Chapter 27 #2
“He drugged me, Alex. I can’t remember what happened. I … I don’t know what he did.”
It was Blake all over again. Another violation. Another predator the societies had helped to set loose. And Alex hadn’t stopped him. Reiter might not have fed from Mercy, but the night would mark her anyway.
“I shouldn’t have pulled you into this—”
“But you didn’t, did you?” Mercy’s laugh was harsh. “You said it yourself. I begged to be a part of Lethe. I was jealous of you.”
“You have got to be kidding.”
“I know, okay? But you were on an adventure.”
Alex felt the need to laugh bubbling up inside her.
She shoved it down. She didn’t think it would be a friendly sound.
“You saw what magic did to me.” Some of it, at least. Not all the years of loneliness and humiliation that had come before.
“You saw the bite mark in my side. You were the one who dragged me out of the Hutch and made me go back to class and be normal.”
“What bite mark? You were sick. You didn’t—”
“It doesn’t matter.” Alex was losing track of what she’d revealed and what she’d kept secret. “I screwed up. I didn’t want to keep lying to you. I thought I was getting it right when I told you about Lethe, but I got it wrong.”
“I wanted to know. I deserved to know. I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you were.”
“And I’m not helpless.”
Alex said nothing.
Mercy wiped her tears away. “You want to think of me that way, but I’m not. Knowing the difference between right and wrong isn’t a weakness.”
“You don’t have to be weak to be a liability.”
“That’s a mean thing to say.”
Alex felt her patience fraying. She felt sick with guilt and she was tired of trying to pretend that she had any real control over what was happening. “I think we should get you back to the dorms.”
“And then what? What do we tell Lauren? Am I supposed to keep lying for you?”
“Tell Lauren whatever you want. Tell her magic is real and I can see ghosts and that a vampire took you for a walk on the beach tonight.”
“She’ll think I’m crazy.”
She would. Alex knew what that was like too. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”
“You could start with an apology.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“You want my list of sins? Okay, I’m sorry I made you an accessory to murder.
I’m sorry I let you get kidnapped by a demon.
I’m sorry for pretending to be a good person so you’d hang out with me.
But I’d do it all over again, especially the last bit, because I really liked hanging out with you.
” Alex knew she should stop there, but her mouth didn’t seem to agree.
“I’m sorry that magic isn’t clean or easy.
I’m sorry that the monsters in this world, human or otherwise, don’t lie down and roll over because you say a few prayers.
I want to make this right, Mercy. But no angel or apostle is coming to your rescue.
All you’ve got is me, up to my hips in shit and just trying to wade through it. ”
“You don’t need to raise your voice.”
Alex threw up her hands. “I’m sorry for that too.”
Mercy stared at her. She sniffled, then tucked her hair behind her ears and folded her hands like a child at her lessons. “I’d like to go home.”
Alex felt all the anger rush out of her.
Bridges burned. Fields salted. Check and check.
If Mercy had envied Alex, Alex could admit the same was true for her.
She was jealous of Mercy’s faith, of the family she had to return to, of the door she could close on Lethe and the rest of it.
You weren’t supposed to wake sleepwalkers.
It was dangerous to thrust them from one reality into another.
If Mercy wanted to close her eyes and go back to the dream of a world that made sense, Alex couldn’t blame her.
“Okay,” she said. “One of us will drive you.”
Mercy pushed the blanket aside and reached for her oxblood loafers and the coat Turner or his mother had folded neatly at the foot of the bed. “He gave me something for you.”
Alex stilled, waiting.
She drew a small black box from her pocket. “He said he hoped to show you around his garden soon.”
Alex looked at the box in her hands, her skin crawling. She lifted the lid, closed it.
“What is it?” Mercy asked.
“A ring.”
“Oh.” Mercy released a shaky breath. “I thought it might be … I don’t know … an eyeball.”
Alex shook her head. “Just some heirloom.”
“Is it cursed or something?”
And there was magic, pulling her back in, weaving its mystery.
“I can’t tell,” Alex said. “Dawes or Darlington will figure it out.”
“Is it safe to go back? To be in the dorms?”
“Dawes has salt pearls she can give you to wear tonight. I’ll see what we can do about wards to protect against … everyone. But even if you went home to your parents’ place, I can’t offer guarantees.”
“Magic is real, but safe is make-believe.”
“Something like that.”
“I’d rather take a car home.”
Alex could have said that she was being shortsighted or petty, that it was safer for one of them to escort her. But she didn’t have the will to argue anymore. “Sure.”
She rose but when she reached the door, Mercy said, “I liked hanging out with you too. And I haven’t forgotten what you did for me. What you did to Blake.”
“Okay.”
“But if my choice is between you and magic or God, I’m choosing God.”
“Probably the better bet,” Alex said. “If you get a chance, put in a good word for me.”
She didn’t know what she believed anymore, but if the right words said by the right person could place some great cosmic thumb on the scales, she’d take all the help she could get.