Chapter 38
Sitting around the table with my family, listening to the ridiculous recaps of their day, I fall into a state of overthinking. Again. This is new, and I don’t appreciate it. I’m not an introspective person, but things are changing at such a rapid pace that it has forced me to take it all in, mull it over, compare myself to my brothers, and wonder—for the first real time—what the actual fuck I want out of life.
They’re all progressing, and maybe I am too.
Kolt and Bass are taking a series of survival and mountaineering courses over the next few months in order to be certified to take guests on overnight trips. Those two are mountain boys through and through, and trekking through the wilderness, climbing, and leading expeditions is their calling. People come from all over to climb with them, and the demand is so high that Mom and Dad are starting to look into hiring someone else to help out.
Liam and Dom are officially moving in together. Which makes me feel better because Liam is finally leaving his shitty apartment and horrible roommate who is still a using addict. It’s not good for Liam to be around him, but it’s going to be a wake-up call to learn to live off-grid with Dom.
Laken, Jed, and Kade are about ready to move back into their renovated house, but Laken says the internet is better here, so they’ll be back a lot.
Four and Gen are currently looking for a bigger place, even though Gen is hesitant because she doesn’t know if she can afford it yet. Can’t believe Four is giving up his bachelor pad, but shit, he hit the jackpot with Genevieve. They’re living here until they find a new place.
Hardin and Freya have no fucking clue what they’re doing, so they’ve decided to stay here until they figure their shit out. Freya has enough on her mind with the baby coming, and even though she’s fierce and fiery, she’s nervous as hell about parenthood. And she’s taking it out on Hardin in the form of aggressive sex and mood swings. Kinda think he loves it.
Bo and Nina already have a place of their own, but planning their wedding has been a stressor for them because neither of them wants to do it.
Rydan is busy with the fishing boat he owns, but him and Maddyn aren’t at the phase where they want to live together. Not even sure they’ve said the L-word yet.
The point is that everyone is changing and moving forward, and up until it started happening, I never thought I’d be one of them. I was grateful and excited to be the solo entity, letting myself drift and wander to whatever called my attention. But now Remy…
What does moving forward in life even look like for me? I’m not dumb enough to disregard that I want Remy in my life as… mine, but I haven’t figured out the rest. Where am I going to live? What will our label be? Kids? All that shit? Why have I never thought about this before? How would we even have a kid if we wanted one? Adopt? Knock up a random chick?
Yeah, probably not the random chick idea…
Dom nudges my shoulder. “Did you and Rem…?”
I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it. This doesn’t jive with my lackadaisy attitude, but shit. Sex has never been a big deal, but it is now. It is because it means something more than a physical act, and I’ve never dealt with that.
“Why not? I thought after the fight you’d be all… ready.”
I am ready. We’re both ready. But I think we’re taking the time to appreciate the magnitude of what it all means and how it even happened. How we got here.
Do I even still crave variety? I mean, maybe on occasion, but overall… no. Which is so fucked up! And I have this weird feeling that even if we do invite someone else in again, my mind and my body will be all on Remy, which I’m fine with, but… maybe he’ll turn into the wild one and I’ll get jealous. Shit. Yeah, I’m the possessive one. Wow.
My middle name went from No Limits to Possessive of Remy Rivers.
“Because it means something more than sex.”
All eyes turn to Bass. I was not expecting that shit to come out of his mouth.
“What?” he asks, shrugging. “My cock might be ten times bigger than my heart, but it’s still in there. I know some things.”
“I didn’t even realize you knew sex was more than just an act,” Four mocks him.
“Something you aren’t telling us, Bass?” Kade grins at him.
“Fuck no. Don’t go accusing me of settling down like you dumb fucks,” Bass snaps. He backs his chair away from the table and grabs his plate. “I’m keeping my mouth shut from now on.”
“Finally.” Kolt rolls his eyes.
“Afraid we’ll figure out you’re a sensitive bastard like Ry?” Hardin laughs.
“Hey!” Rydan smacks Hardin. “Just because I have an actual fucking brain doesn’t make me sensitive.” He’s totally sensitive, but he’s better than us because of it.
As they all bicker over their personalities and which one is superior, only one person is watching me. Laken. She knows there’s more to this sex thing with Remy, and maybe she also knows that it makes me sensitive, just like we accused Bass and Rydan of being, and maybe even a bit sentimental. The thing I love most about Laken is that she knows, she sees and is there if we need her, but she will never bring it up or spill our secrets unless we go to her first. She gives me a small smile and a nod, not pressing it. Sexy, smart, open, and loyal; she’s the damn jackpot.
Remy better watch his back…
Wait. I jump up from the table. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.
Laken laughs silently, like she can read my mind. Can she?
“What?” Bo asks, confused.
The most fucked up thought just crossed my mind. I joke a lot about stealing Laken from my brothers, and maybe a small part of that is wishful thinking and a fantasy that won’t go away, but I… just got possessive of my own thoughts.
I want Remy a million times more than I want Laken. Even my fantasies won’t boot him out in favor of her.
Holy shit.
“Remy!” I shout, slamming his front door behind me. I lock it too, no idea why. Like I can keep him to myself if I shut everyone else out. “Get out here! I’m done hesitating on all our kinky fuckery! Let’s go!”
I stomp around his house, unable to find him. How the fuck can he just go missing when I’m hot and horny and down to fuck? Basically came over here with a hard dick and a mission to get laid, because I’m serious. I’m done waiting. We’ve done everything else, decided to be a couple of monogamous bitches, and now I want him in the last way I can have him.
Bang. Bang. Bang.“Zahn! Did you lock me out of my own house?” Remy shouts from the other side of the front door. “I don’t even know where a spare key is! Open up!”
Nerves flood me because of what I’m craving, but confidence overrides them. I pull the door open and get an eyeful of Remy. Disheveled blond hair, rosy cheeks from the cold, piercing blue eyes, and the hint of something playful hidden under his frustration of being locked out of his own house.
He kicks his boots off, stumbling against the door. It latches shut, and I lean into him, locking it with one hand and pulling down the zipper of his coat with the other.
“Zahn,” he breathes my name as a warning. Maybe a plea.
“Where were you?” I get his coat undone and push it off his shoulders.
“Signing everything from the lawyer,” he says, eyes shifting from mine to my lips.
“It’s all done? Genevieve is good? We’re good?”
He nods, putting a hand on my chest when I try to lean in. His eyes study me, taking in everything from the look of pure perseverance on my face to the way my tongue glides over my bottom lip as a taunt. Beneath his hand, he feels the drumbeat of my heart and the expansion of my lungs, panting hard because I’m goddamn desperate all of a sudden.
“This is it,” he says, not phrasing it as a question. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” I agree. “I’m fucking done waiting, Remy. I’m a straight-laced vanilla guy now. Take me or leave me.”
He smirks. Just barely. “Not so straight-laced,” he teases. “But I’ll fucking take you.” He shoves my chest, dropping his coat. “Right now?”
“Right fucking now.”
Because I’m done overthinking. Done waiting. Done wondering how the fuck I changed so much and so fast. Done wondering why my best friend is the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with. And done overthinking where my life is going. Because wherever the fuck it goes, Remy will be there, and that’s all I really need to know.
Remy must be done, too, because he grabs my wrist and tugs me through the house. On our way to the bedroom, he grabs a brand new package of lube from a bag in the kitchen, a glass of water that is sitting on the counter, and spares a single glance at his dwindling fire. When we’re in his bedroom, he drops everything on the nightstand, and then his body is crashing against mine and his mouth is kissing me, and fuck yeah. This is what I want.
When his tongue meets mine, I lean into the kiss. When his hands push under my shirt, I lift my arms to let him pull it off. When he groans in pure lust against my skin, I lose all sense of control and push him onto the bed, climbing on top like a feral beast.
I rip his hoodie and t-shirt off, licking and nipping my way down his chest. When his hips buck up from my tongue on his nipples, I add a little bite and smirk when he curses.
“Fuck, Zahn.” He fists my hair, holding me there. Remy gets lost to sensation, but when I take charge again, undoing his pants, he bolts upright. “Wait a fucking second. What do you think you’re doing?”
“Fucking you,” I say.
“Not a fucking chance, Zahn.” He pushes me up and gets my pants and boxers off in an uncoordinated rush. “I won our fuck bet fight. Your ass is mine.”
Oh, hell. Why did that make my dick jerk and start leaking precum?