Daisy
thirty-six
I watch from the bedroom door as Beau tucks Ollie into the camping cot, and I make a mental note to order a real bed for him first thing in the morning.
Ollie can choose the frame. And pick out the linens.
Then pictures for the walls—horses and hockey and whatever the hell he wants.
Paint, too, if the color isn’t bright enough.
If the barn house is where Ollie will live from now on, I want it to feel like home for him, not a temporary stay in a guest bedroom.
Beau leaves the lamp on, then drops a kiss on Ollie’s forehead and crosses the room.
“Asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow,” he murmurs as we step into the hall, and when the door closes with a quiet click, he releases a pent-up breath.
“Fuck,” he whispers, running a hand down his face. “What a day.”
I reach up to cup his face and wait until he opens his eyes. They’re liquid and tired and haunted.
“Wine?” I ask with a soft smile.
He brushes his lips over mine. “Absolutely.”
I lead the way down the hall, but before I can retrieve a bottle and glasses, Beau ushers me to a counter stool, sits me down, then fetches the wine himself.
I watch him move around the kitchen—opening the fridge and choosing a chilled white, locating the correct cabinet on the first try and pulling out glasses, setting them on the marble countertop and filling one for me and then one for him. He’s already at home here.
Taking a sip, I watch over the top of the glass as Beau takes a longer swallow. Then he sets down the glass to put his elbows on the counter and his head in his hands.
My heart breaks. “Oh, sweetheart.”
I rush around to his side of the counter and throw my arms around him. He’s a solid, stony mass of tension, but he wraps me up, and I listen to his chest as his breath moves in and out.
“He’s going to be okay,” I murmur against his shirt. “I promise.”
“Yeah.” He hugs me tighter for a moment, pulling me against him like he’s afraid I’ll slip away, then kisses my head before releasing me. “Can we sit for a second?”
“Sure.”
I thread my fingers through his. I’m not sure why it feels important to keep a hold on him now, but some instinct tells me that to let go would be a mistake.
We take our wine to the living room and drop onto the sofa.
I curl my legs up and snuggle against his side, fitting perfectly inside the curve of his body.
“I need to apologize to your family,” he begins.
“No, you really don’t.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Darlin’, what happened this morning was so far past the point of professionalism, I couldn’t even see it in the rear-view mirror.
Dragging your brothers and sisters out of bed before dawn because my boy ran away?
” He shakes his head and blows out a breath.
“Now we can add ‘terrible father’ to their list of reasons to think poorly of me.”
I twist to face him straight on. “Nobody thinks that. They were all rattled and worried for Ollie. Everybody loves that little boy. They were waiting anxiously to find out what happened, and when I explained it all, I could hear their relief through the phone.”
Beau gives me a half-hearted smile and tweaks my braid. “That was for Ollie, and I appreciate it. It’s got nothing to do with the way they feel about me.”
“That’s not—”
He cuts me off with a finger pressed against my lips. “Just listen to me, will you?”
He waits until I nod, then drops his hand.
“I don’t fit in here,” he says, matter of fact, and it prickles me. Beau knows it, because he pins me with a narrow-eyed frown. “Let me talk, Darlin’. This is important.”
“Fine, but I reserve the right to argue when you’re done.”
He snorts quietly. “That’s a given.”
His arm slides around my body to scoop me back against his chest, and I suspect he’s turned me around so he doesn’t have to meet my eyes.
“I love you, but…” He sighs. “I have to take Ollie to Emberfield.”
I bite back all the reasons why he’s wrong, and instead say, “Explain?”
He kisses my head and takes a minute to gather his thoughts. It’s all I can do not to jump into the silence and list every argument I have to make him stay, but I hold my tongue.
“You see, Darlin’,” he says, “I’ve seen the ways families break, and I don’t want that to happen to yours.
I don’t want to be the reason things are tense or uncomfortable.
You would grow to resent me, and I’d grow to resent you.
I won’t risk what we’re rebuilding by putting pressure on us we don’t need, and I don’t want Ollie in the middle of something like that.
I owe it to him to make a better choice, and to be frank, I owe it to myself. ”
I frown into my wine. “What do you mean?”
“I want the job at Emberfield,” he says.
“I know that sounds selfish, and maybe it is, but I can’t get it out of my mind.
I picture what a future here would look like compared to a future there, and I think—no, I know—the job with Duke will make me feel good about myself.
Do you know how long it’s been since I could say that?
Ollie will find his feet sooner than I give him credit for.
He’ll start school and make friends. He’ll fall in love with new horses, and we’ll work hard and well together.
It’ll be hard for both of us at first, but both of us will be okay because we’ll be doing work that gives us value. ”
“The work is the same here,” I say.
“And Charlie doesn’t want me to do it.” His hand moves along my arm, sweeping strokes up and down.
“Darlin’, you’ve got to understand. My dad did a real good job teaching me I wasn’t worth a lot.
Nothing, really. My own father raised me to believe I was worthless.
I can’t let that be the lesson Ollie takes away from this, even if it’s in ways that aren’t so obvious. ”
I let my head fall against his chest, wishing his reasons for leaving didn’t make so much sense. “Like what?”
“Like staying where I’m not wanted. I need to set a better example. Be a man who knows his own worth so that Ollie grows into a man who knows his.”
My throat catches, and I make a little sound that causes Beau to set down his wine and pull me onto his lap.
“You’re worth everything to me,” I tell him, blinking away the sting in my eyes. “You’re sweet and smart and thoughtful and caring and hardworking and talented and—”
“A fantastic lover?”
I smack him lightly on the chest, laughing when I want to cry. “Yes. A fantastic lover.”
He chuckles and kisses me. “Kismet Creek isn’t far,” he says. “We can do long distance. Go back and forth. Meet halfway. And when Ollie’s older, we’ll make plans for what comes next.”
“No. I lived without you for a year, and it was the hardest year of my life—and that’s saying something. I’ve had a lot of hard days.”
“Daisy Darlin’, please don’t try to change my mind. I’m doing this for you too. I want to be a better man for you—the best kind of man. The kind you deserve.”
I shake my head. “That’s not what I mean. I’m not asking you to change your mind. I hear you. I understand you. I support you. And most of all, I love you. Your instincts are always spot-on, sweetheart, and I’m not questioning them. If you need to go to Emberfield, you should go.”
He sighs and buries his nose in my hair. “Thank you, Darlin’.”
“You’re welcome.”
He waits a beat, then huffs a disbelieving laugh. “That’s it? I was expecting a more animated discussion about this.”
“No need for theatrics,” I tell him, “because I’m going with you.”
He grows still, and I watch with unwavering resolve as understanding widens his eyes.
Beau lifts me off his body and puts a little space between us. His face is composed, and his eyes are steady. “Daisy? No.”
“Beau? Yes.”
His jaw feathers and his nostrils flare. “Silver Leaf is your home. Your family is here. I just spent the last ten minutes telling you I cannot—I will not—be the spur that sets off a rift. You belong here.”
I take his hand and stare at him deeply so he understands me. “I belong with you.”
Those soulful eyes express more than he’ll say. He drops his head, and I give him a moment to process. When he lifts his chin again, those eyes are conflicted. Hope chasing fear. Sacrifice wrestling selfishness.
“I can’t let you do this,” he whispers.
“Well, sucks to be you, because this isn’t for you to decide.”
His eyes grow glassy, and my own emotions threaten to choke me.
“I’ll tell Charlie tomorrow, then everyone else,” I say, and when his brow creases with uncertainty, I grip his hands tighter. “This is what I want, Beau. You and Ollie and a life together. I can love my family from a distance, but I can’t live without you.”
He cradles my jaw in both hands, then draws me in for a gentle, thankful kiss. “I love you, Darlin’,” he says. “I love you so much.”
“I love you more.” I crawl back into the safe space of his lap, twine my arms around his neck, and kiss him harder. “And I’ll love you forever.”
“Promise?” he says, throat bobbing as a smile steals over his mouth.
“I promised to always love you a long time ago, sweetheart.”
I’ve been waiting for the right time to do this, expecting it to be a night under the stars like our magical anniversary in Banff, but no moment has felt more perfect than now. I dip into the pocket of my jeans and pull out my daisy bracelet.
“Are these arms still mine?” I ask in a cracking whisper, holding the bracelet up between us.
He blinks away tears. “Of course. Always.”
“And will you always take care of me when I’m sick? Coke and fries and washcloth and all?”
“No question.” He takes the bracelet and balances the charms on his fingertips.
“You promise to reserve that temper for me, Darlin’? Sleep in my bed every night, no matter how mad we get?”
“I do, if you promise that our love will always be our north star. I’ll follow you anywhere, Beau, because there will never be anyone for me other than you.”
My tears are happy ones as he loops the chain around my wrist and fastens the clasp, and then we’re kissing again. A last kiss for our old life. A first kiss for our new one.
A kiss that bridges the past with the future we’re just beginning.