Chapter 14 #2
I glanced down at my plate he’d so sweetly prepared for me.
Having food made for me by a man was so…
Well, it was just another mind-blowing concept that I was still trying to get used to.
I wasn’t hungry, per se, too nervous, but I still picked up a slice of smoked salmon smeared with dill cream cheese.
Ever since that day at That Bastard’s house when Tangaloa had encouraged me to try anything I wanted from the refrigerator, I hadn’t been able to get enough of the stuff.
“Over the next few years, I saw That Bastard on and off, but I always hid. I didn’t know why he was around so much until later, when I was about fifteen.
It was after that day, though, that my lessons started with my own parents.
I didn’t go to school. I was barely allowed outside the house.
Everything I was taught was about being a proper wife.
I had private tutors, so I learned to read, write, and basic math, but everything else was learning what a wife was supposed to know.
Sewing, cooking, cleaning, and the like, but also what to eat, how to do my hair, how to dress, proper posture…
” I licked my lips. “When I was eight I met a boy. He moved in across the street, and though our houses were quite large, our bedroom windows faced each other. He managed to sneak me a radio—you know, one of those kiddie ones with the antennae?” I asked, even though I was sure he knew what I was talking about. I was just stalling for time.
His expression said he knew what I was doing, but he still nodded before pointing to my plate again.
Oh, right. I had a delaying tactic right there too.
I slowly chewed another piece of salmon before I finally worked up the courage to continue.
“We talked for months. I confessed everything. How miserable I was, how I was terrified of being punished. My tutors were given permission to spank me too, and when I wasn’t smart enough or fast enough, they used either their hands or a wooden ruler.
” I had to take a deep breath before I explained the next part.
“He told his parents, and they called the cops. But my dad being my dad was friends with some higher-ups at the police station, and they gave him a head’s up that some officers were on their way to do a wellness check on me with child protective services.
” I paused to wipe my eyes. “That Bastard arrived just before they did. He grabbed me by my pigtail and lifted me off the ground. I screamed, kicking and flailing my arms, but I was so small. It was completely useless. He told me that if I did not behave, if I told the police anything, that he would go across the street and snap my friend’s neck.
For a nine year old, especially someone as sheltered as me with only one friend, I’m sure you can imagine just how terrifying that threat was. ”
Tangaloa reached between us to touch my knee. His hand was so big that his fingers practically covered my upper thigh too. “Car—Shit. Maisy, you don’t need to justify yourself to me. You don’t need to defend the actions of a scared, traumatized little girl.”
I glanced up at him, not having realized I’d been intensely studying my plate for so long.
“Maybe I have to justify it to myself,” I confessed.
“Maybe I have to remind myself that most children would have done the same as I did and lied to the cops. Otherwise, I have to live with the consequences of my actions. Or inactions,” I corrected.
“What does your therapist say? I assume she knows all about this?”
I winced, but nodded. “Dr. Akamu says it’ll take time to forgive my younger self, and to remember what I do have and not what I could have had.”
“And what do you have?”
I stared into his dark eyes. The bags under them were better, and despite our nap, he still looked like he could use a good night’s sleep. “Samantha,” I said automatically. “And…hopefully you.”
Tangaloa leaned his tall body across the space between us. “You will always have me,” he vowed. “I might be pissed at the secrets you kept. I might even be pissed at you. But you will always have me. I’m not going anywhere, Maisy.”
My ears tingled every time he said my name. I sniffled, trying to keep back my tears at his pledge. “Mahalo,” I told him. It was one of the few Hawaiian words I knew I was pronouncing correctly.
He sat back, which I was both grateful and disappointed at. “The cops and social services left, I assume?” he prompted.
I nodded, looking down again. “That night my things were packed, and despite my protests and the punishment I received, I was forced into That Bastard’s car and driven to his house.”
Tangaloa let out a loud breath, making me glance up to see him staring at the ceiling. “What happened to your friend?”
I cocked my head to the side, also studying the ceiling, but I didn’t see what it was that was holding his attention. “I’m not sure. I was thinking of having Neo look for him, but then they might connect him to me, and I couldn’t…” My voice trailed off in shame.
He looked down at me. “Couldn’t risk me learning who you really were?”
My eyes lowered again as I nodded.
“We’ll ask Neo tomorrow to look for your friend. If he’s still in the area when we go back to New York to kill your parents and your tutors, we’ll stop by to see him.”
I blinked, so shocked at his words that my head shot back up. “Really? You would do that for me?”
“At some point, you’ll finally understand that I would do anything for you,” Tangaloa said, his gaze intense. “But which part are you referring to? Killing your parents, killing your tutors, finding your friend, or taking you with me?”
My cheeks heated as I shrugged. “All four, I guess?” He continued to stare at me, a look I knew well. I straightened my shoulders and said more determined, “All four.”
“Maisy, in the barely fifteen minutes since we’ve been talking, I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve wished we were already on a plane to New York so I could end their lives faster.
Now that I know your tutors were in on this fucked-up plan, their names will also be added to my list once I know them.
And let me be very frank: I don’t ever plan to spend another day apart from you.
We have all night, and I don’t give a damn how long it takes: you and I are going to put everything on the table.
Both of us. Because I already lost one woman I love because of the secrets I kept from her, and I won’t lose you too. ”
Heat washed over me. I knew he’d been married, which I couldn’t fault him for because technically so had I, but I still didn’t like the reminder that he’d been in love with another woman. Did he think of me as his second chance?
Tangaloa pointed a finger at me. “Whatever it is you’re thinking, stop.
You have absolutely no reason to doubt yourself or your hold over me.
I’ve done enough of that for the both of us the past four weeks.
Which is another reason you and I are going to put everything on the table.
And before you start questioning that, I was already planning on doing this with you.
I just didn’t expect you to also have such a heavy confession.
” He dropped his finger to my plate. “Eat,” he ordered without malice.
I picked up another salmon slice. “Was that when your parents sold you to him? That night?”
I chewed and swallowed, but kept my eyes on him as I answered. “I didn’t know it at the time, but yes. I did not see my parents again for almost six years, but my tutors came with me.”
“Fuckers,” Tangaloa murmured. “Tell me you remember their names.”
I nodded, knowing that acknowledgement was sentencing them to death.
“Good. Continue,” he said with a wave of his hand.
I didn’t know why, but the blasé way he spoke of killing six people made me want to smile. Yeah, definitely messed up in the head.
I took a drink of water before I said, “That Bastard took over my education, for lack of a better word. He changed certain values. I was no longer learning how to be an American housewife, but a Japanese one. I learned the language and the culture. He wasn’t…
” I made a face, not sure how to express this part.
“He wasn’t a bad man.” At Tangaloa’s appalled expression, I hastily added, “Yes, I know he was a bad man. I meant…” My nose twitched as I tried to find the right words.
“When I was young, he was a very hard man, strict, and he liked many twisted and depraved things, but he was…sweet too.” Even saying the word left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Let me be clear, I hated him. I hated him so much that, if I knew how, I would have poisoned his food numerous times over the years. I hated what he did to me, to the other women, to Samantha. But when he was sweet… When he dropped the…persona,” I didn’t know how else to describe it, “he was a nice man.”
Tangaloa watched me carefully. “There’s a fine line between love and hate. Did you love him?”
I shook my head emphatically. “No! God, no. But,” I amended, “there were times when I hated him less.”
His expression seemed worried about this. “Like when?”
“Like when he’d let me watch TV or speak in English or outside to see the full moon.
” My cheeks flamed with my embarrassment.
“I know, it seems ridiculous. Dr. Akamu says he was conditioning me to associate those things with appreciation and gratitude, and it’s a testament to my strong willpower that I was able to compartmentalize.
But I don’t think I was strong willed,” I confided in Tangaloa.
“I wouldn’t have been so compliant if I had been. ”
“The instinct to survive is a powerful one,” Tangaloa told me gently. “You did what you had to do to walk out of there with your daughter.”