14. Raphael
Raphael
14
Ionce heard that doctors make the worst patients. Whoever coined the idea was one hundred and fifty percent right because this damn woman is testing my patience.
“How about you just sit there and relax? Hmm?” I suggest, my tone heavy with sarcasm since this is my fifth time I’m telling her the exact same thing.
Lily groans and rests her head back on the sofa. “But I need to check on Enzo and Evie.”
“And you will get the chance when you’re no longer running a fever,” I remind her once again.
“But I’m not running a fever.”
“A fever is anything higher than 100 degrees, right?”
She narrows her blue eyes at me, knowing full well that I’m right. “Yes.”
“And what was your temperature fifteen minutes ago?”
“It was 100.8,” she mumbles before tacking on, “which is not even that high.”
“It’s higher than it was this morning, and we don’t want to risk Enzo or Evie getting sick while they’re recovering. Do we?” I ask, compelling to her doctor's side.
“No.” She pouts.
“Or Mei?” I sent her daughter upstairs to spend the day with Rose while her mom focused on getting better. The only reason Lily agreed is because deep down, she knows I’m right.
“Well, what about you?” she counters, a little rebellious fire sparking in those captivating blue eyes of hers. I’m instantly transfixed by the sight. “What if you get sick?”
I pick up the tray of tea, medicine, and food and bring it over to the couch. “Someone had to make the sacrifice. I volunteered.”
Lily raises a brow. “You volunteered?”
“Yes.”
“Bullshit.”
Her single word makes me pause in the middle of pouring her a glass. I glance over and meet her feverish gaze. “Bullshit?”
“Yeah.” She shrugs a single shoulder clumsily. The fever is affecting her motor movements in a way that makes her almost appear drunk in a cute way. “It’s not like you’d let anyone else watch me.”
Her walls appear to be crumbling, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s the fever or something deeper that’s causing her to be more open with me. Either way, it’s quite a sight to see and I want more.
“I can’t trust anyone else with you.”
“Why?”
Her question is simple but heavy. I don’t know how to answer yet because it’s too complicated to put into words how she makes me feel when I’m not even sure of it myself.
I finish pouring her drink and hand her a cup. “Here, drink this. It’ll help break the fever.”
Lily obeys and drinks the entire cup in one go. She burps and immediately covers her mouth with a cute giggle before her cheeks explode with more color, and she averts my eyes. “Oh my God. That’s so embarrassing.”
I actually find it endearing. The women I spend time with are always impeccably dressed like Barbie dolls and behave like robots. It gets so tiresome and dull that even as delirious as Lily is right now, she’s far more interesting.
Lily leans back against the couch, turning her head toward me. I feel her eyes on me like twin blue flames, burning every inch they touch, and wait her out because whatever is on her mind, she needs to say it in her own time.
“I wish you would have met me before…” She waves her hand in the air. “You know…before everything. I think you would have liked me.”
“I like you now.” The honest admission slips so easily from my lips. .
Lily blushes hard and tucks her face into the couch cushion. Once again, I wait her out. When she raises her head, the blush lingers, but now shadows haunt her eyes. “You don’t mean that. You can’t mean that.”
“I don’t say things I don’t mean, Lily.”
“I’m not good for you.”
“If you don’t mind, I’ll be the judge of what’s good for me.”
Lily drops her eyes, nibbling on her bottom lip before releasing it with a pop to whisper, “I’m scared, Raphael.”
“Of what?”
“Of everything,” she says, inching a little closer to me. I hold my breath, afraid to move. If I do, she’s surely going to bolt. “I’m scared Xiao will find me and what he’ll do when he does. And I’m scared for Mei. Scared that if I’m not there to protect her, she’ll become a victim like me.” She reaches out, nearly touching my hand, and then pauses. Her eyes drop to the cushion like she’s just now noticing her actions. “But more than anything, I’m scared that when everything is said and done…I won’t be the same person I was before.”
This may backfire spectacularly in my face, but I’m willing to risk it. I slide my pinky out and carefully hook my finger over hers. It feels like I wait forever before she copies me and wraps her finger around mine. I lift my eyes to her face and meet her turbulent ocean gaze. Emotions crash and spin like a hurricane in the blue depths. Pain, anger, hope, and…lust? No, that last one can’t be right.
“You’re right. You can never go back to being the person you were before.” I push my luck, extending my other hand to gently brush the back of my finger along her soft cheek. Her eyes flutter shut, and a slight smile appears on her lips as she gives in to my touch. I know it has to be the first time a man has touched her with such tenderness in years. “You’ll be better.”
“I hope so,” she whispers.
Between the tea and the medicine, Lily falls asleep, nestled in soft, warm blankets beside me on the couch. She moves from holding my pinky to slipping her entire hand into mine while she dreams. Her simple touch makes me feel like a raging hormonal teenager, which is pathetic because she’s just holding my hand. I’m sure if she climbed on my lap right now, I’d embarrass myself by blowing my load immediately. Good thing that won’t happen.
My phone buzzes. I tasked Dominic with finding this Dr. Rodriguez from Lily’s past and have been anxiously awaiting news.
Dominic: I found the doctor.
Me: Where is he?
Dominic: He just flew back to New York. He was helping orphaned and sick children in Africa.
Me: I don’t care if he’s the fucking Pope himself. He drugged, kidnapped, and raped Lily. Who knows how many others have suffered the same fate? Bring me the bastard.
Dominic: I’m already on my way.
In less than a day, I’ll have my hands on the man responsible for Lily’s every nightmare, and when I do, I’ll make sure he feels every second of the past six years of her pain.
Lily shifts in her sleep and fully turns into me. She snuggles against me like a cat seeking warmth and comfort. The way she sighs when she finds it makes my pants suddenly grow uncomfortable.
Jesus. I need to get laid. But the very thought of finding pleasure between the legs of any other woman fills me with nausea, especially since the one I desire can’t offer me the comfort I want.
Flipping on a hockey game to distract my complicated thoughts, I also take advantage of the quiet moment to check in with my brother. Michael’s on the verge of losing his mind due to his recent houseguest additions. Rose’s suggestion was more of a demand as she asked Evie to stay with her while she recovered from the accident. Which, of course, meant that along with Evie came Enzo too. Because the two are a couple, but not a couple. It’s a strange dynamic that hurts my head just thinking about it.
“No…stop,” Lily mumbles, twisting her head from side to side like she’s trying to escape something…or someone. “Please. No more.”
“Lily?”
“It hurts,” she cries. “Please, stop. I can’t—please. I can’t take it anymore.”
Okay, that’s enough of this. I reach over and firmly shake her shoulder. “Lily, wake up. You’re dreaming. It’s not real.”
“Raphael…”
“Yes, I’m right here.”
“Please…help me.”
This time, I reach farther down and carefully pull her slumbering body onto my lap. At least here, cradled in my arms, she can’t move around too much, which will force her to stay still and break free of her nightmare.
“Lily, I’m here,” I murmur into the crown of her head. “Wake up.”
All at once, her movements cease. A moment later, her breathing shifts, and I know she’s awake. “Raphael?”
“It’s me.”
I wait for her to freak out. Wait for her to fight against being in my arms, fight against resting on my lap, cradled like a baby against my chest. But she doesn’t. Maybe she feels what I do. That this is natural somehow, that my arms, my touch will never harm her.
“What happened?”
“You were having a nightmare.” I don’t push for more detail, though I hope she offers them up on her own. She can only keep quiet for so long.
“It was Xiao,” she says after a long pause, her voice laced with a weariness, like she’s finally releasing a heavy burden. “He was hurting me in front of Mei. He’s never done that before. He saves his abuse for when Mei is not around, so he can portray the image of being a loving father and a good man. I’ve tried so hard to hide it from her, but I think she knows. To some degree, at least. What kind of mother does that make me? She’s so young. She doesn’t deserve any of this.”
“It’s a blessing that she’s so young. She may remember now, but she won’t forever. The good memories you create from here on will eventually replace the bad until only the good remains.”
“What about my memories? No amount of good can ever erase them.”
“In time, they’ll fade into the background of your mind. The good will outweigh the bad. It just takes time.”
“I hope so,” she whispers so softly that her words almost escape me, if she wasn’t so close already.
Hearing her talk about her concerns and worries reminds me of my father’s suggestion.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say, and Lily immediately sits up, bracing herself with one hand against my chest. When she notices, she shifts off my lap, much to my disappointment, and settles on the cushion next to me. Her gaze is filled with curiosity and hesitance as she looks at me. “About taking you and Mei to my family’s estate.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s safer for you both there.”
She frowns. “I thought your penthouse was safe? Isn’t that what you said?”
“I did, and I meant it, but my family home is a fortress on an island. No one gets on or off it without approval.”
“Sounds more like a prison,” she mutters under her breath before realizing I can hear her. Flushing, she adds, “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, you did.” I laugh, and she peers up at me through her lashes. “It’s okay. You’re right. It pretty much is, but you’re not a prisoner there, Lily. I promise.”
Lily chews on the side of her bottom lip, and I fight back the urge to tug it free. As much as I want this to be her choice, it also isn’t. Eventually, I’ll need to take her to the estate, but I’d much rather her be happy about it than feel forced.
“Okay, we’ll go, but on one condition.”
I smirk, finding it adorable that she’s making a demand. “Which is what?”
“That you come with us.”
My smirk transforms into a smile. I can tell her I never planned on sending her and Mei alone, but where’s the fun in that?
“I guess I can make that work.”