Chapter 36
Before I walked into Jed’s gym, I wondered if I’d try to lose on purpose because I really don’t think bottoming would feel like a loss. But one well-timed chirp from Remy and a bunch of taunts from my brothers, and yeah, I’m fucking in this to win.
Now I’m conflicted again. The sight of Remy shirtless, dripping a bit of blood, smirking at me like he has this thing in the bag… well, it’s fucking with my mindset. He’s sexy when he’s bossy, and a part of me wants to see this bloodied-up bastard above me, fucking me, making me feel things no one else ever has. But when his smirk turns into cocky confidence, my bones rattle, and I’m right back in it to win.
I’m trying way too hard not to get a stiffy in front of my entire family because, yeah, they’re all here like a bunch of dicks, taunting the shit out of both of us. Can’t ever claim my family isn’t supportive. Jesus.
“Bent over or on your back, Rem?” I shout at him. Nothing like a bit of smack talk to get the blood pumping to better places than my dick.
Remy grins a bloody grin, backing away to his side of the ring. “Spit or lube, Zahn?”
Oh, that fucker.
Jed grabs Remy’s shoulders, pulling him against the cage. “What the hell, Remy? Run that three punch combo we worked on.”
“Woah! Wait a fucking minute!” I stomp over there, getting in Jed’s face. “You fucking trained him behind my back?”
Jed’s smile is condescending as fuck. “I think he’d make a better top, you submissive bitch.” He shoves my chest.
“Hey, Zahn baby!” Mom calls from the edge of Jed’s gym. “We all know you’re gonna lose on purpose, hun! You want a good pounding, but not in that cage!”
I don’t often give my mother the finger, but I do now. Double fingers. No wonder we’re all crude bastards with a mom like her. Laken laughs, the rest of my brothers agree with Mom, and sweet Genevieve covers her mouth like the taunt slipped from her own lips. When I look at Remy, he’s laughing right along with everyone.
I mean, whose family comes to a match that literally determines who fucks who?
“Fuck that,” Kade snaps at me, wiping my brow with a towel and getting in my face. “If you embarrass me by losing, I will never let you live it down. It’s like Dare code. You have to top first. Dom did.”
“Dom always tops.” I take the towel from him and wipe the sweat from my face.
“No, he takes a pounding just like you will. But after you win this fight and bring honor to the family. Get your shit together. You look like garbage out there.”
“I got fifty on Remy!” Kolt shouts.
“I’ll take that action,” Bass says, getting everyone’s bets.
I block them all out and stare at Remy. Shirtless, sweating, hair all fucked up, eyes on fire. Yeah, I don’t care how we fuck as long as we do. I just want him. Badly. Part of me wants to make everyone leave so we can fight for position right here, right now. Whoever gets the other pinned gets to top, right on the mats of the cage. All that blood I tried to direct to my head goes south, making my dick perk up again.
“Hey, Zahn.” Hardin comes up behind me, spinning me to face him through the cage. “Get this shit done, man. I want to be able to tell my daughter that her godfather fought for top and won.”
My chest cinches and my face either smiles or gapes, I’m not sure. “Daughter?” I link my fingers through the cage, rattling it. “Godfather?”
Hardin smiles like a proud dad. “You better earn it.”
Oh, holy fuck. The Dares are getting a girl! Finally! I’m going to have a niece.
Still smiling, I meet Remy in the middle of the mats. We bump taped and padded fists, but he grabs my wrist when he notices my smile.
“You going soft on me, Zahn?”
“Nope. Can’t be a pussy anymore, Rem. I’m gonna be a godparent.” I tug him in and whisper, “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”
“Shit.” He stumbles back, actually looking a bit intimidated.
“Nervous?” I ask.
“No,” he lies.
Twelve minutes later, one of us is victorious and the other takes a world of shit about the loss. Both of us are smiling.
Sitting around the disgusting table in what should be a kitchen, I stare at Remy’s mom, trying to hide my cringe. She’s let herself go as far as she’s let the house go. She’s a large woman with no self-respect and a mental health disorder that causes her to hoard absolutely everything. Everything. There’s barely enough room for the three of us to squeeze around the table with all the clutter and garbage piled up everywhere I look.
I’m trying not to judge… but I am. I don’t understand this disorder, and I know it must fucking suck, but my heart hurts for Remy. Not his mom. He had to grow up in this. And I don’t like seeing him here anymore.
“Lung cancer,” Lidia says matter-of-factly. “We thought it was just another chest infection, but nope. Lung cancer.”
I feel like I’m going to get a damn chest infection breathing in this rancid waste.
“Where is he?” Remy asks; he’s never been able to decide if he’s mad at her or if he pities her. I still don’t think he knows.
“Stayin’ with your Aunt Patty and Uncle Charles,” Lidia admits, feeling guilty. “Until the prognosis is made and we have a plan in place, it’s better for him to be…” She looks down, obviously ashamed. “I can’t leave my…”
It must be such a horrible condition to be unable to leave her house full of trash to be with her sick husband. Fuck, that hurts. Lidia is so attached to her hoarded items that it physically makes her sick to even think about clearing them out or being away from them. Again, I understand it’s an illness, but just like she’s picking her stuff over her husband right now, she did that to Remy and Rhett growing up. As kids, they weren’t more important than her things. That’s why Remy stayed with us more often than not. Rhett had another friend he stayed with.
“What do you need from me?” Remy asks.
“Help,” Lidia says. She lights a smoke right in the kitchen, if you can even call it that. “I don’t like to ask, but we need help, Remington.”
“Money?” he clarifies.
She nods, sucking her cigarette. “I’m sorry.”
I know she’s sorry. She’s not a bad person, but… fuck, I don’t hold a lot of love for her.
Remy looks around the home that never felt like a home to him. I know he wants to ask if she’s ever going to get help for her disorder, but he’s asked so many times that he’s lost the desire to intervene. He loves both of his parents, even though they weren’t really parents, but he’s tired. Tired of caring for them whenever they need something. I think he’s mostly just tired of fighting for them when they don’t fight for themselves. Lidia couldn’t even pull herself from the house while Remy was missing for those three days.
Remy lets out a sigh. “I want to be kept in the loop, and I want to see Dad at Uncle Charles’ house. I’ll set up a payment plan with the hospital. I pay them, not you.”
Lidia’s eyes well with tears that she blinks away. “Thank you, son. I… thank ya.” That’s all the gratitude Remy will get, but he’s too humble to want more.
Remy nods, cutting himself off emotionally. He lost his ability to cry for his parents years ago. “I’ll talk to you soon, Mom.” He gives her a smile and then nods at me, leaving the house like he can’t walk out fast enough.
I slide the chair back, hitting a pile of junk, barely able to get to my feet.
“Thank your mama for me,” Lidia says to me. “For always taking care of my boy when I couldn’t. And for you… for being there for him.”
That’s the kindest thing she has ever said to me. “I will.” I give her a tight smile and follow Remy outside. The fresh, cold air is extremely welcome.
Remy’s in the passenger side of the truck, looking like he’s now conflicted about smoking the cigarette in his hand. I get in opposite him, starting the truck for heat. Remy’s the type to bottle things up, mull them over, and explode later on, and I’ll be here for him when it happens.
“You good?”
He blows out a slow breath. “Don’t ever let me turn into that.”
A hoarder? A low life? A shit parent? An unhealthy person? A shit cunt? “I won’t.”
I drive us back to his place in silence, letting Remy get a good brood going. While he sinks into his bad mood, I realize a few things. One, I’m not near grateful enough for the family I have, and two, I fucking love Remy so much that I want to be his family. I want to protect him from his parents, his pain, and from the suffering he’s bound to go through while his dad is sick.
Remy is my forever family.