Chapter 12 Sweet As Sugar #7
“Your mom loved you, Raven. She might have been broken, but she fucking loved you. I want you to be like her. In fact, you are your mother. You are empathetic and you take on everything so that no one else has to. If I had to choose between you being like your mom or your dad, I would choose her every single time. She was so much more than that drug addiction and you know that. The fear that you have about not wanting to turn out like she is coming from your father’s words, not reality.
She was an amazing woman who was too broken for this world.
You have support and we will never let you break.
You hear me? My father is nothing like your dad.
He loves you more than anything and I know that he fucking sucks at showing it, but he loves you.
Despite being scared over your panic attack he looked so fucking excited when he told me you were pregnant.
Do you know how rare it is to see him happy like that?
You did that for him. You gave him part of his life that I never thought he would get again. ”
“I shouldn’t have been so mean,” I cry.
“No, you should have. He deserved it. If he’s not treating you the way you feel you deserve to be treated.
You had every fucking right to get upset at him.
And if that’s what it took for him to open his eyes and realize what he was doing, then so be it.
You are allowed to have emotions. I know that your father taught you to never look for help and never show weakness, but I promise you it’s much stronger to stand up and tell someone that you need help or change than it is for you to keep quiet and torture yourself. ”
“Is he here?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she smiles. “Dad.”
She pulls me up to stand as Marc walks in. “I’m sorry,” I say tearfully.
“Ravy, it’s okay,” he says as he squeezes me in a hug. “Please don’t apologize. I didn’t mean it how it sounded.”
“I know you didn’t. I’m just so scared,” I say into his chest. He pulls back to look at me and smiles.
“Baby, do you want this?” he asks.
“I do,” I nod.
“Then everything will be okay. You will be an amazing mother and your father will get the fuck over it,” he says.
“I have to tell him about us,” I frown.
“We, and yes. It’s got to the point now where we don’t really have much of a choice.”
“Invite him here,” Sable suggests.
“Tonight?” I ask.
“Better now than to wait,” she shrugs.
“Okay,” I sigh.
“Are you sure?” Marc asks. “We can wait a little.”
“No. I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding you,” I say. “Can you call him?”
“Yeah,” he says with a small smile before pulling his phone out to call Dad.
I stare at him as the phone rings. “Hey, man… Listen. Do you have some time to come to Raven’s apartment?
… no, she’s okay. We just need to talk to you …
no, it’s something we need to talk about in person … I’ll text the address… see ya .”
“Fuck,” I sigh when he hangs up.
“How far along are you?” Marc asks.
“Uhh… about eight weeks I think,” I say. “I’m two weeks late.”
“So… you know how babies are made… right?” Sable asks. “Did neither of you think to like… use a condom?”
“No,” I laugh.
“Well… Do I call the kid my sibling or my niece or nephew? Because I’ve always called you my sister, but now that would be weird,” she says.
“I mean… technically they would be your half-sibling,” I say.
“And that means you two should just get married so that I can have you as my stepmom,” she says, looking at Marc.
“Sable,” he says. “Don’t be pushy.”
“Why? Do you not want to marry her?” she asks, propping her hands on her hips.
“That’s not the point, Sable,” he sighs.
“Then what’s the point?” she asks. “Either you love her and want to be with her, or you don’t. If you love each other, get married.”
“Sable,” he says again.
“No. I’m not dropping it so stop looking at me like that. Do you love her or not?” she demands.
“Yes, I love her,” he says.
“And you know that Mom would want you to move on. You have ruined every single relationship you have been in since her because you are too afraid to commit. Now you have a child on the way. I’m not saying you should get married because of a child, but denying yourself happiness out of nonexistent guilt is the dumbest fucking thing,” she says.
“Have you considered maybe that she doesn’t want to get married?” he asks.
“Ask her and find out,” Sable says. Marc looks at me and I smile at how distressed he looks. He’s worried.
“Don’t ask me if you don’t mean it,” I say.
“I do mean it,” he says softly as he steps closer to me and takes my hands in his. “Raven…”
“Please, don’t say it unless you mean it,” I whisper. “Please.”
“Raven, honey. Since that first night, I’ve known that you are all I want.
I truly cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone but you…
” he says. “For so long I thought that was Maggie, but that night I realized that we were supposed to be together for the rest of her life, not mine. Maybe it’s random…
Maybe it’s God… but I truly believe that you are who I’m supposed be with for the rest of my life. I love you Raven… so, so much.”
“I love you too,” I sniffle.
“Be my wife,” he says softly as he cups my face. “Make me the luckiest man alive and marry me.”
“Okay,” I nod. “I want to marry you.”
Marc picks me up in a hug and spins me around before setting me down and kissing me. “You dad is most definitely going to hit me,” Marc laughs.
A knock on the door has me going to jump up, but Marc grabs my hand and pulls me back down to the couch beside him.
Sable gets up and answers the door. Marc takes his hand off of my leg so that dad doesn’t punch him immediately.
We know that he’s going to overreact because it’s his favorite thing to do, but we need to tell him everything first.
Sable opens the door and lets my dad in and the first thing he does is motion for me to give him a hug.
“Hey,” he says. “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” I say hesitantly. “Sit so we can talk.” I sit back beside Marc, and Sable sits on an ottoman between Dad and Marc.
“What’s going on?” Dad asks, glancing at Marc and then looking back at me. I am picking at my nails, trying to build the courage to say it.
“I can tell him,” Marc says quietly, and I shake my head.
“Well?” Dad asks impatiently.
“I’m…” I stop and take a deep breath. “I’m pregnant, Dad.”
“What? Raven, you’re twenty-two,” he frowns.
“The same age you and mom were when you had me,” I point out.
“Yeah? And look how well that worked out,” he scoffs. “Who’s the father? I didn’t even know you were dating anyone.”
I close my eyes and sigh. He’s already in a pissy mood. Saying it will send him over the edge. Marc and Sable have never seen Dad lose his temper, but they are about to. “Rave,” Sable says.
“I know,” I say.
“Spit it out, Raven,” Dad demands.
“Ravy,” Marc says nudging me.
“Why are you even here, Marc?” Dad asks. I look at Marc, then Sable, then Dad.
“Dad,” I say as calmly as I can. He is laser-focused on Marc. He knows. He may not fully get it yet, but it’s entered his mind.
“Why are you here, Marc,” Dad asks again.
“Allen, I need you to listen to me,” Marc says as nonthreatening as possible.
“I swear to fucking God, Marc. Why are you here,” Dad demands. I look at Sable and she sighs. We both know it’s about to get bad.
“Dad, look at me,” I say, raising my voice to get his attention.
“Raven. Say it,” he says.
“It’s Marc,” I say. I hardly get the words out of my mouth before Dad jumps from his chair which triggers Marc to do the same. Sable and I jump up as well.
“You son of a bitch,” Dad shouts.
“Allen, I need you to calm down and listen to me,” Marc says.
“Calm down?” Dad screams.
“Dad, stop it,” I say. “You’re overreacting.”
“I spent years trying to make sure you didn’t end up like your mother. Years,” he yells at me.
“Why do you care?” I scream at him. “Why the fuck do you care who gets me pregnant? You’ve never given a shit about me since Mom died. I was always a fucking problem for you.”
“I was grieving her, Raven,” he yells back at me.
“You hated her,” I shout. “I heard you two fight every fucking night. About me. About the bills. About everything. Don’t claim you were sad now.”
“I lost her when I should have been helping her,” he shouts, his composure breaking.
“Instead, you took it out on me,” I scream as my voice breaks.
“You hate me just as much as you hated her. You have sat back and watched me drown for twelve years so you don’t get to be mad.
You don’t get to yell at him for being one of the only fucking people to stop for long enough to give a shit. ”
“You are my daughter, Raven. I have every right to be mad that a man twice your age got you pregnant,” he says with a disapproving tone.
“No, you don’t!” I yell at him. He steps up to me, but I shove him away. I am so angry that I’m shaking but tears are rolling down my cheeks. “Did you or did you not tell me once that you wished I had died too? Did you not tell me once that you wish Mom had never gotten pregnant with me?”
“Raven,” he says softly.
“Answer me!” I demand loudly.
“Because you look like her, Raven!” he yells at me as tears roll down his cheeks.
“Every fucking time I look at you, I see the woman I fell in love with, and it hurts. I watched her destroy her life and I was too fucking proud to save her. I should have fucking saved her, Raven. I can’t stand the thought of losing you too and it makes me so fucking angry.
I thought if I didn’t do things with you the way I did with her, you would live.
I thought giving her the world was what broke her.
I fucking loved her, Raven. I would do anything to hug her one last time, but I can’t.
I can’t get the image of you screaming and shaking your dead mother out of my mind.
It plays over and over and it’s fucking terrifying to think that I could be the one to find you one day. ”
By the time he stops yelling, we are both crying. Marc nudges me when Dad puts his arms out, so I step closer and let him hug me.
“I’m sorry, Raven. I’m so sorry,” he cries as he hugs me tightly.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “You can make it up to me by not getting mad at Marc.”
“Baby... he’s twice your age,” Dad says as he pulls away to look at me but wipes my tears away.
“I know, Dad, but I love him so, so much. I know that doesn’t make sense to you. I know you want to think he took advantage of me, but he didn’t. I don’t think he expected this any more than I did.”
Dad sighs and looks at Marc. I step back and he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close to him. “I know your reputation since you guys lost Maggie,” Dad says.
“I know.” Marc is calm now, which makes me calm.
“Do you love her? Like really love her?” Dad asks.
“I do, Allen. I swear to you I won’t hurt her.”
“Did you... before she was...”
“No,” Marc says, cutting him off. “It started shortly before she started as my assistant.”
“We are going to get married,” I say. I expected him to react negatively, but he seems calmer.
“She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s moving in with me,” Marc says. Sable laughs when I frown at him. “Don’t look at me like that. I need to take care of you and our baby... plus we are together most nights anyhow.”
“I didn’t need to know that,” Dad frowns.
“Don’t ask them what happens at work then,” Sable says, and Dad’s mouth falls open.
“You have not...” he says, shocked.
“Yeah,” I laugh.
“Oh my God,” Dad says. “Is that what was up with you on the call today?”
“What did you do?” Sable asks me and I cackle. “God... I don’t want to know, but I do. This is a weird string of thoughts I’m having.”
“Oh, she was punished for that,” Marc says.
“You keep saying punishment, but I don’t think you understand what that word actually means,” I laugh.
“Alright. Alright,” Dad says. “God, this is weird.”
“You’re telling me... my sister is about to be my stepmom,” Sable says, laughing.