Chapter 40
Sean groaned in pain as he dragged his feet through the dirt. He half-walked, half-crawled his way back to the house, barely able to see through his swollen eyes. Eventually, he could see the kerosene lamp in the window of the shack he shared with Deb and Jimmy.
As if feeling a sense of relief at being so close to home, his knees buckled, and Sean crumpled to the ground. He could taste the dirt as it clung to the blood on his lips. His ribs, knees, and ankles ached with unfathomable soreness.
He closed his eyes to try to gather his resolve, to rise through it and continue on. But the moment his eyes shut, Sean could see Chainz’s face twisted in rage and hate as he threw punch after punch down on him. It was like being attacked by a force of nature, a hurricane made flesh.
He could still hear the snickering amusement of the Chain Gang members who had mocked his plight, probably hoping to see him be carried out of that room feet first. But as those visions came back to him, the members of the Chain Gang all sounded like Vin.
They all wore Vin’s face and customary black cowboy hat.
He mocked Sean with his survival. It was his fault, his stubborn will to continue living after eating four bullets that caused this situation to unfold. Sean was punished for Vin’s crimes, and it made Sean’s soul ache for revenge.
Part of him dreamed of taking revenge on Chainz, but that felt like a far-off impossibility. It was a daydream in the way that a child might daydream about flying like Superman. It was nice to imagine, but it was never going to be possible.
But Vin… That was some bloody revenge he could sink his teeth into. Hate blossomed in his heart and spread through his body like a powerful shadow, giving him the strength he needed to push himself back to his hands and knees.
He imagined the scene from the ranch house, the brutal beating Chainz had enacted upon him.
Only this time, it was him standing where Chainz had loomed and Vin lying there in a pool of blood as Sean had.
He could almost feel the smack and crunch of bones giving cracking along his knuckles as the thought of Vin’s suffering brought a bloody smile to his face.
Sean crawled his way toward the shack, placing his hands down on the cinder blocks that served as a very small front porch.
With great difficulty, fueled by visions of enacting bloody, horrible revenge upon his former friend and brother, Sean pulled himself up using the door as leverage.
As he stood, he turned the knob, pushing the entryway open and tumbling into the house with a pained grunt.
Instantly, Deb cried out in fear as the sound of Sean’s body smacking into the floor alerted her to his plight. Jimmy, seemingly terrified by the sudden noise and his mother’s subsequent reaction, started to cry in the commotion.
“Sean?” Deb cried out, rushing to his side and crouching over him as blood continued to pour from his lacerated face.
He couldn’t speak to answer his wife; he only groaned in recognition as she grabbed at his shoulder.
With some difficulty, Deb managed to help Sean onto his feet, one of his large arms draped across her shoulders. Sean leaned on her for support but tried to keep the full impact of his weight off of her for fear that she might not be able to bear it.
She moved him toward a metal folding chair that stood at the simple card table that served as their dining room area. Sean sat heavily upon the cold steel and leaned back, his head hanging over the edge as he stared up at the ceiling.
He moaned in pain as Deb rushed across the kitchen. Sean assumed she was going to get her first aid kit and was relieved to hear her set the box down on the table.
“What the hell happened to you?” Deb asked, opening the box and pulling out a bottle of rubbing alcohol. “Where the hell did you even go?”
Sean thought about telling her the truth, telling her everything about their failed mission to the reservation and the painful punishment Chainz had doled out all over his face.
But something stopped him from speaking.
To tell her the entire truth would be to tell her that Vin was still alive.
What would that do to their already strained marriage?
And the beating Chainz had given him for his failures might help Deb put two and two together.
She might realize that he was the one who had nearly killed Vin after the train heist. If she knew Vin was still alive, it was possible she wouldn’t try to go back to him.
She would honor her wedding vows to Sean, and they might be able to salvage their marriage.
But if she knew he had buried four bullets in Vin, it would be over instantly. That would be the final straw for her. His brutal actions, coupled with his lies, would cause him to lose her forever.
“Native reservation,” Sean choked out. “They attacked…fucking…savages.”
“What were you doing out there?” Deb asked, starting to clean the wounds on his face.
“Chainz…wanted them to…join…up,” Sean said, lying through his blood-stained teeth. “But they…went wild…Killed Maverick/ Said they’re…gonna come take…the ranch.”
“What?” Deb exclaimed, sounding alarmed.
“Don’t…worry,” Sean choked out with a bloody cough as Deb started to apply bandages to his wounded face. “I won’t…let them…hurt you…or Jimmy…I’ll…protect you…always.”
Deb was quiet for a moment but never stopped moving. She worked to clean every cut on Sean’s body and applied bandages to facilitate healing. She even stitched a few of the cuts on his cheeks closed, covering them up with sterile bandages.
Sean looked at Deb with gratitude, and he was relieved to see a small, worried smile on her face. She reached over and kissed him gently on the forehead.
“You’ve made some stupid-ass decisions, Sean Miller,” she said to him. “But you’ve always worked to keep this family safe. I’m sure Vin is looking down gratefully, happy to know you’re here for us.”
Sean tried to enjoy the moment. It was the first honest-to-goodness moment of affection that had passed between them in months.
His heart felt warm, and that warmness spread to all corners of his body.
He reached out a hand and grabbed onto her fingers as she moved back toward the first aid kit.
Her fingers gave his a reassuring squeeze, and she smiled at him.
To Sean, despite the pain and the horror of having been nearly beaten to death, this moment felt as though it were a turning point in his life.
It felt as though his dream for the future had a hope of being realized.
Sure, he had guilted her into this momentary reconciliation, and sure he had lied about the nature of his wounds.
But the ends justified the means in his mind, 100%.
He was so close now, so close to getting everything he wanted out of life. Could things be better? Sure they could. Things could always be better. But he was on the verge of happiness now, and nothing was going to stand in the way of that.
After six long months of being frozen out or feeling like a stranger or an unwelcomed intruder in his own home, Sean finally felt the fractured pieces of his life coming back together.
Those pieces had broken apart following Vin’s supposed death.
And now, it seemed as though Deb was finally moving past it.
The only problem was Vin not actually being dead. But that was a problem Sean could see to. He was too close now, too close to lose it all. Vin couldn’t be allowed to wreck it all for him again. Vin had to die for good this time. Sean would make sure of it.
Once he got back to that reservation, with a few hundred of his new friends standing behind him, Vin would be dead, and Sean could finally move out from his shadow.