Chapter 14
O nly a few days later, I hadn’t seen Jeff at all, as he’d apparently caught a cold.
Or so he said in his very terse email. Even Danny had been online less than usual, and I now had only two jobs instead of three.
So I’d passed the rare time to myself by watching an earlier season ofCast Afarand emailing Danny all the things I noticed this time that I hadn’t caught in prior viewings (yes, plural, because I was obsessed).
Before I knew it, the time had come to get ready for my first meetup with the anxiety group. Cue the nerves, obviously.
Maybe this was a sign I shouldn’t go to the meetup. If I couldn’t even decide on an outfit, how on earth was I going to survive this meet and greet?
You won’t.
This is a terrible idea. You can cancel, and no one will care.
I stood up and began to pace around the apartment.
“Shut up, stupid inner voice,” I muttered, and then my voice rose. “And yes, I know your stupid name because I was a trained therapist. You’ve been running the show forever, and I’m sick of it! ”
My blood started pumping faster, and I felt an involuntary smile as I fist-bumped in the air.
Yes, I could do this.
I went on my way, practically skipping down the sidewalk toward the meetup location, only a few blocks from my apartment, as most things are.
I peered up at the gray sky. Even the cool, gloomy weather couldn’t spoil my mood. Was that a cloud shaped like a thumbs up sign?
THUD.
I stopped breathing momentarily as the tremendous force ran through me. Panicked, I looked at the sidewalk as I started to fall backward.
But someone caught me, pulling me upright gently.
As I caught my breath and slowly raised my eyes, they first landed on black leather shoes gleaming beneath dark, well-tailored pants. My eyes lingered on the long cashmere coat and the sleek black gloves that held me firmly. At least I’d run into someone classy!
But I nearly fell out of his solid, steadying arms when my eyes reached his face.
I’d know it anywhere.
Those were the deep brown eyes that once drew me in, the dimple that made his smile so classically handsome, and the mouth that spoke such ugly words.
“Hey, I know you!” he exclaimed, foisting that irresistible smile with unnaturally white teeth on me.
I winced. “Andrew. What are you doing here? Near me.”
His solid arms loosened immediately. “I’m just here to visit an old friend. Remember Meegan Thompson from school? Her parents come to the resort here every fall, and they invited me …” Something flickered in his eyes, and then he asked, “Wait, do you actually live here now?”
I stared at him, vaguely aware that I’d stepped back several feet. “Of course I remember my roommate in college,” I said coldly. He’d often flirted with her, even in front of me. Were they together now? “Why would her parents invite you ? You know what, never mind. Doesn’t matter.”
“Well, sorry for bumping you.” He scratched his head and looked around as though searching for an escape. “But wait, you barreled into me !” He flashed a smile, which I used to find breathtaking. “And then you almost fell.”
My blood boiled as I snapped, “Oh, you’re such a dashing prince waiting to rescue a na?ve princess, aren’t you?”
His brows furrowed as he looked me up and down, eyes eventually landing on my face, which was surely flaming. “Excuse me?”
I blinked a few times, realizing what I’d just said. Out loud.
What if someone heard me?
Scanning the area with wide eyes, I didn’t see anyone close enough to hear us. “Nothing. I was joking.”
He narrowed his eyes, and after a tense moment, his lips twisted into a smirk. “Really? Because it didn’t seem like you were joking.” One corner of his lips turned upward. “On the other hand, you wouldn’t say something smug and sarcastic like that, would you? That’s not you, Roxy.”
My name on his lips made my stomach turn. “Because I’m the quiet, boring girl you used to date?”
His eyebrows shot up, and he seemed momentarily short of words.
“Not as cocky as you used to be, Andrew?” I said, followed by clamping my mouth shut, reeling from both the horror and humor of the moment.
“You’ve changed,” he said, looking wistful for a brief moment before his eyes hardened with apathy. “But still not enough to interest me,” he said with a flip of his hand as he turned on his heel and walked away.
I stood gaping as I stared at the back of his fancy jacket.
His unruly mop of hair, which I knew he wore as some kind of stupid statement.
His toned form that was visible even through his thick, expensive winter gear, suggesting he was still obsessed with sports.
And his shiny shoes that spoke of success. Money. Confidence.
He’d made it.
And look at me—I didn’t even know what I wanted to be when I grew up. When would I stop saying that and just figure it out?
Was he right about me?
I started walking rapidly in the opposite direction I’d been heading, barely seeing anything around me as tears pooled in my eyes. I nearly sprinted back to my apartment until I heard a tinny voice calling out my name.
Reluctantly meeting my neighbor’s eyes for a brief moment, I looked at my watch and called out, “Jenna, hi, I’m late for a meeting!”
I sped past her as I raised a hand to wave, neither hearing nor seeing her reaction. It wasn’t long before I reached the office. Outside, I stood breathing heavily as I held onto the front door to steady myself. After catching my breath, I wiped my eyes on my jacket sleeve and entered the building.
The last thing I wanted to do was work right now, but at least I could escape to my office, pull the shades, and lock the door.
As one does.
I’d nearly made it to my office door when I heard Hazel’s voice.
“Rox! I didn’t know you’d be in this morning.”
I stilled, my hand circling the doorknob now. I turned partially toward her, knowing my face was safely curtained by my messy, damp hair. I was both cold and sweating, desperate to dart into my office and slam the door shut on the world.
“Yeah, I’ll talk to you a little later,” I mumbled before pushing the door open.
“Wait, wasn’t today the anxiety meetup?” she asked, coming closer.
I felt the panic rise, my stomach turning into knots. Hopefully Jeff wasn’t around to hear that . The last thing I needed was for him to know about any of this. “Oh, it was, but something came up.”
Safely inside my office, I started to close the door, offering a wave as I avoided her eyes.
“Wait,” Hazel said, putting her palm on the door .
Could this get any worse? Now my boss was here to see me break down.
“Roxy, are you OK? You won’t even look at me,” she said. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, no,” I murmured. “I just—I have a lot to do. We can catch up later.”
“Roxy, please. You can’t tell me nothing’s wrong. I know you better than that.”
Against my will, my fearful eyes met hers for just a second before fiddling with my handbag. “Sorry, I’m being totally unprofessional. It won’t happen again. Please—”
“I don’t give a crap about professionalism right now, Roxy,” she said forcefully. “I thought we were friends. You seem really upset.”
I swallowed with great effort. “I—” Choking on the word, I dropped my bag on the table next to us and sank onto the hard metal chair in front of me.
Hazel immediately pulled a chair in front of mine and sat down. “Roxy, dear, it’s OK to be upset. I care about you.”
I looked up slowly as she edged closer to me and then drew me gently into a warm embrace. Unfortunately, this just turned my quiet tears into heaving sobs.
The more I tried to speak, the more anguished my sobs became, and Hazel hugged me tighter.
She started smoothing her hand over my tangled hair and uttering soothing sounds. Finally, she whispered, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, it’s—that’s OK—I don’t—” I hiccupped and pulled back.
“One second,” she said, rising to grab the box of tissues from the desk and then handing it to me. She patted me on the back twice and then sat down.
“I can be a great listener, believe it or not,” she said with a half-smile. “Is this because of the meetup? Nerves?”
I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.
After going through a large portion of the tissues, I breathed deeply in and out a few times while staring at the red and dark brown pattern of the table I was leaning on.
“I bumped into my ex.” As Hazel’s eyes widened, I added, “Literally. Almost fell on my face.”
“Oh, no. Was it a bad breakup? I’m assuming from your reaction that it wasn’t good to see them.”
“The worst. Andrew, he was … terrible. S-so full of himself. I never proved he was cheating, but there was good reason to suspect it. And when I confronted him, he—he said some really awful things about me.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?” asked Hazel quietly. “You don’t have to. But I spent many years in the dating scene, so I have seen my share of messy breakups. Was it recent?”
“Oh, no, we were in college. I hadn’t seen him since.”
“Was he at least polite?”
“No, but neither was I.” I exhaled shakily and wiped my eyes with a tissue. “He—he said I was too boring, too quiet ... an ice queen. He even said it was creepy that I acted like nothing happened after Grandpa’s death. Which wasn’t true—I was grieving privately. But he said …”
She waited a moment for me to finish, but I couldn’t speak anymore through the sobbing.
“Roxy, it’s OK if you don’t want to share all the details now. I’ve heard enough to know that this terrible guy didn’t deserve you. I doubt he deserves anyone,” Hazel said, shaking her head.