35. Paige
Paige
I’m not ready for this.
Gina
yes you are
I’m still too sad
My phone rings immediately. “I know you’re sad. But if you and Damiano can’t be fixed, you’ve got to move on.”
“I know.”
“You know, but. . .”
“I wish we could be fixed. I like so many things about him so much.”
“So get over the one thing you don’t like.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“Then move on.”
“I guess.”
“We both know Spencer sucks. But you don’t need perfect. You just need to move on. Spencer is good enough for that.”
“I guess.”
“ And he can be good practice. Practice telling a guy what you need. Tell him you want him to take you out before you’ll bang him.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“And tell him you want to meet his friends.”
“Maybe.”
“And tell him to go down on you. For like twenty minutes, minimum .”
“I’m not asking him that. He should only do that if he wants to.”
“No, he should only do that if you want him to. And you do.”
“How do you even ask a guy to do that?”
“I mean, quality guys just do it on their own. But since Spencer isn’t, just push his head down in that direction. Or, you know, use your words.”
Damiano just did it on his own. All the time. An image of Damiano’s face between my legs while I stroked his velvety head flashes into my mind. Him leaning back a little, staring at my kitty like he was in awe, licking his lips like he was starving for a taste, then diving back in, his hands wrapped around my thighs, pulling me into him. I squeeze my eyes closed so I don’t cry.
“Maybe I can do the push-his-head-down thing.”
“Push him down and then hold him down there until you get exactly what you need. If five minutes is all it takes, good for you. If you need twenty, thirty, just hold him in place till you’re all set. Wrap your legs around his neck if you need.”
“Uh, maybe.”
“No maybe. If you don’t get what you need from your fuck buddy, then you need a new fuck buddy.”
Knock-knock knock-knock-knock .
“He’s here. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Get it, girl.”
I toss my phone on the chair, fluff my boobs up in my bra, and head to the door.
“Hey, Spence.”
“Hey beautiful. I missed you.” He steps in, drops his hands to my hips. Pulls me close while also walking me backward. He kicks the door closed without taking his eyes off me.
That was pretty frickin’ smooth. Okay, tonight might be exactly what I need.
He squeezes my ass and lifts me up, nibbles on my neck as he walks us toward the couch.
My new IKEA couch. It’s functional, but boring and stiff.
Spencer sits and pulls me tight onto his lap.
I adjust myself so I’m not sitting directly on his hard-on. “I’m glad you texted.”
“I’m glad you invited me over. How’s your raccoon?”
“My raccoon?”
“Your. . . What were you rehabbing this time?”
“Oh, my fox. He’s all patched up. Released back into the wild where he belongs. Turns out he didn’t need that much of my help after all.”
“So now you can spend all your time taking care of me?” He smiles wide. I never noticed his dimples before.
Maybe now is the time to channel my inner Gina. “Or maybe you can take care of me?” I run my finger along his bottom lip, hoping that’s a good hint.
“Yeah, I can.” His hand slips down to my ass and squeezes. He leans in and kisses me. After a minute, he slips his hand up under my shirt.
It feels nice, and my body is definitely reacting the way it’s supposed to, but. . .
But I’m not ready for this.
I need a breather.
I pull away, lean back.
Spencer pulls me back toward him, his hand pressing against my back.
“Wait.” I push against his chest.
“Huh?”
“Can we. . . I don’t want to just. . .” Oh god. I’m going to start crying. That’s the last thing I want right now.
No. Actually having sex with Spencer is the last thing I want. I deserve more.
“What’s going on, babe?”
I shake my head. Why is it so hard to say this? “Can we slow down?”
“Slow down?”
“Yeah, I. . .” I close my eyes. I need to say it. Deep breath. “I don’t want to just have sex. I want more.”
“More than sex? Like sixty-nining too?”
What the?
“Relax, beautiful. I’m joking.” He smiles. “I get it. You don’t just want me for my body. You want my mind, too. I don’t blame you.” He’s clearly messing with me now.
“Is that. . . okay?”
“What do you mean ‘is that okay?’ Of course it’s okay. You want to go out for a bit? You hungry?”
He’s not mad or annoyed.
I nod.
“Sounds like we have a plan. We can get to know each other better.” He tips my chin to look at him. “I can tell you how awesome I am, and then you can tell me how much you agree.” He breaks into a huge, playful smile.
“What about how awesome I am?”
“I already know that part. But we are coming back here after, right?” He adjusts himself underneath me.
I bite my lip and nod again.
“Go change. A few of my buddies are over at Bernie’s Tavern. We can meet up with them.” He squeezes my ass. “I’ll get to show you off.”
I can’t hide my smile. I like that. I like that a lot. We’re going out and meeting his friends.
And when we get back, he’s definitely going down on me.
“Give me two minutes.” I climb off his lap and head into my room.
Maybe this can work. Maybe he can be the guy I need.
I change out of my tee and yoga pants into a cute V-neck sweater and my favorite skin-tight jeans. I slip on a pair of ankle boots I borrowed from Gina and have no plans to ever return. I touch up my mascara, swipe on my Fresh Sugar lip balm and voilà.
Ten minutes later, Spencer is right where I left him, texting away. He looks up and sees me, looks me up and down. “Fuck, we are definitely coming back here after.” He walks over, grabs my hand and leads me out the door.
Maybe I can have it all with a guy who doesn’t kill people.
We head to the elevator. “You been to Bernie’s before?” Spencer asks.
“A few times. Do you go there a lot?”
“Yeah, my buddies—aww, shit.” Spencer stops walking. “Looks like my guy didn’t make it out of the doghouse.”
“What?”
He points at a broken flowerpot on the floor. “I rode the elevator up with a guy who was trying to get back together with the redhead in 5B. He brought her that plant. I guess she sent him packing. Tough break.”
He tugs on my hand, pulling me toward the elevator.