Chapter 17 #2
“I’m afraid,” she blurted out, and her heart started pounding in her ears. This was far more vulnerability than she would’ve ever shown anyone else. “I’m scared that…that you’ll hurt me. And I don’t think I could recover if you did. I’d just…break.”
“Ah, darling,” Cade sighed sadly, and he carefully set her on her feet again. His hand came up to caress her cheek, and she shuddered under his gentle touch. She squeezed her eyes shut, and a single tear cascaded down her face. He caught it with his thumb and wiped it away.
“Look at me,” he said, and she forced herself to meet his solemn eyes. “I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to, my angel. I promised you my protection, and that includes from myself.”
Asha swallowed hard, nodding.
“But hear me now: there is no one, and nothing, that can break your spirit so completely that you wouldn’t recover. I could never break you, because you’re always at your strongest when your survival is threatened. I’ve seen it.”
His words were a balm on her still-healing wounds. She pulled him down to her and kissed him again, more tenderly than she knew she was capable of.
“Thank you,” she whispered, their noses touching. “I…I think you were right. I do want it. But…” Asha gulped, her nerves at the surface. “I’ve never had sex that I liked before. Never had sex that didn’t hurt me or wasn’t forced on me. I…I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know how.”
“I’ll show you,” Cade replied, sounding much surer than she felt. “Give yourself to me, and I’ll show you how good it can be.”
He was so close that she could feel the heat of his body, the warmth of his breath on her face. She could still taste his lips on hers, and desire burned inside of her in a way that both alarmed and tantalized her.
At the same time, she felt exposed and vulnerable like never before. Cade’s stormy grey eyes bore into hers, as if he could see through her. It felt like he could smell her fear.
“I used to just…submit,” she mumbled, casting her eyes to the floor. “Lock myself away to a secret place in my mind. And wait for it to be over.”
He caught her chin in his hand, tilting her face up to his. His gaze was softer now, yet every bit as intense.
“Submission can be a gift,” he said, his voice a deliciously low timbre. “When willingly given, it can make you feel freer than you ever have before. Safer, too.”
She frowned. “I don’t see how giving up control would make me feel free or safe.”
He smiled. “The control is always yours to give and to take back. If you want me to stop, you only have to say so.”
“How do I know you’ll listen?” Asha asked, looking away from his eyes again. They disarmed her in their earnestness.
She flinched as he leaned toward her, but he only lowered his lips to her ear.
“Any coward can brutalize a woman to take what he wants,” Cade said in a coarse whisper, his voice raising goosebumps on her skin.
“It takes skill to bring her to her knees willingly. To make her beg you for it, over and over, until she barely knows her own name. Until she offers you her complete surrender, in exchange for what she craves most.”
Asha shuddered, and he pressed his lips softly against her, just below her ear. Even now, with only his breath in her ear and his mouth on her neck, she was suffused with pleasure from head to toe. The ache between her thighs wouldn’t abate. She wanted him now more than she was afraid of him.
“Okay,” she exhaled. “But…I don’t want pain.”
Cade kissed slowly down her neck. “Pain is only ever a tool to enhance your pleasure. But I’ll never use it unless you ask, my angel. Tonight is about trust. About what I can give to you.”
Asha took a shaky breath. “What do I do now?”
He took her clammy hands in his warm ones, giving them a reassuring squeeze.
“Do you trust me?” he asked, and she nodded nervously. “Alright. Then get on the bed.”
She immediately tensed, familiar with this particular order.
Seeing her distress, he pulled her close, kissing her again with his tongue in her mouth until the angles of her body softened—until she was panting and aching again with need.
He carefully guided her toward the bed and eased her down, so she was seated on the edge.
“There’s a good girl,” he said, and the praise made her scalp tingle with pleasure, to the point she was almost annoyed with herself. “One more thing, then.”
Cade went to the wardrobe on the opposite wall and rummaged inside for a moment before withdrawing a long, thin strip of fabric. He approached her with it outstretched and motioned as if to cover her eyes. His gaze sought her permission.
“You want to blindfold me?” Asha said with an incredulous giggle. “Why?”
“Trust,” he replied. “And I want you to focus on how you feel. Without your sight, you’d be surprised how much other senses take over.”
Fear bubbled in her gut, but so did a sense of intrigue. How would it feel, to trust him that much? In the past, she’d never have considered it. But hadn’t Cade proven himself to her? He’d saved her life. He’d protected her from Angel and even from his own men.
It was exhausting being constantly vigilant. For once, she wanted to listen to her desire instead of her fear.
So again, she said, “Okay.”
The corner of Cade’s mouth quirked up. “My angel’s brave.”
Asha flushed a little, but if he noticed, he didn’t comment. Instead, he covered her eyes with the blindfold and secured it. Her vision was plunged into darkness, and she inhaled sharply, anxiety rising in her chest.
“Take a deep breath,” Cade coaxed, and she did. “Good. Before we start, I want you to know that you can say no to anything, anytime, and I’ll hear you. For now…keep your hands at your sides. Stay perfectly still for me. If you move, I’ll stop.”
A bolt of lust surged through her, unbridled and inexplicable.
She let out yet another shaky breath as he moved his mouth back to her neck, where he spread long, languid kisses.
Deprived of her sight, the warmth of his hands was grounding, and she sighed at the goosebumps that rose on her flesh as he kissed onto her collarbone.
He was right that she felt him more acutely without her eyesight. Every touch sent a tremor through her that, far from dissuading her from continuing, made her ache for more. She’d never thought she could want someone as much as she wanted him.
Cade took his time, kissing her until she couldn’t help it—she squirmed. As promised, he stopped, and she let out a small, involuntary whine that embarrassed her.
Cade chuckled darkly. “You’ll have to learn to be still if you want more. Can you do that?”
Asha took another deep breath. “Yes. I can.”
“Alright. Let’s try again.”
He ramped up her torment by spreading open-mouthed kisses over her chest and caressing her over her clothes, his hands finding her breasts and her inner thighs, teasing her. Her nipples pebbled at his soft, intimate touch, and the heat in her body was maddening—unbearable.
“Please,” she finally whispered. “I want more.”
“Ah,” Cade said knowingly. “Good. She knows how to beg.”
She let out a tiny whimper, and he eased the straps of her worn tank top over her shoulders. She moved to lift her arms but then remembered his order.
“Oh, very good,” he said, a note of wonder in his voice. “Better than I expected, even. You can lift them.”
She hastened to obey, surprised at how much she was enjoying this.
Cade lifted the shirt over her head, then removed her pants and underwear.
When she was finally naked, she shuddered, unsure if what she felt was fear or arousal.
The two blended together in a way that seemed to sharpen her senses even further.
Cade’s scent mingled with hers, and his mouth seemed to send tiny electric shocks over her skin, giving life to new desire that she didn’t know what to do with.
She liked hearing his breath, steady and heavy, breathing her in.
Not being able to see him added a new, unexpected dimension to her pleasure; she delighted in the surprise of his lips and tongue touching her in sensitive places.
“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” Cade asked, trailing kisses down her bare chest towards her breasts.
“No,” Asha replied, a little discomfited by the question.
“Hmm,” he murmured against her breast, and she gasped as his tongue lightly flicked over her nipple. “Their loss, then. Because you’re gorgeous. A goddess among women.”
Asha huffed a disbelieving laugh. “You’re laying it on a little thick.”
He chuckled. “You like it, though.”
Silly as it was, she did. His tone was playful but sincere, and it didn’t feel like he was mocking her. Nor did it seem like he was objectifying her, the way she was used to; rather, he was admiring her, cherishing her. The thought was as frightening as it was exciting.
She shivered as he continued to lick slow, deliberate strokes over her nipple. When he took it into his mouth and sucked, so slow and deep, she couldn’t help herself: she moaned. Her cheeks stained red with embarrassment. She wasn’t used to expressing pleasure.
Evidently reading her reaction, Cade moved back up to kiss her lips, then said, “Don’t be shy, my angel. I want to hear you. Want you to feel so good that you can’t help yourself. Want to know what you like, what makes you shiver with pleasure.”
It was always uncanny, how he seemed to simply know what she was thinking, and equally strange how simply he was able to put her at ease.
“What I like?” Asha asked in wonder. “I…don’t know what I like.”
“Then let me find out.”
His tone was commanding and self-assured. She thought she might’ve hated that, that it would’ve brought up her past violation…but it didn’t. Instead, he was lifting a burden from her. He would take care of her; she didn’t have to worry or overanalyze. She could, for the first time, let go.