Chapter 22 Professor Colin Campbell-Abrams
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
PROFESSOR COLIN CAMPBELL-AbrAMS
“Holy crap, Josh!” Colin sputtered.
He held up a crisp UVA letter, stamped with the university seal, detailing the mountain of forms he had to submit just to be considered for the positions Merritt had dangled in front of him. His eyes scanned the list again, then flicked to Joshua—who was already reading aloud:
“Updated CV with legal experience, trial record, any published work, CLEs or guest lectures, background check, HR processing, mandatory compliance training, teaching plan approval, conflict disclosure, ethics agreement…”
He leaned back and rolled his eyes. “Lord God.” He nudged Colin’s shoulder. “You’d better hire a secretary.”
“Oh, very fucking funny! And stop laughing!”
“Have you told David and Nate about Merritt’s offer yet?”
“No. I talked with Merritt for maybe five minutes yesterday after meeting with Esther and Norm. I don’t even have the letter of acceptance yet, and this morning this was on my desk!”
“D’you have a deadline for all this stuff?”
“I need to call Julian and ask him.”
“I can help update your CV. We’ve got all this—it’s just organizing.” He leaned against Colin’s shoulder. “But you’d better call Davy and Nate, Colin. You know how David is, and if they hear about this from someone else…”
Before he could reply, his phone blared the familiar tones of the UVA fight song, and Colin winced. “Uh oh. Too late.”
David.
Joshua nodded. “Aaaaand, we’re off!”
Colin’s eyes swung to meet Joshua’s. “Oh, holy crap, Josh.”
Joshua squeezed his shoulder, laughing as Colin reached for the phone.
“Hi, Davy.”
“Well, just when the hell were you going to tell me that you’re coming on staff?”
“Buddy, I just found out myself. This is all brand new. How did you find out?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m on the Board of Visitors! We’re the ones who approve these appointments!”
Colin held the phone away from his ear slightly, wincing. “Jesus, David, take a breath.”
David did not take a breath. “You’ll need to talk to Ellen Hardwick in Compliance—she’s a petty tyrant—but I’ll send her an email today and copy Merritt.
That’ll grease things. HR will try to funnel you through the online onboarding portal—don’t.
I’ll walk you through it. And for god’s sake, make sure your bar license is in their system before they start screaming about accreditation. ”
Colin looked up at Joshua. “He’s already building me a checklist.”
Joshua, grinning, mouthed: told you.
“You’ll also need a faculty ID, parking pass, and IT credentials.
I’ll send you a form. “Also, you need to get your syllabus submitted to Curriculum Approval yesterday. They’ll bounce it back if you don’t include a reading list, assessment breakdown, and learning outcomes.
And don’t just copy Merritt’s—you know they check for that kind of thing. ”
“David, I haven’t even signed the goddamn letter of acceptance yet. Hell, I don’t even have it yet!”
“Well, that’s just adorable. You actually think that matters.”
Colin raked his fingers through his hair, jaw tight. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”
“You mean watching you throw your academic life together like a last-minute PowerPoint? Yes. I am.”
Joshua, still perched nearby, covered his grin with one hand, and noticing, Colin shot him an exasperated glare.
David kept going. “And don’t think Merritt will save you. He’ll show up to your first lecture just to sit in the back row with that smug little nod he does.”
Colin groaned. “Yeah, I’ve seen the nod. And he’s already threatening. Said something about ‘observing my technique.’”
David snorted. “Translation: he wants to see if you bomb or bring the house down. Either way, he’ll call it a learning opportunity.”
“David? Would you and Nate like to come over for dinner?”
“Absolutely! We’ll be there in ten minutes. Get your computer out! We’re gonna need it!”
And the line went dead.
Colin stared at the phone, his gaze accusatory.
Joshua nudged his shoulder. “Well. Dinner has officially morphed into a hostile takeover.”
Colin buried his head in his arms. “God help me.”
“Hey, you invited them!”
David and Nate arrived fifteen minutes later, and David barely drew breath before launching into high gear. He pointed at the laptop on the coffee table and barked, “Colin, pull up your CV. We’re rewriting it tonight.” He dropped onto the couch beside Colin, who glared at him.
“You mean, you’re rewriting it while I sit here regretting my life choices?”
David scoffed and waggled his fingers at the screen. “Let’s make this look like a legal résumé and not something scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin.”
“I hate you.”
“Not as much as you’ll hate Compliance if you screw this up.”
“I made cookies,” Joshua called from the kitchen.
“Oooo,” Nate cooed, already heading toward the smell. “Excellent. Because I care not at all about this chaos in the living room.”
David snapped his fingers. “Nate—bring me cookies. This is going to take two hours and a chunk of my soul. I need the sugar high.”
“You got it, sweetums!” Nate called.
David scrolled through Colin’s ancient CV and snorted. “OK, first of all, this still says ‘Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney.’ What are you, stuck in 2020?”
Colin leaned back. “I’ve been a little busy prosecuting actual criminals. And whether you know it or not, I AM an Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney!”
“You’re a Senior Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney!
Plus, you’ve taught CLEs, led a statewide task force on evidence handling, and prosecuted Lexi Moreno.
None of that’s in here. It’s like watching a Marvel movie with all the Hulk scenes cut out.
” He tapped a line on the screen. “Also, where’s your Title IX liaison work from your campus cop days? ”
Colin blinked. “You want me to put that in?”
“Yes! You spent ten years defusing frat fights and guiding scared freshmen to the counseling office. That’s community policing. That’s prevention. That’s credibility.”
Colin pulled the computer in front of him and typed furiously, muttering as he worked.
“Hey!” Joshua said from behind him. “I get an honorable mention! I was his Title IX coordinator! He didn’t make a move without me!”
Colin threw him an incredulous glare. “I’ll give you credit in my obit.”
Joshua huffed out an offended breath. “Too little, too late.”
David yanked the computer in front of him, muttering as he typed. “‘Introduced updated evidence-handling protocols after key failures in 2019.’ Boom. Responsible reform. You love that phrase.”
Colin arched a brow. “Do I?”
“You do now.”
Joshua set a plate of fresh cookies on the table beside the computer and smirked. “He’s going to rewrite your whole life if you’re not careful.”
“That’s the plan,” David muttered. He sat back, staring at the screen. He scrolled, stared again, and turned to Colin. “Wait—where the hell is the task force?”
Colin shrugged. “I didn’t think—”
“You’ve chaired the Albemarle County Crime/Assault Task Force for what, three years? You’ve trained officers, restructured response protocols, and rewritten policy. That’s not a bullet point—that’s a header.”
“I didn’t think academia would care about that.”
David threw up his hands. “Colin, it screams institutional credibility. You’re not just a prosecutor—they’ll see you as a builder, a reformer. You’re the guy who made the system better from the inside. That plays big at UVA.”
Colin arched his brows and waved David toward his computer. “By all means, be my eager guest.”
Behind him, Joshua snickered around a mouthful of gingersnap and tapped David’s shoulder. “Don’t forget the time he hosed down a Beta Alpha Alpha pledge who lost his lunch on Colin’s shoes during rush week.”
“Small potatoes,” David muttered, still typing. “I once pulled the dean of medicine out of a board meeting with his fly down and a bloody mary in his hand.”
“Jesus!” Colin blurted out. “What the hell kind of place will I be working in?”
Joshua bent over the back of the couch, reading…
Chair, Albemarle County Crime & Assault Task Force - 2022–Present
· Spearheaded comprehensive reform of county-wide response protocols to violent crime, with emphasis on trauma-informed victim support and cross-agency collaboration.
· Trained over two hundred law enforcement officers and prosecutors in best practices for handling assault and domestic violence cases.
· Authored revised policy framework now adopted as a model across multiple Virginia jurisdictions.
· Coordinated monthly interdisciplinary strategy sessions with law enforcement, social services, and community advocates.
· Led development of public outreach programs, improving survivor trust, and increasing case reporting rates.
“Impressive!” Joshua exclaimed, sliding his fingers into his husband’s hair. “Now they’ll see what I’ve seen in you all along.”
Colin lifted his hand and caressed Joshua’s fingers.
David reached for his briefcase and fumbled inside.
“OK. While I’m whipping this hot mess into presentable form, you can be filling these out.
” He yanked out a handful of paper forms and handed them to Colin one by one.
Behind them, Joshua doubled over the back of the couch, laughing so hard he nearly choked on his cookie.
Faculty Information Form - Full legal name, SSN, home address, and emergency contact. Preferred title.
David tapped the paper and nudged Colin’s arm. “And please don’t write in ‘King of the Courtroom.’”
“And why the hell not?”
Background Check & Fingerprinting Authorization
“I assume you know what this is.”
Colin peered at the form. “Well, yeah. Since I was a cop for ten fucking years, I’ve seen a few of these.”
Bar License Verification Form
“I graduated from their law school, was sworn in by Virginia’s Governor, and have practiced law here for years, but they don’t believe I’m an attorney?”