34. Damiano
Fuck it. I can’t be without her.
I miss her dark blue eyes, the way she smiles biting her lip. The way the rest of the world fades out of existence when she looks my way.
I miss her nails scratching up and down my back, lulling me to sleep. I miss her hopeless optimism and the entirely outsized confidence she has in her own abilities. How awful she is at so many things.
I miss her calling my dick baby . And the way she tastes, the way the slightest whiff of her sends electricity up my spine and shooting down into my plums.
I miss being the man keeping her safe.
Not seeing her every minute of every day is doing nothing to ease the beast inside of me. The beast that devours every rational thought. The beast that overflows with panic that something might happen to her. The beast that rages because, even setting aside my irrational overprotective instincts, there remains one simple truth—she’s in actual danger because of me, whether we’re together or not.
So we should be together.
Then I can keep her safe, and she can keep me so warm.
I’ll make whatever changes she needs me to make. I’ll quit being enforcer. Rob will fucking murder me, especially with his father’s shitstorm in full effect, but he’ll understand. Eventually.
Or he won’t.
I’ll figure that shit out later. Right now, I need to convince Paige that I’ll do anything, give up everything , for her.
I pull up at her place. I should have brought Romeo with me, but sneaking into Bagliateri territory is hard enough without worrying about a three-legged rabbit getting lost in the city. Plus, if things go according to plan, Paige will come back to my place with me, so she can see Romeo then.
I brought her one of my mom’s plants instead. The vanilla orchid. It might take some time to change Paige’s mind, to believe me that I’ll change however she needs me to. So I’ll leave the orchid at her place, next to her bed.
Or more likely in her living room by the window so it gets enough light. But she’ll still see it all the time and think about me until she comes home.
I’m using Salvo’s idea of taking an Uber, since my Rover and my bike stand out and since I’m hoping we’ll load Paige’s shit into Jolene and drive back to my place together.
The driver tried making conversation, but I shut that down quick. Promised him five stars and a $100 cash tip if he stopped talking at me. I set the drop-off location as two buildings away from Paige’s so I can recon before I get out to make sure there aren’t any Bagliateris lurking around, hoping to find me here.
I spot Dante’s lookout parked across the street from her building. He’s well-hidden, and I might not have noticed him if I wasn’t looking. But I make him easy since he’s exactly where I would’ve placed someone.
Same thing as I head into the lobby—if I wasn’t looking for him, I might not have noticed Matteo acting as doorman. He doesn’t even nod to me as I walk in.
Good. Maybe Rob will promote Dante to enforcer when I give it up for Paige. He’ll do a good job. I can probably still train him for a few months, give him ideas, help him set up his own workshop. Or I guess I’ll give him my workshop since I won’t need it anymore.
I let out a loud breath as I push the elevator call button.
The thing is slow as fuck, but eventually arrives. I step in, press the button for the fifth floor.
“Hey, hold the door,” a guy in a polo shirt hollers. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem.”
“That for your girl?” The guy motions to the plant I’m holding.
I nod.
“Damn. I should have thought of that. Plant’s a good idea. Better than wasting money on flowers. Then again, nothing beats a you-brought-flowers blowie, you know what I mean?”
I nod and smile as if I do. But I’ve never brought a girl flowers.
“You trying to get out of the doghouse?” he asks while texting.
“You could say that.”
“Good luck, bruh. I just got out of there myself. This girl”—he points up—“is so fucking fine. Complete smoke show. Finally letting me hit it again.”
“Time to lock that down?”
He shrugs. “I probably should. I don’t know, though. She’s hot as fuck, but she’s also a headcase. But fuck it, the hot ones always are, right?”
I smile. Paige is a bit of a headcase, too. It drives me crazy about her. Unpredictable as hell. Whatever I think she’s going to do next or say next, I’m completely wrong. Keeps me on my toes. Brings me to my knees.
“I don’t know, man, maybe I should lock it down. The girl blew me off for the last few weeks. Put me in the penalty box for only texting her late at night, you know? She started playing hard to get, wouldn’t let me come over. And what do you fucking know? It worked like a fucking charm. I want back in so bad now, might actually commit to her for the next couple of weeks until I get her out of my system.”
“She sounds like a handful. Good luck with that, man.”
“You too, bro.” He motions at my plant.
The elevator stops. I let the guy get out first, since I hate people walking behind me.
He turns right and heads down the hall.
The fuck? The cute redhead in 5B should be a left turn, not a right. But he—
No.
He walks past 5E.
Past 5F.
No.
I stop where the hall takes a hard right. I lean against the wall, tip my head back to stare at the ceiling. There are only two apartments after the turn, and there sure as shit isn’t a smoke show headcase in 5G.
No fucking way she invited that prick over. No fucking way.
I close my eyes. I hold the orchid up, take a deep inhale to calm down. Like a summer morning in Roma.
He knocks. An irritatingly chipper knock.
She’s going to send him away. She’s going to answer the door and send him away.
You’ve got to, angel. Please, baby.
“Hey, Spence.”
“Hey, beautiful. I missed you.”
The door to her apartment thuds closed.
I count to ten. Slowly. My hands squeezing into fists.
The pot I forgot I was holding shatters, dirt and plant fall to the carpet.
I slide down onto the floor, sit my ass next to the shards of terracotta and soil.
I could bust the door open, grab that prick by his face, end him. Eight seconds from door to dead. Or drag him to my workshop and end him slowly, taking hours, days.
But I’m not going to do either.
Adrenaline isn’t surging though me. It’s draining out. My hands aren’t tingling, they aren’t itching to take action. They’re numb and heavy as fuck.
My vision isn’t focusing, isn’t sharpening. Everything’s blurred and cloudy. My heart is slowing down like it wants to stop beating altogether.
She moved on.
To a guy who’s better for her.
A guy who looks like he works in an office and who sends emails and gets on conference calls. And has a 401K, whatever the fuck that is. He won’t go down on her, but he also won’t come home with some guy’s toe in his pocket because he forgot it was there.
She deserves a guy like that. A regular guy who keeps her safe by not dragging her into trouble in the first place.
My phone vibrates with an incoming call. I want to ignore it, but it’s either Rob or Salvo, and neither will leave me the fuck alone if I don’t answer. I pull my phone from my pocket. Rob. He’s the last fucking thing I need right now.
I try to answer but no sound comes out of my mouth.
“Damiano, we don’t hurt civilians.”
“I know that.”
“So then what the fuck are you doing?”
“Nothing. Sitting.”
“Sitting fucking where? Matteo just called and said you’re at Paige’s but that some dude-bro also showed up. If you’re sitting in a pool of that guy’s blood, we’re going to have a huge fucking problem.”
“I’m not in her apartment. He is. I’m in the hallway.”
“And what are you doing in the hallway, man?”
“Sitting.”
“How about some walking? Come on. Stand up, man. Walk to the elevator, push the button, and get your ass to the Cat.”
“Yeah. Something like that. After I sit some more.”
“No, Dom. Right now . If I don’t hear the elevator call bell in the next ten seconds, I’m sending Matteo up to drag you out.”
“Matteo couldn’t drag me out on his best day,” I say with no conviction whatsoever. Honestly, I wouldn’t put up any fight right now, but I still need to say it.
“True. But better you hurt him while he tries to pull you out than you try to get into that apartment.”
I get up, surprised my legs work. It takes all my energy to move. “I’m not trying to get into that apartment.” I drag myself to the elevator.
“Good. Come to the Cat.”
“Naah. I’m just going home.”
“No, man. Be at the Cat in thirty minutes. That’s an order, Dom.”
“I’m not messing around with any of the girls tonight. I’m not in the mood.”
“Screw you, asshole. I’m not telling you to come here to fuck the girls. I’m telling you to come here because I’m here and Salvo’s here. You need us, man. So come the fuck here.”
I don’t want to be near anyone right now. “I’m going to lose the signal in the elevator. I’ll call you later.”
“No need to call me later, you’ll see me in thirty fucking minutes when you get your ass over here. I mean it.”
I hang up.
The elevator doors slowly close. I look down the hall in the direction of Paige’s place one last time.
Mamma’s orchid is in a broken pile on the floor where I was sitting. I should go save it.
I lift my hand to stop the elevator doors from closing. But then, fuck it. I cannot walk back down that hall.
I lower my hand and watch the doors close.