Chapter 35
I don’t know if we’re consciously doing it or if it’s simply a matter of circumstance, but Zahn has been staying at my place more often than not. Maybe we’re using the excuse that the Dare family is renovating one bathroom and fixing the shower of the other, hoping for three fully functional bathrooms eventually, but nevertheless, it’s given Zahn a proper reason to stay with me. I’ve been enjoying it a bit more than I probably should, but it gives us a lot of alone time together to experiment and… be weird-ish about it. Flirty boys with no real idea of what we’re doing. Me experimenting with a man for the first time, and Zahn experimenting with feelings for the first time. We’re quite the pair.
But I always crave the chaos of the Dare house. And no one even bats a lash about me staying in Zahn’s bed with him rather than finding an empty one or hitting the couch in the basement.
I can’t sleep.
I pull on a hoodie and a pair of Zahn’s sweatpants, closing the door to his bedroom without waking him, Gen, and Four. A text sits on my phone, unanswered. It’s keeping me awake, preventing me from sleeping, and making me a secretive fuck because I should have woken Zahn up to chat about it like I normally would, but he looked so fucking cute sleeping.
It’s three in the morning, but when I creep down the hall, I see the glow of a laptop and smell coffee. Laken is sitting on the couch in front of the fire, working on photo editing with a blanket wrapped around her.
“Hey, Lakes,” I say, so I don’t scare her. “What’re you doing up?”
She turns to smile at me. “Thinking. There’s coffee if you want.”
I grab a coffee and accept part of her blanket when she pulls it back in invitation. We sip in silence, Laken working on her edits and me watching her work and the fireplace simultaneously. She talked me through my thoughts that night I admitted to blowing Zahn, so I clear my throat and offer her the same.
“What’re you thinking about?”
When she tucks her hair behind her ear, I notice the engagement ring on her finger. Those lucky bastards. “Remember that whole Instagram debacle a while ago?”
“Yeah. Still think you let Gar off too easy for that one,” I admit. “But he’s hard to be mad at.”
“I get where he was coming from. If Kade and Jed told me things, and I claimed to love them, it’d be hard not to believe them. He thought he loved Amber. But he figured it out on his own in the end.” She shrugs.
“He’s too sexy to be evil anyway.” I laugh.
“You’re such a Dare,” she mocks me. “Well, obviously people saw those pictures of my weird relationship, right?” She closes her laptop and sets it on the table, grabbing her coffee and spinning to face me. “And now I have people reaching out to me for advice. They’re thanking me for being open, wondering how we came about, asking for tips on how to talk to their parents or their partners. And not just young people, but all people. Without meaning to, we’ve become these spokespeople for unconventional love.” She laughs. “So, I’m just out here thinking about it.”
“Thinking good things?” I hope so, because although it’s tough to navigate judgment, she’s a positive person, and she actually fits the spokesperson role pretty well. She’d be a great one.
“Yeah, good things. Thinking about how we can make a difference. It’s made me realize there are so many people out there who are afraid to be themselves because they don’t have anyone to turn to. No one who would understand them. Not just about sexuality, but about relationship dynamics and accepting themselves.” She offers a small smile. “But I’m just some girl who happens to be with two men… who make it super taboo by being brothers. Do I really have what it takes to offer up a… channel or platform or something? I’m not really qualified to be any sort of… advice giver.”
“Laken.” I roll my eyes at her. “You are literally the second-best advice giver I’ve ever met. And Rayne better watch her back, because you two are the best listeners and always figure out the right thing to say to get us thinking for ourselves. Look how many people already turn to you with their shit!”
“Only the Dare boys, though.”
“Freya isn’t a Dare. Gen isn’t a Dare. Maeve isn’t a Dare. I’m not a Dare,” I remind her. “Honestly, Lake, I can’t think of anyone better to listen with an open heart, give unbiased support, and encourage people while keeping them tethered to reality. You have this way of making us okay with ourselves. It makes you the perfect person to open a channel.”
Laken studies her mug. “I know. I believe in myself. But what do I really know about these different kinds of relationships and connections? I’m no expert.”
“You know bonds, Lakes. You know intentions and feelings, chemistry. And you know what it’s like to struggle with them, too. If I’m being honest, me and Zahn would probably still be fighting over a blindfolded blowjob if it weren’t for you.”
“Nuh-uh.” Laken shakes her head. “You blurted that one all on your own. No credit to me.” She laughs. “But… how’s that going? You guys seem good, yeah?”
“Am I your trial run for being an advice giver?” I grin at her.
“A listener. Lay it on me, Rem.”
I take a deep breath and set my coffee down because I can focus better without it or something. “I love that fucking asshole in some new way I never saw coming. I want him in my life forever, but I’ve always wanted him in my life, right? It’s just different now, you know? I want more with him, even if I don’t know exactly what that means. It’s like we want a relationship together, but we haven’t really figured out the specifics of it yet.”
Laken smiles. “Just Zahn? Or do you guys want to keep your door open?”
I blush. It’s stupid to blush, but it happens anyway. “I think just Zahn. Like maybe the odd time we might get kinky with someone else, but for the most part, I… I think we just want each other.”
“Love that. So… sexuality wise?”
“Zahn-sexual,” I state. “Can’t come up with a better term. I’ve tried looking at other guys, but no one, not even chicks, are doing it for me. What does that make me?”
“Attracted to Zahn.” She shrugs. Simple. No labels. No titles. Just a fact.
“Attracted to Zahn,” I repeat, testing it. “Demi, I think. I need the bond. Maybe that’s why I was feeling so awkward about random hookups there for a bit. So yeah, I”m just attracted to Zahn, I guess.”
“He is beautiful,” Laken says, laughing.
“He will never let that go.” I shake my head fondly. “See? This is the shit people come to you for. You just simplified everything for me without even doing anything other than stating the facts. You just put it out there, and we hear it, and it settles something inside us. And you don’t make us feel weird about it.”
“Yeah?” she asks. “So, maybe, with the right help and some experts, I can start something? Like a supportive place or a safe space or something? A blog or some shit? A page? I don’t know.”
“Hell yeah you can, Lakes. The people need you. And I’m sure those two dicks you call boyfriends would help you every step of the way.”
“Fiancés.” She wiggles her left hand at me. “Wait, why are you up?”
I grab my phone from my hoodie pocket, open up my messages, and hand it to her.
Mom: Dad’s real sick. Rhett won’t help. Need financial help with medical bills. Call me.
Laken looks at me. “You wanna talk about it?”
The relationship I have with my parents is not terrible, but it also isn’t familial. Fuck my goddamn family. “I have the money. I can help…”
“But?”
“But they don’t ever talk to me unless they need something, and I feel used. But if I don’t offer them help and something happens to my dad, will I be able to live with that, knowing I could have done something?”
For some reason, I cry. I haven’t cried a tear for my family in ten or more years. Now I’m stuck in this weird position, able to help but unsure about my relationship with them, and it’s all heavy and suffocating because it doesn’t make sense. It isn’t clear. There’s no right or wrong answer, and this might be the first time in my life when I wish things were either black or white with no gray in the middle.
Laken gets up on her knees, leans into me, and hugs me. Holds me. She doesn’t say anything or try to make it less stressful, she just offers some love and a reminder that I’m not alone.
The fact that her tight body feels pretty damn good against mine is just the bonus.
We must fall asleep on the couch because the next thing I hear is a bunch of Dares and a whispered conversation about my game and Laken’s punishment.
Her fingers dig into my side, telling me she’s awake and ready to fuck with them, so I bury my grin in her hair and let them hash it out.
“I’m just saying,” Zahn says. “Remy’s got game. They could be naked from the waist down. If anyone can get in Laken’s pants, it’s him. And I’m only a little mad about it.”
“Jealous twat,” Jed scoffs at him. “They aren’t naked. Laken knows.”
“Knows what?” Kade grumps. “That I’ll spank her perfect ass if it’s bare under that blanket?”
I can almost feel Laken’s eye roll against my shoulder.
“She might be able to handle two dicks, but she can’t manage a third,” Jed says.
“Especially not Rem’s. He’s blessed. Not gonna lie.”
“Jesus fuck,” Kade groans. “You know, I never thought I’d see the day you wouldn’t shut up about your boyfriend. I love Remy as much as the next guy, but if you tell me about his dick one more time in that lovey voice, I will knock you out.”
“It’s a nice dick.”
I hear a punch, followed by a retaliation punch, followed by some cursing. Zahn says something else about my nice dick, and Kade tells him to prove it. That’s when the blanket gets hauled off of us, the cold air rushing in.
“Bossy,” Kade says to her, no-nonsense. “Wrong, apparently nice dick.” He scoops her up. “Show us your dick, Remy. Zahn’s bragging.”
Laken gives me a smile as Kade sets her down. “Felt it against my ass all night. Felt as beautiful as Zahn’s face.”
“Fucking told you!” Zahn fist bumps my knuckles that are hanging over the edge of the couch.
Laken and Kade head into the kitchen, but Jed hangs back. “She okay?”
“She’s good, man. She was… I was venting.” I sit up, and Jed gives me a nod, telling me he’s there if I need anything before heading to the table.
Zahn crashes half on top of me, sort of on the couch. “Venting about what? Why didn’t you wake me up?”
I show him the text.
His green eyes meet mine, all sorts of questions in them, but before he can ask anything, I shove him off and demand coffee.
“Don’t hide this shit from me, Rem.”
Well, he’s in for another surprise. Because Jed’s been training me for our fuck-bet fight.