Chapter 15 Damn Note
FIFTEEN
DAMN NOTE
RYAN
I narrowly missed a deer in the road on the way to the Hale Farm. The speed limit sign read thirty-five, but my truck did at least sixty. Over my dead body would Cindy Hale leave this town again without me.
“Come on, Bessie, I need to stop her from leaving.” I pushed my old girl to the limit.
The events from the moment I had walked in hoping to see Cindy and my baby girl waiting for me at my place had sent my pulse skyrocketing.
First, there was the damn note.
Ryan,
Trudy came to get Rose. We had words. She’s more hurt than either of us realizes.
It’s all my fault, and I don’t know if I have the strength in me to deal with this.
It’s for the best that I leave and go back to New York now before we get in too deep.
You and Trudy have Rose to care for. It’s difficult enough to be a parent, I’m sure, without me adding to it and complicating things.
My only regret is our prom night, because I should have told you then how much I love you.
If leaving makes me a coward, then I’m sorry. You waited for me all these years, and I only wish I had your strength to stay and fight for us.
Yours always,
Cindy
All I cared about in that jumbled bunch of nonsense were the words how much I love you.
Love was all that mattered. The rest would work out somehow.
After reading the note, I stupidly stopped at Trudy’s place. I pounded on the door. She answered, holding Rose on her hip.
“What do you want, Ryan? I’m trying to get Rose to sleep.”
“Dada.” Rose pointed and held hands out for me.
I took her, but Trudy wouldn’t let her go at first. Like a tug-of-war with our child, she was the one acting immature. My nostrils flared and I would have unleashed a load of swearing at her if my daughter wasn’t between us.
She finally let her go.
“Hi my little rosebud. Dada’s here. Are you okay, huh? Feeling better?”
“Aw Dada,” she said, patting my back, then pointed at Bessie. “Dee Dee bye bye.”
My eyes cut sharply at Trudy. “What did you say to Cindy?”
“What did she say I said?” Her arms crossed, becoming obstinate.
I growled. “Don’t play like this with me. I’ve always been good to you and Rose, and I—”
“You mean that even though you could never give me your heart fully, you were ‘loyal,’” her tone spilled over into sarcasm, while she used her fingers to air quote the last word.
“That’s right. I was. And you know what? Some relationships don’t even have that.”
“So count my lucky stars? I deserve better, Ryan, like a man who fully loves me and is loyal.” Her tears started, and yeah, I felt like complete shit where she was concerned.
This was the mother of my child. As much as I didn’t want to be with her anymore, I also hated hurting her to get the woman I truly loved.
“You deserve that, Trudy. I really hope you find him someday.”
She brushed a tear away from her cheek. “Why Cindy? Huh? Why couldn’t you have given me your love instead of her?”
“I don’t know, but I didn’t mean to hurt you. Cindy and I go way back, you know that, and she’s always been the one.”
“Aw Dada,” Rose said, then pointed at Bessie again, but her chin wobbled. “Dee Dee bye bye.”
“But she broke your heart when she left town. She’ll do it again. I saw the look in her eyes when I told her to decide and either stay or go. What if she got too close to Rose, and then leaves someday? How do we explain that to our daughter?”
“What?” My jaw clenched. I could totally see how this entire situation would have set Cindy off.
“I’m only trying to protect our daughter.”
Things were crystal clear now. “No. You know who this is about? You, not Rose, because you don’t want another woman loving our child.”
Her breath caught, and she knew I was right.
“Look, Trudy, I trust you that if you ever got involved with someone new, you’d make sure they were decent and kind and good before introducing them to Rose.
So you need to trust me, and stop worrying because Cindy would never try to take your place as Rose’s mother. She only wants the best for Rose, too.”
“Fine, if you want Cindy, then don’t even think you can come back to me to soothe your wounded heart this time, because I won’t be here for you when she leaves. No. I’m done crying over you.” She reached for Rose, but our daughter turned her head and held on tighter to me.
“Mama, no.”
Trudy’s angry eyes simmered down to worry and her shoulders dropped as her child wouldn’t go to her. We wouldn’t get anywhere like this, standing in her doorway, and I had to find Cindy and save whatever might be left of us at this point. For Rose’s sake, I took in a deep breath.
“Listen. Regardless of Cindy, if she stays or goes, you and I will lead separate lives. But for the sake of Rose, I need you to agree to put aside any immature thoughts, and let’s respect one another enough to keep things amicable.
I want nothing but the best for you, Trudy, and I can only hope you truly want that for me as well. ”
I kissed the top of Rose’s forehead. “Dada has to go for now, rosebud. I’ll see you tomorrow. Go to mama like a good girl.”
I could have gone around and around with Trudy until I was blue in the face. It wouldn’t have made a difference. I said my peace, and she’d need to come to terms with things in her own way.
After leaving them, I was hell-bent on getting to Cindy as fast as possible, despite many doubts riddling through me.
Would Trudy calm down and co-parent nicely with me, or would she fight me for Rose, putting our daughter up for collateral in the middle of this situation?
Was my heart and love enough to keep Cindy here once and for all?
Or was this town too small for her or her vow to her mother too strong or the ties to New York still too fresh?
Would she’d leave me behind again?
I floored Bessie and prayed for a second chance.