Chapter 17 #3
Cade drew her nipple back into his mouth, then gently pinched the opposite nipple between his fingers. Asha fought the urge to moan again as he alternated between them, sucking and licking, but eventually, she couldn’t help herself.
“Good girl,” he encouraged, and she flushed with more embarrassed pleasure. “You’re doing so well, showing me what you want.”
The cleft between her thighs was slick with arousal, and she shuddered once more as Cade licked a lazy line down to her navel. The ancient floorboards groaned in protest as he knelt, taking his tongue lower, and lower…
She jumped at the shock of his mouth between her thighs.
“Mm,” he murmured, inhaling deeply. “You’re gorgeous here, too.” She gasped as he gave her clitoris a long, indulgent lick. “And the taste of your pretty pussy…I could get used to that.”
He spread her knees farther apart, settling between them, and then his tongue was on her again. Asha tensed, more moans escaping from deep in her throat. She was all desire and ache, grasping for something just out of reach.
“This is good, hmm? You’re getting close now, aren’t you?”
Asha made a face beneath the blindfold. “You’re enjoying this too much.”
Cade chuckled. “Why wouldn’t I enjoy pleasuring you?”
It wasn’t supposed to be a trick question, but she thought of her teenage girlfriend, and then her husband, and then that old memory, the one she rarely dared to look at…
and none of them had ever troubled themselves with what she got out of their time together.
Despite his clear preference for dominance during sex, Cade did care that she enjoyed it.
And though she was submitting to him, it was his plain desire to please her, to be worthy of her submission, that granted her a feeling of control, of ownership.
She hadn’t known that submission and pleasure could co-exist…or that submission could add to this pleasure, that it could make her feel powerful in a way she’d never felt before.
As though he sensed her distraction, Cade murmured, “Stay with me, darling. Feel me giving you what you need. Lose control and let yourself fall. I’ll catch you.”
Asha’s lips trembled with emotion. His reassurance was almost too much, but she swallowed hard and nodded. He started again, relaxing her once more with gentle, patient touch before licking her pussy in slow, sensual strokes.
This time, Asha made an effort to let go.
She leaned into her lack of sight and simply felt the rising sensations as Cade’s tongue swirled over her clit.
He made a noise of approval before carefully sliding a finger inside her, then two.
Asha gave a soft gasp at the intrusion, but she was relaxed and wet enough that the penetration wasn’t painful.
As he slowly pumped his fingers, she sighed with pleasure.
“That’s it, my angel. Just let this happen. It’s going to feel so good, I promise.”
His voice was pitched low, but there was a tenderness to his tone that pulled at all the jagged edges inside her. She gave into the feelings he coaxed from her body, and at last, she teetered on the edge of bliss.
“You’re right there, hmm?” Cade crooned. “You want to come?”
“Yes,” Asha said breathlessly.
His tone darkened. “Then beg, Asha. Beg me for it, and I’ll give it to you.”
She didn’t think. “Please. Please, I need it so bad. I need—”
She made a sound of desperation, and he grunted before she felt his mouth on her clit, sucking her gently, and she was lost.
Asha’s sense of time and place was obliterated by the euphoria of her release. The delicious spasms that rocked her body left her panting and shaking, filling her with satisfaction and exhaustion. Her climax sated some deep hunger she’d perhaps never known she had.
When she’d come back to Earth, Cade lifted the blindfold from her eyes and kissed her, a sly, pleased look in his grey eyes.
“Thank you,” Asha whispered, starry-eyed. She felt like she’d been hit by a truck and didn’t know what else to say.
Cade laughed softly. “My pleasure.”
She pressed her lips back to his, and the kiss morphed into something more, something desperate trying to claw its way out of her. She clutched at him, and he kissed her back, though not with the same fervour.
She felt the need to repay him. She owed him a favour in return, didn’t she? He’d put in more of an effort than anyone else she’d been with. She felt out of control, ready to melt and combust at the same time, her body on fire.
“Cade, I—” she gasped out, fumbling with his belt. “I need—”
He stayed her hand with his and pecked her lips.
“Another time,” he said, and his voice was so gentle. “Tonight was a lot for you.”
At this, Asha trembled, overwhelmed by emotion she didn’t fully understand.
She felt like she could cry, which was absurd.
She hadn’t cried when her parents had expressed their crushing disappointment at her assignment as a teacher.
Or during her teenage breakup, or when she was told she had to marry Eric.
Or even when Angel raped and tortured her.
Her tears were nowhere to be found at the cruelest, most unjust moments in her life.
But there was something about Cade’s kindness that made her feel things she’d never thought she could. She hadn’t trusted it in the beginning, but somehow, this literal gang member had treated her better than anyone she’d ever known.
“But I—you didn’t get to—”
“You owe me nothing,” Cade said firmly. “Like I said: it was my pleasure.”
She bit her shaking lip, hugging herself tightly. He knew again what she’d been thinking. And he was telling her, in no uncertain terms, that he expected nothing in return. She wasn’t used to sex as anything but a transaction or an obligation. Her bottom lip trembled.
“Can I touch you?” Cade asked. His hands hovered in front of her, but not in a way that demanded anything of her. It was a promise of giving, not taking.
“Y-yes,” she stammered.
He pulled his t-shirt over his head, baring his beautifully built chest and dark tattoos, then lay back on the bed and pulled her with him. She felt stiff and awkward, unsure of his intent, until he tucked her against his body, his arm around her.
He’s holding me.
That thought shouldn’t have been shocking to her, yet it was. Who had held her since she was a small child? No one that she could remember.
Cade was warm and as solid as a brick house. His breath was slow, even, and relaxed. He seemed content as he rested his cheek against her head and slowly rubbed her back.
Asha stayed frozen, uncertain, but Cade didn’t seem to mind. He kept rubbing for several minutes in comfortable silence, and as tears spilled onto her cheeks, Asha felt ridiculous. How pathetic was it that an orgasm and a few minutes of positive attention from a man could undo her so completely?
Suddenly, she felt her lack of positive human touch like an open wound. How was it that she’d never felt deprived until now? Was it because she never knew it could be quite like this?
Her weakness was off-putting, and Cade was sure to see it as such. There was no room for this kind of weak, womanish weeping in the Wasteland. She tried to delicately swipe at her face, hoping he wouldn’t notice.
“Even your tears are beautiful,” Cade said, pressing a kiss against her head. He lifted his hand to her face, catching a couple tears on his fingertips.
She took a long, shuddering breath, and to her horror, a small sob escaped.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she blubbered, hiding her face against his chest. “Sorry. This is probably not what you hoped for from me.”
She heard his frown in his voice. “This isn’t a service you’re providing me, Asha. If I just wanted a woman to warm my bed, I could’ve had it anytime. You’re here because I want you.”
After another minute of pathetic sniffling, she finally looked up at him, and there was a softness to his expression that she couldn’t define. She felt like she could tell him anything, and he’d simply nod as though he already knew all her darkest secrets.
“I was molested as a kid.”
She didn’t know what made her say it. It came up like word vomit, with the urge to make him understand.
To his credit, he didn’t flinch. Instead, he tucked her hair behind her ear and kept rubbing her back. She struggled with her next words; she’d never told anyone about this since it happened. She’d done her best to forget it, and most of the time, she had.
“That was my first experience,” she finally managed. “With sex. He was a family friend. He was supposed to babysit me, and, well…”
She swallowed hard, uncomfortable with the way that Cade was simply looking at her. He was watching her, studying her expression, as though he really wanted to know her, which was disarming.
More disarming still: she wanted him to.
“Anyway,” she pressed on, “I was eight. I told my mom after, because it made me feel…icky.”
Asha let out a long breath, and still, Cade said nothing, as though knowing that his interruption would render her incapable of finishing the story.
“My parents were well-connected, since they both worked for the government. The family friend was another important official. Powerful. My mom told me it’d be better for everyone if we just forgot about it. We couldn’t afford to confront him.”
Cade’s brow creased. “Shit. That’s the best she could come up with?”
Asha gave a watery laugh. “Yeah. Honestly, she and my dad were barely in my life, even at that age. Too busy being involved in important things. He watched me a few more times before my parents got a nanny.”
“Wait, they let him keep having access to you?” Cade’s outrage was palpable, and despite the seriousness of the situation, Asha laughed.
It had never occurred to her how bad that might’ve looked to an outsider. She’d always just accepted it as something that happened inevitably, like lightning or a tornado. Of course they kept letting him have access; they wouldn’t have wanted to offend him by accusing him of being a pervert.
Think of how that would look for us, Asha’s father had said to her. How badly that would damage our careers. We applied for a nanny, and you ought to be grateful; they’re in short supply in the compound. It’s only because of our positions that we can apply at all.
“Only for a little while,” she replied. “The nanny that came after was alright, but she thought I was a difficult kid. To be fair, I probably was.”
“No wonder, you practically raised yourself,” he said angrily. “Fuck them. I’m glad they’re fucking dead.”
She laughed again in spite of herself, then grew thoughtful. “Does it make me a horrible daughter if I am, too?”
Cade clucked his tongue and caressed her cheek so softly, so gently, her heart wanted to break.
“No, my angel,” he replied. “Makes me like you even more. I admire a woman with a little wrath in her. Kind of a turn-on, to tell you the truth.”
That elicited a helpless giggle from her, and he grinned before turning serious again.
“Didn’t you have anyone who cared for you?” he murmured. “What about that friend you mentioned—Claire? Was she good to you, when she was around?”
“She had her own problems,” Asha replied reluctantly. She didn’t like talking about Claire. “Her dad died, and her mom was a nightmare. I never told her about any of it. I didn’t want to burden her, and I didn’t think she’d understand. Plus…I was ashamed.”
The admission brought unwelcome heat to her face, and she glared at Cade, because she saw the sympathy in his eyes and couldn’t bear it.
“Stop feeling sorry for me,” she snapped.
He chuckled, much to her annoyance. “I don’t feel sorry for you, darling. I admire you. All those years, being so strong when you shouldn’t have had to. But you survived.”
She balked. She hadn’t expected that.
“It’s why I wanted to help you to begin with,” he continued.
“I thought it was because you knew I was from a compound.”
“Sure,” he said with a nod. “But…I liked your fight. Even when you thought the worst would happen to you, you fought back. You spat in the face of the man who tried to sell you. And you didn’t hesitate to let Angel know exactly what you thought of him.
It’s that much more incredible now, knowing what you’ve been through. ”
Asha was quiet for a moment. Then, “I didn’t want to be the kind of person I grew up with…someone who just goes along to get along.”
Cade smiled, and she marvelled at the spark of real respect in his eyes.
“I said it before: you’re a brave little viper,” he said, and she rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help smiling back. “You fight for yourself. You have real courage, to call out the bastards who subjugate you. Even when it hurts to do it.”
Asha felt a strong surge of affection for him. He offered her something beautiful and dangerous: true, unconditional acceptance. It was the first time she’d thought that someone was capable of liking her for who she was, not who he wanted her to be.
She pressed herself into him and whispered, “Thank you.”
Cade simply held her tighter, and she let herself believe for the first time that he wouldn’t let her go.