Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
T he books fall from my arms and crash loudly to the ground, as firm hands wrap around my shoulders, steadying me as I lose my balance.
“I’m sorry. Are you alright?” The voice is deep, his words a low grumble, trying not to disturb the quiet more than the clatter of books already has.
My eyes slide up his body, taking in his broad frame until they land on his face. Blinking up at him, stunned, I hope he doesn’t feel the shiver coursing through me as he holds me steady.
I hadn’t noticed him when I walked in, because surely he would have stood out. I’ve never seen anyone like him before. He is young, maybe a few years older than me, and obviously tall as I crane my neck up to see his face.
I take in his hair, so different from the clean cut and shaven guards I am used to seeing around the castle. Dusty brown waves fall past his shoulders, the top pulled into a knot at the back of his head, as if he lazily tied it out of his way. Large amber eyes sit beneath full dark eyebrows, the same color as the bit of stubble along his sharp jaw and chin. As I scan his face, my eyes catch on a thick scar that cuts through his bottom lip.
I want to reach up and run my fingers over it.
“Are you alright?” He tilts his head and lowers his face to my level, trying to get my attention.
I quickly push the thoughts of touching this stranger’s face away and clench my fists by my side. I can’t help that I am completely distracted by him. He looks like a hero straight out of one of Tila’s books.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I’m fine.” I step back out of his hold and his arms drop to his sides.
“Let me get these for you.” He crouches down and begins stacking the books scattered at our feet.
“Oh no, it’s fine. I can get them.” Now that I am out of his grasp, I can think clearly again. I crouch down as well, trying to beat him to it, hoping he doesn’t notice the kinds of books I have gathered.
“I insist,” he says as he rocks his weight back onto his heels, holding a neatly piled stack out in front of him. I hadn’t been fast enough, too flustered from actually speaking to someone, let alone someone like him.
He smiles and I feel a flutter deep in my stomach.
Easy, Lennox. You don’t even know this man.
“I’m Dane.” He stands and extends his empty hand toward me. I reach out cautiously and shake it. That is what a normal person would do, right? Not be hesitant to touch someone who is being polite and offering their hand?
“Very nice to meet you, Dane.” He pulls me up to stand in front of him, and I quickly withdraw my hand from his and take another step back. It’s not a good idea to get too involved with anyone in the city, or someone may find out who I am. I can’t take that risk, especially because I need to find an answer as soon as possible. I can’t have any distractions. Maybe someday, after my mother is healed and I convince my father that I need to be involved with the people, I can find him again. Maybe then we can be friends .
But for now, he was kind after nearly plowing me over, so I can at least be cordial.
“And you are?”
I process his words. Again, something I didn’t plan for. Why the fuck didn’t I think I needed to come up with an identity? I shouldn’t have rushed this. My emotions got the better of me, and just like Brynne always tells me, I can’t strike with too much emotion. The same logic applies here.
“Oh, um,” I stammer. I blurt out the first name that comes to mind, saying a small prayer that the one girl with this name who works in the castle isn’t well known outside of it. “I’m Addy.”
“Nice to meet you, Addy.” Dane stares at me, waiting for a response, but my mind is blank. I don’t know what to say. Silence hangs between us, neither of us moving, and I shift my weight back and forth on my feet uncomfortably. Is it obvious that I’ve never done this before? Never met someone new or even had to introduce myself?
Dane breaks the silence first. “Can I set these somewhere for you?” He lifts the books slightly, the motion drawing my attention to his arms. His tunic is tight over his chest and shoulders, and I can see the outline of muscle down his arms. I could tell he was strong from the way he held me steady, but now it was glaringly obvious.
And distracting.
Are you sure he’s not a guard?
I don’t recognize him at all, despite his body looking like he spends hours training in the rings like Brynne and the others. Maybe he works in the mills felling logs? Or maybe a blacksmith?
“Yes, thank you.” I sneak a quick glance down at the hand that isn’t occupied, still holding up my stack of books. There are definitely some calluses, but he seems too clean to be working outside all day. If he is a guard, he hasn’t recognized me…yet.
“I think all the tables are full, but you are welcome to share mine.” He gestures behind him with the stack, as if he read my mind.
“Oh, I don’t want to take up your space?— ”
“It’s no problem at all.” He starts toward the table, and I follow closely behind him. The surface is already piled with a stack of books, and beside it, some parchment and vials of ink. After pushing some rogue papers out of the way, he sets my stack on the opposite end of the table and pulls the chair out for me.
“Thank you,” I murmur as I sit. I scoot my chair closer to the table and feel it lighten underneath me. Glancing over my shoulder, I see Dane’s large hands gripping the edges of my seat and helping me in.
I turn away quickly so he doesn’t see the heat rise in my cheeks. Who is this man and why is he being so kind to me? Are all men outside the castle like this?
It’s sad that my mind is immediately skeptical, believing he must have nefarious motivations, but I don’t have a choice. It has been ingrained in me to assess the motivations of everyone I encounter. My position as future queen demands it. But is he just being kind?
I grab the book off the top of the stack, flipping to the table of contents and scanning the titles until I find one that I think might be useful. I hear Dane pull out his chair and sit on the other side of the table as I flip to the correct page.
It takes all of my willpower not to glance up at him. It’s hard for me to believe that he can’t see desire and curiosity all over my face. Dane is different from any man I’ve ever seen. His clothes look comfortable and warm, not like the cold royal outfits I am used to seeing guards wear. His face is rugged and intense, and he looks like he spends a lot of time working with his hands.
I push away the images that flash before my eyes of things he could do with his strong hands, things I’d only ever read about.
Gods Lennox, you just met this man. Control yourself.
I shift in my seat, crossing my legs, and try to focus back on the pages in front of me. There is no time to be thinking about a man I will probably never see again, especially when my mother’s life is on the line. There are more important things than wondering what he does for a living, or why he is here in the library instead of home, with his family or wife .
Of course he has a wife. Look at him.
But more than the fact that he is extremely good looking, he is the only person outside of the castle that has spoken to me and was kind to me. I am not counting the helpful woman at the front desk. Such a simple act has shaken me so much that I am having trouble accomplishing what I came here for, focusing more on trying to avoid glancing across the table at him. While others would have brushed such a short and simple interaction off, it feels like a monumental shift in my life, like the axis of my world has tilted to the side and is shaking everything up.
I am outside of the castle for the first time in my life, talking to a man that I’ve never met, and no one knows.
I shouldn’t be making friends. I should be focusing on finding something to help my mother.
I look toward the front of the library at the stained-glass windows on either side of the door. Still light, I haven’t lost too much time to distraction.
I dip my head down closer to the text and read, scanning through a few sections, but find nothing different from the information in the castle library. The next few texts are the same, so I decide to switch to something handwritten, hoping maybe there would be different observations or ideas that might lead me in a different direction. I pick up the first journal and start flipping through, skimming the notes and descriptions.
Nothing.
A heavy sigh escapes me as I flip the book closed, a little more harshly than I expected.
Light always finds a way, even through the blackest woods.
I inhale deeply and reset my shoulders. I can find something. I will not get discouraged so quickly. I will not lose hope, even when I feel hopeless.
I shift the journal to the top of my finished pile and grab a new one. I lean in closer so I can focus and will myself to block out all the small noises and distractions around me. I don’t know how much time has passed when a noise finally breaks my focus .
Dane clears his throat and shifts in the chair, which emits a small creak. I keep my eyes glued to the page, trying to find where I left off before his movement distracted me.
“Addy?”
It takes me a split second to remember that is my name before I look up and meet his gaze. “The library is closing. We should probably head out.”
I glance around and sure enough, the entire room has emptied. More time had passed than I thought, and it was probably late.
Really late.
Shit.
I glance back at the front windows and can’t see the design in the glass because of the darkness outside. I didn’t intend to stay this late and risk someone checking in on me, only to find my rooms empty. It would most likely be Brynne, and if it was, I’d know the second I stepped out of the library. Guards would be everywhere, searching for me to drag me back behind locked doors.
But it is quiet. It doesn’t sound like there are search parties scouring the streets.
“Okay,” I say, my voice cracking with disuse, and probably because of the nerves coursing through my body. I stand quickly and stack the books into one pile. I need to put them away quickly, and my unfamiliarity with the shelves means it will take me a while.
“Are you going to keep all of those?” he says, as he fastens his cloak across his chest.
“I was just going to put them back.” I incline my head back toward the healing shelves.
A look of confusion falls over his face. “Have you never been to this library before?”
Am I that obvious? I quickly try to think of reasons or explanations that might sound convincing, but the ones coming to me sound ridiculous. I decide to keep it simple and stick with the truth.
“I’ve actually only ever used the library in the castle. I didn’t want to leave a mess on my first visit and cause a problem with the librarian.” Or get noticed, but I’m not going to tell him that. I’ve already been noticed more than I wanted.
“It’s alright. Agnes works at night once the library closes. Any texts that are left out, she sorts and puts away, so you can leave whatever you are done with on the table. The rest we can bring to her at the front, and she will hold them for you, for the next time you come back.”
“Oh. That’s convenient.” It would save me a lot of time, not having to wander through the shelves again, trying to remember which texts I’d already looked through and which ones I hadn’t.
He chuckles. “Yeah, it is, that is, if you plan to come back.” I can’t help but think that the look on his face is hopeful. Does he want me to come back? I feel a small flutter in my stomach at the thought.
“I do. Plan on it, that is.” I planned on being here a lot, as much as I need to. I don’t have time to waste, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy his company if he is going to be here, too.
Dane’s face breaks into a smile, and if I thought the quiet, serious man sitting across from me was beautiful, it pales in comparison to when he smiles.
I set the finished books back on the table and adjust the smaller stack in my arms. “I’m not finished with these, and there are still another couple of shelves I haven’t gotten to.”
“Here, let me carry those for you.” He reaches out and takes the books out of my hands, his fingertips brushing mine as he lifts the stack. My first reaction is to snatch my hands away from his. Easy physical contact between people is foreign to me, as no one touches the princess. But I also don’t need him carrying my things. I get enough of that in the castle. I don’t need anyone fawning over me out here. I’m not Princess Lennox in this library.
“I can carry them,” I huff as I awkwardly reach toward the stack, trying my best not to touch him again. I also don’t want him seeing what I’m looking for .
“It’s alright, I’ve got them.” He takes a few steps toward the front desk and pauses, waiting for me to catch up. “You can let me help you. I won’t bite.” The ends of his lips curl up slightly, and I bite my lip, trying to hide my smile.
I am not used to someone helping me just because they want to. I’ve been surrounded by staff my whole life, and while I appreciate everything they do for me and for the kingdom, in the end, it’s their job. They aren’t acting out of the goodness of their hearts, like Dane seems to be.
Except for Tila and Edmond. I believe they stick around because they truly care, and it is more than just a job to them. Even Brynne’s position is out of duty and honor, together with her desire to be the First Guard. I know she cares for me and would do anything to protect me, and I love her for it, but if she could protect my father instead, she would.
“I’m sorry. I’m not used to people helping me. I don’t want you to think I can’t do something on my own.” I quickly catch up to him and we fall into stride, heading toward the front desk.
“Why would I ever think that? I have no doubt you could do whatever you set your mind to.”
I shake my head in disbelief. “How would you know that? You don’t even know me.”
His face breaks out into a slow grin.
“Oh, don’t worry. I know exactly who you are.”