snaggles just done? And how did she get him to undo it? Was there a time machine close by? Was this all a bad dream?
It had to be a bad dream. That was it.
Oh, thank goodness for that. She was dreaming. All she needed to do was wake up.
She closed her eyes, then opened them again. Nothing.
“Addie?” Cash asked. “Are you all right?”
Close. Open. Close. Open. Oh God. Still stuck in the dream, which was fast becoming a nightmare.
She was starting to feel sick from how quick she was opening and closing her eyes.
“Addie, Addie, what’s wrong?” Cash grasped hold of her arm and shook her slightly. “Addie, are you feeling all right? Shit, are you having some sort of seizure?”
It’s all right. This is still a bad dream. None of this was real.
Reaching over, she pinched his arm.
“What did you do that for?” He stared down at his arm in surprise. “First, Snaggles bites me, and now you pinch me? Have I done something?”
She shook her head. What could she do to wake up? Oh, she knew.
She put the mug down. Reaching over, she placed her hand around the back of his neck, before drawing him in and kissing him briefly.
Yeah, that always did it. A kiss always woke someone up, right?
But when she drew back, the dream hadn’t gone. She wasn’t suddenly awake in her bedroom.
He was still there.
She was still there.
She’d just kissed Cash Savage.
This wasn’t a dream.
Shit.