Chapter 21 #3
She glanced up. She couldn’t see his face clearly at this angle and in the dim light, just the shape of it. The straight brow, the clean jaw, the gleam of his eyes as he looked down. She tucked her head against his shoulder again.
“It was Tilly,” she said. “She thought I should have it.”
“Why?”
“Hard to say,” she said, even though she well knew what Tilly was thinking.
“She scolds me for hiding away on the border instead of setting off and living my life. She tries to push me out of the nest every once in a while. I think that’s what the charm was about.
She saw a handsome young man in a place where there aren’t many handsome young men, and she decided to play matchmaker.
” She meant well in her own extremely flawed way.
“She doesn’t know that you were the one who branded my mother. ”
“You think I’m handsome?”
She rolled her eyes and tossed back the words he’d given her only days ago. “You must know what you look like.”
He was quiet for a moment, then asked, “Why didn’t you tell her? You seem close.”
She breathed a laugh, imagining it. “She would have been furious. I don’t know what she would have done.”
“You’re scared of her.”
“Of Tilly? No. She would never hurt me.”
“You think she’d have hurt me then.”
“She is very protective.”
He scoffed. “I don’t know if protective is the word I’d use to describe someone who’d throw you into the bed of the first healthy man who wandered into town.”
“You don’t understand.” She didn’t like the way he was talking about Tilly. “She only wants what’s best for me.”
“It sounds like she’s trying to chase you off.”
Because she wanted what was best for her. “She’s always thought I should leave Toam and go find a job in another town. Leave my mother behind and get a fresh start somewhere new. But obviously I can’t do that.”
“You could,” he said. “Many people would leave in your situation. Most, maybe. They’d go find work. Send money home if they were able.”
“You think I should abandon my blind mother in Toam?”
“I didn’t say that,” he said quietly. “But it’s a choice you made, to stay there. To take care of your mother even if life would be easier for you if you left. It’s a choice that speaks well of you.”
Warmth blossomed in her chest at even that small crumb of approval. She was annoyed at herself. His opinion didn’t matter.
“I do agree with Tilly on one thing,” he said.
“What’s that?”
“You don’t belong in that village.” He sifted his fingers through her hair. She would have shoved his hand away if it hadn’t felt so good. “Any other beds she’s tried to shove you into?”
There was an edge to his voice despite the quiet tone.
“Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about this.”
He laughed, low and deep. “I thought we were breaking rules, angel. Don’t tell me you’ve lost your nerve.”
“I don’t lose my nerve,” she told him. “I’m brave, remember? Brave enough for the high seas. And clever enough to start a business. And pretty under all the dirt and cursing.”
“I still owe you a dress.”
“And a husband,” she said just to see what he’d say.
He didn’t say anything right away, but she could hear the hiss of his breath as he exhaled. “I’m not shoving you into anyone’s bed.”
“Good.”
She wouldn’t let herself be shoved. When she did finally sleep with someone, it would be someone she picked out for herself.
She was curious about the whole thing. It had to be good, didn’t it?
People did crazy things for even a taste.
But she’d never come across anyone she wanted in that way.
The witch hunter was the first, and what did that say about her?
The man who’d branded her mother. It had to be some sort of strange perversion that made him so attractive despite their history.
They were tied together because of it. And there was strong emotion there.
Maybe that was it, pulling her toward him despite herself.
It was like playing with fire. Like those moths.
An irresistible tug toward something you knew was going to hurt.
Except would it hurt to sleep with Casrian?
She thought about the way he moved when he was fighting. The way he was holding her now. She thought sleeping with Casrian would probably be amazing. It would only hurt later when they stepped out of the woods and back into the real world, leaving this strange truce behind.
The rain eased as the darkness closed around them. The temperature dropped and she shivered. He tucked her in closer against him.
“Get some sleep,” he murmured, his breath stirring her hair. “I’ll take first watch and you can have second. Maybe by then we can have a fire.”
She didn’t think she’d be able to sleep, what with the swamp so close and snakes on her mind.
With the cold and the damp. But Casrian’s steady heartbeat was like a lullaby.
The warmth of his body sank right into her as she listened to the rain and the storm.
He stroked her back, loosening her stiff muscles.
He was a witch hunter.
She shouldn’t feel safe in his arms. She knew she shouldn’t. It was maybe the most dangerous place for her to be. But still she slept.