Chapter 34
Cash had no idea what was going on.
He sat very still, staring at Addie.
Who had just kissed him.
Addie. Kissed. Him.
Sure, it wasn’t the greatest kiss ever, just a brief press of her lips against his. But it had still made his body sit up and pay attention.
More attention than before, anyway.
Because it seemed like whenever he was in her presence, all he could see was her.
Touching her felt so right and that kiss felt like it was everything.
“This isn’t a dream,” she said croakily.
And it turned out that that kiss wasn’t everything to her, because she thought she was dreaming. Although, did that mean that she wanted to kiss him? And she’d only been brave enough because she thought this was a dream?
Hmm, that was a possibility.
“No,” he said. “It’s not.”
“Oh, God. I kissed Cash Savage, and it’s not a dream. Oh, God.”
He had to grin at the way she said his full name.
“Do you think you’re in a nightmare now?” he asked.
She nodded.
Ouch. He probably shouldn’t have asked that if he couldn’t handle the answer.
But the fact that she thought kissing him was a nightmare damaged his ego.
And his ego was generally pretty robust.
“Oh, no! I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, her voice cutting off at the end as she started to cough.
Frowning, he picked up her drink and pressed it to her mouth. She stared at him with wide eyes.
Yeah, he should probably pull back. He was being a bit too forceful.
But Addie had kissed him.
Even if she thought it was a nightmare.
Talk about mixed messages. Was she attracted to him? Did she want him? Had this morning been about something else?
Maybe it had been about her being scared. Or nervous. Or anxious.
It wasn’t like he’d had a proper conversation with her about either of their needs. All he’d done was claim ownership of her.
Which wasn’t exactly a normal thing to do. But then he’d never claimed to be a normal guy, had he?
Life was short and you had to take what you wanted.
Am I claiming to want Addie?
That . . . that wasn’t right. She was just a temporary interest. That was all. He shook that thought from his head. His life wasn’t made for someone like Addie. When he found someone he wanted to be with, she was going to have to be tough and independent.
Right?
“Drink,” he ordered.
To his surprise, she opened her mouth and let him pour some of the warm honey drink in. She swallowed with a grimace. Yeah, her throat was still hurting her.
“Thanks,” she said as he put the mug down again.
“No talking,” he told her roughly, getting out his phone. “If you have anything to say, use this.”
He opened up the text-to-speech app that he’d downloaded onto his phone.
Addie took the phone from his hand, her fingers brushing against his. He could feel them trembling slightly and they were cool.
“You need to go inside. You’re cold.”
She shook her head.
“No? Why not?” he asked.
Putting the mug down, she typed into his phone.
“Can’t be inside. I feel claustrophobic.”
Instead of Batman’s voice, this breathy sexy voice came from his phone.
Her eyes widened at the same time his did, and he took back his phone.
“Urgh. I didn’t choose that voice, I promise.”
To his shock, she let out a small giggle.
“Unless you like that voice,” he said to her with a grin. “But I think it must be the default or something. It sounded very . . .”
She took his phone back as he trailed off and started to type. “Sexy.”
“Yeah, sexy,” he agreed.
Addie bit her lower lip, staring at him before typing something again. “I’m sorry I kissed you. I thought that I was in a dream.”
This time, the voice that came from his phone was rather mechanical. It didn’t sound right either. So she searched through the settings to find Batman’s voice. It was her favorite.
“I believe you said it was a nightmare.”
Addie grimaced. “Sorry about that.”
Cash raised his eyebrows. “So you’re kissing me in your dreams, are you?”
She typed into the phone. “In your dreams, buddy.”
He let out a snort as she froze, looking alarmed.
Instead of typing, she started to speak. “I didn’t mean that you, um, that you . . .” She broke off into a cough.
He fucking hated that. He didn’t like that she was in pain. And that he couldn’t fix it.
“No more talking, young lady. And yes, I’m aware I’m not supposed to Daddy you, but I’ve decided that you putting your health or safety in jeopardy is an exception to that rule.”
Yeah, maybe he was coming on too strong again. But he definitely didn’t care.
She reached out and placed her hand on his wrist as he reached for the mug again.
“What if I want to get rid of that rule entirely?”
Cash frowned. What did she mean? Get rid of what rule? The rule about no talking?
Addie couldn’t believe she’d just done that, and she hastily typed something into his phone. “Forget I said that. Just ignore it. I’ve got to go back to bed.”
She attempted to get up, but he placed his arm over her lap.
Darn it. Too late.
“Eyes on me,” he ordered, waiting for her gaze to rise to his. “What did you mean? Don’t lie to me, Addie.”
There was a real warning in his tone, and a shiver ran through her. It wasn’t one of fear. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t get scared when he got stern. Maybe because he’d never yelled or truly gotten mad at her.
He always seemed so in control. Perhaps that was it. She liked the way he was in control.
“I like that you’re always in control, that you never lose your temper and yell.”
She wasn’t sure why she felt the urge to tell him that. She just did.
He stiffened, and she wondered what she’d said wrong. There wasn’t a lot of light out here, just from the moon and the phone. But he seemed to be surprised.
Cash let out a breath. “You know, I didn’t think about it, but I do feel more in control when I’m looking after you. It might be hard to believe, but I’ve always had a bit of a temper, been a hothead who just jumps into things without thinking them through.”
Hmm. She wouldn’t say it was that hard to believe. She’d seen him at the brawl, then later when that guy tried to take Crystal. When he’d wanted to go back and beat the guy up who had hit her.
Yeah, there had been signs.
“Which is what I think might have happened this morning. I failed to think about how you might feel and what you might want, which is pretty unforgivable.”
“Can’t be unforgivable when I already forgave you.”
It was so frustrating having to type everything out on his phone.
She’d been too scared this morning to tell him what she really wanted. And now she was probably going to chicken out again.
“I guess when I’m in Daddy mode, I do feel more in control,” he said. “Doesn’t mean I get to do anything against your will.”
Be brave, Addie.
She took a deep breath as she typed slowly into the phone, wanting to get this right.
“What if it wasn’t? What if I did want that? While I’m here?”
She added on that last part because she didn’t want him to think she was asking for more. She knew that she would never be lucky enough to have someone like Cash be hers permanently, and that she should be grateful to have him, even for a short while.
She just had to keep being brave. Because she didn’t get anything from hiding away. And even though it would hurt if he rejected her, at least she’d have no regrets.
Because Addie was starting to realize that her life was becoming one giant regret.
“You want me to be your Daddy while you’re here?” he asked.
She didn’t blame him for sounding confused. It was a complete turnaround from this morning.
Addie searched for the words to explain. “I was scared this morning.”
“Scared of me?” he asked. “Are you worried I might hurt you?”
“Not scared of you physically,” she explained.
“I’m always scared to do anything new. What if I make a mess of this?
What if I do it wrong? What if I try and I don’t like it, and then I have to tell you?
I’m not used to any of this. I’m completely out of my depth, and it just seems easier to hide away.
But the thing is, I’ve always hidden away and I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of having regrets. I’m tired of doing nothing.
I might never have a chance to experience this again and I think I should.
I think I should do it with you because you make me feel safe. ”
“I do?” he asked.
“Yeah. Whenever you hug me or are near me I feel safer. That’s a big thing for me. I very rarely feel safe. I always feel like someone is going to try and hurt me. I know that sounds silly. Nobody really knows I exist . . . when I’m back home anyway.”
There was silence and she glanced down at everything she had typed. Why had she just blurted everything out like that?
What an idiot.
Leave, Addie.
Run.
No. No, she was going to try and not do that anymore. Running wasn’t an option right now. She was going to stay and she was going to take his reaction.
Then she could run.
Because no doubt she’d be completely humiliated.
“I am fucking amazed and flattered you feel safe in my arms. I don’t think anyone has ever paid me a compliment like that.”
And here it went. The rejection. The part where he told her ‘but’. She braced herself.
“And I would love to be your Daddy while you’re here.”