Chapter 5 #2
“And when it is over, you realize you’re still drowning, still falling. Doctors can fix your body, but they can’t fix your mind, your soul. That tainted feel. The stain of filth and grime that you can’t see, can’t wash off, but always know is there.”
I stood frozen in my place by the kitchen table as Holly talked, her words somehow transporting me to a perspective I’d never considered.
“Next time she questions you,” Holly continued without pause, “stop and think for a moment about what was taken from her. That piece that she still feels is missing. Rome wasn’t built in a day, Tangaloa, and trust burns just as easily.
Maybe stop and wonder how much of herself she’s already given to you without question, without even really knowing you. ”
And with that, Holly walked out of my makeshift bedroom.
I was heading towards Bacon’s house when I saw Saga, Tick, and Lucifer standing outside the front stairs.
Despite having been defrocked, Lucifer still wore the white collar at his throat of his former profession.
I didn’t know what specifically had happened to make him leave the Catholic Church, but from what little I knew, it hadn’t affected his faith.
He spent most of his days in Mililani at the youth center, playing basketball, counseling the students, and trying to keep them out of trouble.
On more than one occasion, the club had brought our bikes down to the center and the kids helped us with maintenance and cleaning.
He’d tried to do a similar project at the local high school, but the uptight pricks who ran the district clutched their pearls at the idea of “criminals” coming to teach their students anything.
Just for shits and giggles, I sent a letter to the school board offering to teach the students the ins and outs of guns too.
I signed it “Your Friendly Neighborhood Arms Dealer”.
I wasn’t serious, just trying to get a rise out of them after they rejected Lucifer, but I did believe in teaching gun safety to our youth.
Kayl thought my joke less than funny when he had to track me down, and charge me a fee for not arresting me and the headache my letter caused him with his bosses. Worth every penny.
My eyes narrowed when I saw Saga. Just because I’d stepped back and started sleeping in the barn did not mean I didn’t know every whereabout and activity of my girls.
Saga had stepped up to fill my (metaphorical) slippahs the past four days, and he knew to keep his hands to himself unless he wanted his new road name to be Captain Hook.
“What the fuck are you doing out here? Where are Caroline and Samantha?” I demanded, approaching the three men.
Saga paled upon seeing me. Tick’s and Lucifer’s humorous expressions only increased at my arrival.
Samantha had a swimming lesson this morning.
Since there was no way I was teaching either Samantha or Caroline to swim in the tidal ocean, we were using Bacon and Holly’s indoor pool on the third floor.
Because of course the mansion with the sex dungeon, movie theater, and sauna had an indoor pool too.
But her lesson should have started twenty minutes ago.
Why wasn’t Saga in the pool with Samantha?
Tommy usually brought his dogs to the pool too to encourage Samantha to get in the water.
Maybe he’d been delayed and they were waiting on him?
Tommy was one of the few members who hadn’t moved into Bacon’s house when the rest of us did.
Since he had five Newfoundland dogs, which were giant, shaggy, and rambunctious, he hadn’t even bothered trying to move in with the rest of us.
It was a good thing Aloiki had not made living together a requirement, because Tommy had also stated that he would burn his cut before he got rid of his dogs.
After Nishi’s memorial, there’d been a couple changes in rank.
Tommy was offered the position of Club Medic rather than Enforcer.
This was not a punishment, and Aloiki made that known.
Since some Officer positions were handed out before the club had found our rhythm, it made sense that there might be some swaps along the way.
Tommy had been acting as a Medic more than he was an Enforcer, and I supported the proposal without question.
Once Tommy accepted the new position, Aloiki offered the twins the Enforcer patch.
They’d originally been named Tail Gunner and Road Captain, but that also didn’t fit them very well.
No one objected to their new position, and like Tommy, they were given new patches for their cuts.
While we were now short a Road Captain, Tail Gunner, and Nomad, they were not positions we felt were needed to be filled right away. Our island was small enough that a Road Captain wasn’t necessary for outings or club runs.
Tommy was taking his new position very seriously, and had talked about signing up for some nursing classes.
He knew enough to help, but he wasn’t a medical professional.
I didn’t think he had actually started taking classes yet though.
But even if he had, he would have reached out to me, not Saga, to switch around Samantha’s swim lesson time.
Saga’s eyes flicked behind him towards the house. “I, uh… Caroline needed… We’re running a little behind.”
My nostrils flared and I got right up in his face. “What the fuck does Caroline need and why the fuck are you not getting it for her?”
“I just… I needed help! I didn’t know what to do!”
The desperation in his voice made me take a very small step back. “What does that mean?” Was Caroline okay? Had something happened? She’d been getting better about getting in the water with Samantha and me, even when it wasn’t time for her lesson.
“Look, she was really upset, and I could barely understand her! I asked Lu, and she was going to give me a list but then Paniolo came over and got all pissy at me for talking to Lu, and Google was no help at all!”
Lucifer put a hand on my arm. He had a calming personality, and I did respect him.
I might not believe in his god, but I liked that he never tried to convert any of us.
I met Lu’s makuahine, mom, once, and within three minutes of our introduction, she was trying to get me to declare Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
“Caroline needs tampons,” he told me evenly.
I blinked. And blinked again. I knew what a tampon was—of course I did—but that didn’t mean I knew brands or types or flows or flavors or any other options that they came in.
And I suddenly understood why Aloiki got pissy with Saga for asking Lu.
It wasn’t rational in the slightest, nor was there anything shameful about Caroline needing the hygiene product, but if she needed something so personal, it was going to come from me.
My hand shot out and I grabbed Saga around the throat, dragging his face before mine. “I will go get what she needs. Take Samantha to go see the horses or bring her upstairs to watch a movie. I don’t give a fuck so long as Caroline doesn’t have to be responsible for her.”
Women were in pain on their periods, right?
That was a thing. Kalea never let me near her or wanted me around her when she was on her period.
I tried to help, but she was always so embarrassed that I ended up just leaving the house so she could have some peace and quiet.
I was a husband. I should know how to help a woman through her period, but I didn’t.
Chocolate. I did remember that Kalea liked chocolate when she was on her period. It had been a dark, sea salt brand. I’d have to go look for that too.
Pushing Saga away, I rounded on Lucifer and Tick, our Treasurer. “Why the fuck were you laughing when I walked up? Were you laughing at her pain?”
I didn’t give a fuck if Lucifer was a Man of God. I’d kill him right alongside Tick, if that was the case. At least Saga had been trying to help her.
The look Lucifer gave me reminded me of a parent scolding a child.
“Of course not. We were laughing at Saga’s reaction, not at Caroline.
” His voice was soothing, and I felt slightly guilty for my accusation against him.
“I help some of the teenage girls at the center when they first get their periods. Do you want me to come with you to the store?”
From the tone of his voice, I got the impression he’d made the same offer to Saga. I nodded once. “Mahalo.” To Tick, I said, “You’re coming too. I don’t know how much stuff we’ll need or if it’ll fit in our saddlebags.”
There was an entire aisle—a whole fucking aisle—dedicated to feminine hygiene products. Holy fucking hell. I was going to need a bigger cart.
Did that say vaginal deodorant? I grabbed three different scents just in case.
I had to hand it to Lucifer. He certainly knew his stuff. He walked calmly down the aisle like he’d been here a thousand times and knew exactly what to look for.
As he put a box of multi-pack tampons into the cart, I asked, “Is that enough?” The box said it had seventy-two tampons between the different flow sizes.
I turned my phone around to show Lucifer the website I had pulled up.
“My ex was on hers for five-ish days, but this says it can last two to seven days.”
Lucifer shook his head. “That’s plenty, trust me.
We should grab her some pads too, in case she only wanted the tampons to go swimming.
” He headed over to a different section.
“Can I ask? What did she do last month? She’s been here long enough that I wouldn’t think this is her first period since coming home with you. ”
Honestly, I had no idea. I shrugged. “The doctor gave her a clean bill of health. Lu took her shopping for bras. Maybe she grabbed some stuff then.”
If Caroline had been on her period last month, I hadn’t noticed. She was so proper and closed off about things that I doubted it was something she would have mentioned.