Chapter Twenty #2
Lorcan cupped the back of my head and slowly worked his shaft into my mouth until I choked and coughed. I was starting to get into it, and Lorcan too, judging by his low breathing. He halted, allowing me to find a slow rhythm with him so deep in my mouth.
“Good, Aislinn. This is so fucking good.”
I hummed, my core clenching at his praise.
Steps sounded and a door creaked…the door to the booth on the other side of the confessional.
I tensed and pulled away, but Lorcan bent down. “If you stop before I tell you to, I won’t give you the information.”
“This is blasphemous,” I muttered.
“You really think God doesn’t have bigger problems than two people getting it on in a man-made confessional?”
“I’m here to listen to your sins,” Gulliver said.
I shook my head, my lips stilling on Lorcan’s tip.
“Oh, Father, I have sinned,” Lorcan droned as he gripped my head and slid his tip into my mouth. The saltiness of his arousal bloomed on my tongue.
He raked his fingers through my hair, nudging me forward, beckoning me to take even more of him into my mouth. His tip pressed against the back of my throat, and I fought my gag reflex from fear of making a sound. My eyes watered as he took my mouth with deep, slow thrusts.
“Son, I’m here to take your confession,” Uncle Gulliver said.
I closed my eyes as Lorcan’s cock stroked along my tongue and pressed against the back of my throat.
“I threw someone into the Hudson a couple of days ago, with a rock attached to his feet.”
My eyes shot open and locked on Lorcan. He, too, was watching me, a smirk playing on his face as he took my mouth while confessing gruesome crimes.
He kept talking, revealing more horrors in a calm, unapologetic voice, and I kept sucking him.
To my horror, I soon became uncomfortably damp between my legs.
Despite his horrendous words, my body responded to Lorcan, as always.
Maybe I was as monstrous as my husband.
“Oh, Father,” Lorcan said, sounding tormented but the vibration in his voice wasn’t from restrained emotion.
His balls pulsated under my fingers, and then he spilled into me.
I had trouble swallowing with his cock buried so deeply in my mouth.
Lorcan pulled out a bit only to establish a slower rhythm of pumping into me, still shaking from the intensity of his orgasm.
I didn’t shy away, kept sucking him. By now, my arousal trickled out of me and so were the tears.
I couldn’t believe what I was doing, what it was doing to me.
I’d waited for marriage to have sex—albeit not intentionally, but I’d given it up for all the wrong reasons to the wrong man.
But damn, I enjoyed it. Sometimes I wondered if Lorcan was the wrong man for me, or if I simply wanted to convince myself he was.
Things had gone too smoothly between us since we got married.
He stilled, his eyes closed and his chest heaving. When his eyes opened again, they held the same hunger as before, and my body exploded with bone-deep need.
“I need time to think about my sins. Give me a moment,” Lorcan drawled, not even hesitating to lie to a priest. I wasn’t sure why this even still surprised me.
“Of course, son.”
I almost rolled my eyes at Gulliver’s benevolent tone, when he usually always bowed to Lorcan’s every command.
Lorcan stroked my hair as if I were a good kitty cat.
I sat back and let his cock slide out of my mouth.
I wiped my mouth in disgust, furious at my husband, at my body, at the situation Imogen put me in.
I shoved to my feet, righted my clothes and my hair, and left the confessional before Lorcan could force me to do more.
But what could possibly be worse than what we had already done? Maybe he’d fuck me right on the altar?
The elderly ladies gave me curious looks when I fled the confessional. I was just glad that Gulliver hadn’t seen me, though one of the old ladies would probably mention something to him.
I needed time to think, even if my own thoughts often frightened me nowadays.
I had to come to terms with what was happening, and had to figure out a way to stop it.
Lorcan was twisting me into someone I hardly recognized.
Has this wanton girl always been part of me?
Had she laid dormant, waiting for a sinner to awaken her. I choked on a laugh. I was going crazy.
I hurried down into the crypt and kneeled on the cold floor behind a stone sarcophagus.
I could still taste Lorcan, still feel him.
I closed my eyes. Maybe he was trying to show me how easily I was lured to sin.
Maybe he hoped I’d feel better about his sinful ways.
But having sex in church and drowning someone in a river were entirely different levels of sin.
Right?
I wasn’t sure what Gulliver’s answer would be to that.
He’d probably be more horrified by my confession than Lorcan’s.
Soon, the distant murmurs of the congregation faded away.
They’d probably moved out to the courtyard where the potluck would take place.
I got up, my legs stiff from the cold and I dared to return to the nave.
It was empty except for an old man leaving the confessional. Not sure why and what I could confess, but I headed for the booth and went inside.
“I’m here to collect your sins,” Uncle Gulliver said.
I’d always been honest in the confessional box, never omitting my sins.
Until today. I couldn’t tell my uncle that Lorcan had fucked my mouth during his confession, that I’d eagerly sucked him off and gotten off on it.
That my panties were still soaked with my lust, that just thinking about it made me cringe with shame and quiver with lust.
“I married a murderer,” I said instead of all the sins I should have confessed.
There was a pause. Gulliver must have recognized my voice, and my confession probably was a pretty obvious clue too. “Love isn’t a sin, and marriage is a holy bond, child.”
“Even if love and marriage are both a lie.”
“Marriage can’t be a lie if it’s agreed upon before God, and love sometimes takes years to build.”
Love. There would never be love between Lorcan and me. Lust. Oh, yes. Plenty of lust. But wasn’t lust a sin too?
“Marriage isn’t easy. It’s not supposed to be. It’s about sacrifice. God tests us that way too. Don’t fail.”
I shook my head. Was this really about God wanting this marriage?
Or Gulliver being worried about getting in trouble with Lorcan?
I considered telling him about talking to Desmond.
But that wasn’t a sin. Or was it because I was doing it behind Lorcan’s back?
Because it might lead to me betraying my own husband?
I wasn’t sure what the rules were in this case.
I supposed Gulliver would amend them to fit Lorcan’s desires.
“Lorcan’s been looking for you. You shouldn’t cause your husband worry.”
Gulliver’s words tore me from my thoughts. He seemed eager to get me out of the confessional box. Maybe he was worried about what secrets I might reveal. “Of course not,” I said. “Thank you for listening to my sins.”
I got up, not waiting for another word from Gulliver.
Seamus was waiting in front of the booth when I left and he escorted me outside toward the courtyard where someone had already placed my food on the table.
Lorcan stood beside it and was chatting with a group of men who were digging into my cottage pie.
I went over to them with a forced smile.
Soon, more people hovered in front of my table, eating my food and praising it.
Nobody seemed to have noticed the embarrassing episode in the confessional box.
Lorcan kept giving me inquiring looks. Maybe he realized that his games were bothering me.
Yeah, right.
“You should open a restaurant, my dear,” one of the older ladies said.
“She should,” Lorcan agreed, sounding honest.
I flushed under the force of their appraisal. “It’s actually always been my dream to open up an Irish restaurant with classics but also modern interpretations.”
I swallowed when Lorcan regarded me curiously. I always felt silly when I talked about it.
“The Plough Pub needs a new owner. We need good food from home in our community. The last cottage pie I ate was a disgrace,” another older woman said.
“We’ll see what we can do,” Lorcan said.
I wondered if he was being serious. Would he really help me open a restaurant?
Dublin was my home. I was only here to confront Imogen. Mom’s words about lying to myself popped in my head. Was my subconscious starting to see New York as my home? Was that why I wanted Finn here?
I was glad when the potluck was over. My brain needed a break from all the possibilities.
Once we were in Lorcan’s car and on our way home, I glared out of the window. I was angry at Lorcan for the confessional scene, but also confused by his suggestion with the restaurant.
“Why the pinched look? Everyone loved your food and you.”
My eyebrows shot up. Had he forgotten what he made me do? “You made me suck your dick in front of my uncle!” I had lowered my voice as if saying it aloud might make it worse.
Lorcan let out a chuckle, his eyes focused on the street. “He didn’t see it, didn’t even realize what was happening, Aislinn.”
I blinked. “But I know what I did. How am I supposed to face him?”
“With a little practice, you’ll get used to sinning.”
I crossed my arms and looked out of the window. “It’s not something I want to get used to. Even if I’m married to you, I still want to be myself and have some morals.”
“My sins aren’t yours. You can keep your morals, nobody said anything about giving them up.”
“Some things are inevitable,” I whispered.
He slanted me a penetrating look but didn’t say anything.
“If you really want to open a restaurant, I’ll support you.
I think it’ll do you good to have a purpose and to get out of the house for other reasons than to snoop around.
And once you’ve found your sister and realize she doesn’t need saving, it’ll be something else to keep you busy,” Lorcan said as we were stretched out beside each other in bed that night.
I turned to my side. Lorcan was already facing me, and it brought us very close.
I flushed at the sudden proximity. While we’d already seen each other naked several times, and it rarely embarrassed me anymore, these intimate moments that weren’t of a sexual nature felt foreign. Lorcan and I were almost strangers.
“Why do you care? Wouldn’t you prefer if I spent the day at home, cleaning and cooking, and waiting for you.”
Lorcan gently tapped my forehead. “What’s in there needs a challenge, something to keep busy or you’ll just get in trouble, sweet Aislinn.”
I huffed. “I wasn’t prone to trouble before you came into my life.”
“I wasn’t the one who auctioned himself off in the Cunt Yard.”
I rolled my eyes. “Won’t you ever stop reminding me?”
“I don’t think so.”
He chuckled and I couldn’t help but laugh a little too. “I want you to have your own life. I have the clan, and it keeps me very busy. You should have something too.”
That was surprisingly thoughtful. Patrick never really cared what I did when we weren’t together. “Soon, Finn will be here. I won’t have time to work in a restaurant all day, much less to build a concept, a menu, and everything else that’s involved in creating a successful business.”
“True. But if you decide to keep him here, he’ll be in daycare or kindergarten eventually. That’ll give you time, and no one will mind if you have him in the restaurant. You’ll have staff. You’ll be the boss. No one’s going to tell you when to work.”
Was Lorcan really considering having Finn live with us indefinitely?
I had a feeling when Lorcan imagined having a son, it was someone to follow in his footsteps, someone who didn’t have a stutter or spasms. Maybe he liked the general concept of a child under his roof but I was sure he’d soon grow tired of the responsibility.
“Sure, but it’ll be my restaurant, my responsibility. I can’t just show up a couple of hours per day. I want to cook and be around.” I sighed.
The fact I was even discussing this seemed surreal, but it also made me ridiculously giddy. A restaurant had always been a very distant dream. With Lorcan by my side, it was a possibility, but I didn’t want to use Lorcan’s power and money.
I shook my head. “Maybe one day. Not yet. Not until I’ve found a routine here with Finn and I know what happened to Imogen.”
“You don’t want to rely on me,” Lorcan mused with a hint of bitterness.
“I want to reach my goals alone.”
“That’s not how marriage works. Maybe one day you’ll allow yourself to really consider this a marriage.”
I didn’t say anything. Lorcan always pretended like his heart was in this marriage, but I didn’t believe that. Maybe, as with children, he liked the general idea and had an idealized image of marriage in his head from what he witnessed with his parents. “Our marriage is based on blackmail.”
“Doesn’t mean it can’t develop in the right direction.”
“I still don’t even understand why you wanted to marry me in the first place. I’m sure you had many opportunities to marry an Irish girl. ”
Lorcan traced a finger along my arm and hip. “I liked you the first moment I saw you.”
“So it was solely physical.”
“Sex is important, attraction too, but there was more. I liked the modest small town girl vibe you gave off with that hint of sass. I knew you were the kind of lass who’d drink a Guinness with me after a hearty meal, who wasn’t unfamiliar with hard work.”
I laughed indignantly. “I’m from Dublin.”
“Yes, but deep down you aren’t a big city girl. You like the quiet corner, the dark alleys. You like the next-door pub and familiar faces.”
Surprise washed through me. “You could see all that from one look at me in church?”
“A few more looks to be honest, but yes. I’m good at reading people, but I have a feeling you still hold on to a few secrets.”
“Doesn’t everyone? Don’t you? ”
“We all do. Some to protect others, some to protect us.”