41. Don’t Regret A Single Moment
DON’T REGRET A SINGLE MOMENT
AIDEN
After a particularly uncomfortable day at work, Tara has been eerily quiet on our walk home. While she isn’t always the chattiest, I can tell that our relationship becoming fodder for the office gossips has affected her more than she’s letting on.
When we reach our building, I lead the way into the lift, hitting the button for the penthouse automatically.
“I think I need a night to myself tonight,” Tara says, standing in the open door.
Sensing her unease, I nod and hit the button for my floor as well. “Okay. You know you can talk to me though, right?”
She gives me a tense smile and steps further into the lift to allow the doors to close behind her. “I know. I just need a moment to process everything.”
I reach out to touch her arm, worried that if I was to try for anything more, like a hug, it will spook her. “I get that. Just know I’m here for you, okay?”
She nods and lets out a shaky breath. The lift arrives at my floor, and after giving her a quick kiss goodbye, I step out into the hall. Turning back, I give her a wave as the doors close, pushing aside the growing sense of unease.
Determined not to think about it too much, I spend the next hour cooking myself some dinner with the meagre ingredients I have in the apartment.
I hadn’t realised how much time I’d been spending at Tara’s until now, and the loneliness I thought that I’d moved passed raises its ugly head.
Deciding I need to get outside and get the endorphins flowing, I change into workout clothes and go for a run.
I’ve slacked off a little lately - the joys of being in a new relationship I guess - and the first kilometre is tough until I find my groove.
Deciding to make it a longer one, I head back through the city, dodging commuters while my music pumps through my ear buds.
It feels good to be out in the crisp spring air, and I pause for a break on the footbridge at the end of South Bank, taking a seat on one of the benches and watching the sun go down.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out to find a message from Tara.
Tara
Do you think I’m only with you because you’re the boss’s son? Everything that Felicity said is just going round and round in my head.
I shake my head. I swear, when I see Felicity again, I’m going to be having some choice words with her.
Aiden
I don’t think that at all, and I know you don’t either. Try not to let her get in your head. That’s exactly what she wants.
The little text bubble appears and disappears several times while I wait for her response.
I can tell she’s started to work herself up over the events of today, and I wish she hadn’t pushed me away.
One thing I’ve worked out with Tara, though, is that she needs to work through things on her own.
She doesn’t like to ask for help or rely on others.
Tara
I just wish we’d done a better job of keeping it private. We should have realised that people would work it out eventually.
Aiden
We shouldn’t have had to worry about hiding our relationship, though. It’s none of their business. Dad is fine with it, so we just need to ride out the initial wave of interest, then I’m sure they’ll find something else to talk about.
Tara
That’s easy for you to say. No one is accusing you of sleeping your way to the top. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, and now no one is going to take me seriously.
The unease from earlier reappears.
Tara
Maybe we should take a bit of a break. We moved so fast, right?
Yep, she’s gotten in her head about everything and is spiralling.
Abandoning my plans for a longer run, I get up and start running back towards our building. The urge to get there before she can talk herself into making this theoretical break a real one has me running faster than I ever have before.
When I get back, I take the lift up to her apartment and knock on the door. I can hear her moving around inside, and she opens the door a moment later. Her eyes are a little bloodshot, and I can tell she’s been crying.
“I wanted to say this in person,” I say, making no move to go inside.
“I think we moved at the right pace for us. I don’t regret a single moment between us and I would do it all over again.
If you need space, I’ll give it to you. But I need you to know this.
I’m not going anywhere. I’m so in love with you that you’re the first thing on my mind every morning and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep.
I love waking up beside you and going to sleep with my arms around you.
I love dancing with you and hanging out on the couch.
I love everything about our lives together.
I don’t give a crap about what some woman at work has to say about us, because I know the truth of who you are, and you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. ”
She swallows hard, gripping the door handle while watching me, her eyes glistening with more unshed tears.
I step closer and lift her chin slightly so that I can brush my lips against hers in a gentle kiss.
I don’t push for anything more, and step back after only a few heartbeats, fixing her with an earnest look.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I don’t wait for her to reply, just head back to the lift, which is thankfully still there.
Once the doors close, I sag back against the wall and run a hand through my hair, hoping I didn’t just fuck things up further.
But I was completely honest. I don’t regret a moment of our time together, and I don’t think she does either.
She has so much going on in her life that it’s no surprise she’s feeling hesitant, but it’s my job to show her how right our relationship is.
I take a shower once I’m back in my apartment, and settle on the small balcony with a beer and a book. Anything to keep my mind from running through scenarios in my head. Cause I don’t know if I can handle it if she decides we shouldn’t be together after all.
While I’m struggling to get into the book, my phone vibrates on the table, and I dive for it. I’ve become that person - the one who is obsessed with their phone and desperate to hear from the one person who can make everything better.
Tara
I love you, too. And I don’t want a break. But I think I need a little time to work out how to navigate my way through this.
Relief washes over me, and I put my beer down while I try to think of the right way to respond to that.
She needs to know that she doesn’t have to navigate her way through this alone.
One thing I’ve learned is that, in a healthy relationship, we lean on each other instead of trying to do everything ourselves.
Aiden
I’ll follow your lead on this, but just remember, we’re a team. In every part of our lives, not just work. As soon as you’re ready, I’m here.
I put the phone back down and take a deep breath, hoping my words will comfort her enough to make the right choices, not just for herself, but for us both.