Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
T ila stands alone outside the doors to the throne room, waiting for me to arrive. She raises a cloth to my eyes as soon as I step in front of her and dabs the moisture away before reapplying the kohl lining.
She doesn’t say a word but knows me well enough to expect that I would need those touch ups today.
Once finished with the makeup, she glances over at me one last time, shifting my hair over my shoulders and straightening my crown before her stern gaze meets mine.
“There’s to be no more tears. I can’t follow you around all night fixing your eyes.” Her tone is sharp, but I know she is trying to comfort me in her own way.
There is a beat of silence before she speaks again.
“I knew your mother, and I promise you, Lennox, she would have wanted to be here tonight, and to see what a wonderful woman you have grown to be. ”
I’ve never seen Tila show any emotion, but her eyes grow misty as she speaks, causing mine to well up again. She blinks away her own tears, the hard look on her face trying to conceal the pain that she also must be feeling today. She snaps at me again, shoving the cloth back in my eyes to dab up the moisture. “I said no more tears.”
“Sorry Tila,” I murmur. I meet her eyes, trying to convey all the appreciation I have for her, getting me to this moment, and being the woman as close to a mother as I ever had. “Thank you.”
Her face softens as she lowers the cloth, what I can only assume to be a look filled with love staring back at me. The throne room door behind her opens slightly and closes quickly as Brynne slips through.
“They’re ready for you.”
This is it. The moment I have been waiting for my entire life. I am about to be presented as the future queen, not only to my people, but to the rest of the kingdoms as well. Kings, queens, princes, princesses. Dukes, emissaries. They are all going to be in this room, and it is all to meet me, to see the mysterious princess of Blackwood, who has been hidden away for twenty-one years.
The weight of the moment overwhelms me, and I suddenly feel like I’m drowning. Brynne shifts into position behind me, forever the Second Guard protecting the now future queen. The familiarity of her presence is calming.
I can do this.
I’ve been waiting my whole life to be seen.
I was born for this.
I fix my face into a gaze that I hope conveys power and strength. They are seeing me for the first time, and I want that to be their first impression. Besides, after tonight, I am no longer the hidden away princess. My entire life is about to change.
Notes from the organ chorus through the room and echo through the closed doors. It is the song of Blackwood, and while I do not hear it often, I still know every note .
I take in one final calming breath and adjust my gloves that keep slipping from the moisture in my palms.
The doors open and I stare directly at the throne in front of me, and at the man waiting at the end of at the end of the aisle.
He is alone.
My eyes catch on the empty pews as I take my first step onto the black carpet runner. I break my gaze away from the throne and quickly look around, making sure my face stays trained forward.
I can count the number of people in the throne room on my fingers, and I know every single one of them. My breath catches at the realization.
No one came.
Not one person from the neighboring kingdoms is here. No emissaries, no dukes, no princes or princesses.
No one.
No one came to witness the queen of Blackwood’s coming of age.
What will this mean for our relationships with the other kingdoms? What will this mean for my betrothal prospects? Am I that disrespected and uninteresting that no one cared to attend?
A thought strikes me.
Or was anyone even invited?
Has my father done it, yet again, hidden me away, sheltered from the entire world? Is he keeping me suppressed, not letting me grow into the role I am supposed to have? Has he thwarted all of my hopes and dreams, keeping me isolated and alone for the rest of my life?
I continue to take slow steps down the aisle, focusing my sight back on my father as I stare at him stone faced. I need to tamper down everything that is raging inside of me at the sight of him.
Fury.
I am furious with him.
This was the one night, the one time where this room should have been full of life, full of people from across the world that would at least give me a glimpse into the outside. He’s kept me hidden for twenty-one years, kept me from seeing my people, from developing friendships and relationships. Kept me from becoming a leader in the eyes of my people and our world.
He hid me away, and on the day that I am supposed to be presented, just as he and every ruler of Blackwood were before him, he continues to hide me.
I am not going to be invisible anymore. I had a taste of freedom, and now that I am of age, I am not going to let him stop me from doing what I want to do, what I need to do, not only for myself but for the good of Blackwood.
King or no king, father or no father, I am going to prove to him, myself, and everyone else that despite being hidden away, I am valuable to this kingdom.
I just have to get through this ceremony first.
I reach the steps that lead to the throne and kneel on the black carpet, just as Edmond and I had practiced. Edmond is here, of course, seated in the front row, with a solemn look on his face, watching my every move, making sure the ceremony goes smoothly.
Despite my fury, I am focused and clear minded.
I recite everything perfectly and repeat after my father when I need to. I give the ceremonial oaths, pledging my life to the kingdom of Blackwood, and promising to follow through with the traditions and protections of the people.
I am flawless, and I hope everyone sees it, including my father.
Especially my father.
His expression hasn’t changed since I walked through the doors, and I can see him staring at a point just next to my face instead of at me. He remains stone faced, no hint of emotion or pride, almost like he is annoyed at having to be here.
He turns toward a table next to his throne and retrieves a small item before coming to stand in front of me again .
“Princess Lennox Holt of Blackwood, rise.”
I stand, straightening my spine and squaring my shoulders to make myself look as tall as my short frame will allow, even in the ungodly heels Tila put me in. My father slowly descends the steps and halts directly in front of me. I can see what he is holding now, the piece of the ceremony that signifies royalty.
“With this dagger, your position as future regent of this kingdom is solidified. You will be the queen of Blackwood, the beginning of your reign marked by my death. This dagger serves not only as a method of your own protection but also as a symbol for your protection of the kingdom and all of those in it. May you wield it, and your authority as queen, well.”
He presents me with the dagger, and I’m shocked to find it is an exact match for the crown Tila said he had made for today. The filigree carved into the golden hilt sparkles in the reflected firelight of the room. The cross-guard is inlaid with black stones, and the pommel holds the largest of the stones, surrounded by gold and diamonds. The thin blade is made of steel so pure it is almost white, the edges gleaming and sharp, and culminating at a deadly point.
I love it. I am shocked my father could design something so beautiful, especially for me. As I stare at the dagger, it almost feels for a fleeting moment, like he actually cares.
But the empty silence in the room is all the reminder I need that he doesn’t.
I reach out and take it from his hands. I hold it up in front of my face, blade pointed to the sky, just as Edmond and I had practiced.
“I promise to protect my kingdom, the kingdom of Blackwood, with my life. I promise to serve and do what is right for the betterment of the kingdom and its people until the day I die.”
My eyes don’t stray from his emotionless face as I say the words. I hope he can feel the anger exuding from my body on what is supposed to be one of the best days and celebrations of my life .
I slide the dagger into a small loop on my side that Tila had shown me acted as a holster for the ceremony. Having it at my side instantly makes me feel so strong and beautiful and deadly .
He gestures for me to turn to complete the presentation and his voice booms in the hollow room. “Princess Lennox Holt, first of her name, the future queen of Blackwood.”
A chorus breaks out amongst the few people in attendance. “Long live the princess, long live the king!”
I finally turn and let myself look at everyone here as the underwhelming smattering of applause brings the ceremony to a close. Edmond is clapping alongside Tila who must have snuck in behind me. Brynne is standing at attention, along with a few other high-ranking guards she must have permitted to attend. Addy, as well as a few other staff I have known throughout the years, are also clapping with smiles on their faces.
That’s it.
My heart swelled at the sight of them. Even though this is their job, I know each of them came tonight because somewhere deep down, they care for me. I don’t know if they knew what my father had planned, but they showed up anyway. They were here for me when no one else was, but that couldn’t overcome the overwhelming disappointment from the rest of this ceremony.
The clearing of a throat from behind me stops the applause. “As all in attendance this evening are from within our walls, a ball will no longer be necessary. All are welcome to the feast the kitchen has prepared?—”
I don’t stay to hear any more of what he has to say, not after all of this. I start down the aisle, without turning back, my abrupt exit causing his speech to halt.
I don’t care. Footsteps and the clank of armor come up quickly behind me, and I swiftly lead Brynne out of the throne room and head straight to my chambers.
I am not staying for a feast. I won’t be humiliated any further. It is a waste of my time. No wonder he had shrugged off any attempt at discussing talking points for me to prepare for the other kingdoms. He had no intention of having anyone here.
It is over. Done. The ceremony is complete. I am going to be queen, and there isn’t anything he can do to stop me from doing what I need to.
I promised my mother I would not stop, and tonight’s failure of a celebration is further reason that I need to find an answer. I need the parent that wanted me, the one who loved me before she knew me, not ignored me. Fury and hope and desperation mix in me as I stomp up the main staircase, trying not to trip over the once beautiful and now stifling gown.
I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know where anything is going to lead, but I know that it is time to take charge of my life.