Chapter 51 #2
“I didn’t always,” Deb said, allowing the larger meaning behind her words to settle in the air. She wanted Jessie to understand how the presence of her and her compatriots had fundamentally changed Deb as a person. “I used to be very giving, very trusting.”
“And then you realized that was fucking stupid,” Jessie said with a laugh and another playful roll of her eyes. “Jesus, you really had no idea how this world worked outside of your little ranch before now, did you?”
“I guess I didn’t,” Deb whispered, speaking that truth out loud.
“Well, now you can hate humanity with the rest of us,” Jessie said with a shrug.
“You should be grateful for how easy you had it up to now. Sitting here as the princess of this ranch. You had a family, two smolderingly hot men who would do anything for you.” Jessie’s voice lowered, the playful tone dripping from her words until she sounded distant and almost sad.
“Some of us never had that. Some of us never will. Some of us have been doing what we’ve needed to do to survive for as long as we can remember. ”
“I—” Deb said, unsure of how to respond in this awkward moment. “I’m sure that must be difficult.”
Jessie shrugged, though her head remained hung low, counteracting the nonchalant action. “It works out in the end,” Jessie said, with a break in her voice. “We don’t all get to grow up riding horses and living on a huge plot of land.”
“I’m sorry you went through all of that,” Deb said, starting to see the first lady of the Chain Gang in a new light.
She had never considered the trials that Chainz’s followers had faced.
It was easy to just imagine them all as evil thugs worthy of scorn and shame, but there were real people with real stories behind every single angry face and horrible action.
She had first noted this with Legion, but now she was getting a deeper understanding of the concept with Jessie.
“Look,” Jessie said, shaking her head and wiping at her eye with her wrist, “I brought you this as a peace offering.” She gestured down at the steak once more, and Deb’s stomach churned and groaned at the sensory experience hitting her.
“I worked hard on it. There’s no catch. I just hoped you’d like it, and we could maybe… I dunno, start over.”
Deb’s logical brain was still skeptical, but her stomach practically lurched into her throat at the sight of the charred meat.
“Th…thank you,” she said, reaching down and grabbing the steak with both hands.
It was hot, but not so hot that it burned her fingers.
She dug her teeth into it with a groan of pleasure, tearing hot chunks of it off into her mouth.
The meat was juicy and flavorful, and Deb swallowed it happily.
She sank her teeth into the steak over and over again.
“I’m glad you’re liking it,” Jessie said. “Sorry I couldn’t bring utensils. Couldn’t risk you trying to knife me or anything.” Jessie laughed sadly at her joke, and Deb simply nodded as she continued biting into it.
“You know,” Jessie said, watching Deb devour the steak, “when we first got here, I had nothing but contempt for you. I mean, you were basically handed everything in the old world. You had it all, and I’ve had to scrape and claw for every inch of ground I gained.
And then there you were, sitting there looking down on all of us like you thought you were better than us or something. ”
Deb’s frantic chewing slowed, and she looked up at Jessie, swallowing another bite with a face full of grease.
“But I see you now,” Jessie said. “Your hands are covered in dirt and shit, and you’re holding meat with them and digging into it with your teeth like a starving dog. I mean, it’s really kinda pathetic.”
Deb looked down at her dirt-caked fingers as they dug into the steak and felt a wave of self-loathing and revulsion.
“I mean, I guess you’re not so high and mighty anymore, right princess?” Jessie asked her.
Deb started to see the point Jessie was trying to make, and it made her feel sick. She had fallen so far. She felt like an animal, and her rapidly filling stomach started to feel sore with humiliation.
“No, it’s okay,” Jessie said, holding out a hand when she saw that Jessie had stopped eating.
“You don’t have to hold back. I wouldn’t want any of that to go to waste.
I made it especially for you. I mean, I know how much you love your horses.
That’s why I chose one of the best-looking ones I could find. ”
“What?” Deb asked, looking down at the steak in horror.
“Yeah,” Jessie said, her smile contorting, lips tightly pulled together as it transformed into a cruel smirk of barely contained sadistic joy.
“Found the prettiest of the bunch, shot it in the back of its head, skinned it, butchered it, cooked it up, and literally served it up to you on a silver platter. All for you, princess.”
Deb dropped the horse steak onto the dirt as though it were on fire, pushing back away from it and scooting back on her rear.
Deb’s hands shook with horror as her stomach lurched.
She pitched off to the side, catching herself on her palms as she violently vomited up the meat she had just so greedily consumed.
Her mind reeled as she thought back to the feeling of tearing into the meat with her teeth, ripping it out, chewing it, and swallowing it. She thought of the juiciness of the steak, of the immeasurable happiness and relief she felt as if she fell into her waiting stomach.
As Deb emptied her stomach once again, Jessie pounced at her, grabbing her by the hair and placing a knee in the small of her back.
“I’m not sure which horse it was,” she hissed down into Deb’s ear. “I hope it was one you knew and loved. Maybe one that you’ve loved since you were a kid. I can’t be sure, but that’s the story I’m gonna tell myself in my head.”
“You fucking bitch!” Deb screamed, tears coming out of her eyes as she heaved again.
Jessie pushed Deb’s face down, slamming her mouth and nose into the expanding pool of vomit. “You thought you were better than me,” Jessie screamed, her voice echoing around the barn.
Deb imagined that Jimmy and the wounded ranch workers were watching in horror, but she couldn’t see.
Her entire world was the hard floor and the lake of puke that her face was being dragged through.
Her previously broken nose had been driven hard into the floor, nearly shattering again.
Deb’s entire world was pain and revulsion, compounding into a single miserable reality.
“You thought you were better than all of us, you shit-eating whore!” Jessie screamed at her, her voice shaking with unconditional rage.
It sounded as though Jessie wasn’t simply yelling at Deb but at the whole of the society that had given them such different journeys in life.
“Well, now I’m fucking my man in your bed every night, and you’re eating your pets and sleeping in shit! ”
Jessie stood and dragged Deb up to her knees by the hair. She could feel the wrenching tightness and pain as her blond locks were pulled back, stretching the skin of her forehead as half-digested and chewed remnants of horse meat and bile dripped down her cheeks and onto her chest.
Jessie slammed her fist into the side of Deb’s face, nearly breaking her jaw as she slammed hard into the ground once more, thankfully missing the pile of vomit this time.
“Remember this moment, pig,” Jessie sneered down at her. “Because it’s the highest you’ll ever be again. I’ll make sure of it.”
Jessie then spat on Deb as she crumpled into the fetal position and cried bitterly into the floor. The rocket of saliva and mucus struck Deb in the cheek, but she barely noticed. She could vaguely make out the wounded ranch hands stirring, trying to and failing to come to her defense.
Jimmy was crying at her side, screaming in fear at the horrible scene he had just been forced to bear witness to.
Jessie turned to storm off, wrenching the door open and bathing Deb in harsh light once more. Deb cowered from the light. It hurt her eyes, it felt alien against her skin, but above all else, she felt as though she didn’t deserve the light and never would again.