6
EMERSYN
A few days later, Sacha left the bandage off my head. He took one look at my hair and his jaw tightened, a sure sign he didn’t particularly like what he saw.
He gathered up the supplies. “There’s a hairbrush in the bathroom.”
It must be pretty bad for him to mention it. He still didn’t really talk much, but I was more than okay with that. It meant I didn’t have to talk about the circumstances that brought me to him, or the nightmares I had every night which I was sure he knew about.
Despite that, Sacha and I had settled into a routine of sorts. Every morning he’d go out and chop wood and I would help him stack it in the workshop. Each day I could go for longer periods, until just this morning I was able to last until he deemed we were done.
After that was done, I would follow Sacha around.
In the beginning, I’d stuck to the shadows, worried he’d chase me off, but it wasn’t long before he put me to work.
If he went hunting, I’d swim or play with Fang until he returned.
Sometimes I’d sit inside by the fire and read, but as the days went on, the outdoors called.
I wanted to be strong enough to climb the rocks and trees, and swim in the river.
I wanted to have enough endurance to explore the back meadow and keep up with Fang when he tore around the yard.
The forest still gave me quite a bit of anxiety, mostly at night, but I forced myself to overcome it. I used to love the trees and being in nature, and I wasn’t going to let fear of what might lurk in the shadows take that away.
I walked down the hall to the bathroom and stepped inside.
One of the first things I’d done was figure out how to cover the mirror with a towel.
I wasn’t ready to see myself with the scar I’d carry for the rest of my life.
I wasn’t ready to be reminded every day of what I’d lost, and I certainly wasn’t ready to be reminded of who had put it there.
I would have to confront it all eventually, but today was not that day.
I brushed my hair, braided it over one shoulder and came back out to watch Sacha as he prepared dinner.
I settled into a seat at the table—something I’d quickly learned was non-negotiable—if he was here for dinner, that’s where we sat to eat.
And, he didn’t like help in the kitchen although I was expected to wash the dishes every night.
Despite having a sink and running water, he still made me wash the dishes in the river.
I hadn’t asked why, but I didn’t mind. I enjoyed sitting by the water as the sun dipped behind the trees and the day faded into night.
It helped overcome my fear of the forest, although I was always careful to return before darkness set in.
The shadows still chased me and if I waited too long, I’d arrive back at the cabin breathing hard, on the edge of a panic attack.
Sacha never commented on it, but I knew he was aware. The man missed nothing.
Sacha set down a plate with steak, potatoes and some vegetables.
The steak was cut up into pieces—again. Ever since the incident with the deer, he’d taken to cutting up my steak so I wouldn’t have to hold a knife.
I didn’t dare comment on it for fear he’d stop, but the first time he did it I nearly dissolved into tears at the kind gesture.
We ate in silence, but I could barely eat because with my bandages off and my stitches long gone, it was time to think about leaving.
I was strong—well, stronger—than I was before, and I was sure Sacha wanted me gone before winter.
I felt his attention and looked up. He looked down at my barely touched plate then back at me, and waited.
He always seemed to know when I was working up the courage to ask him something.
“When will the snow be here?” I asked.
“Few weeks.”
I frowned. “I should leave soon then.”
There was a weighted silence before he spoke again.
“It’s three days to the road where I found you,” he stated.
Three days. I tried to run through all the possible plans of action I could take.
“Five days to the nearest town.”
I nodded without looking up. That would be difficult, but I could probably do it.
If I had the right supplies. My stomach twisted.
Would Sacha let me borrow enough supplies and food?
What if I had to hunt? What if it rained and I couldn’t start a fire?
What if I ran into a bear? What if the snow came early? What if—
“Say you make it to town,” Sacha interrupted. “What happens after that?”
Where would I go? I didn’t have a home.
The thought abruptly crashed through my head and shoved everything else aside.
My shoulders slumped as tears welled. To my dismay, a few escaped down my cheeks before I could stop them.
I didn’t have a family. After three years, I didn’t know how to contact anyone I’d known in that life.
I’d been ten for fuck’s sake. I had no money, no car—so, what, I’d show up in town and hitchhike to… where?
That sounded like a quick way to get murdered, or worse.
Apparently Sacha thought so too as his frown deepened. My reaction seemed to solidify something he’d been thinking because his expression grew firm and he leaned his forearms on the table.
“Look at me.” He waited until my eyes met his. “Someone hurt you, yes?”
I gave what could barely be considered a nod.
“Someone took from you.”
Another nod. The look on his face sent a shiver down my spine at its intensity.
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
The question was so wild, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. What did he mean? What was I going to do about it? What could I do? I was only thirteen—
I didn’t have a family anymore, which meant I was on my own. The thought hurt—not to mention it was also really scary.
“It’s time to grow up, Emersyn,” Sacha said, and although the words were harsh, his delivery was simply a statement. “The question now is, what do you want?”
What did I want? No one had ever asked me that question, and I hadn’t thought about the past because it was too painful. There hadn’t been room to dream of a future. The more I thought about the question, the more a different kind of thrill cut through the panic. Suddenly, the answer was clear.
“I want to find out if my dad is still alive.”
“Anything else?”
My fists clenched on the table, nervous to even voice the dark thoughts that had started to surface. Rage licked under my skin and stoked a primal heat somewhere deep in my chest. My lips thinned and I dropped my eyes again, but Sacha must have seen something on my face because he didn’t let it go.
“Say it out loud, Emersyn.”
My fists clenched and my truth roared to the surface. “I want—I want to make the people who hurt me pay.”
Saying the words released something inside. The rage was still there, but it was acknowledged, sated by the idea of vengeance.
Sacha’s eyes glittered in the light. “How?”
And just like that, hopelessness returned. How? I didn’t have a clue. It seemed like a daunting task. I was only thirteen—with no skills, no connections—I had nothing. The thought was a sobering one and I could feel myself deflate with the pure vastness of such an idea.
I frowned, my shoulders slumped. “I don’t know,” I admitted quietly.
Sacha stood up and gathered his plate. “‘A man who moves mountains begins by carrying away small stones,’” he quoted. “You understand what that means, yes?”
I wasn’t sure if I did, but Sacha jerked his head toward my plate.
“It means, we begin by eating all of that.”
I didn’t know what moving forward looked like, but apparently Sacha did, and for now that was good enough for me.
I ate the rest of the food on my plate and collected our dishes in the bucket to take to the river.
I paused at the door when I realized I’d be staying here for the foreseeable future.
I turned back toward Sacha who was busy cleaning up the kitchen.
“Why are you helping me?”
He ignored my question and it became apparent he wasn’t going to answer. I resigned myself to his silence and headed outside, but not before I whispered a quiet thank you, anyway.