Chapter 28. BE GRATEFUL
(Sienna)
“Two gingerbread lattes with skimmed milk, please. No sugar.” After placing our order, Maggie and I sat at our usual table at the local Starbucks. I hadn’t yet mentioned anything that had happened the day before, and Maggie didn’t prod me to share any details the moment we met at the counter. I barely slept last night, tossing and turning in my bed, unable to stop my mind from revisiting my kiss with Ander. It felt right but also wrong at the same time. I left the apartment before anyone else woke up just to avoid an uncomfortable encounter with my temporary roommates.
“Are you just gonna stay quiet the entire morning, or are you gonna start spilling the tea?” Maggie asked.
I rolled my eyes.
“Start talking.”
I sighed.
“We were lying on the sofa, and we kissed, but Zayn came home, and I panicked. I ran and hid in the bathroom and then in my room.”
“Who kissed who first?”
“He initiated the kiss, but I didn’t stop him. Oh God, I’m such a slut.”
“Yes, you are. But who cares?” Maggie said, gesturing with her hand in the air and shrugging her shoulders.
“It’s just…everything’s so fucking complicated. First, I fucked Zayn in New York, and I enjoyed every second of it. We immediately connected at the bar, and the conversation was super easy; he told me about his family drama, and I told him about mine. It was pure chemistry from the beginning. But it was supposed to be a one-night stand.
“Then I met Noah. He’s so fucking gorgeous… on the inside and on the outside. He’s so smart and so much fun to be around. He has this possessive and wild side in bed that drives me crazy. He’s 100% a pleasure dom, and he doesn’t even know it.”
“Mmm. I’d like to circle back to this conversation later, but please continue,” Maggie added.
“And Ander…I don’t know what to tell you. He was my best friend and my first kiss. There’s so much history that I can’t ignore…What I never expected was the fucking plot twist of all of them being best friends. Listen, living in that apartment is becoming an occupational hazard.”
“Yes. The universe does have a fucked-up sense of humor, but sometimes the humor is dark; believe me. Be grateful that its sense of humor sent your way three guys with big dick energy. I mean, you could write a book about it. I would call it Siennerella’s Journey: Finding the Right Fit for her Cooch .” Maggie chuckled at her own joke.
I threw my paper napkin at her, which only made her laugh louder.
I placed my elbows on the table and rested my chin between my palms.
“The thing is, I grew up reading about princesses and castles and finding your Prince Charming—your one true love. But I want to be with all of them. Am I crazy for wanting more?”
Maggie took a sip of her coffee and responded, “You’re one lucky bitch. You know that, right?”
Was I? I was now in a difficult position. Should I tell Zayn and Noah that Ander and I kissed? It would lead to another argument between them, without a doubt. Also, I wasn’t even sure about how things were between Ander and me, so I questioned whether speaking up was the most sensible thing to do. I knew there was a pending conversation between us, but I wasn’t prepared for it just yet. I needed more time to think about my feelings, or everyone involved in this mess, my mess, would end up getting hurt. Things had escalated beyond what I had anticipated.
“That’s one way of putting things. What would you do if you were in my situation?”
“Me? I would sleep with the three of them. Period. Carpe diem, tempus fugit, and all that bullshit. It’s better to apologize than live with regrets.”
I cracked a laugh. “You’re insane.” Maggie knew how to lighten my mood, and I appreciated her efforts to always make me laugh in the most uncomfortable situations. “Talking about regrets, there’s something else I need to tell you. But promise me you won’t tell a soul.”
“I won’t. I’m great at keeping secrets,” she responded, so I told her what I had discovered about my father.
“Fucking hell, woman. And you say you’re gonna confront Ander’s dad? It sounds like he’s an intimidating man,” she exclaimed, shaking her head.
I was scared to face him, but if I wanted to give Peter an answer about the CEO position, I had to talk to him. Otherwise, a part of me would feel like I was betraying my father.
“When are you talking to him?”
“Peter will call me when the meeting has been scheduled in our New York headquarters, probably in the next couple of weeks, before Christmas.
“Speaking of Christmas, have you figured out your holiday plans?” I asked her.
I hadn’t given it much thought, but since this would be my first Christmas without my parents, I’d been delaying thinking about my options. However, one thing was clear. I didn’t want to spend the holidays alone at Moore Manor.
“I haven’t made any plans,” Maggie answered. “And you? Are you spending the holidays with Sarah?”
“I would have loved to, but her dad was invited to Shanghai by one of his investors, and I can’t go with them. It’s a shame. I was looking forward to seeing her. I’ll have to wait until spring break to travel there.”
I knew Maggie didn’t have any family, so maybe I could convince her to spend the holidays with me.
“Would you like to come with me to New York?”
Her face lit up, and Maggie gave me the biggest grin ever.
“I’d love to! Are you sure you don’t mind?”
I grabbed and squeezed her hand and said, “Of course, I don’t mind. I’d rather be with you than spend the holidays buried in champagne and alone in an empty manor.”
Returning the squeeze to my hand, she retrieved her phone from the table and began planning. Most of her ideas centered on hitting Christmas markets, shopping, and sipping eggnog in front of the fireplace while playing board games.
By the time we left Starbucks, my holiday agenda was already full of all the activities Maggie had planned.
* * *
I arrived at the apartment an hour later, hoping I’d be able to avoid Ander for a few more hours. Apparently, I wasn’t the luckiest bitch after all.
Ander sat on the couch, furiously typing away on his phone. He turned his head as I shut the front door, locking eyes with me. I started to walk toward my bedroom when Ander called my name.
“Yes?” My response sounded sharper than I had intended.
“Can we talk for a second?” he asked.
I stood in the hallway, shifting my weight from one foot to another and holding my purse as if it could protect me from this conversation.
“What do you want to talk about?” My tone caught him off guard, and his expression shifted to one of disappointment.
“About last night…” Before he could continue, I stopped him. The last thing I wanted was to hear how much he regretted kissing me out of pity.
“There is nothing to talk about. I was emotional, and you just tried to comfort me. I get it, so don’t worry, I won’t tell Zayn and Noah. I won’t make things more uncomfortable than they already are.”
Ander stood, but I took several steps back when he tried to close the distance between us. He noticed and stopped in his tracks.
“Is that what you want?”
I could hear the hurt in his voice, but I couldn’t stand being the reason for them to fall apart.
Bros before hoes, right?
Zayn and Noah didn’t talk to each other for weeks, and it really sucked to know that I was the reason they avoided each other.
“Yes. It’s best if we never talk about that kiss. As a matter of fact, it didn’t happen.” Saying those words felt like swallowing a bitter pill, but they had to be said. That kiss was everything I would have hoped for a long time ago, but now things were too complicated between us.
His expression turned cold.
“Got it,” he responded and turned away without saying another word.
Once I was alone in my room, I lay on my bed and cried myself to sleep.