CHAPTER 10
ARDEN
I’ve felt off all day and I don’t like it. I know why I feel this way. It’s all because of how things ended with Ford last night. It was beyond awkward and I’m a little embarrassed about how I acted.
I’m the one who insisted about our dates being friend dates.
While unlocking the front door, I scoff at the notion. Friend. Okay. Mom is working the night shift right now which means she’s probably sleeping for a little while longer. Her sleep schedule means we don’t see each other much when she’s working nights. We definitely rarely eat together.
When our schedules are a little better aligned, we see a lot more of each other.
Considering the crisis I’m navigating, one I’m the architect of, I’m glad I don’t have to face her tonight. I can crawl into bed and wallow in the self-pity I’ve been trying to ignore all day.
Why did I even think he was going to kiss me?
Friends.
I insisted we’re friends. Those words came out of my mouth.
Even if they felt like a lie and tasted like ash.
After dropping my keys on the table, I notice the small pile of mail and pick it up.
If mom got to it first, there won’t be a bill I can slip away from the stack.
When I get to the last envelope, I pause. It just has my name on it.
No stamp.
Arden Mathis
That’s it.
My hands start to shake, my body knowing the truth before I’m willing to admit it to myself. As much as I want to rip open the envelope, it feels like going too fast will break this moment’s fragile existence.
Because I can’t be holding a letter from Ford.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence. It was awkward last night between us. He had to feel it too. This could be his way of reaching out, one he’s more comfortable with.
Okay, keep telling yourself lies.
I hold myself perfectly still as I read Ford’s words. His handwriting stands up and is straight forward, without any fuss. Kind of like the man.
But his words?
They’re beautiful. Not complicated. Honest.
Achingly so.
Arden, my Sunflower, please, be brave.
Your Cowboy
Those words hit me right in the middle of my chest. I race over them again and again; they pick up steam. Even when my eyes slam shut, the words remain, challenging me, begging me.
I can hear it; those words he’s whispering to me.
Be brave.
Can I be brave?
I’ve gotten used to getting along, to existing within a life which feels safe because I’ve molded it that way. It’s small. It’s simple. It’s easy.
But what if this life could be big?
As big as the stars above Sagebrush on a cloudless night.
I grab my keys and am out the door before I can think twice, his letter clutched in my hands along with my purse. I’m on the road in seconds, but it doesn’t feel fast enough. Like my body needs to get there sooner.
Or maybe it’s just a byproduct of my racing heart.
Be brave.
This time, I don’t even glance at Watts Ranch as I tool by, trying not to speed too much while wishing I could fly.
The moment I pull to a stop in front of Ford’s house, he’s out the front door and striding my way. He looks wrecked and it twists something inside of me.
Be brave.
When we’re almost toe to toe, his amber eyes are filled with worry and something like hope.
“I’ve been waiting,” his voice cracks slightly.
His words aren’t an accusation, they’re something deeper, needy.
“My guys finally kicked me off the job for the day. My head wasn’t in it and that’s when shit can go wrong real fast.”
“Ford,” I murmur his name, his letter still clutched to my chest. I basically drove the whole way with it like that. “You wrote me this letter? This beautiful letter? You know who I am, I mean,” I swallow hard, my voice turning raspy, “that I’ve been writing to you?”
His large hands cup my face, his touch soft. So soft. “I know, my Sunflower.” He studies my face and I have to wonder if anyone has ever looked at me so closely. Or with so much awe. “Are you being brave?”
“I’m here,” I push the words past my lips. “It has to count for something.”
My heart is hammering inside my chest so hard and so loudly I’m sure he can hear it. If he can, he doesn’t mention it. The warmth from his hands seeps into my skin and we move closer, closing the distance between our bodies completely.
“It counts for everything,” he whispers, his face moving closer to mine. We’re so close, almost too close when his amber eyes meet mine. “You should know, this is my first kiss.”
What? Everything pauses for a moment, like a skip in a record, and I blurt, “Mine too.”
Ford smiles like he just discovered something precious like treasure.
Me?
I don’t get the chance to analyze it further because then he’s pressing his mouth against mine and I melt into him. His arm snakes around my back, his hold firm. Possessive.
Safe.
We’re both tentative at first, but something happens. A snap. An instinct taking over. I don’t know and I don’t care. I give into it.
When our lips part, our tongues find each other, twining before exploring. It’s a dance that feels natural. Nothing else exists beyond the way kissing him has pleasure washing over my body.
And something hard pressing into my belly. It takes me a moment, but it dawns on me what I’m feeling, and I can’t even begin to explain why I moan into Ford’s mouth when I do. The groan that comes from deep in his chest is sexy.
His hand slides into my hair and he holds me in place, his fingers twining with the hair at the base of my skull. I whimper while trying not to make it too obvious how I’m all but vibrating against him.
I’m a panting mess when his lips leave mine. He’s breathing heavily while his mouth trails along my jaw and down my neck. Goose bumps cover my skin, and I think I moan his name, but I can’t be sure. Not when his mouth on me feels too good.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Sunflower,” the words are growled against my skin, his teeth nipping at my neck. “Ever since that first letter, I’ve been thinking of you just like this. In my arms. I’ve dreamed about what I would do to you; how good I would make you feel.”
He pulls back and stares into my eyes, his hold on me absolute. But it doesn’t make me want to run. It makes me want to stay and to keep writing him letters until we’re old and gray.
“You have no idea how much I want you,” he watches me closely, his words husky. “What do you want, Arden?”
“You,” the word comes out strong and clear. “I want you, Ford. All of you.”
“Do you know what you’re asking for?” He’s not asking to be a jerk about it, his eyes are filled with sincerity as he looks at me, his hold on me tightening slightly as if he wants to remind me that he’s got me.
I believe him.
“I know what I’m asking for. I’m sure. I came here for you because you wrote me this letter and I feel safe with you. I feel safe giving you this,” I swallow hard, my words barely there.
“Me too,” he whispers.
His hands land on my butt and he’s lifting me. My legs wrap around his waist and my arms around his neck like I’ve done it a million times. Natural.
Simple.
Easy.
How did I always know that Ford Conners was the man for me. Now he sees me and it’s better than I could have dreamed of.
He pushes my jacket off my shoulders until I let it fall off my arms before wrapping them back around his neck. When his mouth finds my skin, his strides easy and confident, my head falls back on my shoulders, giving all of myself to him. This man. The man I’ve always wanted to be mine.
“Arden,” he groans, his voice holding an edge of steel. “I hope I can make this good for you. I’ll do my best.”
“I’m not worried,” I moan the words, my hips wiggling against the hard bulge pressing against me.
The notion of him dropping me is completely foreign. He would never. I know it like I know myself. Maybe even better.
I trust him with all I am.
When he lays me out on his bed, it feels like it welcomes me and molds around my body. His eyes find mine, his amber ones holding me hostage. As he takes a deep breath, his hands find the buttons of my uniform shirt.
I freeze and my eyes widen as my cheeks turn molten hot.
“Oh, wait, Ford,” I start and he pauses, his eyebrows shooting up in question.
“I’m still in my uniform. I found your letter the moment I walked in the door and I just,” I swallow hard, my voice coming out thicker with emotions, “came here without thinking about changing or anything.”
“Sunflower,” his voice is all growl and on the edge of something monstrous, “the last fucking thing I care about is what you’re wearing.
You’re here. You’re giving yourself to me.
The only thing I care about is getting you naked and underneath me.
If I’m not careful, I’ll be shredding this uniform to make it happen faster. ”
“Oh,” I breathe out, my pussy clenching around nothing. When Ford unwraps me, he’s going to find me soaked.
I might be a virgin, but I’m not a stranger to helping myself out. You figure it out if you’re curious enough. And late at night when I couldn’t stop thinking about Ford, I was curious enough.
“Yeah, oh,” he echoes me, his focus turning back toward the buttons on my shirt.
There’s a slight tremor in his hands as he unbuttons it, his movements methodical and careful. Measured. Sure.
I relax into the bed as he spreads open the two sides of my shirt. My bra isn’t fancy, but he still looks at me like I’m the most gorgeous woman in the world. Maybe, to him, I am.
Confidence I’ve never felt before overtakes me and I sit up, shedding my shirt and getting rid of my bra as well.
“Arden,” Ford grunts.
When I look at him, he’s licking his lips and staring at my breasts like he’s starving. The next thing I know, I’m flat on my back again and Ford is nuzzling the skin between my breasts. He cups one, his thumb running over my nipple while his mouth claims the other.