Chapter 21 The Deep End and the Doorway #3
Colin kissed him, skating his thumb across the upswept curve of Joshua’s cheek, wiping away the last of his tears.
“Think about this, Josh. I’d have to go part-time at CAO, and I don’t even know if they’d allow it.
I haven’t talked to Esther… or Norm.” He winced, his face tightening in a flash of raw conflict. “God, I don’t want to hurt them!”
Joshua’s gaze shifted, drifting past Colin’s shoulder toward the octagon window, its sheer curtains moving softly in the evening breeze. For a long moment, he said nothing. Then he looked back, steady and sure.
“I believe…” He hesitated, then nodded. “I believe those people are your friends. I believe they love you.”
He cupped Colin’s face in his palms and lifted it gently. “And I believe you should tell them exactly what you just told me. That this offer is a dream come true—but that your heart is breaking at the thought of hurting them.”
He shrugged, soft and knowing. “This is one of those moments, my darling. You can’t control or predict their response.
” He smiled and leaned in. “It’s one of those paths that Danny talked about, where you just have to stumble ahead blind.
We’ve talked about faith. I have faith in Esther and Norm.
Maybe it’s time you found that same faith in yourself…
and just told them the truth.” He kissed his husband, then kissed him again, tender and firm. “I honestly believe they deserve it.”
Colin knocked on Esther’s open door and stepped inside before she could answer. Norm was already seated across from her desk, legs crossed, face unreadable. Esther glanced up, eyes sharp as ever, and gestured him in with a slight nod.
“Close the door,” she said. That was never a good start. Colin obeyed and stayed standing.
“I assume this is regarding your lunch with Merritt,” Esther said, her tone giving nothing away.
“It is.”
She folded her hands on the desk. “And I assume he offered you more than the pleasure of his company.”
Colin gave a half-smile. “He offered me two classes. Criminal Procedure and Trial Advocacy.”
Norm gave a low whistle. “Damn. They’re not playing around.”
Colin turned to him, then back to Esther. “It’s an adjunct position. No tenure. But if I take both classes… I’d have to go part-time here.”
Esther didn’t blink. “Yes, you would.” The silence that followed felt dense, like the air had been thickened somehow.
“I haven’t made a decision,” Colin said.
“I haven’t given Merritt an answer. I—I wanted to talk to you both first because this job means everything to me.
Because you mean everything to me. You’re—you’re my family.
Leaving the CAO would break my heart. But I also don’t want to walk away from this offer and regret it for the rest of my life. ”
Esther’s eyes softened—just slightly. She stood, walked around the desk, and leaned back against it, arms crossed.
“We knew this was coming,” she said.
Colin blinked. “You did? I sure as hell didn’t. I damn near fainted when he said it.”
She nodded. “You don’t come back from what you went through and stay the same. You either shrink or you grow. And you, Counselor? You’re growing.”
“Plus,” Norm added with a knowing grin. “Merritt doesn’t take former students to lunch unless he’s got an offer up his sleeve.”
Colin swallowed hard.
“I’m not going to ask you to stay,” she continued. “That’s not what this is. But I’m also not going to let you crash and burn because you think you can outrun limits that no one could outrun.”
Norm spoke up, voice low but firm. “You’ve got the heart for both jobs, Colin. But you don’t have the hours! No one does.”
Colin nodded, mute.
Esther stepped forward, meeting his eyes.
“Here’s my proposal: a trial run—three months, part-time at CAO.
We’ll cut back on the major felonies on your caseload, though I’ll still want you second-chairing Jason now and then.
Selected felony cases, pre-trial hearings, consults, mentoring junior staff, and helping me wrangle the mayor and the city council.
We’ll ease your load, Colin, not erase it. ”
Colin listened, motionless.
“But,” she added, holding up a finger, “if I see the signs—if you start unraveling, showing up late, missing deadlines, letting cases slip, or if I get a frantic call from Joshua—I pull the plug. No debate. Then you’ll have to make a choice.”
Colin nodded slowly. “Fair.” His jaw worked as he glanced up at Esther, trying not to wince. “Should I—should I pack up my office?”
She bowed her head, laughing softly while Norm barked out a sharp guffaw and slapped his shoulder.
“Of course not!” Esther snapped. “You’re still one of our heavy hitters. That’s your office.” She stepped closer, her hand settling lightly on his shoulder. “This isn’t a favor, Colin. You earned this. But I’m not giving you a crown—I’m handing you a balance beam. You fall off, that’s on you.”
Colin’s throat tightened, and he swallowed hard before answering. “Thank you, boss lady.”
Esther’s mouth curved in a small smile. “Don’t thank me yet. This may kick your ass.”
Norm stood and crossed to him, clapping a hand on his back. “You’re still our guy. Don’t forget that.” He wrapped Colin in a firm embrace. “Proud of you, kid.”
Colin returned it, his fingers tightening briefly in the back of Norm’s jacket before he let go. His voice was rough. “Thanks, Obi-Wan.”
Esther sank back into her chair, watching him for a long moment. When he met her eyes, she only nodded once—brief, approving, but soft enough to tell him she’d seen everything he hadn’t said. “Now go call Merritt. And for God’s sake, learn how to use a whiteboard.”